by Magan Vernon
I blinked hard. I didn’t even know what I could say to that. She was right, of course. But I would never let her know that. “Will you excuse me?” I put my fork and napkin down and went into the bathroom, my only room with a door. I turned the water on in the sink and slid down to the floor, finally letting the tears fall from my eyes. So what if I was having a pity party and I needed to cry? I couldn’t do it in front of Mom and Valerie anymore. My life was a mess and maybe I was burying myself, but I didn’t know what else to do.
A knock came at the door. “Mel? I know you aren’t just letting the water run in there for no reason, so you’d better let me in before your bill skyrockets.” Val’s voice carried through the door.
“No.” I sniffled. “I’m fine. Just go back to eating.”
She opened the door anyway. I should have locked it, but I wasn’t thinking, dammit. I didn’t look up at her, but I heard her shut the door and then slump down on the floor next to me. The bathroom wasn’t that big so we were literally squished between the shower and the toilet like two sardines.
She let out a heavy breath. “I’m sorry about that, Mel. I just got really pissed off. I shouldn’t have blown up on you like that. You’ve been under enough stress and you don’t need to deal with more of it.”
I shook my head slowly. “No. I’m sorry for being a brat.”
She leaned her head against mine. “Look at us, hanging out in the bathroom while Mom sits out there with dinner. I feel like we’re both trying to get ready to go out to a football game or something like when we lived at home.”
I sniffled. “Yeah, that sucked having only one bathroom.”
“It really wasn’t that bad, and I got to spend more time with you. If we didn’t have to share that bathroom we probably wouldn’t have talked half as much as we did.”
I sighed. “Then you got the scholarship here and you left me with Mom and Dad.”
“Hey, I wasn’t going to stick around with that train wreck, and I knew you were strong. You’re a survivor, Mel. You always have been. You’ve been through more shit than any other girl I know and you’ve lived through it: our parents’ divorce, Robby’s cheating, and getting through college without any financial help. You’re going to live through this cancer, too.” She squeezed my hand. “And if nothing really does happen with you and John, you’re going to survive that as well. You’ve never needed a guy to define you. You’re your own person and Melanie Wilder you have done a damn good job taking care of yourself the past nineteen years.”
“Thanks, Val. You haven’t done so bad either.”
“We should probably get out of here before Mom thinks you either died or have massive diarrhea or something.”
I wrinkled my nose as I got to my feet. “Gross.”
“Hey, just stating what she’s probably thinking.”
We both left the bathroom, a lot better off than when we went in. I finally sat down and had Thanksgiving dinner with my family and didn’t complain anymore about cancer or boys and just enjoyed the two amazing women in my life.
Chapter 18
Mom left early the next morning and Val struggled with whether or not to leave.
“Are you sure you don’t need me? You feel well enough?”
“I swear, Val. I’m fine.” I’d told her over and over that I was feeling better. I had gone awhile without ice and even weaned myself off of the pain pills. I’d be ready to go back to school and work on Monday.
“Are you fine or is it because that fine ass boy of yours is coming back to school and you want to be alone?”
I rolled my eyes. It was true that John was coming back in town, but it’s not like there would be anything that we would be doing that would require alone time. My discharge sheet was very clear that I shouldn’t have sex until four weeks after the procedure. Not that I thought I would be having sex with John, but at least the option was there.
“He’s coming over when he gets back in and settled. But that doesn’t mean you have to leave. I’m sure we could all hang out.”
Valerie held up her hands. “Whoa, I’m not into a sisterly threesome.”
I gently punched her arm. “You’re so gross!”
“Oh come on! You’d be laughing if John said it and you know he would. Those fraternity boys can’t get enough of me in all my curvy glory. Because you know, I got so many guys in college.” Her words dripped with sarcasm. Valerie had an hourglass figure, but she definitely wasn’t fat by any means. And she definitely flaunted her curves.
“Oh please. Don’t pity party the pity partier. I will out pity you in a heartbeat!”
She clasped her hands together in a pose like a duck’s beak and made it talk. “Blah, blah feel sorry for me. I have a hot man who loves me and my cancer and is going to lick me like a lollipop when he gets here. Blah blah blah”
I put my hands in the same mocking position, flipping my hair back in the process. “Blah, blah, I have an awesome job in Chicago and no student loans. Poor me.”
Valerie put her hand down. “Touché. You win this round, pity partier.”
“I’ll let you win the next one.”
She shook her head. “Ahh, you’re a crazy little sister, but I love you.” She opened her arms and I gladly gave her a hug.
“I love you too, Val.”
She released me from the hug and then looked me in the eye, keeping her hands on my shoulders. “Keep in touch, okay? I’ll be back in a few weeks to get you for Christmas, but I don’t want that to be the only time we talk. Keep me in the loop. Even if you are just telling me how awesome John is.”
“I will, Val, I promise.”
“Good.” She nodded and squeezed my shoulder before she let go and grabbed her rolling suitcase. “I’ll talk to you soon, Mel. Bye.”
“Bye, Val.”
I walked her to the front door and then collapsed on my couch. As nice as it was to have Val and Mom helping out, it was great to finally have the apartment to myself.
I closed my eyes, leaning my head back against the wall. I thought maybe I could get a nap in or just veg, or maybe even get in some late Black Friday shopping, but then my phone vibrated next to me. I picked it up and saw John’s face smiling back at me. He was calling? Not a text? Confused, I slid my phone unlocked. “Hello?”
“Hey, Red. Are you busy?”
“No. Valerie just left a little bit ago. Do you need something?”
He let out a breath that made a crackling sound into the phone. “Yeah, actually. This is really awkward, but the water is out at the house and I thought I could just get there early and shower before I saw you, but I can’t. So, long story short, can I shower at your place?”
Shower at my place? My mind wandered, thinking about John’s naked body. How the water would drip off of his hair and down his abdominal line. I had to shake the thoughts out of my head because I didn’t want to make myself crazy without even touching the guy.
“Yeah, of course it’s fine after all you’ve done for me.”
“Cool. Sorry to put you out like this, but I promise to take you out to dinner to make up for it.”
“Dinner?” I blinked.
“Yeah. If I’m going to use you for your water, the least I can do is let you use me for food.”
“Okay. That works for me.”
Shower and dinner with John? Black Friday wasn’t looking so black.
* * *
It was less than ten minutes before John was knocking at my door. I’d lived most of the week in sweat pants with no makeup and even though he’d seen me like that, I still wanted to look a little bit decent. I slipped into a pair of jeans and a knit sweater before putting on a few coats of mascara and some lip gloss.
For not showering, John still looked amazing in a tight fitting henley and jeans. His hair was hidden under a White Sox hat as usual, but I was starting to think the hat was sexy, even if I couldn’t run my fingers through his hair.
“Hey, Red. You’re looking good. Are you feeling better?”
He had that sexy lopsided smile on his face and it made me melt.
“Yeah. Feeling pretty good.” I stood to the side and let him walk in. He had a backpack slung over his shoulder and took short, methodical steps into my apartment.
“Good to hear.”
“Yep.” I nodded, trying to think of something to break up the awkwardness. I pointed at the open bathroom door. “Um, shower is through there. I already hung a clean towel on the rack and put fresh soap and a new washcloth in there.”
“You’re too good to me, Red.” He leaned over and kissed my cheek. Then he turned around and stood in the bathroom doorway.
I couldn’t help but let my gaze wander as he sat his bag down on the closed toilet lid and his muscles flexed. I had to bite my lip to keep from smiling and hoped that my face wasn’t beet red.
He looked over his shoulder, a grin spreading across his face. “Are you coming?”
“Um, excuse me?” I stumbled back. Did he mean the coming that I was thinking about? Because I could have been.
He nodded his head toward the shower. “In the shower with me?”
I blinked. “Seriously?”
“If you don’t want to, you don’t have to, but I thought if I was going to use your shower we should conserve water and shower together.”
“Um..uh..I can’t. Have. Um. Sexual. Intercourse,” I stammered the words out.
He turned around so he was fully facing me and then slowly inched his shirt off. His tattoos were staring me in the face and I couldn’t help but let my thoughts drift back to visions of him with the water rippling off of his abs. “Who said anything about sex? I just want to shower with you.”
As much as I wanted to press my body against his and see exactly what he would look like naked and in my shower, I knew it was a bad idea. I was still spotting from surgery and I could be for another three weeks. I was afraid that a giant blood clot would just fall out of me and onto his foot. That would be a mood ruiner.
“I don’t think now is a good time.” I was barely able to choke out the words. I’d been dreaming about John naked since the moment I saw him in a loincloth and now I was turning him down. Stupid cancer surgery.
He nodded. “It’s okay. I understand.” He took a few steps backward. “But that doesn’t mean you’re getting out of dinner tonight.”
“I thought you were joking about that.”
He shook his head, putting his arms above his head and leaning against the doorframe. His muscles stretched and gave me an even better view of his perfectly toned abs. The guy had to hide a personal gym in his room or something. He was ripped beyond belief. “I figured if we’re going to try something, might as well do it right and try the whole dinner and holding hands thing.” He had that lopsided grin on his face that made my legs quiver.
“This is supposed to be a date? Like we’re dating now?” I widened my eyes and had to sound like the stupidest girl in the world, but it was too late to take back the words.
“Yeah, I guess you can call it that. As long as you’re okay with that.”
I swallowed. I may not have been sure if I wanted to be with a guy like John or any guy for that matter, but after all he’d done for me, there was no way I could say no. “Of course I am. I think we can try this dating thing.”
He dropped his arms and put his hand on the door. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to shower for our date.”
He shut the door and left me standing there, dumbfounded as usual. It wasn’t close to dinner time, but I hoped he’d get out of my apartment before then so I could get ready without him watching my every move—even though I secretly wanted to watch his every move in the shower.
Chapter 19
Luckily John didn’t stick around all morning, so I didn’t have to attempt to get ready with him at my apartment. Not that I minded having him around, but there were certain things I wasn’t prepared for him to see yet, like my beauty rituals. Especially after sharing a small studio apartment with my sister for a week. I needed my space to get prepped for tonight.
Valerie would spend hours in the bathroom every morning, even though we were just sitting around the house. I was more laid back and usually just showered and wore sweats. But tonight was going to be different. I was ready to get out of my sick clothes and have a night out with John.
As usual, I never knew what to wear, but instead of scouring my closet, I just put on the first outfit that looked half way decent and that I wouldn’t freeze in: black skinny jeans, riding boots, a teal tank top, gray cardigan, and a flannel scarf. Valerie got the scarf for me for Christmas last year and said it was by some famous designer that I’d never heard of. I actually never wore it and only found it when I was searching through my sock drawer for a clean pair. It was probably time to drag my stuff to the laundry room downstairs, or to Monica’s. I had an irrational fear that someone was going to steal my underwear out of the laundry room and tried to avoid it at all costs.
At around six, a knock came at my door, but I was putting on the last of my lip gloss so I just yelled, “come in!”
I fluffed my hair one last time, all the while expecting him to open the door, but nothing happened. Maybe it wasn’t John?
Confused, I walked to the door and opened it. He stood there with that lopsided grin on his face looking every bit of yummy in a black NorthFace jacket and faded jeans. I thought only teen girls wore NorthFace jackets, but the way it hugged John’s biceps made it look way too good to ever be worn by some girl with braces at a Justin Bieber concert.
“I yelled for you to come in. Didn’t you hear me?” I raised an eyebrow.
“I told you, Red, I’m trying to do this the right way. I was waiting for you to answer the door like normal people do on a first date.”
I couldn’t help but smile. “Since when has anything we’ve done been normal? This is probably one of the most effed up relationships or friendships or whatever this is.”
He crossed the threshold and put his hands on my shoulders and then slowly slid them down until he laced our fingers together. “Maybe normal is overrated, but I thought we could at least try this and see how it goes. It couldn’t hurt, right?”
“I guess you’re right.” I ran my thumb along his. “Does this mean you brought me flowers and chocolate?”
“D’oh” He tilted his head back and made a lemon face. “No.” He looked back down at me with the smile returning to his face. “Sorry, I fail at being a good first date.”
“I guess I can forgive you. This time.” I leaned up on my tippy toes to kiss him, but he backed away. Did my breath smell bad? I brushed my teeth twice.
“Whoa, no kissing on the first date. Well, at least not the first minute of the first date.”
I rolled my eyes. “Seriously? We’re going to go that far?”
“Yep.” He let go of one of my hands and opened the door. “But if you play your cards right you may get one later.”
* * *
We drove off campus and farther into town. The only times I’d ever gone off campus were to shop at the mall or grocery store. I may have grown up less than an hour from Central, but that didn’t mean I explored the town that much.
I had absolutely no idea where we were, but John seemed comfortable and at ease, like he knew exactly where he was headed. Nothing like a normal guy would be on a first date. Which technically we were and we weren’t. The first time we’d gone anywhere together was my doctor’s appointment and I didn’t want to think of that as a date. Nor was hanging out in my apartment and eating cheesecake afterward. Dinner for a first date sounded so much better.
“I hope you like sushi.” John pulled the car to a stop in front of a small strip mall. There was a nail salon and a used video game place flanking each side of Imperial Sushi Lounge. It didn’t look anything like an imperial place with its brick front and neon sign.
“Sushi’s good,” I said. Truth be told, I’d never had sushi. The whole idea of raw fish kind of scared me, but I didn’t want to admit t
hat when he was trying so hard.
Before I could open my door, John ran around to the other side and opened it, offering his hand to help me out. I took it and hopped out of the Jeep. “Wow, you really are going all out on this first date thing.”
He shrugged, taking my hand in his. “I haven’t done one of these in awhile.”
“A date?” I raised my eyebrows. John was the type of guy that could have any girl he wanted and from what Monica told me he probably did.
“Yeah, is that so hard to believe?”
“Um, yeah. You’re hot and I’ve seen the way girls fawn over you at the house.”
He shook his head. “There is a difference between hooking up and taking a girl out on a date.”
“Touché.”
“And you’re the type of girl I want to take out on a date.”
My cheeks warmed at the thought. I had been trying to keep my feelings for John at bay. I shouldn’t have been thinking about a relationship when I wasn’t even a week post-op from surgery, but there was something about John that made me want to give up all my rules and dive head first wherever he wanted me to go. But the more logical part of me was still deathly afraid of getting hurt.
He opened the front door and followed in after me. Even though the outside didn’t look like anything special, the inside looked like it was straight out of Japan. The dark wood-paneled walls had white vertical strips containing Japanese calligraphy. The only lighting came from red paper lanterns that hung from the ceiling and reflected off the dark wood floor. Directly in front of us was a small pond with pretty koi fish. The rocks that circled the koi pond were stacked together behind it to form a large, circular platform which the hostess desk sat atop.