by Bijou Hunter
“I had to be drunk or else I’d have been too nervous, but I wanted to be with you.”
Cooper glanced at me and I felt uneasy under his gaze. “You have this effect on my heart. When I think I’m losing you, my chest hurts like I’ll die. It makes me crazy and I thought I’d lost you because of last night. Then, you were all cool with it, but you should be angry. Last night was shit. You were drunk and scared and I don’t think you liked any of it. I should have stopped myself, but I felt weak and I wanted you so bad that I fucked up.”
“Cooper, if you really think I’m special and want to be with me, we’ll have other chances. The first time was probably going to be weird anyway, just because I’m weird about sex.”
Glancing at me, he frowned. “Why did you tell me you weren’t a virgin?”
“I’m not.”
Cooper eyed me angrily. “How many guys have you said yes to?”
Shrugging, I looked out the window. “Who cares?”
“If some guy fucked my sister like I fucked you, I’d kick his ass. And if the asshole told me he loved my sister, I’d tell him he was full of shit. Last night, there was a moment when I knew you weren’t ready and it was your first time and I thought to stop. I didn’t though.”
Cooper said a lot of important things, but like any girl I focused on the word we all wanted to hear from a guy. Instead of responding to the magical word though, I focused on calming his self-directed anger.
“If you had stopped, I probably would have cried anyway. I would have felt embarrassed and might not have given you another chance.”
“Don’t bullshit me. You had to get drunk to sleep with me. You actually fucking said those words and I just thought about how much I wanted you and it would all be fine.”
“It is fine.”
Sighing, Cooper started the truck. “You know what I said.”
Realizing he was talking about his feelings for me, I nodded. “Things inside me are all jumbled up.”
“I’m not asking you to say it back. I’m asking you to let me give you a better time. I don’t want last night to be your first time.”
“It wasn’t.”
Cooper smashed his fists on the steering wheel and exhaled angrily. “What happened before doesn’t count! You fucking know that, right? It didn’t count. You were a virgin last night and I fucked up.”
“Okay!” I yelled, shaking from his rage. “You fucked up! Let it go and drive me to your house or take me home. Just stop scaring the shit out of me.”
Glaring at me, Cooper didn’t put the car into drive. “Why are you with me?”
“I don’t know,” I said, shrugging as I looked out the window. “I just like being with you. I like the way I feel when I’m with you.”
“Even now?”
“Yeah, even now,” I told him, finally meeting his gaze. “If you want to make things up to me, why are you yelling and acting scary? How does that make it better?”
“It doesn’t, but you have to understand something,” he said, holding my gaze. “I’m fucking perfect.”
Despite my common sense, I laughed at the sincerity behind his words. Cooper gave me a tiny grin.
“I don’t fuck up. I don’t do stupid shit. I’m the smart one in my family. Tucker fucks up. Bailey acts emotionally. I don’t do that. It’s why I have to be the lawyer. Why my pop wants me to take over for him when he’s ready to sit on his ass and pretend he’s retired. I’m the perfect one, but there was nothing perfect about last night. I just wanted you and I lied about the rest. I knew I’d fallen hard for you and I figured that meant I could keep going and it would be fine. The perfect part of me knew I had it backwards. You were special and I needed to stop. I hate that I let myself be so stupid. I don’t want to be Tucker.”
“Who would?” I said, grinning.
Cooper laughed. “I know, right?”
Even with the urge to take my chances walking home rather than remain tied to this complicated man, I unbuckled my seatbelt and leaned over to kiss him.
“You make me stupid too, Coop,” I said, grazing his lips with mine. “You make me crazy and scared, but I like you so much that it feels worth it. I wish I knew if my feelings were love. I wish I could make a declaration, but I’m not used to having nice things. No matter how much you scare me, you are a very nice thing and I never dreamed I’d have a shot at keeping you interested. I’m glad I was wrong.”
Cooper pulled me closer and kissed me hard and deep. I realized he hadn’t given me a real kiss since arriving that morning. I also realized he truly believed I would dump him and it was making him miserable. As horrible as it was, this fact made me happy. Cooper possessed so much power over me that it was a relief knowing I had power too.
“How do I make it up to you?” he asked, holding me on his lap.
“Is that a sex question?” I asked, kissing his neck.
“It could be. Baby, I need to do something special for you because last night wasn’t special.”
“There’s one thing I want, but it’s not sex and I don’t think you’ll want to do it.”
“It’s not lame, is it?”
Lifting my head from the crook of his neck, I frowned at him. “Never mind.”
“No, tell me. Even if I’ll hate doing it, I want to prove I’m not Tucker.”
“You’re not Tucker.”
“Tell me,” he said, leaning his forehead against mine. “Pretty please.”
Laughing, I sighed. “The first night you came to my apartment, you did something that felt really good.”
Cooper scowled as he replayed that evening. “I don’t remember making any especially hot moves on you.”
“I said it wasn’t sex.”
“Well, we didn’t have sex that night so I knew it wasn’t sex.”
“You won’t want to do it. Forget it. A nice day at your house will be my reward for you not being perfect.”
“Nope,” he said, holding me still on his lap. “Tell me.”
“I want a foot massage.”
“Bull.”
“No, really.”
Cooper grinned. “Why wouldn’t I want to massage you? I want you to feel good like you make me feel.”
“My feet are killing me from working and walking so much and you have talented fingers.”
“Hell yeah, I do,” he said, kissing me as his fingers explored my waist.
Cooper’s naughty fingers merely teased as I squirmed in his lap, causing him to groan.
“Let’s get to the house so you can soak up the sun and relax.”
Sliding back into my seat, I grinned while he shifted the truck into drive. As I watched him, Cooper glanced my way and smiled like he had plans for me. When I saw the wicked gleam in his eyes, I never in my life wished more to be someone else. Someone who could see that look and meet it with vigor.
Cooper parked next to his apartment. “It’s parents’ weekend as you likely know. Skye’s parents are in town and they’ll be with my parents for the day. Tucker is with Maddy and her parents. No employees around to spy on us either. We have the whole place to ourselves.”
“Cool.”
“Hungry?”
“A little.”
“Let’s go hang out in the house. We’ll eat, find you a swimsuit, and I’ll take you out to the hot tub for a nice relaxing foot massage.”
“I get really relaxed when you massage my feet,” I said, trying to be sexy.
Cooper opened the front door for me. “Yeah, I remember how you fell asleep that night.”
“I meant a different kind of relaxed.”
Heading into the kitchen, he glanced back at me and grinned. “Oh, I know what you meant, minx.”
“I’m not doing that right now. I want you too much to say mean words.”
“I take jackass as a compliment.”
“Oh, then you’re a giant sexy jackass.”
“Hell yeah,” he said, before leaning into the refrigerator to search for food. “Fuck. We have hit the mother
load. Ribs and potato salad.”
“That sounds great.” My stomach responded with a loud growl and Cooper peeked up from the frig and grinned. “I’ve never had ribs for breakfast.”
“Stick with me and you’ll eat like a queen.”
Cooper proved this fact by feeding me until I could barely move. The meat on the ribs fell off the bone and the potato salad tasted like nothing I’d ever had before.
“How do you stay so hot when you eat like this?” I asked him.
Cooper grinned. “I work out with weights. I swim a lot. I beat up a lot of stupid people. Burns a lot of calories.”
Imagining the other way he burned calories, I didn’t want to think of all the girls Cooper slept with over the years.
“If I keep coming here, I’ll need to find a way to burn calories too.”
“Oh, I’m sure I can think of a fun way to do that.”
Staring at him blankly, I pretended like I didn’t understand. Cooper only grinned wider.
“I’m going to pick out a suit for you.”
A few minutes later, Cooper strolled down the stairs with a naughty grin on his face and his hands hidden behind his back.
“I found the perfect one. Though I doubt my parents have any idea Bailey owns it. They certainly wouldn’t let her wear it around here.”
“Oh, crap.”
“Hell yeah,” he said, grinning from ear to ear as he held up the tiny leopard printed bikini.
“I don’t think I’ll fit in it.”
“I promise not to complain if you fall out.”
Laughing, I took the bikini. “Why even wear it? It hides nothing.”
“If you want, we can go nude?”
“Naw,” I said, standing up and dropping the suit on the couch. “I feel like you need to work for it a little.”
Cooper gave me a smile that faded as soon as I pulled off my shirt. His breathing shifted as I stripped down in front of him then wiggled into the bikini. Once I was dressed, I smiled casually as if I was someone comfortable with her sexuality.
“I want my foot massage, slave.”
“Hell yeah,” he whispered as if breathless. “You can’t know.”
“Oh, I know. I feel the same way when you strut around shirtless.”
Cooper smiled again and his shirt came off seconds later. “Hot tub time.”
Taking his hand, I walked with Cooper out the back door over the deck and past the pool. Cooper leaned over and turned on the spa before stripping out of his shorts, leaving only his skull and bones boxers.
“My mom,” he explained when I smiled at them. After Cooper found us a few cold sodas, we settled into the hot water. “Give me those feet,” he said, sitting across from me. “I’m going to relax the shit out of you.”
“Stop threatening me.”
“You look so fucking hot in that suit that I’m having trouble concentrating.”
I fiddled with the bikini top barely covering my areolas, let alone the rest of my breasts. Lifting my gaze to meet his, I smiled. “Thank you for bringing me here today.”
Cooper sighed. “Last night sucked. I need another chance.”
“You have another chance and last night wasn’t that bad.”
“You didn’t see your face,” he whispered as his strong fingers worked at my arches.
“I’m sorry,” I moaned, leaning farther into the water and resting my head on the back of the hot tub. “I can do better.”
“Don’t think about that. Just let me serve you.”
Grinning, I moaned again as he rubbed at my heel. For the next few minutes, we watched each other and I knew we were thinking the same thing. Relaxed under the late summer sun and soaking in the hot water, I really felt like I could do it sober. Cooper needed to be mine. He said he loved me. Despite what I said in the truck, I knew I loved him too. I needed to let go and embrace this opportunity.
Tugging my feet away gently, I sat up then reached for him. Cooper exhaled in a way that made me think he was waiting for this moment since we stepped into the hot tub. I straddled him and was a little surprised to find him already hard between my legs.
“Been that way since you stripped down for me in the house,” he said as I frowned. “Your face is so expressive that it’s like every thought is there for me to see.”
Rolling my eyes, I held onto his shoulders then stood and lowered my bikini bottom. Cooper hooked a finger in the material and tugged it off. Looking up between my legs, Cooper just sighed.
“Every inch of you is perfect.”
“Doubtful.”
“Shut up,” he spat, squirming out of his boxers until they were floating nearby. “You see things all wrong when it comes to you. It’s like you’re blind.”
“Or stupid.”
Cooper wrapped his arms around me as I settled over his erection. “Never stupid. My girl can’t see what I see about her. That’s a good thing though. I don’t want her getting stuck up and dumping me.”
Rolling my hips so I caressed his stiff cock between our bodies, I whispered, “Today is a perfect day.” I lifted my hips as Cooper guided himself inside me. “Perfect.”
Once full, I tried to find a rhythm, but it felt wrong. I met Cooper’s gaze and he frowned.
“What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know how…”
When I lowered my gaze, Cooper took me by the chin and forced me to look at him. “Know how to what?”
“Like how, you know, the rhythm.”
“Oh, I have a simple technique that will help you.”
Expecting his hands to move to my hips, they instead removed my bikini top and settled on my breasts.
“Just follow my lead,” he said, giving me a sexy little grin.
“Wha…?”
I gasped as his thumbs stroked up over my nipples to tell me to lift my hips. Then, his thumbs stroked down and my hips followed. I never would have guessed I’d love having my nipples teased, but it felt like heaven. While I would have told Cooper this fact, I’d lost the ability to speak as we worked ourselves into a nice rhythm.
Holding onto his shoulders, I lifted and fell at his direction until Cooper was at the brink. One hand curled around my neck and pulled me down to kiss him. The other hand took my left hip and guided me. Soon, both hands were on my hips as he helped me bring him closer and closer. Finally, he groaned in this wonderful way that made me feel like I accomplished something great. It was stupid, but I felt proud to see him come apart because of me.
As Cooper wrapped me in his arms, I felt completely safe. Even though I smiled at him, he stared at me with a hurt expression. “Why are you crying?”
Wiping my eyes, I hadn’t even realized. “I don’t know.”
“Did I hurt you?”
I shook my head. “It was so good.”
“You didn’t come.”
“It was still really good.”
Cooper wiped my cheeks. “I really thought you were ready to come. I’m usually good at reading girls, but you started crying instead.”
“I’m just weird. Broken or something. It’s not personal.”
I looked down into the water where we were still together. Cooper lifted me gently off him then pulled me closer onto his lap.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I can get better.”
“Stop saying that,” he whispered back at me.
“I don’t want you to dump me.”
Cooper shook his head. “Those days out of town were fucked up. I missed you way too much to be normal and I knew then. I just knew you really were my girl. It wasn’t some crush on a hot chick who teased me. You were the one and I loved you. That’s the fucked up part. I love you and you’re mine and I can’t get you to feel good. Hell, forget feeling good. I can’t even keep you from crying while I feel good.”
“It’s not you.”
“I’m not helping matters.”
“By complaining?” I asked, looking up at him. “No, you’re really not helping.”
C
ooper grinned. “You’re such a little bitch.”
“And you’re a raging asshole.”
“I love you, Farah. I’m not messing around when I say that. I’m not someone who spouts off about feelings and shit. I don’t lie to keep girls. I lie to get rid of them, but I plan to keep you.”
Studying his handsome face, I leaned my head against his strong shoulder. “When I said I was all jumbled up about my feelings, that wasn’t true. I knew I loved you when you were gone because I felt like nothing mattered until you came back. It was so dumb to feel that way. I have school and my dreams and Tawny. I have good stuff to care about, but I still felt like I needed you to make those good things mean something.”
“Say it straight and simple.”
“I love you.”
“Say you’re my girl.”
“I’m your girl.”
“And you know I love you, right?” When I only nodded, Cooper frowned. “I need to make you feel good, baby. It’s not an ego thing. It’s who I am. I take care of the people important to me. I protect my friends. I help out my family. It’s what I do to feel like my life has meaning. I need to make you happy, but instead I make you cry.”
“It’s not you,” I whispered.
“You really weren’t with anyone else before? No one who counted?”
Shaking my head, I cuddled closer, afraid to have him ask a question I couldn’t answer.
“So you don’t know if this is just how you are or if it’s me making you cry?”
“I know it’s me because I was happy and didn’t even realize I was crying.”
Cooper wrapped me tighter against him and we rested this way as the water bubbled around us. The day wasn’t as hot as some of the recent ones, but my skin felt baked after a few minutes of silence.
“Tell me what to do,” Cooper said, caressing my hair.
“What do you mean?”
“I need to make you happy, but having my girl buck naked on my lap is tricky. Tell me what to do.”
Sliding my hand into the water, I caressed him. “I didn’t cry because it hurt. I didn’t cry because I didn’t want you. I just think I’m overwhelmed by how intense everything is. I’ve never been close to someone like I am with you and it makes me a little crazy. That doesn’t mean I don’t want you to want me like this.”