by Castle, W. A
“I’m Sandra. Could I, uh, could I go with you guys?”
“Could I go with you guys?” the pregnant chick asks nervously, looking at us with wary eyes.
“Of course, yes. What are you doing out here?” Ulises says stumbling over his words. He takes half a step towards the woman, his eyes comically wide.
My head snaps at his direction, “Yeah, no. We don’t even know who this woman is. Maddie and Clara were just attacked, what if she is a part of it?” I turn to the pregnant woman, “Were you a part of it?” I ask her.
“No! Of course not,” the woman says quickly,
“Lexi,” Ulises scowls down at me. I scowl right back at the fucker. I know his story, he lost his wife and baby that first night shit went to hell. But he’s not the only one that has lost people. I lost Adrie yet you don’t see me falling over myself at the first chick in need I see. Maybe I’m being insensitive, but come on we don’t know this woman.
“We should talk about this,” Gary says with uncertainty.
The woman, Sandra, makes a show to ignore us and turns to Ulises, “I’ve been alone since that first morning. I’ve been scavenging and trying to make it through each day, but it’s getting harder and harder,” Sandra rubs her belly.
I see her big belly and I feel like a bitch. I turn to Maddie and frown when I see she has a weird look on her face. Something’s up with her, she’s being more weird than usual. I hate the bitch but I still worry at how pale and disturbed she looks.
“What’s there to talk about? She’s coming with us,” Ulises turns and glares at all of us but softens his gaze when he turns back to Sandra. “Do you need help bringing all of your things?”
“Yes, I have a few bags. I’ve been hiding out in this book store for almost two weeks. Those soldier men came through town about two days ago but I hid in a broom closet,” Sandra keeps talking but I don’t follow her and Ulises to where she’s been staying.
“Whatever,” I roll my eyes and lean against one of the cars, “Think your buddy will be cool with pregger chick joining us?” I ask Maddie referring to her friend Jax. The dude has a bunker somewhere, a fucking bunker!
“Lexi, what do you want? To leave her here?” asks Clara.
I shrug.
“She’s not pregnant,” Maddie whispers from where she’s leaning against the wall.
“What?” we all ask in unison.
“I don’t think she is pregnant. I can’t, I can’t smell her baby,” Maddie scratches her head and looks away. I feel my face twisting out of shape as I try to comprehend what she just said.
“I’m sorry, but, what?” Gary asks, walking closer to her.
“Nothing, I’m sure I’m wrong. Forget I said anything,” Maddie pushes away from the wall and walks a few feet away. Nadine and Luis share a look.
I’m still trying to wrap my head around what Maddie just said when Sandra and Ulises come back out of the store with arms full of bags. Well damn, chick’s been busy gathering supplies.
I ride shotgun on the way back to the place we’re calling home for the day. As long as we are still heading for the bunker I don’t care too much where we spend a night or two or who we pick up along the way. I dig out a packaged pastry I found in one of the houses Gary and I ransacked and munch on it until we get to the others.
“Want to help me check out the perimeter?” Gary asks as we all get out of the hummer.
“Yeah sure,” I say with a shrug. It’s good to keep busy, leaves me less time to dwell on how things were before and makes me focus on what needs to be done in the now.
“What do you make of what Maddie said about the pregnant woman, Sandra?” Gary asks, looking back at the people gathering around the hummer and back at me. When we’re out of sight from the others, I shake my head.
“I don’t know. A lot of what Maddie does and says is weird,” I shrug, “Still. I’m keeping an eye out for preggers. Just because she’s knocked up doesn’t automatically make her a good person. Back at the library, those were kids and look at what they did.”
When Gary doesn’t say anything, I turn to look at him. He has bags under his eyes, he looks exhausted. “Are you okay?” I ask him softly.
He snorts derisively, “Yeah, Lex, I’m fine. I’m just getting tired of the way this world is, tired of always being suspicious of others, of those things out there trying to kill us at every turn. I’m just tired. Aren’t you?”
I place a hand on his shoulder and squeeze. “Let’s make sure there aren’t any flesh eaters around the neighborhood.”
I don’t answer his question. Yeah things suck balls but like Adrie used to say, things could always get worse. Though I don’t see how things could worsen. So I shut my mouth and look around. There’s nothing out there. For now.
I walk into the house and set my bag down. “Momma, I’m back.” I call out. There’s an oddly sweet smell in the air, I lift my nose to the air and sniff. I follow the smell towards the back of the house. I push open one of the bedroom doors and momma is lying down on a bed taking a nap with Diego at her side gurgling baby sounds. The corners of my mouth lift. I reach down to grab him and hold him to me, I gently press my nose against his head and inhale… he’s the source of the sweet smell. I’m perturbed at this. But I’m hoping my heightened senses will go away in a few hours just like they did last time. I wake momma up gently and tell her to meet us outside.
I cross the room and head out to the living room part of the house. Everyone has stashed their things together in a pile and has spread out their makeshift beds throughout the room. I walk out to the porch and take a seat on the steps.
I am just wondering where Trevor and Eli are when I see them coming up to us. Ulises, Clara and Sandra are standing by the hummer talking, while Lexi and Gary have gone around the block to make sure there are no flesh eaters around. I see Matt and John exiting the house next door and walking towards the hummer.
“Hey you,” Trevor leans down and kisses the top of my head.
“Hey,” I bite my lip and smile up at him. The familiarity of him kissing my head warms my heart. I feel so flustered that it puts my high school flusters to shame.
“Who’s that?” Eli peers over at Sandra who rubs her belly as she looks around with nervous eyes. I think if I were in her shoes, heavily pregnant and about to meet a whole bunch of strangers hoping that they’re good folks, yeah, I’d be nervous as well.
Diego takes one of my fingers and brings it up to his mouth. “We found her in town. We couldn’t leave her there by herself. It’s not safe,” I say as I try to pull my finger out of Diego’s gummy mouth.
Trevor turns to me, “What do you mean it’s not safe?”
I bite back a sigh and try to decide how much to tell him. “We ran across some military men. They said they were with the government but I don’t think that’s true, they tried to kidnap Clara and me.” I opt out from telling him the rest of the story, at least for now.
“What? Are you okay?” he touches my arm ready to search me all over to make sure I wasn’t hurt even though I am obviously fine. I shake him off good naturedly and pretend to give him an exasperated look. “That’s the last time I let you out of my sight,” he says pulling me into a hug, mindful of Diego.
Eli wraps his arms around my neck and chokes me as he hugs me tightly, “I’m glad you’re back.”
My heart squeezes, sitting here on the porch feeling the hot summer sun on me, with Trevor with an arm around me, Eli holding onto me and Diego being fussy in my arms. I am outside without having a panic attack and that in itself is a grandiose feat. I try to capture this moment in my mind. I feel happy for the first time since I can remember. We are all together, everyone I love is together, and nothing could be more perfect.
“I’ve been hiding almost from the very beginning, scavenging whatever I could, moving from place to place all over town,” Sandra starts to say as we all gather around the kitchen. Momma and Jolene have created a feast from what Tom and Trevor found in the fr
idge of the houses, this section of town is still running with water and electricity. Momma and Jolene have the stove going, cooking all of us a hearty lunch from the stuff we have found around town.
“Wow, I’m so sorry, I can’t imagine being out there and pregnant,” Stacey says empathically, “You’re very brave.”
“You sort of know how it is, don’t you Maddie?” says Sandra.
My head snaps up at the mention of my name, everyone is looking at me expectantly. “I’m sorry you had to go through that,” I say absently and stand up from the table and walk over to the sink and fill a cup with water. The thirst is back and it’s all I can think of.
“Are you okay sweetheart?” Momma asks me softly. I look up and Sandra is still telling her story to the others. I look to momma and slowly shake my head.
“Something’s wrong.” I manage to say.
“Guys, it’s time,” Leena rushes into the kitchen, interrupting me just as I am about to confess to momma what that soldier did to me. Something I can’t explain is happening to me. But what Leena has come to warn us about is more important. Carrie is dying. All of Nadine’s people rush out the door to send Carrie off. I decide to follow after them.
“Do you have a morbid fascination with watching people die?” Lexi grabs my arm and hisses, stopping me.
“What the fuck?” I pull away from her.
“What is it like to watch people die around you and know that you should be dead like them?”
“Alexandra!” I hear momma yell at Lexi but I have tunnel vision and a roaring in my ears. I lunge at Lexi and knock her to the ground and slap her twice before she starts to fight back and punches me in the face.
“That’s a horrible thing to say!” I yell at her. I am so angry that I can feel tears burning the back of my eyes.
“I know, I don’t know why I said that,” Lexi grunts as she tries to unpin her arms, “I am just so angry with you.” Tears from her eyes slide down to her ears as she pulls one last time and gets free from me. I get off her and sit back on my legs. I know that Lexi is angry with me because of what happened with Adrie but it still sucks to hear her say it.
“You can’t keep blaming Maddie for that,” Gary says softly.
“If you want to blame anyone blame me,” Trevor helps Lexi to her feet. “I was the one that drove us into that horde.” Trevor looks down looking ashamed.
“Blame won’t solve anything. Push past your grief and get with the program, shit happens and all you can do is move forward,” Aaron says, playing with Patty’s hair.
“Is that what you’ve done? You’ve moved on from…” Lexi cuts herself off, looking at Patty’s watery eyes. Aaron lost his wife and Patty her mother when we were escaping the library to a horde of flesh eaters.
“Yes,” he replies gruffly, “There’s no other choice.”
I take Eli’s hand when he tries to help me up, I catch a whiff of him and I abandon my effort to get to my feet. I drop hard on my knees and hug him to me.
“What are you doing, Maddie?” Eli giggles and pats my back. I squeeze him harder. He smells so nice.
I pull him away from me and grin up at him, “Sweet boy.” I kiss his cheek and get to my feet. My lips drop when I see Sandra looking at us with an indecipherable look on her face.
“How old are your boys?” Sandra asks, looking away from me and settling her eyes on Trevor.
Trevor’s eyebrows shoot up and he looks at me with surprise, I can’t help but smile at his dumbfounded expression.
“I’m eight, and Trevor’s my brother not my dad,” Eli says between giggles trying to get away from my cuddles.
“And Diego is four months old,” I say between breaths as I laugh with Eli. I take pity on the kid and let him get away.
I don’t say that Trevor is not Diego’s dad either, but I guess he can clear that up with Sandra if he wants. And I’ll be lucky if he doesn’t say anything about Diego not being mine either but seeing how he hasn’t spoken up all this time, I reckon our secret is safe. Not that it ever was a secret to begin with, people just made assumptions and I never set them straight.
I dare a look to Lexi but she’s turned away from me. Without a word I slip out of the kitchen and head next door. Lexi’s wrong, I don’t have a morbid fascination with watching people die, but… I do need to see this through. There’s the infinitesimal chance that Carrie will pull through and I need to be there.
I linger at the frame of the door, Carrie is laid down on a bed and all of her people are around her. Leena is sitting next to her, holding her hand and smoothing back her hair. Carrie is deathly pale and her eyes and nose are pyrrole red. Her chest barely moves and her breaths are shallow.
Tom, discreetly, takes his gun out and has it at the ready. “Should we do it now or wait?” he asks.
“We wait!” Leena yells in distress putting a protective hand on Carrie’s head.
“Honey, if we wait for her to turn things can get out of control,” Jolene says softly.
“What if…” Leena looks up to meet my eyes, “You were bit, isn’t that true?” she asks.
I fight the urge to look away from her. I know what she’s thinking because it is what I am thinking too. I nod, “A few times,” I try to put it vaguely.
“No, Leena. There’s no guarantee that Carrie won’t turn. Waiting will just put everyone in danger.” Nadine turns to me expectantly. I’m not sure what she’s expecting me to say but I’m not going to agree with her. When she realizes I’m not going to side with her, she narrows her eyes and turns away from me and back to Leena.
“Fuck damned it with you people. You can all leave. I will take care of this myself!” Leena’s eyes fill with tears.
“Leena,” Stacey starts but gets cut off before she can say anything else.
“I’m serious. All of you leave, now!”
The group shares an uneasy glance but Leena and Carrie have known each other for much longer and they won’t move a finger towards Carrie unless she gives permission. So with not much left to do they pay their respects to the unconscious Carrie and leave the room.
I turn to leave when Leena’s voice stops me. “Can you stay?”
I look at her unsure but I move towards her anyway.
“Is it true that you survived a bite?” she asks bluntly.
“I’ve survived a few actually,” I decide to be honest with her and to be just as blunt. Leena’s eyes widen and she opens her mouth to speak but I talk over her, “I’ve also seen people get bit and they’ve turned. Every time.”
Leena takes in a shuddery breath, “There’s a chance, a minimal chance.”
“There is,” I agree. At that she looks at me surprised. “But you also have to brace yourself for what will most likely happen.”
Leena nods and holds Carrie closer to her.
“You two are close friends?” I ask just to say something.
“We went through some tough stuff together long before all of this shit. We were having a girl’s weekend when shit went down and we’ve been traveling north to somehow find our husbands.”
I nod and after that we wait in silence until the time comes. Carrie’s breathing shudders and then stops. She doesn’t turn…
I scramble up to my knees and Leena helps me lay Carrie down. Momma said I’d died…
“What’s happening? Is this how it happens? Answer me Maddie!” Leena pulls on my shoulders but I shake her off and start doing chest compressions on Carrie.
“I died. This happened to me,” I say between grunts.
Leena’s eyes go wide and she gasps. I pull Carrie’s head back and blow air into her lungs. I give her CPR for almost half an hour, but Carrie never wakes up again. My arms hurt and sweat rolls into my eyes, but I am not going to stop until Leena tells me to. I continue for a few minutes more until Leena places her hand over mine and stops my compressions.
“She’s not coming back,” she whispers, her voice thick with emotion.
I lean back and sit on my legs a
nd wipe at my face. I don’t understand, Carrie didn’t turn, but she died anyway.
Leena takes in a deep breath and grunts as she hugs her dead friend. I’m angry. I don’t know the rules, what we thought we knew about what is going on just gave me the big fat middle finger. I don’t say anything as Leena grieves. After a while I help her carry Carrie to the backyard. I leave Leena with her people to help bury Carrie.
In a daze, I walk towards our house, absently running my thumb over the stump of my finger.
“Maddie?” I look up and see Gary walking up to me.
“Hmm?”
“Are you okay?” he frowns and reaches out a hand to my shoulder.
“Uh, yeah, no, she died…” I mumble as I walk up to the porch. “She died but, she didn’t turn.” I turn around and instead of going inside I walk the opposite direction.
“Where are you going?” Gary yells behind me.
“I just need some time alone. I need to process this. Alone.” I emphasize so that he doesn’t follow me. He just gives me an accessing look and just nods.
It isn’t my plan to venture too far away from the house. But eventually I find myself back at the center of town where we had the run in with the military. I walk back to where that soldier I ripped apart is. Seeing the pool of his blood reminds me of my thirst and I have to swallow hard to wet my mouth. Curious, I lean down over him and pick some of his still wet blood with my finger. I bring my wet finger up to my nose and sniff. I automatically pull my finger away. Nope. I stick out my tongue and taste the blood on my finger. Rancid flavor bursts in my mouth. I spit out and wipe the disgusting blood on my clothes.
“You’ve lost your mind, Maddie,” I mutter to myself as I run my hands over my hair.
A ruckus farther down the street snags my attention.
“I thought you said this town was cleared!” I hear someone yell, a man. I lift my nose to the air and inhale, he smells familiar. He smells like the military men from earlier. My lip curls up in a disgusted snarl.