by J. E. Park
*****
Nearly everyone had left the party by midnight so that they could make it back before the one o’clock curfew. A half dozen of our men were too drunk to go anywhere, though, so we let them stay. Most of them passed out on the living room floor next to the pool of Gecko Stew.
Bard and Dixie eventually retired to their rooms with their girls. I made my way back down to the courtyard to relax with a final cigarette before going to bed. As I lay back on top of the picnic table, Tala snuck up to me and took a seat at my side. “Can I borrow a cigarette prom you?” she asked.
“Sure,” I said, smiling as I handed her the pack.
“It be a bery busy day por you, no?” Tala asked as she lit her smoke. “You look bery tired.”
“I am,” I told her. “It was worth it, though. I had a good time. How about you?”
Tala returned my smile, crossed her arms upon the table, and rested her head upon them. “I did. I hab bery good time. Mari too. She say dat you sneak away prom da party and play dat game wit her and da udder kids. She say dat was a lot op pun por her.”
“It was fun for me too. That’s kind of what I thought having a family was supposed to be like, you know? It was nice.”
“Do you remember da udder day? When you say you tell me what happen to your pamily?”
I nodded, my smile disappearing. It had been a good day and I did not want to ruin it by going back there. Still, I had promised. Since I did not see Tala that often, this would be one of the few opportunities I would have to ease her curiosity. “My dad killed my family. My mother, my sister, and my little brother.”
Tala gasped and brought her hand to her mouth. “Oh my god! Why?”
I admitted that I did not know the exact thing that had set it off. “I wasn’t there when it happened. I guess that it was the natural culmination of the abuse he’d been dishing out on us for years.”
“Where you go apter dat? Da Navy?”
“No, I was only 13. I spent five years with a foster family.”
“Poster Pamily. A pamily take care of you? Were dey nice?”
I shrugged. “Better than living with my father. They fostered me because they needed the money. It was actually a good arrangement. I had been through a lot by that time, so I was pretty mature for my age. I did everything they expected me to do to earn my keep, and they didn’t take advantage of the situation. We were roommates. They kept the money the state gave them to take care of me, and they let me keep whatever I earned on my own. For the most part, I stayed out of their way, and they let me do whatever I wanted as long as I didn’t get into any trouble.”
“Dey no write you letters?”
“Nope,” I told her, shaking my head. “I haven’t spoken to them since I left for boot camp.”
“You no like each udder?”
“Naw, it's not like that,” I said. “They’re a little odd, you know? It’s like they’re emotionally stunted. They never went anywhere, they never did anything, and both of their families were just like them. My foster parents did not even connect to each other, so it was nothing personal. You know, when I think back to my high school years, the two of them hardly register. All my memories are of friends, classmates, and co-workers. I didn’t dislike my foster parents; we just had nothing in common.”
That was not the first time I told someone of my foster family. Usually, they told me it was sad that I went through that period of my life without parents that loved me, but Tala did not. I bet she would have rather gone through what I did than deal with what she had to at that age. I know that I would not have wanted to trade places with her.
“How about your family?” I asked her. “Have you seen them since they kicked you out?”
Tala shook her head as I rolled over onto my side to face her. We were now a little closer than was comfortable, but neither of us made any effort to move. “No. When dey get rid op me, I neber want see dem again. Ever. When I child, dey okay, but lipe bery hard por us. We all work bery hard to survive. There was neber time por us to enjoy each udder, to be happy together like udder people. So, it no like when I leave, dat I leaving much behind.”
I understood. “So you don’t have any happy childhood memories either, eh?”
“Nah, I remember being hungry, always have mud on my peet, on my hands. I remember I always scared op da gang boys. Scared op da police, or op da soldiers, too. We at da bottom op da ladder in my home. We da garbage. Everyone do to us what dey want. No happy memories op being a child. As much as I hate my lipe, it better now dan it be den.”
“What about since you left? Do you have happy memories of now?”
Tala pursed her lips as she thought for a moment. “Well, I no hungry all da time anymore. And I remember having Mari, someone I love more dan anyt’ing.” Even in the dark, I could see tears welling up in Tala’s eyes as a particularly good memory came to her. “I remember da first time Mari told me she love me too. I just get here in Olongapo. We hab not’ing to eat, nowhere to sleep, and no place to go. I was sitting wit her on da beach, Baloy Beach, crying and wondering what we gonna do. Mari look up to me and say, ‘Mahal kita, Inay. Mahal kita.’ I spend da whole night under da stars wit her, rocking Mari back and fort.’ Da two op us tell how much we love each udder all night long.”
That sounded like Mari. I smiled. “Were there any more good times?”
“Yeah, anytime I get to do somet’ing wit Mari is a good memory. The first time she go to da good school, I bery happy. I happy when I take her to Jollibee. I happy when I come home, and she tell me all about how nice to her you are. I happy today at da party. I bery happy now, talking to you.”
Tala leaned in, moving her lips a little closer to mine. I reciprocated, inching my face closer to hers to see what she would do. She moved forward a little more, then both of us surrendered and went in for the kiss. Right before our lips met, though, my mind raced to what Randy Green told me the day that I nearly killed him.
“…she made me this way! If only she’d not go out when I was on duty! If only she looked at me as something more than a ticket to the United States! I know! I know! Some of it’s my fault! I should’ve never married a whore but…”
Rafaela had not made Green into the monster that he was. She was just the key that let all his demons out. Randy loved her. He could not bear the thought of her cheating on him even though her acts of infidelity existed only in his mind. It drove him mad. It could drive me mad, too, if I got emotionally invested with a bar girl.
I pulled back from Tala just as a vision of my father popped into my head. His face twisted in rage as he searched for my mother. Clenching my eyes closed to try to force him away before a full-blown episode came on, I backed up. “I’m sorry, Tala, I’m so sorry. I can’t do this.”
Tala pulled back also, nervously bobbing her head in understanding. “I know, Doyle. I know. I sorry. I know better, but…” Tala choked, trying to collect herself as she stood up from the picnic table. “It okay. You no owe me anyt’ing. I…”
Running away back to her apartment, she turned back to me and said, “No, it okay. It late, and time por us to go to bed. I see you some udder time, Doyle.”
“No, look, Tala, please. Listen to me for a moment,” I pled as I rolled off of the picnic table to go after her. “Please!”
It was too late. By the time I reached the stairs, Tala was already inside her apartment. Still calling for her, I bounded up the steps to the second floor. I was ready to pound on her door to explain, but I stopped myself.
I realized that there was nothing I could say that would make Tala feel better. The best thing I could do for her was to have the decency to walk away and not make everything worse.
*****
CHAPTER 18
I did not sleep that evening. Under a great deal of stress and no small amount of sexual tension, I feared that I might have an episode coming on. That was something I did not want to deal with when I had several shipmates passed out on my living room floor. I was a
ble to control my breakdowns, but at great personal expense. It was exhausting to repress my issues and the longer I pushed them off, the worse they got when they did eventually break through. When the sun finally rose after a very long night, I made the rounds, waking people up. Then I went outside to summon a small fleet of trikes to get us all back to base on time.
At morning quarters, Lieutenant Krause knew that most of us had been through an epic bender the night before. If word had not gotten back to him about what had happened at my place, he could see it during muster. Thirty men of the CSE Division stood before him, sweating the rancid remnants of Gecko Stew through their pores. They were all rubbing red, sleep-deprived eyes, and a few of them had not yet gotten enough alcohol out of their systems to stand up straight at roll call. Our lieutenant thought it the perfect time to announce a field day to present the spaces for his inspection by ten hundred. This cut into the sleep I was planning on getting that morning, but it did not affect me much otherwise since I was on duty that day anyway.
I found that the Radar Repair Shop’s spaces were already in excellent shape when I got to my office. I asked Palazzo and Kent, who had been on duty the previous day, if they had cleaned up our areas.
Palazzo nodded. “Krause was the Officer of the Deck yesterday when some of the drunks started pouring in from your party. I overheard him telling the Petty Officer of the Watch that he was going to do this to mess with you guys. Steve and I want to get out of here early so we can try to get to Manila. We know none of us are leaving until we’re all cleared by the lieutenant, so we thought we’d get a head start on this stuff.”
I nodded my head. “Smart move. Manila, eh?”
Kent grinned. “Yeah, they’ve got four entertainment districts. My god, the girls are smoking up there!”
“You know that Manila is outside of the quarantine area, right?”
“Yeah, well, there was a curfew in Tijuana too that you guys always ignored,” Palazzo said. “I figure it’s not wrong if you don’t get caught.”
“So, the two of you have been hitting every red-light district on Luzon?” I asked. “Is that your plan?”
Kent laughed. “That’s the plan. We’ve done two of the districts in Manila. We did Angeles City…”
“I thought Pinatubo blew that place off of the map.”
Palazzo shook his head. “No, it’s pretty messed up from the eruption, but there’s still a few bikini bars open over that way.”
“And those places are off of the charts!” Kent exclaimed, his exuberance getting the best of him. “You would not believe the stuff the girls do to you up there!”
“Yeah? Like what?” I asked. Kent was excited. He was also young and wanted to fit in with the rest of the CSE veterans. Steve had heard the stories of our exploits, and I sensed that he wanted to earn one of the Tequila Viking tattoos that some of us had on our arms. He wanted in so bad and was desperate to show me that he could be just as crazy as the other guys. I wondered if he was naïve enough to walk into a trap if I set it right. “What’d the girls do to you in Angeles?” I asked.
Kent looked back at Palazzo as if checking to see if this was something he should be talking about. This made John burst out laughing and get up from his seat to leave the shop. “Dude,” Palazzo said to Kent. “Tell him whatever you want. I can’t listen to it again, though.”
I was genuinely interested now. Palazzo was one of the most sex-obsessed men I had ever met. If Kent had done something outlandish enough to make him leave the room, I had to hear what it was. Once Palazzo was gone, Steve lowered his voice to a conspiratorial tone and asked, “Doyle, you ever been cuffed to a bed?”
“You forget what I told you about Hawaii?”
“Oh yeah,” Steve said, laughing. “So anyway, this girl takes me back to her room, right? We get undressed, and she starts working me all over. Anyway, I blow my wad, but she’s not done with me yet. She’s trying to get me going again, but I’m drunk and tired, and all I want to do is take a nap. So, I doze off for a few, and the next thing I know, I wake up handcuffed to the headboard. This chick is sitting on my stomach, showing me this big long length of steel balls on a string. Dude, there was nothing I could do about it. I tried to fight her off, but even while I’m struggling, she shoves these things up my fuckin’ ass.”
I was taking a drink of coffee when Kent said that last part, and I shot it out of my nose. “She did what?!?”
“She shoved them right up my ass! I know this sounds gay, but, man, I did NOT consent to this shit! So anyway, she jumps back on me and starts rubbing herself on my junk while working this string coming out of my butt. Next thing I know, I’m hard as a rock! And lasting forever! This girl’s going crazy on me, too! The bed’s jumping all over the place, shit’s falling off the nightstand, and this chick’s screaming bloody murder! Man, it had to sound like someone was getting murdered in there!”
I was laughing now, howling as Kent told me what had happened. Steve completely let his guard down and started really getting into his story. “Now, once she was satisfied, this girl sets to finishing me off. She clenched herself tight around me, working herself up and down my dick. While she’s doing this, she starts pulling these steel balls out of my ass, one by one. Every one of these things coming out sets off this sensation like I ain’t ever felt before! Then, when she senses that I’m getting ready to cum, she rips the rest of them out all at once. Pulls the cord like she's trying to start a fuckin' lawnmower!”
“Oh my God,” I laughed, gasping for air. “What'd that do to you?”
Kent’s eyes were wide open as if he was having a hard time believing his own story. “Dude, I thought I had a stroke. It’s like I started convulsing and lost control of every bodily function all at once. Cum, piss, shit, snot, sweat, tears…everything started flying out everywhere! I’m pretty sure I passed out. The next thing I know, the cuffs are off, and she’s trying to get me to quit crying so we could go clean up.”
Roaring with laughter, I asked, “She made you cry?”
“Yeah, but not like you’re thinking. I wasn’t sad or hurt; it was like I’d just seen the face of God or something. I was overwhelmed with this sense of spiritual ecstasy, yet I knew that I'd never experience that sort of thing ever again. You can’t if you know it’s coming.”
It took a couple of minutes for me to collect myself. “Dude, that is some of the most twisted shit I’ve ever heard! You’re a fuckin’ animal! Man, Kent, you’ve earned your Tequila Viking tattoo.”
Kent’s eyes lit up. “Seriously?!? I earned my ink?”
Wiping the tears from my eyes, I nodded and said, “Yeah. You did. Oh my god, that was hilarious. That shit happened in Manila?”
“No, Angeles City.”
“Oh yeah, that’s right. Can you get shit like that in Manila?”
“I don’t know,” Kent answered. “It’s not as if it's written on a menu. Hell, even if it was, I don’t even know what you'd call it.”
“You guys been anywhere else?” I asked, dangling the bait.
Kent nodded. “We heard about a place up in Baguio. Couldn’t find anything there, though. We came back.”
“Barrio Barretto?”
“Of course.”
“Quezon?”
“You heard about somewhere in Quezon?” Kent asked. “We pass through there going to Manila.”
“Pagsanjan?”
“Ha! Yeah, we…” Kent caught himself just before he sprung my trap. The expression on his face went from levity and bravado to fear. “I…uh…no, we didn’t…”
“Bullshit.” I was not laughing anymore. “You fuckers went to Pagsanjan, didn’t you?”
“Hey, Doyle, you got it all wrong. We…”
I remembered Tala telling me about how when she was too young to work in Olongapo, people took her to Pagsanjan. I bet she had to service fat, disgusting fucks like Steve Kent and John Palazzo. I stood up and grabbed Kent by his shirt, ripping him out of his seat and throwing him up hard against
the workbench. I was careful to keep my voice down so I did not attract the attention of anyone passing by our office door. “You fucking went to Pagsanjan, didn’t you? You like kids, Kent?”
“N-n-n-n-no, Doyle! We went rafting! On the river out there! We signed up for that trip here on the ship!”
“And you didn’t mess with any of the girls out there?”
“No! Christ! No! Well, we met a couple of girls in the bar, but we didn’t mess with any of those kids! I swear, Doyle! I swear! We didn’t even see anything like that!”
“What about Palazzo? Did he do anything out there?”
“Just the same thing I did!”
“Were you together the whole time?” I snarled.
“Yes! Yes! I fucking swear it!”
“Did he talk about wanting to check out anything like that? Ask around for anything? Mention the word pam-pam?”
“Pam-pam? What the fuck’s a pam-pam?” Kent cried. “No! No! Christ, even if he did want to check out something like that, there’s no way he’d dare after seeing Krause patrolling the place!”
I released my grip on Kent’s shirt. “You saw Krause in Pagsanjan?”
Steve nodded energetically. “Yeah! He was around the bus stop!”
“Did he see you?”
Kent shook his head with equal enthusiasm. “No, I don’t think so. Once he saw everyone was coming off in an organized group, he walked away. I think he was looking for people coming out there on their own.”
I stared at Kent for a moment, watching him shake. I was convinced that he had no desire to see the seedier side of Pagsanjan, but he had given me nothing that would exonerate Palazzo. John could have convinced Kent to go out there with him to scope out the place and gotten spooked when he saw Krause. Kent and Palazzo were in the same duty section as our division officer. If Palazzo had wanted to get out there without the danger of running into the lieutenant, he would have to trade duty days with someone. As the first step in Palazzo’s chain of command, I would have to approve the chit allowing the swap. At least I knew to put my guard up if Palazzo tried to get out of a duty day.