by Kim Loraine
She lowers her hands and the blue sparks fade to nothing. “Because I’m not in love with him.”
Gwen
The look on Brooks’ face twists my heart, but I’m not about to let him think this is love between us. I’ve barely lost Lance and there’s far too much in my path to be focused on something as all consuming as love. Brooks is…mine. I feel it, a soul-deep connection, but I am in love with Lancelot. I always have been. I can’t love two men, even if one of them is gone.
“It doesn’t change the fact that we’re meant to be together, Gwen.” He threads our fingers and presses a kiss between my knuckles. “But this time will be different.”
“I’m…I can’t talk about this now.” My throat is tight and pain burrows into my heart like a cold shard of ice. “Tamiel, Grant, I promise you Brooks is on our side. Don’t hurt him.”
The two of them back down, but I know if Brooks puts one toe out of line, they’ll do whatever is necessary to keep the coven safe. I pull my hand out of Brooks’ grasp and rush inside the small house. Helena and Izzy are both right behind me, the latter moving slowly because of her growing baby bump.
“Well, that was…dramatic,” Izzy says. “Are you sure he’s all right? He seemed a little intense.”
“He seemed like Tamiel when he was claiming me as his soul mate,” Helena adds.
Izzy nods. “And like Grant when we first met.” Then she sighs and gets a dreamy look in her eye. “What a night.”
“Stop it, you two. Brooks and I have a lot of history to work through. We were married in another life after all.”
“And you cheated on him,” Helena says.
I clench my teeth.
“And then he killed you,” Izzy interjects.
“Yes, all those things.”
“You’re right, that’s some serious baggage.” Helena waves a hand and three mugs appear on the small table in the kitchen. She sighs and smiles. “God, it’s good to have my magic again.”
“You want me to read the leaves?” I ask, staring at the table and conjuring my favorite teapot.
“No. I want to have some peppermint tea because morning sickness lasts all bloody day in my case.”
I grin and look down at her, the pregnancy not showing itself yet. “I suppose that’s to be expected. How’s Tamiel handling this?”
She smiles. “He’s very proud of himself. I’m still getting used to it all.”
I wonder if I’ll ever have a child. I’ve never seen myself with a baby, never pregnant, never anything beyond married to Brooks. “And you, Izzy? How are you?”
“Oh, I’m right as bloody rain. Grant won’t let me lift a finger for fear of something happening to his little wolf.”
My heart swells with happiness for my sisters. Both have found their places, their loves.
“And what about you?” Izzy asks.
“Me?” I feign innocence. From the window I can see Brooks, Grant, and Tamiel have taken less defensive postures as they work through what is undoubtedly Brooks’ account of what happened.
“Don’t give me that,” Izzy says, rolling her eyes as Helena pours tea. The sharp bite of peppermint fills the air.
“It’s complicated.”
“Try us.”
“My visions tell me Brooks is the one I end up with.”
“And your heart?”
“I don’t know.” I watch him run a hand through his hair, the hint of beard on his jaw giving him a rugged appearance rather than his usual polished presentation.
“Do you want him?” Helena asks.
I do. I feel the same desperate attraction to him as I do for Lance if I’m being honest. It grew slowly over the time we’ve been together, but now I can’t deny how I feel. “It’s all very confusing. But I can’t be his, not fully. Not with how I feel about Lance.”
“But he’s a demon. He’s turned.”
Tears fill my eyes. I haven’t allowed myself to say those words. He can’t be a demon. He can’t be lost to me forever. “I’m not sure.”
Helena runs a hand over my hair. It's an uncharacteristically warm gesture for my stoic sister. “Darling, you said he was turning. You said there was no stopping it.”
“But…but maybe he found a way.” I know even as I say the words I’m wrong. He may not be dead, but he’s not coming back, at least, not as the Lancelot I know.
My sisters look at me with such pity, it makes me want to hide from their gazes. Then Izzy takes my hand. “I can see it in your eyes. You know the truth.”
I blink back tears, but one escapes anyway. “He won’t be the same. I can’t fix him.”
“You need to prepare yourself to fight him. He’s not on our side anymore.”
My chest aches. He fought the demon blood until he couldn’t any longer. “He gave us back our magic.”
“That he did. Lancelot, the knight went down with honor and in service to his queen.”
“How do I go on without him?” My voice breaks on the last.
“One day at a time,” Izzy says. “But we’ll be here with you.”
I shake my head. “I need to know. I need to see for myself. If he’s truly a demon, we should be able to summon him.”
The two of them look from me to each other, worry on their faces. Then Helena speaks. “That would require us to willingly summon a demon.”
I shrug. “We’ve done worse.”
“True, but what if knowing doesn’t give you what you need? Seeing him as a demon might be more painful.”
She’s right. Seeing the man I gave my heart to but not being able to have him will haunt me forever, but so will not knowing. “I have to do this.”
Izzy sighs and pushes back from her chair. “I’ll get the salt.”
“No, we’ll summon him, but not until you’ve had a night’s rest and some time to think on it.” Helena’s statement is final. She’s not going to budge on this.
I nod and take a long breath as the door opens and the three men walk inside. Grant crosses his arms over his broad chest, tattoos covering both forearms. “You’ve got more ink,” I say.
He grins. “Aye, those are the markings of the pack Alpha.”
“Speaking of Alpha males. We’re going to attempt to summon Lancelot tomorrow night,” Izzy says. “And I won’t have you showing your caveman attitude about it, Beast.”
He frowns, but doesn’t protest. Brooks’ gaze shoots to mine, a question on his lips.
“I need to see if he’s truly lost,” I admit.
“I understand,” he says. “I need to know as well.” There’s such pain in his voice.
“Oh, this just gets better and better,” Helena mutters. “I always wondered about Arthur and Lancelot.” I kick her under the table and she winces. “Ouch.”
Brooks glances away and I know she’s hit a nerve. Standing, I walk to him, placing my palm on his warm shoulder. Before I can speak I’m hit with a vision, he’s wearing the scabbard, holding Excalibur, closing the first seal. “It’s you,” I whisper through my throbbing headache.
“What?” He turns toward me, catching me as I sway dangerously.
“We have to get the scabbard so you can stop the end of the world.”
Chapter Three
Gwen
The three of us stand around a circle of salt on the ground as the sun sets and the night creeps in. I should feel better after resting and resetting. I don’t. Grief still claws at me for Lance, and confusion swirls in my head at the knowledge Brooks is Arthur. I shiver in the chill of the evening, the tease of fall weather stripping away any layer of comfort. Brooks, Grant, and Tamiel stand to our sides, the three of them unwilling to let us summon Lance without them present. With the power of Excalibur combined with angelic grace, a demon should be no match for Brooks.
“Lancelot du Lac, we summon you to our circle. Show yourself and face us,” the three of us say in unison.
The torches surrounding us flicker in the wind, but nothing appears. Lance doesn’t come to us. My heart leaps for a moment,
the thought that perhaps he escaped his fate giving me hope. But then I realize the truth. “He’s…oh, God. He’s not a demon. Lance is dead.”
My gut clenches and my knees buckle. I pull my power into my chest and send out everything I have in search of him, whispering an incantation that will take me to my love, but I go nowhere. Instead, Brooks pulls me into his arms and cradles me close.
“It’s all right, darling girl. It’s all right.” He whispers the words against my hair and I feel his own pain right along with mine. He’s hurting at Lance’s loss just as I am.
My sisters kneel at my side, each of them placing gentle hands on mine. “I’m so sorry, Gwen,” Izzy says.
She’s sorry? She has everything she ever wanted. Izzy has her soul mate, her child, her happily ever after. So does Helena. Unreasonable anger sears my veins, coursing through me in a wash of jealousy and ugly despair. “Don’t.” I fight the urge to scream. “I can’t be here. I can’t be with you, watching you live out your happy endings. I’ll go mad.”
I wrench myself out of Brooks’ grasp and get to my feet. Then I close my eyes and take myself to the last place I sensed Lance. The ruins of Camelot. Our hawthorn tree. The only place I can still feel him.
The air is eerily still in the darkness. No tittering birds or rustling leaves from animals running through the brush. In fact, it feels as though time has stopped. Not even the wind blows. The area is thick with magic and as I walk through fallen leaves on my path to where I found the sword, I can feel the power pressing down on me. It’s a warning set to deter any humans who stumble this way, but for me, it’s a beacon. I need to see what happened to my knight. If I see it, I’ll be able to let go.
“Spirit guide me to the place my love left me,” I whisper, my hand over my heart.
Warmth blooms in my chest, and as though a thread has connected us all this time, I’m pulled toward the place Lance took his last breath on this earth.
The tree comes into view and my chest tightens. I knew it. This was where we lost him. My gaze travels across the broad trunk, old and twisted, and when I come to the place Brooks pulled the sword from the gnarled roots, shock hits me like ice water. In place of the roots is a burned symbol. A seven-pointed star. I feel sick. My stomach churning with dread for what this could mean.
I press my palm to the trunk of the tree, desperate to find out what happened to Lancelot, and I beg my magic to show me the past. Instead, my vision goes cloudy and pain lodges itself between my eyes. I see myself on an altar, two figures in shadow standing over me, their hands running over my body as torches burn around us. They strip me bare and do the same to themselves, but I can’t see their faces. I don’t know where I am, I just know I need them both. Their hands glide over my body until they touch and go to each other. I watch in rapt attention as hard muscled torsos meet and the men embrace. My nipples ache and harden as arousal takes control and I sit up, running my hands over both men and whispering, “Together. We belong together.”
I come back to myself, gasping and painfully aroused. “What the bloody hell was that?” I murmur, fingers trailing over my nape and down to my collar.
“Gwen!” Brooks’ voice catches me off guard. I shouldn’t have left him, but I needed to do this, to get closure. He runs at full speed toward me, Excalibur in a sheath at his side.
“I’m all right. I just…I needed to see what happened.”
He pulls me into his arms the moment he reaches me. “You can’t just leave. What if something had happened to you? I won’t lose you both.”
“Lance didn’t even know you were really Arthur.”
“I know. I can’t help but think if I’d taken up the sword sooner—”
I press my lips to his, stopping him from continuing on that thread. There’s no way to change what happened. “We have to move forward. Gabriel can help us.”
“How do we find him?”
I glance up at the night sky and offer a prayer that the archangel will hear me. “Gabriel, please? We need you. Where are you?” Nothing. Anger blooms in my chest and I break. I scream his name into the sky.
“Gwen,” Brooks says, gripping me by the shoulders. “Stop.”
“How are we supposed to close the seal if we can’t even get the messenger of God to talk to us?”
“Gwen, look.” His voice is hushed and when I look into his eyes, I see he’s not focused on me, but behind me. I turn in his hold and see the tree has opened into what looks like a cave. Glowing blue mist curls and moves on the ground.
“What in the world?”
“Avalon.”
I know he’s right. The seven-pointed star burned into the ground warned me of the fae being close. “We can’t go in there,” I say, even as the magic I used to link me to Lance’s final location tugs me toward the path. “Time moves differently in Avalon. The world could end while we’re lost in the mists.”
“We won’t get lost.”
“How can you be sure?”
He links our hands. “Can’t you feel it? We’re meant to cross realms before we can do what needs to be done. Excalibur isn’t at full power without its scabbard. The Lady guarded Excalibur once before, she’s our best bet to find its other half.”
“But…most humans never return from Avalon.”
“Then it’s lucky we’re not humans.”
I squeeze his hand and let the comfort of his strength ease my worry.
“And…we need to tell her about Lance,” I say, his name sticking in my throat. “She raised him. She should know he’s gone.”
Brooks runs his thumb across my lower lip before dropping his head and kissing me tenderly. “I won’t let anything part us, Gwen. Trust me when I say this is where we need to go. I feel it in my soul.”
I nod, not telling him my spell is tugging me inside the tree whether I want to go or not. Together, we walk into the mists of Avalon and I pray we’ve made the right choice.
The mist fades as we come out on the other side of the tree. Instead of cold night air, we’re greeted with clouds of pink cherry blossoms, wild flowers, and sun.
“Spring?” Brooks asks.
I release his hand and walk toward the crest of a hill in order to see better and gauge our surroundings. “I don’t know where we are.”
“We’re in Avalon, that much is obvious. Don’t wander off. Not all fae creatures are cuddly.”
I scoff. “I’m not an idiot. Most fae creatures are devious and would do anything to have you owe them a favor.”
“True. We need to tread carefully.”
“I’m a witch and you’re Nephilim, we have more that they could want than any human. We need to try to stay off their radar completely.”
“Can you disguise us? There’s a small settlement of humans living here. If we hide our magic, perhaps we can pass as two of them.”
I nod. “I’ll have to cloak your grace. At least you don’t look like the Arthur they knew. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to change your appearance.”
“Whatever you need to do. We’ll have to pass for a married couple seeking a trade with the Lady.”
I swallow past the lump in my throat. It’s so different now that I know he’s Arthur. “Aren’t we already a married couple?”
He stiffens beside me. “We were.”
Awkward silence settles around us. “I need to tell you something.” I take a long breath. “I had a vision about us. Before I knew…everything. You and I—”
“Are meant to be together,” he finishes for me.
“Yes.”
“I know. I knew there was something special between us before I touched Excalibur. I started falling in love with you from the moment we met. Now it all makes sense.”
“When I said I don’t love you, it’s only because I don’t know how. I can’t deny my feelings, but I wasn’t able to share my heart in our past life. We have one soul mate. That’s why the saying is two halves, not one third. I don’t think it’s possible to truly be in love with more than o
ne person at a time.”
He takes my face between his hands and kisses me long and deep with the Avalon sun warming us and the feel of magic in the air. When he pulls back, I’m dizzy with desire and swirling emotions I can’t control. “You don’t have to love me now. But you will. Now come along, wife. We have a lake to visit.”
“Wait,” I say, tugging him to a stop. I whisper an incantation and pass my hand over his face, hiding his angelic nature. Then I do the same to myself to hide my true self, hoping my magic holds. “There, now we’re just two humans who were brought to Avalon.”
Our hands find each other, linking and bringing us both some sense of comfort. We might have lost Lancelot, but we have each other. With each step, I feel more at ease. The pain of losing my knight is still burning bright, but Brooks is a healing balm, he takes the ache away as much as he can.
We walk through a forest, and if we didn’t know we were in Avalon, I doubt we’d realize anything was different. Aside from the silence.
“There aren’t any birds. No animals.” Brooks echoes my own thoughts. “Isn’t that strange?”
“I don’t know. Maybe this is how it is? I’ve never been here.”
“I have. Once.”
“When?”
He releases my hand and rakes his fingers through his hair. “Before I died.”
I suck in a sharp breath. No one should remember their death. I have died far too many times to wish that on anyone. “You remember?”
“I remember losing Excalibur. The guilt of your death drove me mad. The sword protected me until it vanished from my side. The rest is…fuzzy. But I know I was here. Someone tried to save me.”
Relief floods me. I can recall every single moment of each of my deaths. In the past, I’ve been plagued by nightmares in vivid detail. “Do you know how to get to the lake?”
He shakes his head. “It’s fairy land. Everything shifts and changes. Even if I knew before, the protections in this place keep unwanted visitors lost in the mists.”
“You know, some legends say you were kept in Avalon and will return again. They call you The Once and Future King.”