His Absolute Authority: A Scandalous Billionaire Love Story (Jessika, #3)

by du Lys, Cerys

  I didn't know why, but it bothered me in a way. I didn't think I deserved it? Or, I didn't think I should always have extravagance like that, at least. Excitement like that should be reserved for special occasions.

  A part of me thought I'd start to find it commonplace if it happened all the time. Honestly, it was kind of commonplace, too. I didn't want to forget, though. I didn't want to live life and expect everything to be of the most extreme high quality. I didn't want my life to be an endless array of exquisite culinary delights, surrounded by museum-quality art in the halls of our enormous mansion, with house staff at my beck and call.

  I didn't want to forget that these things were special. I never wanted to take them for granted, so in some ways I thought I downplayed them or shunned them. Maybe that wasn't the best way to go about it, either, though. Ignoring the excitement and extravagance by either taking it for granted or by showing aversion to it kind of amounted to the same thing in the end, didn't it? Both were a way of looking away from it and not seeing it for what it was.

  I ate quietly, thinking these things to myself, while staring at the beautiful landscape outside. Picture perfect and serene; everything was idyllic. I didn't want to take it for granted. I wanted to savor it for what it was and remember it forever. I finished eating and smiled to myself, watching nature's beauty pass by.

  Sharp, green trees stood like beacons in the distance, or maybe some kind of wall. What were they guarding? I watched them begin and end, seeming to go on forever, endless. The gentle wind outside sent ripples through the tall grass between the train and the trees, creating a living wave. Nearer to the train, the rush of our passing sent the grass into sporadic bouncing jumps, flickering this way and that.

  Everything passed, though. Nothing stayed the same. The farther out I looked, the more it seemed similar, but obviously it wasn't. And the closer I looked, the faster everything seemed to vanish, replaced by something else, something more; the same concept, but a different realization.

  The idea gave me pause. Maybe this was an important thought. I didn't know. Maybe it was my sleep-groggy mind coming up with platitudes to explain nothingness. Nothing was nothing.

  That thought made me laugh. Nothing had to be nothing, but if nothing really was nothing, then it must be something, or anything, and...

  I thought this might involve abstract mathematics, which I had no idea how to figure out. Or maybe I was going crazy. Maybe I should take another nap. I laughed again. If anyone passed by in the hall outside, they might think me insane, except they didn't know I was here alone, so maybe not.

  I tucked my food away on the table and decided to do something more useful than nothing. I had plans, afterall. Very good ones, I thought. Or at least interesting.

  I stood and went back to the bedroom area, fetching the pharmacy bags that I'd brought. I kept them somewhat hidden from Jeremy for one reason, though he knew most of my plan to begin with. The one reason wasn't initially a part of that, though. I'd save it for after.

  I took inventory of everything and placed it on the bed: latex gloves, a couple of boxes of dark brown hair dye solution, some self tanning lotion, a box of disposable shower caps, scissors, and... I only glanced at the final two boxes quickly, becoming suddenly uncertain of why I even bothered getting them. It was a stupid idea, honestly.

  I started to close the window curtains to give myself privacy, but then I realized I was in the middle of nowhere. No one would be peeking into my room, now would they? In a fit of independent whimsy, I left the curtains wide open, then began to strip myself of my clothes. If Asher were here, I might have made a fun show of it for our pleasure. Mostly for his pleasure to start, but if he liked what he saw...

  My mind whirred at the thought. I remembered our many bouts of love making the previous night. I wished we could've been on the train together. How nice would that be? We could make love endlessly (or at least until the train stopped) with the curtains open, bright sun pouring onto our entangled, naked bodies. Him and I, together, combined, our mussed up hair and sweaty selves slick and shimmering against each other.

  It sounded rather wonderful, except I didn't have time for that right now! I inwardly chastised myself and told myself I needed to hurry. Quickly, I checked my phone, too. I had plenty of time, but I needed to make sure I finished everything before we stopped at the next train station.

  I used to dye my own hair sometimes, but I hadn't in a long while. One of the perks of being married to Asher was that he didn't mind how often I went to a salon to have things like this done. I tried not to go too much, but every few months I would treat myself. Just in case I'd forgotten anything, I read the hair dye instructions a couple of times.

  Not the most exciting of things, but necessary for what I had in mind. Thankfully, the bedroom suite had a shower (or two, actually), which was... just a small booth off to the side of the bathroom, but it should be enough. I brought my things into it, standing naked on the cool tiles, and set to work. The towels they provided weren't exactly the nicest, but I felt kind of bad getting them dirty like this. I'd leave a good tip? Was that a thing people did on trains? I never had before, but I supposed now was a good time to start. I put one pair of latex gloves on and got to work.

  Everything went mostly as planned. When I had my hair covered in dark brown dye, I lifted it up and tucked it under a shower cap. It took a little work, but nothing too bad. Once I finished, I took off the gloves and wiped away any stray spots of dye on my ears, hands, and shoulders, re-tucked the cap in place, and wrapped a towel over my head. Now I just needed to wait, so that was good to go.

  I grabbed the self-tanning lotion next. I needed more gloves for this, so I put on another pair. I still used self-tanner sometimes, even now, because I didn't like the idea of going to a tanning booth. Maybe it was irrational, but I worried about these things. Maybe that was irrational, because I was about to put chemicals all over my body, but... oh well. The lesser of two evils? Who knew.

  While the dye set in my hair, I covered my skin in an even coat of self-tanning lotion. My skin went from light to quite a bit tanner in a matter of moments. It didn't take too long. This was kind of relaxing in its own way, actually. Transformative, almost? I was becoming a new person, figuratively and kind of literally. The hope was that no one would recognize me after this, and then...

  Then I could hide safely. At least for a little while, anyways.

  I covered my legs, feet, and some of the middle of my body, but hesitated to go up further. I still needed to rinse my hair after the dye had set, and any tanner on my skin that got wet would sort of ruin everything. I didn't relish the idea of having a splotchy, half-tanned looking face. Not much of a disguise if everyone kept looking at me because of my own foolishness, now was it?

  The time ticked by. I rinsed my hair, dried it as best I could with a towel, and then dried it even more with a hair dryer hidden away in the bathroom. Once that was finished, I fit my hair under a fresh shower cap. I worked, methodical, applying tanner to my stomach, breasts, arms, back, neck, and face. I was running out of latex gloves, but I should be mostly fine now.

  I didn't need to put self-tanner on my entire body, I supposed, but I wondered if Asher might like it? I would look kind of different, right? Maybe foreign and exotic? My entire plan was to look like a new and different person, and a part of me wondered if he might get excited from that. A change of pace, you know, but nothing bad or anything. A bit of spice!

  Not that, um... we needed it... we were already rather spice-inclined most of the time. I squirmed at the thought. Briefly, I wondered if masturbating while waiting for self-tanner to set into my skin would cause any issues. Yes, possibly, which was sad, but lots of things were more sad and this was a stupid thing to be sad about, so I cut myself off before I started.

  That was about it. The tanner needed to stay on my skin longer than the hair die. I waited for it to dry somewhat, then pulled off my shower cap. I fetched my scissors and went into the bath
room.

  I didn't know if I needed to do this part. It was an initial step in my plan, but it pained me in some ways. I loved my hair. It wasn't anything extremely special, but it was mine, you know? It took awhile to grow it like this! And...

  I just did it. I stopped thinking, and did it. I pulled away a bunch of my newly dyed hair and snipped a third of it off. The hair fell away in my hand, loose and lost. I threw it into the bathroom trashcan.

  And I couldn't just leave my hair like that, now could I? One snip deserved another. I took up another fistful, pulled it away from my head, and cut. I threw that away, and cut more. More. Again. Snip snip snip.

  By the time I was done, I thought I looked a lot different. It was kind of strange, actually. Hair cropped short near my shoulders, having changed from blonde to a medium, darker brown. My skin was tanning, too. It felt kind of odd seeing myself like this for the first time. I knew it was me, and the more I looked in the mirror the more I recognized small parts of me, but the more I looked the more I didn't recognize some parts, either.

  Hmm...

  I did a little minor adjusting, fixing the tips of my hair to try and make them look slightly more professional. I didn't do a bad job by any means, but it was kind of difficult cutting your own hair sometimes. Different perspectives and angles and all of that. It looked good, though. Maybe not the height of fashion and perfection, but I wasn't trying to be that, so it worked fine.

  Slowly, I stumbled back into the main area of the bedroom suite. I stared at the final two boxes. I could use one. It would work. Why did I get two? I didn't know. I had no idea. It was stupid. It was...

  Before I could convince myself otherwise, I ripped open one of the boxes and grabbed the little stick inside it. I scurried back to the bathroom.

  ***

  I stared at the pregnancy test, confused. Was this correct? No, it couldn't be. Um... what was wrong with it, then? Did tanning lotion get on it? Or hair dye? Would that skew the results? Maybe I was reading it wrong?

  I checked again, making sure I had the specifics correct. Yes, a little plus sign meant that the test was positive. A positive pregnancy test meant...

  I was pregnant.

  Maybe.

  It might be wrong. How was I pregnant? I wasn't pregnant last month, was I? I remembered having my period, or I thought I did, but... it was really light, now that I thought about it? Was that possible, then?

  No. That's not how this worked. If I had my period, then I couldn't be pregnant, because, um... well, that was the entire point of a period. If I didn't have my period, possibly, except I'd had it, so...

  Without thinking, I grabbed my phone and dialed a number. A woman picked up almost immediately. This was another of the strange perks of being married to Asher; I didn't need to go through reception to get into immediate contact with my doctor.

  "Jessika," she said. "Hi. How are you?"

  "I'm fine, Elizabeth. Um... I just had a strange question for you. Are you busy?"

  "I'm on my lunch break if you don't mind me eating while we talk."

  "No, of course not. That's fine. It's quick, anyways. Sorry to interrupt your lunch. It's probably nothing..."

  She laughed. "I'm usually the one telling people that. Most of my patients are trying to convince me there's something wrong with them."

  I giggled, nervous. "Yes, um... if there's something wrong with me, it might be a good thing in this case?"

  She paused over the phone, silently curious. "Oh?"

  "I..." Maybe I should hang up? Sorry! Wrong number. I didn't mean to call you. I... "This is going to sound strange, but I just took a pregnancy test, and it says I'm pregnant."

  "Congratulations!" Elizabeth said, words muffled by a mouthful of food. "You must be pregnant, then. I don't understand what the question is, though?"

  "I don't know how I could be pregnant," I said. "How is that possible?"

  "Well," she said. "When a man and a woman fall in love, they..."

  I laughed, loud, far too amused by that.

  "In all seriousness, why don't you think you're pregnant? Generally speaking, pregnancy tests are fairly accurate. There could be a misread, but unless you did something extremely wrong, it should be correct. I can do a test for you here if you'd like. That'd be a good idea, too. At least to confirm. We've been waiting for this, right? We'll need to talk about vitamins and other precautions. It's good to get these things planned in the early stages, so there's no time to waste. I can make an appointment for you next week if you'd like?"

  "Yes," I said. "That'd be great. But, um... the thing is, I had my period last month, so I don't understand how I could be pregnant now."

  "Ah," she said. "I understand."

  "So I must not be, right?" I asked.

  "No," she said. "That's not true. It's probably not true, actually. It's not uncommon for a woman to experience light bleeding occasionally—especially initially—during pregnancy. It can occur at around the same time as your usual period, as well. Let me guess? It was a lighter bleeding? Perhaps two days? Maybe three?"

  I nodded. "Yes. Not exactly regular, but it was lighter. I think it was three days. Maybe not exactly three, but about that."

  "That sounds about right then. Like I said, it's not uncommon. It wasn't your period, but something else. Some say it's from the egg transplanting itself into the womb causing minor bleeding in the process, but there are a few reasons it could occur. It's not a bad thing, though. There's nothing wrong with you or your baby. It's a natural occurrence. It happens in about one-third of woman, so you don't need to worry about a thing."

  "So..." I trailed off. This was new and different and I wanted to be excited, but I felt kind of blank right about now.

  "Congratulations!" she said for the second time. "You and Asher are having a baby. Have you told him yet? This is exciting."

  ***

  I sat on a towel on the bed in the train's bedroom suite, staring at my phone, dazed and confused. After talking with Elizabeth, I wasn't sure what to do. Should I call Asher and tell him immediately, or...?

  It didn't seem right, though. I knew he would want to know. In fact, I thought he'd be ecstatic to find out. Despite the turmoil of the past few days, we'd been trying to spend some of it with each other, to make sure we'd have a baby, and now it was kind of like instant gratification in a way? Except, not really. We'd been trying to have a baby for months and months before this. Nothing about it was instant, not even close.

  I wanted to tell someone, but I couldn't bring myself to move. I kept sitting there, staring, lost in thought and emotion. The self-tanning lotion I applied earlier was all but dry now. It needed a few hours to develop more, but I could, and should, put my clothes back on now. The train began passing less rural areas, too. Every so often, a house popped into view. We'd probably be at our destination soon enough.

  I had tickets to continue on, if I wanted, but...

  No. I didn't want to. When I first stepped foot onto the train, it seemed like a relaxing sort of adventure. It was that, too. I needed to change some of myself during the journey, but I didn't really mind that. It was fun in its own way. A change of pace, you know? Now, though... now was different.

  I folded up my discarded outfit and stuffed it into my bag, then found the clothes Jeremy bought me. Nothing altogether amazing, but it would definitely work. He bought me a dark green pair of sweatpants or yoga pants or whatever they were? They didn't look exactly like yoga pants, but they weren't as loose as regular sweat pants. On the right hip area was the emblem of one of the local college sports teams. I had a matching, loose-fitting t-shirt to go along with it.

  I thought that was it, and I was about to put them on, but something else fluttered out of the clothing bag. I bent down to pick it up, thinking it was a receipt or just some random extra piece of paper? It was kind of a strange color for that, though. Lighter green, almost matching the other clothes. Um... was this what I thought it was?

  I held it between two f
ingers—index and thumb—staring at the flimsy little thing. It was underwear; or I guess that's what you'd call it? I mean, it was. Yes. Panties, sort of. Kind of?

  It was the flimsiest g-string I'd ever seen. Mostly string and air and nothing, except for a patch of cloth in the front. On the patch, portrayed proudly, was the same emblem that emblazoned the right hip of my new pants and the front of my new t-shirt.

  Huh.

  I didn't know if I wanted to wear this. I laughed at the idea. I couldn't even begin to imagine what the store clerk must have thought while ringing up Jeremy's purchase. Maybe they thought he was a pervert. I kind of thought he was a pervert, too! Really, now? A g-string? Um...

  I decided to wear it. It wasn't like I'd never worn one before. Sometimes, depending on what else you were wearing, you didn't want panty lines, right? The sweatpants were kind of tighter, too. Maybe this was one of those times?

  Or... I had other reasons, actually. Deviously delicious ones. They were good. I dressed fast, finishing my transformation from Jessika Landseer, wife to billionaire CEO Asher Landseer, into a darker haired, tanner skinned, college student-dressed, average looking woman. I thought I was kind of average looking to begin with, though I was sure Asher would object if I said that.

  I didn't think average was a bad thing, though. I never really wanted to be more than that. I just wanted to be myself, you know? Whatever and whoever I was, as long as I was happy with myself, I was fine with that.

  Yes, maybe there were a few problems surrounding my life lately, but... well, I was happy. Once I finished getting dressed, I smoothed down my shirt with my hands, lingering slightly on my stomach.

  I smiled.

  Yes, I was definitely happy.

  ***

  The train pulled into the station. The rhythmic sound of wheels rolling along the track slowed to a stop, replaced by the quiet creak of pent up excitement bouncing through the room and the corridor just outside. In my mind, the train almost seemed like a living thing, like it wanted to move, to speed forward, onwards and into the horizon, hating every moment it needed to stay in one place. I envied it in some ways. The idea sounded wonderful. I didn't know if I wanted to move forever, but I liked the idea of constant, continued freedom.