I collapse on her bed. My eyes are heavy and my head is beginning to hurt. “Girl, I’m sorry. Travis has horrible timing. Tonight was supposed to be special for both of us.”
Sitting in a chair across from me, Tanya finds her religion. “Laila, you know everything happens for a reason. It wasn’t meant for us to lose our virginity tonight.”
As she says this, the reality sinks in that Travis and I may never have that chance and the tears start rolling again.
Tanya reaches out to give me a hug. “Laila, it’s going to be okay...”
Although, I want to believe everything is going to be okay, the summer is short. I may be in school before Travis gets out.
I look at Tanya through my burning eyes. “Tanya, if he had enough on him, I may not even see him before we leave for school.” Tanya passes me a tissue. “And just wait till my parents find out. All the stuff I’ve dealt with, stayed with him in spite of ... and he does this?” I look at her with pleading eyes.
“Laila, I’m sure Travis didn’t do this to hurt you.” She is shaking her head as if she doesn’t believe what she just said.
My eyes are too heavy to keep open. I let my body rest as I drift off.
The next morning, I wake earlier than necessary. I sneak out to use the bathroom. Just my luck, I run into Josh. He looks down, surprised.
I look ahead, even more surprised. He is only wearing a pair of boxers. I never realized he had such a nice body, then again, I’ve never seen him wearing so few clothes. His athletic build doesn’t stop at his oversized arms. The rips in his abdomen are ridiculous.
“Good morning, Josh.”
He smiles, his charming smile. For a moment, all my cares are released.
“Good morning, Laila.”
I continue to the bathroom and he escapes into his bedroom. I briefly forget about Travis and think how much better my situation would be had I been dating a guy like Josh, or Josh himself. My parents would be much more pleased. I may have actually lost my virginity last night because there’s no way Josh would have gotten locked up for some bullshit.
When I sit down to pee, I’m surprised when I see blood on the tissue. I wash my hands and run some water over my face. My hair is a mess and my big brown eyes look somber.
I walk back to Tanya’s room and hear her talking. “I know. Yeah. Maybe next weekend. I need to be here for Laila. I’m not really worried about all that right now. You know what, I’ll call you back later.”
I sit down on the bed and mouth to her that my period started. Her eyes are wide as she hangs up the phone. “How did your period start? Have you been taking your pills? Shouldn’t you be good for a few more days?”
We both went to the clinic and started on the pill in preparation for our big night, starting our pills the same day so we would be in sync.
“Tanya, this is just another sign that last night was not meant to be. I obviously missed a pill. God forbid I’d had sex and got pregnant. I heard you talking to Devon, is he cool? Has he heard from Travis?”
As she is about to respond, her door opens. Her mother walks in. “Well, good morning, ladies. I didn’t expect you all to be here this morning. Would you like breakfast?”
Mrs. Jones is such a Susie homemaker. She reminds me of my mother. Tanya and I both nod. We must look famished because her mom laughs and walks out quickly.
Tanya stares into my eyes. “Last night may have been more than a sign for you. It may have been a sign for me to. All Devon asked about was when were we making up for last night. I really thought he wasn’t that worried about it. I mean he has been holding out for over a year. A few more days can’t hurt, right?”
I really want to say that Devon can hold out, but we both know that would be a lie.
“Tanya, I don’t know what’s going to happen with Travis and me. You and Devon shouldn’t let our situation determine yours.”
It’s funny how things work. Waking up this morning, I have clarity. I have freedom this summer, not only from work but also from Travis. I’m starting a new chapter in life. I don’t need to move into it with Travis. I need to let Travis go, especially after last night. To do something this stupid on a night that should have been special for me just proves that he really wasn’t that into me. Yeah, I love him, and I thought I was ready to have sex with him just a few hours ago. But now, I’m not sure I’m sad it didn’t happen.
“You’re right. I can’t let your situation determine mine, but I don’t want to be naive either. I love Devon, but I can’t believe that’s the only thing on his mind right now. After all, Travis is his best friend. I’ll talk to him later and see how I feel.”
We both stand up, hug, and walk out into the kitchen. It’s still early. I eat a small breakfast before heading over to my house to get ready for my brunch. Facing my parents with this new realization will be much easier with something in my stomach. I hate admitting they are right.
Tanya’s mom, dad, and Josh all join us for breakfast. I’m disappointed that Josh put some clothes on. While their dad jokes with Josh about school and sports, I picture his abs and arms around my body.
“Josh, you ready for this beating on the basketball court?”
“Dad, you can’t keep up with me. Last time we played, you had to fake an injury because you were losing so bad. You left your game on the court in North Carolina at A&T twenty years ago.”
Josh is on the basketball team at A&T where his dad played years ago. In fact, A&T is where their parents met. They are all disappointed that Tanya has decided to attend Lee, but they are happy she at least chose an HBCU. I finish up my breakfast, say my goodbyes and head out to my house.
My brother, Nick, meets me at the door. “Laila, I heard about Travis, are you okay?” My brother is in law enforcement and probably got the news before I did. He has never approved of Travis’ lifestyle choices but always respected our relationship.
I appreciate his concern. “Yeah, Nick, I just don’t know what he was thinking. But I don’t want to talk about it right now. You didn’t tell mom and dad, did you?”
He shook his head. I’m relieved.
I look for my parents and find them in their room, getting dressed. “Good morning. I’m going to get dressed, then we can get going.” My mom smiles and my dad nods his head in agreement.
As expected, it’s a hot day in Fort Walton Beach. I pull on an emerald green cocktail dress, step into my brown pumps, and throw on a few gold accessories. Looking in the mirror, I pin my hair up in a clip. This heat makes me want to chop my hair off.
I meet my parents and brother in the living room. My family is dressed to impress, as always. We pass each other compliments as we head out the door to the car.
“Laila, do you want to ride with me? I’m going to drive separately so I can head to work from the restaurant.” Thank God for my brother. He just saved me from the awkward car ride with my parents.
“Yeah, I’ll ride with you.” I wave at my parents and tell them we will meet them at the restaurant. “Thanks, Nick. I’m trying to avoid mom and dad asking about Travis.”
As we ride to Destin, we reminisce about childhood memories. My brother reminds me of how he taught me my ABC’s and how he can’t believe I’ve graduated from high school.
“Laila, you’re a smart and beautiful girl. I know you love Travis but now that you are going away for college maybe it’s time to leave him alone.”
“You’re right Nick. I can’t wait around for Travis to get his shit together.” Fortunately, I see the restaurant. I feel my temperature rising again as I think about Travis.
Another Broken Egg Cafe has a delicious brunch. Although I ate with Tanya’s family this morning, I can’t resist the Bananas Foster French toast. Most of my family is here. It’s always nice to see everyone. Times like this make me wish we all lived near each other.
As my grandfather prays for safe travels and protection over me while I’m away at college, my heart is full.
After brunch, we all hug and
say our goodbyes. As tears roll down my cheeks, my crazy aunt whispers in my ear, “Have fun at Lee. Don’t let those boys talk your panties off. Cause once you pop you can’t stop!” Oh, how I love my family!
I hop in the car with my parents and wave to the family as we go our separate ways. Now, to avoid talking about Travis. “What’s going on with the family, mom?”
“You know there is always drama.” She looks over at my dad and laughs. “I don’t know whose side is worse, your father’s or mine.”
“What’s going on now?”
“Your cousin, Kaylee, is dropping out of school to pursue her acting career.”
I laugh to myself. Growing up, Kaylee has always been full of lies; lying about anything … from what she ate for breakfast to who she hung out with the night before. I guess that translates into acting.
My dad interrupts my mom as she is telling me about the rest of the family.
“Laila, where was Travis?” I wince as I hear him say Travis’ name. “You want us to like him, but when we expect him to be around, he doesn’t show up.”
In the past, I’ve usually defended Travis, but the way I feel today, I can’t even think of a good excuse. “You have a valid point dad. I wish he were around—” I exhale. “But he got arrested last night.”
My dad sighs and my mom shakes her head, then says, “Laila, I’m sorry to hear that because I know it hurts you, but maybe this is for the best. Just enjoy your summer and get prepared for school.”
Chapter 3
It’s the end of my shift and Tanya has swung by to chat. I’m sure this conversation is about Devon. What else could be stressing her out?
“Are you sad today was your last day?” Tanya starts the conversation light, but I know it will get heavy soon.
“It’s bitter sweet, but I’m looking forward to our plans for the summer, especially freshmen orientation. What’s going on with you? Is everything okay?” I ask with a bit of worry in my voice.
“It’s Josh.” A tear rolls down her face before she can even finish the sentence. I was shocked, Josh hardly ever causes his family any concern. He definitely hasn’t ever caused Tanya any heartache.
I jerk my head back. “What about Josh?”
“I’ve never seen him this upset before. He and his girlfriend broke up. You know they have been together for over three years. I seriously think he would have proposed to her after college. I hate seeing my brother this hurt.”
“Wow. What happened? I assume she broke up with him?” From the outside looking in, Josh seems like a near-perfect boyfriend. The chick must be crazy.
“She just said she needs time to enjoy life. She wants to have fun during her last year of school. To me, it sounds like an excuse. You know how females do when they are avoiding the truth. Whatever the reason, my brother deserves better.”
I agree with her one-hundred percent.
While Tanya throws out ideas to cheer her brother up, I start thinking of the morning I saw him shirtless. That image has been creeping back into my head at least once a day. Damn. Those abs. I sigh.
Tanya wipes her face and says, “Have you talked to Travis?”
“Actually, I have. He finally decided to call a couple of nights ago.”
“How’d it go?”
“After two weeks of not hearing a word from him, he had the balls to act as if everything was good. At first, I was excited to hear from him. Then, when I realized he wasn’t about to apologize, he pissed me off. I ended up cursing and screaming at him. Telling him how he made such a huge mistake and how I didn’t know if we could move past it.”
“Damn, Laila. I’m sorry.”
“That’s not all.” I slap the table. “This Negro asked if I would at least come to his court hearing and support him. I told him I couldn’t. We’ll be at orientation during that time. Although I know if I were at home twiddling my thumbs, being in court would be the last place I would want to see him.”
“I’m sure he didn’t expect to hear that at all. For Devon and Travis, we’ve always been their ride or die chicks. There, whenever they need us.”
“Right. After that, I ended the call, telling him I would pray for him, love him, but couldn’t be with him. He got quiet and told me he would talk to me later. We both know that isn’t true. I know his fierce ego won’t allow him to reach out to me again, and my stubborn ways won’t allow myself to care anymore.”
“So that’s it? You aren’t going to speak to him anymore? How could you fall out of love this quickly?” Tanya’s question hit home.
“I can’t explain how I feel right now. I feel betrayed by Travis. I wanted so much for him. I think, well I know, he didn’t want the same things for himself. My dad has always told me that I can’t change him; he has to want to change himself. Part of me is kicking myself, I really wanted my dad to be wrong. I fought so hard trying to convince my parents that Travis was a good guy. It’s like a slap in the face.” Tanya looks surprised, but tells me she understands. I know she does because she, too, has had to defend Devon to her family.
Tanya starts singing, “Why do good girls like bad guys...” I start laughing and chime in.
“How are you and Devon?”
“Laila, I’ve been trying to avoid talking about Devon. I didn’t want to make you think about Travis. But now that I know where you stand with him, I can tell you that Devon and I are doing really well. At first, it was difficult. I wanted to be mad at him just because, but we had to have a heart to heart. I know he cares about me.”
As she says this she looks so excited and in love. I miss that place, but I’m happy for her.
I give her a side-eye. “Have you given him your cookies yet?”
“Girl, no. You would have been the first to know. He says he is going to surprise me with a room one night. I don’t know when it will happen but I’m ready.”
I laugh. “I bet you are!” We finished our wings and fries a while ago. Most tables have come and gone. “We should head out.”
As we stand up, I hug Tanya, but stay back so that I can say my goodbyes to my friends at the restaurant. I feel odd. I now have so much freedom, at least for the rest of the summer.
When I get home, I hop in the shower and I can’t help but think about my conversation with Tanya. About my realization of love lost, for not only me, but for Josh as well. What a summer. Who would have ever thought we would both be single at the same time?
I just hope his ex hasn’t left him too broken. If women only knew how much power they have over men. What am I doing to Travis? Some parts of me want to be there for him in court, but I know I need to break clean from him. It will be best for both of us. Besides, I’m not thinking of excuses to leave. Travis gave me a pretty good reason to go.
Chapter 4
My alarm clock rings, and as I turn over to shut it off I have that feeling that I’m late for something. It’s Saturday, hip-hop festival at the Wharf. “Operation Cheer Up Josh” as Tanya has been calling it.
Instead of driving home after the concert, we’ll be getting a room. My bag is hardly packed, but I manage to throw in a few things. Thankfully, the beach doesn’t require much. I throw in the dresses that accentuate my C-cups and small, round booty. Now that Josh is single, and I’m single, maybe I can convince him that I’m not his little sister.
The weekend should be interesting. I haven’t hung out with Tanya and Devon since Travis has been gone. I hope Devon doesn’t try to run interference on my game plan to get close to Josh. I’m sure Devon won’t be as worried about me as he will be about getting Tanya to drop her panties.
Walking out of my room, I take one last glance in the mirror. If Josh doesn’t recognize this body then his ex really put a hurt on him.
My mom tilts her head to the side and narrows her eyes. “Laila, remind me one more time what the sleeping arrangements are for the hotel.”
I give my mom a wide grin and pat her hand. “Mom, we have a suite. Tanya and I have the bed and the guys will be in
the living room.”
My mom looks skeptical, but kisses my cheek. “Be safe and have fun, Laila. I love you.”
I sit outside, waiting for Tanya and Josh to pull up. The sun is shining but the morning air is crisp, not yet hot and sticky. As they round the corner, I see Tanya running her mouth as always. Josh parks and hops out of the car to help with my bag.
I smile at Josh as I hand him my bag. “Thanks, Josh.”
He has a sly smile on his face. I can’t tell if he likes what he sees or if he is just happy to have a break from Tanya’s conversation.
Josh holds the door open for me while I climb in the back seat of his Jeep Cherokee.
Tanya looks at me over her shoulder and winks. “Laila, you look sexy. Looks like you are trying to catch a new man.”
I look back at Josh, who is nodding his head in agreement with Tanya. If I had a lighter complexion, they might have seen me blush. Josh closes the door and hops in the driver’s seat.
I roll my eyes and wave my hand. “Is Devon meeting us at the Wharf?”
Josh groans.
“You don’t sound happy to hear Devon’s name.”
Tanya adjusts in her seat and then stares out the window. Obviously, I’ve missed something.
Josh glances over at Tanya and slaps her leg. “Like I told Tanya, the two of them cannot sleep in the same room. This weekend will be good if we all just recognize that now.”
“Okay, I got it,” Tanya says with attitude. The rest of the ride is silent, with the exception of Tanya and me, singing along with the radio.
Every few minutes I check the rearview mirror. Josh has a smug look on his face.
“No new friends, no new friends, no...” In the middle of our singing, Josh changes the radio station. WTKE, sports talk radio. This will be the longest thirty minute ride of my life.
Thank God for the scenery. The water is calm and the white sands are pristine. Maybe I can spot a dolphin.
Freshmen Fifteen Page 2