by Hannah Pearl
Eli shook his head. ‘I looked yesterday and those drawers were full.’
I sat back onto Ben’s bed. ‘So where is he? We always row a bit, Ben knows we don’t really mean it.’ Maybe it was the sheer volume that we’d reached the last time that had pushed Ben to leave. Eli must have been thinking about our fight too.
‘So why do we argue?’ Eli asked, sitting next to me. I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. I wanted to answer but I was scared that he wouldn’t like what I had to say and that we’d end up yelling all over again.
‘How do we find Ben and bring him home?’ I asked.
Eli put his arm around me and I leant against his chest. It didn’t feel like being pulled into a soft pillow, like hugging Amelia had been, but there was a comfort in the strength Eli offered instead. I closed my eyes and stayed pressed against him until I realised that it was getting weird. I coughed gently and eased away again.
As I sat back, my eye-line shifted and I noticed something on the floor under the desk. It was the leopard print passport cover that Eli had bought on their last holiday. It read ‘I scored in Shagaluf’ in diamante. I hated it.
‘Where would Ben go?’ I asked. ‘It looks like he’s packed for a few days. We’re not going to find him hanging out in the computer game department in HMV if he’s taken clothes with him.’
I was about to pick the passport up, when there was a ring on the doorbell.
Chapter Fourteen
Cody stood on the doorstep wearing a red woollen coat and a turquoise crocheted beanie that had slipped back so that more of her hair was now out of it than under it. There was a small bubble-wrapped parcel under her right arm.
‘Sorry to stop by so late,’ she said, taking in my pyjamas. I’d have mumbled something about my choice of outfit but given that her trousers were bottle-green and her blouse was orange, I didn’t think she’d mind that I wasn’t colour coordinated. ‘I saw your lights on and I wanted to bring you something.’
She handed me the package and I unwrapped a frame, about the size of an A4 piece of paper. Turning it over, I saw it was a print of the beach photo that I had admired at her house. ‘I wanted to thank you for your company last week. I’d been nervous about moving here and opening a gallery. It’s been a long process for me to feel ready to engage with people again, and meeting you was a big help.’
I gave her a hug and promised that I’d hang the picture in my room. She turned from the door, and I called her back so that I could hand her a gift bag that I’d had ready under the counter too. ‘This is a little “welcome to the street” present,’ I explained. She unwrapped the tissue paper to find a circular polished steel tray. There were three tea light holders in ascending height from one inch up to three. ‘You can change around where they sit to get the lights how you want them,’ I pointed out, ‘and there’s a bunch of candles in the bag too. I’ve put lavender, rose, lemon and jasmine. You can choose whichever scent matches your mood.’
Cody thanked me and was gone in a twirl of layers and a cloud of sandalwood.
‘Did you buy her that because you feel guilty for spying on her?’ Eli asked, emerging from my room to join me by my shop counter.
‘I didn’t spy. Much. Mostly it was Ben and Taylor.’ Lily and I proved to be too inept at subterfuge to find much by ourselves.
‘What’s the deal with you and Taylor?’ he asked. I shrugged. I’d have answered more fully except that I had no idea what to say. I didn’t want to risk losing whatever spark it was that had reignited between us by admitting to finding another man attractive, but equally if Eli had moved on on holiday I didn’t want him to think that I was sitting around pining over him.. The detente between us felt fragile, and Eli bounced between being flirtatious and cross with me rapidly. I wouldn’t have accepted behaviour like that from anyone else, but I knew what Eli had been through and so decided to wait until I could work out what was going on in his head.
Picking up the photograph that Cody had brought, I carried it through to my bedroom. ‘You know he’s more muscle than brain, don’t you?’ Eli called as he followed me into my room.
‘Lily thinks he’s gorgeous,’ I pointed out.
‘And you?’
I shrugged again and lifted the photo to see how it would look against my wall. ‘I haven’t decided whether I go for brain or brawn.’
‘You could have both,’ he said, flexing his biceps. I laughed, but found my eye being drawn back to the print from Cody. It brought back so many memories.
‘The first few years after we lost Mum, Dad was too wrapped up in his grief to go on holiday. But the year that we turned nine, I heard all my friends talking about where they were going that summer. I came home and nagged my dad until he booked a trip. He took us to Wales. We stayed in the village where my mum grew up. My uncle had a holiday cottage that he let out. Ben was so car sick and the traffic was awful. The cottage was tiny, so we were all sleeping in one room. I don’t know if Dad had a good time. Thinking back it must have been really tough on him, but we were just a few minutes drive from the beach. Ben and I had the best holiday ever. We spent the week swimming in the sea and eating ice cream. It was the first time we’d been happy in ages. I find myself dreaming about it occasionally.’
‘Do you think Ben would have gone back there?’ Eli asked.
‘It’s possible,’ I said. ‘He suggested it before you booked to go to Cyprus, remember? London is huge but he never goes to most of it. We’ve checked all of his favourite places anywhere near here. We talked about that trip for years. Dad ended up taking us back a couple of times when we were teenagers. My uncle sent us a key eventually and said we could use it whenever it wasn’t booked but it was too far to go very often. It was kind of our happy place when no one was very happy. I remember drooling over the boy who worked on the farm next door for a whole year, then going back determined to catch his attention. I got there, and he’d changed so much since the year before, he was a foot taller, but he’d had the most awful haircut and developed a real attitude. I’d swanned in wearing these tiny shorts and a crop top. I changed my mind quick smart, only for him to spend the rest of the trip following me around with his tongue hanging out.’ Eli laughed, and more happy memories began to flood back. ‘I can see Ben going there, now that you mention it. Do you remember the year he broke his foot?’
‘He came back with a cast on and using crutches,’ Eli joined in. ‘He thought he was top dog at school, stomping about. Told everyone he’d done it working on a farm.’
‘We’d gone to see the cows. The farmer offered us the chance to milk one, he took pity on us city folk having no idea where our food came from. I took one pull on a teat and the cow stepped back and landed on Ben’s foot. We spent the rest of the day in A&E. That can’t have been Dad’s favourite holiday either.’
‘He limped for a month, even after the cast came off,’ Eli said. ‘He told the story anytime anyone drank milk near him forever. Let’s go and look. We’ve looked everywhere that we can think of near here, and we need to get him home before your dad gets back next week. Do you think your dad still has the key? Let’s go and check.’
So we let ourselves back into Dad’s flat and searched but it was useless. Dad, unlike Ben, was not orderly. He had a bunch of old keys in a drawer in the kitchen but none of them were labelled. There was no way of knowing if the cottage key was still there or if Ben had taken it.
‘Dad will kill us if we let anything happen to him,’ I agreed. Not adding that he wouldn’t need to. Eli and I would never forgive ourselves if our fight was the reason that anything happened to Ben.
I rang my uncle to try and suss out the chances that Ben was there, but didn’t want to tell him too much for fear of him worrying and calling my dad to ask what had happened. Luckily he seemed too distracted to ask much. I told him that we’d been thinking of taking a trip and wondered if the cottage might be free. He said that he thought it was but he was away himself, making the most of being sing
le and child-free by taking a cruise to Iceland in search of the Northern Lights. He’d left a key under a rock in the front garden in case a neighbour had needed overflow space for guests over the holidays. We were no further forward with finding Ben but we certainly couldn’t discount the very strong possibility that he was in Wales.
‘I need some clean clothes,’ Eli said. ‘I didn’t mind sleeping in this T-shirt but I’m not wearing it in public.’ I looked and realised that he’d found a faded old one that I’d bought for Father’s Day once which read ‘You can’t scare me, I have twins’. I couldn’t blame Eli for wanting to go home.
‘Don’t forget to pick your car up if you’re going home,’ I told him.
He groaned. ‘It’s a five hour drive, at least.’
‘And I don’t have a licence.’ There was never much point learning to drive a car when it was cheaper and more convenient to go everywhere I usually went to in London on foot or by tube.
‘I’ll be back in an hour,’ he sighed. By the time he returned, his black Audi pulled up on a single yellow line outside, I was ready to go. Lily had promised to nip in to the shop and keep it ticking over whilst I was away. I’d left her copious notes of who would be popping in and what items they’d need but I had no doubts that she would be fine. She had handled far more exciting customers than my little shop generally brought in.
I checked the display on the map on my phone. ‘Only two hundred miles and we’ll find out if my hunch was correct.’
After that, Eli didn’t speak again for the rest of the journey, even after I offered to sing to keep him awake. When I tried to sing anyway, Eli wound the window down and threw the CD out. ‘That was your music,’ I pointed out, and after that he didn’t even look at me. Finally we left the motorway and I guided Eli through the twists and turns that led up into the hills.
‘Turn right, then you can park on the drive,’ I said. Eli stayed silent. ‘You’ll feel better when you get inside and find Ben,’ I told him.
‘Phew.’ He pulled in and hit the handbrake. His neck cracked as he rotated all the tired muscles back into place after our long journey.
He stared at me and I wondered if he regretted travelling so far just to check up on my hunch, but when he opened the boot I noticed that he picked up my bag as well as his own. I led the way to the front door, noting that the outside light was on. I ran up the path, hoping that I’d find Ben asleep inside, especially given that we’d driven half the night to get here, but the door was locked. I used the torch on my phone to find the rock my uncle had described and lifted it to find the key. I opened the door and we were met by that particular brand of silence that only exists in an empty house.
Chapter Fifteen
Eli dumped our bags on the floor. He was so exhausted that his eyes skimmed straight over the slate floor tiles and Elizabethan timber fireplace. I told him where the bedroom and bathroom were, not that he’d have had any trouble finding them as they were the only two rooms upstairs. The realisation that we’d driven for five hours and Ben wasn’t here took the shine off being back in a place that held such happy memories. The red afghan rug on the living room floor was the same as the one that had been there on our last trip, as were the cream-coloured curtains.
‘What shall we do?’ I called out.
Eli stuck his head out of the bathroom door, toothbrush in the side of his mouth. ‘I’m not going anywhere until I’ve slept. I can’t drive back another five hours now, it’d be dangerous.’
I gave him a few minutes to get changed, and then headed up myself. By the time I got in the bathroom I could already hear a gentle snoring. I had to admit, though it was disheartening to get out here and not find Ben, I needed to sleep too before I’d be any good to investigate further. I carted my bag upstairs so that I could get ready for bed.
The shower felt like one of the best I’d ever had, even though it never went much above luke warm. Drying off quickly in the chill of the bathroom, I dug into my bag to find some pyjamas, only to find that the only ones I’d packed were some that Lily had made me buy once. I’d probably shoved them in the holdall so that there wasn’t a chance that anybody would spot them in my drawer. I considered sleeping in the T-shirt I’d worn in the car, but it already felt grungy so I pulled the pyjamas on then pulled a jumper over to make sure there were a few bits of me that were actually covered up. I could still hear Eli snoring upstairs but I was wired from the journey. Deciding to treat my city lungs to some proper fresh air, I took a blanket from the sofa, wrapped it around my shoulders and let myself out the front door. The air outside was so clean without the petrol fumes of the traffic that I was used to at home that I could almost feel it cooling and filling my chest as I breathed it in. That wasn’t the only difference. With no street lights, the view of the stars was incredible. The constellations were probably obvious to anyone who knew the first thing about astronomy, but growing up with near constant light pollution I hadn’t seen them enough times to have learnt the names. Ben would have known. He’d grown up fascinated, first by the concept of an infinitely large universe, and later by the technological and mathematical developments which were helping us to slowly understand it a little better. As I watched, a tiny streak of light flashed by and was gone within a few seconds. A shooting star. I closed my eyes and wished to have my brother back safely.
Not trusting that my wish would be enough, I tried to get myself back on track. Bed. I should sleep so that I could wake up tomorrow and think what to try next. I switched on the torch on my phone and used it to light my way back towards the house. Checking the path as I walked to make sure that I didn’t trip over any tree roots, I spotted a wrapper caught in a bush next to the front door. It was the same as the brand that we’d seen in Ben’s desk drawer at work.
Recharged with hope, I went back in, stripped back down to my tiny pyjamas, then stood at the foot of the bed, trying to work out whether I should climb in with Eli or try and keep warm on the sofa covered in blankets. The cottage walls were probably the best part of a foot of stone thick but the heating had clearly been off when the cottage was empty, and I started to shiver as I stood there. Eventually my teeth started chattering too, so I gave up worrying and climbed in next to Eli.
When we woke the next morning, his hand was on my bottom. I’d have complained but both of mine were on his. ‘Well this is a delightful way to start the day,’ Eli said, yawning without letting go of me.
In contrast, I pulled my hands away as quickly as I could and sat up. Eli’s eyes dropped to my neckline. ‘I forgot to pack my PJs. These were all I could find in my bag.’ The top was more translucent than I had realised when I’d put in on in the dark. ‘Lily made me buy them,’ I explained.
‘I’m starting to approve of your product range after all,’ he said. I waited until his eyes reached mine, eventually, before I spoke again. I told him about finding the wrapper the night before.
‘That proves Ben was here, don’t you think?’
‘It might,’ he admitted, sitting up. The duvet fell to his waist, revealing his bare chest. This time he had to wait for me to tear my eyes away before speaking. ‘But we can’t get carried away. Ben hadn’t told your uncle he wanted to stay in the cottage, so we can’t know for sure.’
‘I wish I could hack his e-mails or track his phone position,’ I moaned, falling backwards onto the bed and closing my eyes as I spoke. ‘I bet if Ben were here he’d have loads of ideas of how to find a person like himself.’
‘He didn’t find Cody,’ Eli pointed out. ‘You did that.’
‘Not me, I can’t take any credit. Arthur told me who she was.’
‘Because you gave him time. You make people comfortable, get them talking. I bet you Arthur was in your shop at least an hour, wasn’t he?’
‘Forty-five minutes,’ I told him. ‘I already knew some of the items he’d like and had them pre-wrapped ready for him to take.’ I yawned. Waking up with Eli had felt lovely, but we were only here because we were on a mis
sion. It wouldn’t do to get distracted by his biceps. Even if they looked impressive in the morning light. ‘I’m going to put the kettle on.’ Realising that my legs needed shaving again, I pulled my jeans on too so that Eli wouldn’t get an eye full of stubble if he was able to see down that low. I picked my jumper up from the floor and pulled it on over my camisole.
Eli walked into the kitchen just as I finished making the coffee. ‘I was a bit optimistic hoping we’d find something here for breakfast. I found a jar of instant at the back of the cupboard that was only six months out of date.’ I sniffed the murky contents of my mug before taking a tentative sip. Pulling a face, I tipped the contents of both cups down the sink. ‘Looks like we’re going out for breakfast, but on the bright side it’ll give me a chance to talk to people and see if anyone else has seen my brother.’ Talking didn’t feel like such a fantastic super power to have when I was alone in a tiny cottage with a man with secret spy skills and a six pack.
Eli walked towards me, and I swallowed as he stopped mere inches from me. He leant forward and I closed my eyes, wondering if he were about to kiss me, but instead I heard the oak door next to my head open and close. ‘You’re right, not even a box of stale cornflakes. I’ll grab my clothes and then let’s head out.’
The cottage was even more spectacular in daylight. The rough-hewn wooden door opened onto a covered porch. The roof kept the fine mist from making my hair frizzy, as I stood on the doorstep and took a lungful of crisp country air. I glanced across the fields and hills that stretched as far as I could see. Some of the distant hills had snow dusting their peaks. I hoped that wherever Ben was he was warm and safe.
Eli appeared next to me. He took a tentative sniff. ‘Smells like …’