by J. C. Burke
I started paddling. I needed to be fast to pick off this set. My arms felt strong as I chased and hunted.
Drive, I said to myself as I executed a quality bottom turn, once, then twice. The wave had everything I loved. It was clean and hollow, sectioning up beautifully, and was fast. If I could just keep my focus I could really carve this up.
Lean, look back, keep low – low target, low target, my head instructed.
I twisted, lifting my arms, and snap! What a cutback! It was strong and precise. It felt good. I heard Ace cheering from the beach.
Megan wasn't having much fun with Kia's take-off zone. There was only time for her to manoeuvre a half turn before it closed out in the next section. She was now just wasting waves, hunting them and not getting anywhere. She was looking pissed off and I imagined on the beach, Kia was looking even more pissed off.
But I didn't have time to focus on Kia and her hangups. I got out of the water and ran down the beach, just like Jake had told me I should've in my video analysis session. I dived back in at the rip and paddled back out to our take-off zone. Everything was working. I was almost having fun.
If there'd been any doubt Kia wasn't speaking to me before the relay, there was absolutely no doubt now. In fact, she couldn't even look at me.
We weren't trying to rub it in over lunch but Jaime, Micki, Ace and I were so pumped about the relay and our team score that it was all we could talk about. Without a word, Kia stood up and took her plate to another table.
'She's a bad sport, that girl,' Jaime whispered. 'I haven't told anyone but I remember her from a contest down south. She was totally spewing, I mean like screaming and yelling at her father 'cause she didn't make the finals. As soon as I saw her dad at the meet and greet I remembered who she was.'
'She didn't used to be a bad sport,' I said, trying to work out if that was actually right. But to be truthful, I wasn't sure.
'She's probably just super-competitive,' Jaime shrugged. 'But you're her best friend, maybe you should have a word to her about it 'cause she'll get a bad name.'
'Actually, that's true,' Ace told us. 'All the guys hate Chad Parsons from the US because he is such a bad sport. Tim reckons he saw him put his fist through a wall when he didn't win at Pipeline last year.'
'Wow,' Micki and Jaime echoed. 'Chad Parsons!'
'Don't you just love his accent?' Ace leant across and giggled. 'I love a guy with an accent.'
'It must be totally awesome having Tim Parker as a boyfriend,' Jaime said, sighing. 'Getting to hear about what goes on behind the scenes and stuff.'
I noticed Ace squirm around in her seat a bit. Maybe it was weird people always asking questions about your boyfriend and prying into your personal life; opening a magazine and seeing yourself in a bikini (I'd hate that!). Like, what about Kia having kittens every time a text from Tim arrived? It'd get to you after a while. I knew it would with me and I'd come to realise that Ace wasn't that unlike me (except for the long legs, etc., etc., etc.). She was really just a regular girl.
'I guess I don't really think about Tim like that. I mean, maybe I did in the very beginning.' Ace blushed a hot pink and her bottom lip quivered. 'I guess I just fell in love with him. He was like my first proper boyfriend.'
'You're making it sound like you've broken up,' Jaime tisked. 'Which will never happen, because you two are like the perfect couple.'
'No more talk about Tim,' I said to Jaime. Was I the only one who detected the wobbly lip? 'Ace is missing him, badly.'
That night – after a yoga class that Ace started crying in; a beach run during which Kia told me I was a bitch because I knocked shoulders with her; a water aerobics session where Micki almost drowned she was laughing so much; then dinner, where Brian came out into the dining room and basically told us we were all useless in the kitchen – we were called up for an evaluation of the surf relay.
By that time, the relay felt about a million years ago and as my mum would probably say, we were all a bit too 'tired and emotional' to be pulled apart by the coaches. We already knew that our team had won because we were given our overall team score at the end. But now we were to get our individual scores and talk about how we felt being in a team affected our surfing.
I wasn't nervous 'cause I knew I'd surfed well – really well, probably the best in at least six months. Maybe, just maybe, things were going to work out.
Megan was first in the room and first with her hand up. 'I'd like to say that I felt really, really constrained having to use Kia's choice of take-off zone.' There was a definite tremble in Megan's voice. 'And because of her, my surfing was crap and I scored poorly and now that's on the record.'
From where I was sitting I could see Kia's fingers twisting around and around her wrists. 'Psycho moment to my three o'clock, in about one minute flat,' I felt like announcing.
'Kia, what do you think about Megan's comments?' Carla asked.
'Dunno.' Kia shrugged.
'You have the right to reply,' Carla told her. 'Megan shouldn't really blame you for her poor scores, because it was up to Megan to make the most of the conditions.'
'Yeah, right!' Megan spat, a bit too loud.
Maybe two psycho moments were brewing.
'Perhaps Jaime should've . . .' Kia paused. She was now bending her pinky so far back it was almost touching the back of her hand. Watching her was making me queasy. 'Should've picked her team's takeoff zone herself. We all know she had some help.'
I crossed my legs the other way. It wasn't against the rules for a team member to offer advice about the best take-off point.
'I just think that's a bit like cheating – from the person who helped, I mean.'
Yes, Kia was angry with me. I'd probably cop the silent treatment back at the bungalow. I was fairly sure she wouldn't do her full-on, in-your-face screaming specialty, as she'd be too worried about what Ace might think.
'So?' Carla addressed Kia. 'You're saying that Jaime didn't pick the take-off zone . . . independently?'
'Big deal,' Ace whispered loudly.
Kia nodded.
'Well, everyone's going to have a turn at being tag captain and making that decision.' Natasha's hand was waving. 'Yes, Natasha.'
'Something good came out of it for me,' she began. 'I was stressing badly about that second scoring surf. Especially as there wasn't much time to rest in between. But I realised that I'm actually fitter than I thought, which is so cool 'cause I've really been working on my aerobic fitness lately.' She must've caught all the pissed-off faces staring at her. 'So . . . yeah. That's all.'
Jake stepped forward. He was holding the new Teahupoo Diary 07 DVD. 'We're all about encouragement here. We have to remember that, especially when it comes to one another. So I want any bad feelings to be left in this room. Okay?'
We nodded and agreed. We, with the exception of Kia. She just stared at her hands.
'One girl surfed exceptionally well today.' Jake turned in my direction. 'Her technique, her choice of waves, her tactical approach, her focus and attitude' – suddenly, he took a step towards me – 'reflected what a truly talented surfer she is and what a big future she has.' His lips were moving but it was his eyes that were smiling – sparkling – at me. 'So tonight this DVD is awarded to Georgie, who got the highest score of eight-point-five, for her second wave.'
I was beginning to feel giddy.
'Well done, Georgie,' Jake said.
'Thanks.' This was what I wanted – wasn't it?
KIA
Tiny beads of sweat gathered on my top lip. I breathed gently, trying to calm my heart, which was starting to hurt it'd been beating so hard and fast.
Ace and Georgie were asleep. It was easy to tell with Georgie as she snored. Ace's leg was hanging out of the bed in such a weird way that she had to be deep in sleep.
Micki had gone into the bathroom about fifteen minutes ago and still hadn't come out. I'd seen a book under her arm as she'd crept past. It would've been a diary for sure. That's the sort of thing tw
elve-year-olds did.
No doubt she was writing about what a fantastic score her team got in the relays blah blah blah and how hopeless my team was and how I totally stuffed up.
I could feel my fingernails digging into my palms my fists were clenched so tight. But I liked the pain. I needed it. I deserved it. The pain was the only way to make the bad thoughts disappear.
The first time was the hardest. I'd been looking at the scissors a while before the thought came into my head. Before that I'd been trying to block out the sound of Georgie banging on the toilet door every three seconds, asking me if I was okay.
'Kia?' she kept calling. 'Kia, are you okay? What's wrong? Talk to me! Kia?'
It took all my energy to make my voice work. 'I'm okay,' I heard myself speak. 'I just want to be alone for a while.'
The man's voice on the loudspeaker filled my toilet cubicle with words I didn't want to hear.
'Georgie Elwood Ross, please make your way to the check-in immediately. Georgie Elwood Ross.'
'I've got to go.' Georgie was panicking, I could hear it in her voice. 'That's my last call for the finals. Kia?'
I didn't answer. Georgie would have to decide for herself what was more important: surfing in the finals or me, her best friend. She picked the finals.
That's when the nail scissors that some dumb person had left on top of the toilet took on a new form. It was almost like they were speaking to me, tempting me, teasing me. 'I understand. I'm the only one who understands you.'
My heart started to flutter, then beat, then pound.
'Pick me up. Hold me. Slip your fingers around me.' For a while I stared at the scissors as they lay flat in the palm of my hand. 'Are you chicken? Aren't you strong enough? Are you a weak girl? You're a stupid girl. You know that. You can't even make the finals in Gulgoa. You're hopeless, useless. That's what your dad thinks. But I can help you feel better. I can make the pain go away.'
It stung and burnt my skin as I scraped the blade across my inner thigh. There was no blood. Just a fine red mark.
Harder, I pushed the scissors into my flesh. This time, tiny beads of blood popped out through my skin and trickled down my thigh, taking all the bad feelings with it.
For a while I just watched it and breathed. Then with damp toilet paper I washed the cut until it stopped bleeding. Then I slipped my jeans on and walked out of the bathroom.
I wasn't weak. I was in control.
The 6.15 am wake-up call was the next thing I remembered. I must've fallen asleep waiting for Micki to come out of the bathroom. I touched the old marks on my thighs just to check no additions had been made.
'You did it,' I whispered to myself. 'You made it through the night.' It was a good start to the day.
I sat on the edge of the bed. Micki was dressed, her bed was made and she was folding her clothes. Our side of the room looked like a tornado had blown every T-shirt, bra and bikini out of our drawers and onto the floor.
'You're so tidy,' I said to Micki. 'I bet your bedroom's perfect.'
'It's far from perfect,' Micki replied.
'I miss my bed,' Georgie moaned. 'I miss my computer. I want to check myspace. I bet I've got lots of comments.'
'Can you believe we've been here almost a week?' Micki said. 'That has gone so fast.'
'Ace?' Georgie called. 'Ace, it's time to wake up.'
Georgie and I still hadn't said a word to each other. In fact, we hadn't even looked at each other and our beds were sandwiched together.
At the end of last night's pathetic 'award' ceremony, everyone hung around saying congratulations to Georgie. I slipped out the door. My fingertips were prickling. I had to get some distance from her.
'Ace?' Georgie gave her a nudge.
A tangled mess of long blonde hair popped up from under the sheets. 'What's on this morning? What punishment have they got in store for us?'
'Test and measurements, strength and training,' Micki recited from the timetable. 'But it's breakfast first.'
'Good, I'm starving,' Georgie said.
'Sucked in who's on breakfast duty.' I had to say something. I didn't want them, at least not Ace, thinking I was still pissed off or mad about Georgie getting the prize.
'I hope Brian's calmed down,' Ace said, making a quick check of her phone.
'No messages?' I said to her in my best 'sad' voice.
'Huh? Oh, it's a bit –'
'Would he be in Indo by now?' It was important to ask the right things and seem concerned. That's what a good friend should be like.
'Oh yeah, um?' Ace started. 'Sorry Kia, I'm still half asleep. He'd be in Denpassar now. They'll take a boat out today.'
'Does anyone want the bathroom?' Georgie mumbled, swinging her enormous legs over the bed and standing up. She was definitely avoiding meeting eyes with me. But that was okay, I had Ace. I didn't need Georgie and her hang-ups.
*
I was on my way for a free surf after the strength and training session when Carla came up and said she'd like to speak to me.
'What have I done?'
'Absolutely nothing,' Carla laughed. 'You're sounding like you have a heavy conscience, Kia.'
I shrugged. I wasn't sure what that comment was meant to mean.
'I want to talk to you about last night. Just come into my office for a few minutes.'
I felt the colour crawling up my cheeks.
'We were a bit concerned that you may have taken last night's feedback badly.' Carla was frowning at me. 'Um, your dad did say to us, "My Kia can be a bit hard on herself." '
'Oh?' Gee, I wondered if Dad mentioned he could be a bit hard too. My back felt stiff against the chair and I couldn't stop my knee from bouncing up and down underneath the desk. 'Have you spoken to my dad?'
'No, no. He just mentioned that the other day.'
'Oh.'
'So.' Carla sat forward and eyeballed me. 'How did you feel about last night? Megan was pretty tough on you.'
How to answer this? I wondered. It was a trick question. Whichever way you went there was no right answer.
'Um, well, I felt pretty bad when I went to bed,' I said, 'but Megan has been fine with me today.' I hesitated, wondering if I should go there. My voice made the decision for me. 'Georgie is mad with me for saying that Jaime didn't select the take-off zone on her own. You know, she reckons I put her in it.'
'Like tittle-tattled, you mean?' Carla asked.
'I suppose,' I answered.
'Like we said yesterday, Kia, every girl will have a go at being captain.'
'Oh, I'm not mad with Georgie.' I forced out a smile. 'I'm really happy that she got an amazing score. She surfed awesome. And that's, that's been really good for her confidence.'
Carla frowned at me. I was going to have to spell it out for her, which was surprising as I thought she'd instantly get where I was going.
'Georgie's been beating herself up pretty bad lately 'cause she hasn't been surfing that well,' I said. 'Everyone's noticed it.'
'We certainly haven't,' Carla told me. 'In fact, all of us were saying this morning what a big future that girl has ahead of her.' Carla coughed like she just realised she shouldn't have told me that bit of inside information. 'I mean, you all have a big future,' she said, smiling. 'That's why you were selected for this camp. As your dad said, any one of you could be picked for the training team. It's that close.' Sounds like Dad had quite a chat with them.
'Anyway, I'm glad to hear you took yesterday so well. It's a sign of maturity.'
'Can I go now?' I asked. 'I don't want to miss my free surf.'
'Have you acclimatised yet or are you still in a wetsuit?' I'm sure Carla was smirking. 'Kia?' She stopped me at the door. 'You can whisper in Georgie's ear what a big future we think she has, if you think that'll help.'
'Absolutely,' I said. Absolutely not!
I went straight to the board hut, waxed my board, put on my wettie and got out there. I didn't come in when Micki called out, 'I think it's lunchtime,' and paddled in.
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When Jake came down to the shore and waved at me and made 'come and eat' sign language I pretended I didn't see him. I stayed out in the surf till my fingers and toes were wizened and my body could no longer obey my commands.
MICKI
It was becoming embarrassing. Every time I walked into the bungalow there'd be swimming costumes strewn all over Georgie's and Kia's beds, and bits of paper with headings like 'Bikini changes for Natasha'. I'd even accidentally seen the price list: sixty-five dollars for one – that wasn't cheap!
But when the girls saw me coming they'd stop talking and shove everything under the sheets. Or they'd start speaking in really loud voices, faking some pretend conversation about getting barrelled or dumped or a time they saw a shark.
Of course, I had to pretend I had no idea what they were up to. And I was good at it.
I stood at the doorway of the bungalow and called. It was less obvious than coughing. 'Georgie? We're on dinner duty soon.'
'Oh, Micki? Hi!' Georgie started stuffing bits of paper under her pillow. 'I haven't forgotten, promise. I was just, just –'
'Writing a letter for me.' Ace went to her aid. 'You know, to Tim, from me. Georgie's writing is heaps neater than mine.'
'Did you see Kia in the rec room?' Georgie asked.
'She's in the dining room with Shyan.' I didn't tell them it looked like she'd been crying. 'She was having a big feed after that marathon surf.'
'I'm not surprised,' Ace scoffed. 'Talk about an attention seeker.'
'What is up with that girl?' Georgie said. 'It's like I don't know her at the moment.'
'Micki, do you know why Carla had her in the office this morning?' Ace asked me.
'I don't know anything about her going to the office.'
Ace was starting to braid her hair. 'We're just dying to know what it was about.'
'And Kia ain't going to tell us,' Georgie said. 'Well, not me, that's for sure.'
As if Kia was going to tell me.
I watched Ace's fingers weave across her hair. 'How do you do that?'
'Do what?'