by A. m Madden
Nodding, I sprint down the stage steps and am instantly mobbed by Evan and Lori.
“Lei that was so awesome.”
“You guys fucking rocked!”
I nod and yell a little too loudly, “Thank you but I really have to PEE!” As I bolt for the ladies room I can hear Evan and Lori laughing, alongside Jack and a few guests.
That was the best experience of my life. This was totally different than The Zone. It was better. I feel guilty feeling this way but it’s true. I can only attribute it to one thing. I love singing with Jack.
I make a left out of the ladies room instead of a right and find a small balcony that overlooks the city. Wow, why isn’t anyone back here? It’s cooler and the air feels good. The view is gorgeous.
I grip the railing while standing in the overhang, looking down I get dizzy. I am most definitely drunk. Hearing footsteps, I spin around to see who is invading my solitude. Jack strolls towards me holding two more Jell-O shots.
“I found you. I was worried you bolted.” He chimes as he joins me on the overhang. His eyes are unfocused, just like they were the night of his party. The difference is, this time mine are too.
He hands me one of the shots and says, “Happy birthday, Leila.”
“I think this is number six.” Giggling, I down it while he watches me. As I slowly lick my lips, his eyes become heated.
Jack takes his own shot. He transfixes his gaze onto mine and the sparks fly between us.
“That was really fun.” I point out in an attempt to distract him. “I can’t believe how much I enjoyed that.”
“Yep, me too.” He takes our shot glasses and puts them on the ledge, and then steps closer until we are practically touching. “You really were fantastic up there. I knew you would be.” He strokes my cheek and pushes my hair away from my face. I feel the sensation building below and I want to take this further. I really do.
“Happy birthday, Jack.”
Jack leans in and hovers over my lips until I can feel his warm breath mingling with my own.
“Thank you. Happy birthday, Leila.”
He bends just as I lift up until our lips touch. His are soft, and his kiss is dry and slow. Really slow. It’s the perfect kiss. We continue to nibble each other’s lips until I can’t stand it any longer.
I grip his shirt in my hands and pull him into me. My lips part and he slips his tongue in to stroke against my own. He moans and pushes his body up against every inch of mine. My hands reach up and link behind his head just as his hands find my lower back and he grips me hard to his body.
Oh. My. God.
This feels amazing. I don’t want to stop.
Jack pushes a leg between mine just as I move my hands into his hair to keep him on me. Kissing him is addicting. I’m sure he can make me climax from this alone.
My enthusiasm is embarrassing. I’m on fire. You would think I’ve never kissed a man before. His hands move around to my waist and then he runs them up my sides until he skims my breasts. The lack of oxygen has me panting and regretfully I pull away to catch my breath. Jack holds me with his gaze as his thumbs slowly graze over my nipples.
Another groan escapes my lips as I throw my head back, trying to push myself into his hands. I can feel his bulge against my thigh. It spurs me to push my leg against him and now it’s his turn to groan.
Jack buries his hands in my hair, holding my head still so he can nibble his way across my jaw to my earlobe. I feel like I’m having an outer body experience.
He trails his lips to my neck, licking and sucking until I can barely stand it any longer. I am about to explode from the sensations he is causing all over my body. We try to consume each other with each kiss to the point that we never hear the voices approaching.
A female clearing her throat and a very familiar voice snaps me back to reality. “Lei?”
Jack closes his eyes and remains still.
“Fuck.” He mumbles quietly.
He slowly glances over his shoulder without releasing me. Evan and Lizzy are standing in the doorway in embarrassment.
Coming to his senses, Jack quickly steps away.
“Um, birthday kiss gone wild, I guess.” He looks back at me briefly and leaves the balcony, leaving me standing there pulsing all over and mortified at being caught.
Evan tilts his head with pure concern in his eyes. “You okay?” Lizzy is hiding behind him, looking concerned as well.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I just had too many shots. I’ll, I’ll be inside.”
I leave them alone to speculate on what they just walked into.
Holy shit…what just happened? He wanted me as much as I wanted him.
But he left me there. Left me with the aftermath of that kiss while facing Evan and Lizzy. If I were here alone, I would take the elevator down and hail a cab.
Instead, I hide in the ladies room for a while, attempting to fix my face and calm my nerves. When I sneak back into the party, I purposefully walk the perimeter of the room to avoid running into Jack. I just need to avoid him until Evan and Lori are ready to leave. That shouldn’t be too hard, since he bolted and left me standing there like a fool.
Dylan finds me at the bar ordering a diet coke.
“Leila you were awesome. It looked like you’ve been singing with them for years.”
“Thank you. I hope you couldn’t tell I was terrified.”
“Not at all. You looked completely relaxed.”
“Helps that I’m drunk.”
Motioning to the diet coke, he asks, “Reeling it in?”
“Trying to.”
Malcolm strolls over holding a drink. “Well that is quite a voice you have Miss Marino.”
“Thank you. I was pretty nervous.”
He looks down into is amber liquid, swirling it around in the glass and drones, “If that was you nervous I can’t wait to hear when you’re relaxed.”
Yuck.
He reaches into his back pocket, pulls out his wallet, and produces a business card.
“I’d love to meet with you and discuss all the fantastic things I can do for you and your career.”
Is he serious? The only thing missing is a pinky ring, a gold chain and a polyester shirt opened to his navel. He’s dangerous actually, because his gorgeous face eclipses his sleaziness.
Trying to be polite, I accept his card. “I’ll keep that in mind Malcolm. At the moment I’d like to enjoy my new career with Devil’s Lair for a little while.”
“Suit yourself. But you should be front and center and not in the back ground.” He lifts my hand and kisses it while staring into my eyes. Then he strolls over to his better half and plants a chaste kiss on her cheek.
“What just happened?” I turn and ask Dylan.
“Seems like the serpent just handed you an apple.”
Slipping his card into my bag, I throw Dylan a deadpan expression and say, “Lucky me.”
The only upside is that Malcolm’s sleazy proposition effectively distracted my thoughts off Jack for a few minutes.
As the party winds down, it becomes easier to spot Jack in the room with less people milling around. Seeing him, I unconsciously touch my tender lips. Our eyes lock.
I slightly lose my equilibrium and stumble to the right. Dylan sees me swaying on my feet and leans in to ask, “Do you want me to call you a cab?”
Blinking, I nod. “I need to find Evan and Lori. We all came together.” Dylan looks around the room spotting Evan and Lizzy talking to Jack. He grabs my hand and pulls me towards them. Jack and I lock eyes again and he mouths, “I’m sorry.”
It’s not his fault. I fully participated in our little tryst.
It’s the part where he took off like a coward that I’m having a hard time forgetting.
“Are you ready to leave?” Evan says smiling as we approach.
“Yeah, I am ready.”
Jack focuses on Dylan’s fingers interlaced with mine. I instantly release his hand. Jack says, “Lori headed out with Trey a little
while ago. She asked me to tell you she’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Well good for them.” Evan turns towards Lizzy. “Walk me out?”
“Sure.”
“I’ll meet you outside Ev.”
He nods without turning.
“Dylan, can I talk to Leila for a minute?” Jack stares at me while asking.
Dylan looks at me and hesitantly says, “Sure. Leila I’ll see you soon?”
I nod and he pulls me into a hug. Dylan has gotten very comfortable with me in a very short amount of time. It’s strange, every time he touches me I feel like I’m betraying Jack. His facial expressions do wonders to help me to feel that way as well.
As we walk to the elevator, Jack turns towards me to say something and stops himself. The elevator arrives and he holds the door open while I get on first. Just as the door closes, I see Dylan watching us from across the room.
Jack grabs my arms and says, “I fucked up again. I’m so sorry Leila.”
“Jack, I am just as much at fault. We both lost control.”
“I’m not talking about the kiss. I’m sorry I left you there. I panicked. I wanted nothing more than to keep kissing you, and that’s wrong. I don’t want to hurt you, but I keep hurting you. Your friendship means too much to me.”
Friendship.
The elevator reaches the ground floor and the doors open. I turn to him to say the only thing I can, “Your friendship means a lot to me too.” After I kiss him on the cheek, I turn and leave him standing alone in the elevator.
Well there you have it…we’re friends.
Evan is waiting in front, holding a cab for us. Lizzy isn’t here but from Evan’s smile I’m guessing their good bye was special.
“Hey, you ready?” He asks as he opens the cab door for me.
I nod and slide in turning my head towards my window. He holds my hand until I turn to look at him. “You okay?”
“Yes. I’m just very drunk. What you saw were two drunken people losing control.”
Evan doesn’t say anything, just watches me closely until I look away. “Leila, you’ll talk to me if something is bothering you, right?” He says still holding my hand.
There is no way I’ll be telling him that I’ve fallen for Jack. “Yes Evan, I promise. Lizzy seems great.” I say, changing the subject.
“She is fantastic, Lei.”
I zone out as Evan rambles on about all of Lizzy’s finer points. Jack’s words repeating over and over in my head.
Friendship.
Deep down, I knew that was all we could ever be. So why did hearing him say the words out loud, hurt more than I’d like to admit?
Chapter 16-Jack
Damn it! Why do I keep fucking up? I can’t stay away from this girl. These last few weeks have been going pretty well. We connected. We’ve been getting along nicely. I enjoyed taking care of her when she was sick. Then I fucking kiss her again. Shit, kiss her was an understatement. I practically molested her. I could have gone for days. What happened between us was a tease. No, it was fucking torture and now I can’t get her lips, her smooth skin, her scent, or her pebbled nipples out of my fucking mind!
I couldn’t have been more turned on if she was naked. I wouldn’t have mattered if she had on a snowsuit. Her performance on stage, her looks, and how bad I want her culminated in a desire to kiss her that not even an armored tank couldn’t have stopped.
I am going to push her to run. I know it. She is the best thing to happen to Devil’s Lair. The crowd reaction tonight was fucking awesome. We sounded unbelievable together. On stage she is my other half and our chemistry is undeniable. The crowd eats it up. If tonight is any indication on how good we sound together, this tour is going to be off the charts.
I haven’t had sex in days. That’s my problem. I’m too damn horny and that combined with being drunk is my downfall. It didn’t help that she looked so hot tonight. I feel breathless when I look at her. Still, I can’t continue to succumb to my weakness. For once in my life I have to do the right thing. The right thing is to stay away from Leila, and build this band to the level of success I know we can achieve. That’s why I dropped out of school and disappointed my parents. That’s why I am here.
The elevator doors open to only a handful of people left at my party. My parents left a while ago. My sister is chatting with Hunter, who is still attached to Amanda. Scott and Patti are slow dancing to non-existent music. Jennifer, Malcolm and Dylan are deep in conversation. Trini is collecting cups and bottles around the room. Trini…that’s what I need.
I move behind her. “Trin.” She turns.
“Hey, did you have fun tonight? You were quite drunk earlier. Did you sober up already?”
Huh…did I ever. Yes I am sober now, completely sober.
“Yep, buzz is gone. It was a great night. Sorry you had to work and couldn’t enjoy the party.” I shove my hands into my pockets, not knowing what to do next. Usually we are very comfortable with each other. I’ll tuck a piece of hair behind her ear, or I’ll stroke her cheek. Tonight I don’t feel like having contact. I thought I did, but I suddenly realize my heart isn’t on the same page as my head.
“Leila is great.” She says smiling. I nod and give her a half smile back. “Something you want to talk about? You can come over to talk. I am a good listener.” Trini knows me so well. I might feel better if I talk to someone about what has been plaguing me lately.
“Yeah, I need to talk. You always know what I need.”
“Let me clean up and we’ll go.”
Walking over to Lizzy and Hunter near the stage, I interrupt their conversation. “I’m heading out.”
Lizzy links her arm through mine and says, “Did you like your party, Jack?”
“Yeah, sis. The party was awesome. You outdid yourself.” She really did throw me a great party. I was on such a high, until the end that is.
“Good. You deserve it.” She suddenly grins. “Evan is nice. How well do you know him?”
Hunter pipes in. “I’ve only met him a few times, but he seems like a cool dude. He and Leila are very close.” Hunter notices Lizzy scrunching her nose and quickly explains, “No, not that close. Brother and sister close.”
“Oh, thank god. I wouldn’t want Leila to be upset with me.” She glances up at me with an obvious look, as she remembers what we were doing less than an hour ago. Knowing my sister, she means it when she says she doesn’t want to upset Leila, no matter what she saw. She got all the morals in our family, it seemed to have skipped right past me.
Trini comes up behind me and says, “They said I can take off now. Ready?”
Hunter starts shaking his head and smirks knowingly. Jackass. I give him my own, mind your own business look.
“Don’t wait up.”
I kiss my sister’s cheek turn to follow Trini out of the bar. I guess I can’t blame Lizzy for the look she shoots me.
Trini waves as we depart. I, on the other hand ignore everyone. I don’t feel like saying goodbye.
***
“So spill it. What happened?” Trini is sitting next to me in the center of her couch drinking a beer. I opted for a coke.
“I fucked up, yet again.”
I proceed to tell Trini about the kiss on my roof, how Leila walked in on me with two chicks and how I avoided her for weeks. I told her about making amends and having a really nice night at her place as well as tonight’s kiss. She listens the whole time, not interrupting me once. It’s cathartic getting it all out.
She finally speaks when I’m done with my play-by-play on ruining my relationship with Leila.
“Jack, it takes two to tango. She didn’t exactly push you away tonight, did she?”
“No, she didn’t. But she was drunk, very drunk. I think she would have kept going if the circumstance allowed. It’s really on me. I keep coming on to her. I know that taking it further would’ve ruined everything. She doesn’t know me or what I am capable of. I suck at relationships. Inevitably, I fear I’ll hurt her and d
rive her away. It may not be intentional but I’ll still disappoint her and the guys. I can’t have that happen.”
She puts down her beer, and leans closer to me. “Jack, you are putting a tremendous amount of pressure on yourself.”
I don’t see it that way. I’m capable of screwing everything up. I know myself. Plus, I only tell her part of it. I leave out the part explaining the pull I have towards Leila.
“I haven’t ever seen you like this. This is tearing you up.” She moves to kneel in front of me, looking up into my eyes. “Do you love her?”
The question sends a jolt through my heart. Even so, I shake my head. The motion is a complete contradiction to my thoughts.
I can’t stop thinking about her.
I desperately want to be with her.
I picture a life with her.
Fuck…I love her.
“Then there isn’t any damage done yet. She’s just another chick you have the hots for, and she’s a friend. Move on. It’s that easy. We both know that you can get your thrills elsewhere. No need to ruin a friendship for a meaningless night of sex.” She pauses briefly. “That is unless you love her.”
Trini continues, but I’m having trouble focusing. I only hear part of her words. I sit back against the couch and become lost in thought. Trini stands and pats my leg before she leaves the room.
She’s right, of course. I need to move on. This could become a cluster-fuck of mega proportions. The ripple effect that could occur from me pursuing Leila would be catastrophic. But I don’t think I care about that part, unless it hurts her in the process. But even then, would I walk away ignoring my feelings and try to be content in just being friends? I’m not sure I could.
At the moment, I have no idea if she feels the same way about me anyway. Having an insane attraction to each other doesn’t mean it’s more. What if she doesn’t feel the same way? What if she has no intentions of being more than friends?
Besides, it’s not like I can drop to my knees and confess my undying love after only two kisses? Yes, that would work. That would prove I love her, despite the fact she saw me engaging in a threesome just a few weeks ago.