by Tanya Stowe
“This was on the counter. You might as well use it. I don’t think we need to worry about the Black Knights tracing your calls right now.”
With that, he shut the door and strode back to the house, his movements as strained and stilted as she felt.
* * *
Jared sipped his coffee and looked out the oversize picture window of the Nilsson home. Keri sat on a blanket on the floor, quietly playing with a basket of toys her grandma kept at the house. He didn’t know how much longer she’d last quietly playing beside him. She was getting fussy.
They’d arrived long after midnight. Keri’s tooth was still bothering her and she’d slept very little. Throughout the night, Jared had heard her fitful cries in the other room. When Sassa stumbled into the kitchen, bleary-eyed and barely coherent, Jared had taken the baby from her arms and sent her back to bed.
Jared’s cell phone vibrated with a text message from Mark. The FBI had completed a raid on a remote farmhouse in North Dakota where the Spyder had hidden her server. Mark hadn’t finished an exhaustive search of her emails but from his quick examination, it appeared she had not sent a communication to Chekhov. She hadn’t known the last formula—from the many ones she’d stolen—was the right one. Sassa had detected her presence in time and never given any indication that she’d succeeded.
Jared sighed. At least that was one worry Sassa could let go. He’d tell her when she woke. She’d only been in bed for an hour but Keri was antsy. She looked like she’d had enough playtime. She rubbed both eyes with tiny fists and a great, gaping yawn almost toppled her to her side.
She was so precious. So unique. And she fit so perfectly here, in this rambling ranch-style house. It suited her...and her mother. The big window in front of him opened onto the view of a large grassy area that rolled down to the river. Winter had taken a toll, turning some grassy areas brown, but fresh new tufts of green were breaking out. Fog drifted across the scene and blocked his view of the river. But Sassa had told him they had their own dock with a boat her father had just put in the river in anticipation of warmer days ahead. Then the cool March weather had rolled back in, along with the tule fog that blanketed nearly all of the Central Valley.
Life slowed to a stop in the fog. He wished it would last, this calm, almost netherworld feeling that came with the thick gray mists. But the weather would not stop the Black Knights. This lull was just the calm before the storm. He knew it, could feel it in his bones. It made him restless, anxious, and spoiled what would have been a perfect time for him.
The Nilsson home was everything he’d ever dreamed a home could be. A large kitchen area with an island in the middle. River rock surrounded a large fireplace. A big-screen TV stood to the left in the corner next to the oversize picture window that opened onto a grass lawn that rolled to the river’s edge. Comfy beige-leather couches and chairs framed a large half circle around the fireplace, the television and the perfect view down to the water.
Family pictures covered the opposite wall. It was easy to pick Sassa out in her high school cheerleading uniform. Even then she’d been slightly curvy but still held the lean lines of youth. Her face and those blue eyes were wide open, bright, expectant...like she was ready to tackle the world.
What changes were just around the corner for her?
He could see Keri in her youthful features. The baby would grow up to be just as beautiful as her mother. If he had his way, it would be without the sharp edges. He took a deep breath.
No, that wasn’t true. Last night he’d seen the other side of Sassa’s confrontational attitude. She really did meet issues head-on and her courage turned bitterness into a healing balm. She was able to cast off her resentment for Erik and move toward healing almost immediately.
Her abrupt change had shocked him...and filled him with admiration. He wished he had that gift, the ability to turn tragedy into triumph. She would say that gift came from God. Maybe it did, but he’d never received it.
He smiled to himself. It was Sassa’s way of reaching for more, hoping for something better...aspiring. Maybe they weren’t as far apart as he thought. But he wouldn’t try to tell her that. She’d only argue.
He still wished he could protect Keri from all that her mother had experienced. Who would have thought one tiny little baby could so perfectly capture his heart? All that really mattered was protecting those two and the life they represented. The Black Knights threatened everything... Sassa and Keri, their heritage and land...life as they all knew it. He couldn’t bear the thought of the destruction that would come if they succeeded. The idea hit him like a physical blow. He closed his eyes, wishing he could pray. Wishing he could gather the peace that Sassa talked about. But nothing happened.
Sassa walked out of the bedroom and he opened his eyes. Her beautiful blond hair was down around her shoulders. It curled more so than usual in the damp, morning air. She looked sleepy, warm, and so very kissable. But more than one wall stood between them.
God might answer Sassa’s prayers, but not the ones of lost little boys. Not his.
Purposely, he turned back to the window and sipped his coffee.
She came to stand beside him to look out on the gloomy morning. “A foggy day.” She inhaled deeply. “I’m glad. It makes me feel insulated from the world, like the Black Knights can’t get to us.”
Jared’s eyebrows rose in surprise. He tried to mask his reaction by keeping his gaze locked on the scene outside. The Black Knights were out there plotting. He knew it. Could feel it.
But if Sassa wanted—needed—a little break from reality, he would not burst that bubble. Besides, he had one piece of good information for her.
“I just got a text from Mark. The FBI has Spyder’s server in their possession. It looks like she didn’t know you discovered the formula.” He smiled. “You did a good job throwing her off with your fake ‘failure’ report. Not to mention the fact that you kept her busy long enough for us to capture her. She won’t be able to hurt anyone ever again.”
She studied the scene in front of them. “I’m not sure if that’s good news or bad. I almost wish she had told Chekhov she had it. Then he wouldn’t be after me.”
“True, but we don’t have the cure yet. You would still be the world’s best hope for solving that problem. Chekhov knows that. I think you’d still be on his radar.”
Sassa heaved a heavy sigh. “I wish Kopack would let the university people deliver my equipment so I could get started on the cure.”
Jared shook his head. “We don’t have time to vet all those delivery people. Chekhov could easily slip one of his younger acolytes into that group. We have more agents arriving this morning. As soon as Kopack’s people brief them, they can start the move. Besides, you need to rest today. You’re exhausted.”
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “What I need is that coffee. It smells great.” Keri picked that moment to fuss and raise her arms to her mother.
Sassa lifted her daughter and snuggled her face in her neck. “She feels warm. I think she might have a slight temperature.”
“She’s been fussy. I think you woke up just in time. She’s done with playtime.”
Sassa hitched Keri onto her hip and turned to face him. “Thank you. I think I needed that sleep. And thank you...”
Her words dropped off. She licked her lips but didn’t turn her gaze away. “Thank you for everything. For watching over us. For taking such good care of Keri.”
He nodded but had to turn away. The deep sincerity in her voice was doing things to his insides. Things he didn’t need awakened. “You’re welcome. But it wasn’t hard. She’s a constant reminder of everything we’re trying to protect.”
He gestured to the yard and the gazebo near the water. “I never had this kind of home, but this is what I always dreamed it was like.”
She was silent for a long moment before she said, “Yes, I had it all and b
lew it.”
He studied her and she met his gaze unflinchingly.
“Jared, I said some things stood between us.”
“Some? You said a lot of things stood between us.”
“Okay. There’re many things between us. I just want you to know that not all of them are your issues. I have my own issues. I had everything going for me, great parents, a wonderful brother...the whole town thought the world of me and I let them down. I had so many benefits and so much potential, and I wasted it all trying to change Erik.”
He gave her a rueful grin. “Seems to me Jesus had something to say about that. Isn’t there a parable about the shepherd leaving the flock to go after the one lamb?”
She shook her head. “For someone who claims he doesn’t believe, you sure know a lot of parables.”
He turned his gaze back to the yard. “I didn’t say I don’t believe.” He motioned to the view with his coffee mug. “I look at this and I know there is a God. I just don’t think He pays much attention to my problems.”
“He always pays attention, Jared. We’re the ones who don’t listen. If I’d stuck to what I knew was right, things would have been different.”
Frustration filled him and he met her gaze. “You’ve paid for your mistakes over and over again. You even lost your first baby. Don’t you think that was punishment enough? Do you have to keep paying forever?”
She ducked her head. “I said I have issues of my own. And yes, one of them might be punishing myself for my mistakes. But I do know they have made me who I am today.”
There it was again, that ability to turn tragedy into triumph. It was one of the things he found most appealing about her. A golden curl had fallen forward to tickle her cheek. He tucked it behind her ear. A soft blond curl twisted around his finger and he twirled it a little tighter.
Never taking his eyes off the curl wrapped around his finger, he said, “I only see a strong, vital woman who learned how to move on. Maybe you disappointed a lot of people, but you didn’t let it stop you. And now you have one of God’s wonders in your arms. You have no reason to look back. You can only look forward, especially now. She needs you more than ever.”
Sassa’s lips parted in surprise. Those beautiful blue eyes told him how much she appreciated his words.
She reached for his hand and pulled it to her lips. Jared caught his breath.
His phone rang.
They both jumped in surprise. Sassa ducked her head and stepped back.
Jared gritted his teeth and pulled the phone out of his pocket. It was Lucero, the lead agent on their guard detail.
“Didn’t want to call earlier. I thought you folks might still be asleep, but now I see you’re awake, we’d better start our radio check-ins.”
“How did you know we were awake?”
“Turn around.”
Jared had been facing the living room. Now he turned and looked out the large window toward the water’s edge. The fog had momentarily cleared and the agent stood at the end of the boat dock. He waved. Jared signaled back.
“You’ve got the radio, right?”
“Yes, I’ll turn it on.” Jared hurried to the kitchen counter where he’d set the radio last night when they arrived and turned it on.
Agent Lucero’s voice came over it loud and clear. “I’ll radio every hour to check in.”
“Got it. Thanks.” Jared clicked off. Worst timing possible...or maybe the best. He didn’t know anymore. Sassa confused him too much. No matter what the answer, the moment had been lost.
Sassa headed to the kitchen. “I’m starving, how about you?”
“Yep. Sure am. But I checked the fridge and it’s clean as a whistle.”
She smiled. “My mother planned to be gone for a whole month. Of course it’s cleaned out. Probably the cupboards, too. But I know where she keeps her secret stash.”
She handed Keri to him. She fussed a little but Jared bounced her. “Hey, hey? What’s this? Are you whining at me?”
He lifted her up. She leaned into his arms and Jared gave her a cuddle. “You’d better hurry. I think little miss here is ready for a nap.”
“I’d like to get some food down her first...if I can.”
Jared heard the door leading to the garage open and shut before Sassa returned with a bag of frozen waffles, a jar of home-canned peaches for Keri and another jar of homemade jelly.
“Is that what I think it is?”
“Yes, my mother’s fair-award-winning peach jelly.” She held the jar up triumphantly. “With this and frozen waffles, we will feast!”
Jared laughed. “I haven’t had homemade jelly since...”
He paused. Not since his grandfather had passed. He smiled, thinking of the older man and how he would have loved Sassa’s home and her family.
She pulled a toaster out of the cupboard. “If you’ll pop these in the toaster, I’ll try to get Keri to eat. I’d feel better if she had something in her tummy.”
“Sure. I can a do a mean toaster.”
Sassa laughed as she took Keri from his arms. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever heard her laugh, really laugh. It was a nice sound. One he could easily get accustomed to. If only...
He put that thought of his mind and concentrated on the frozen waffles.
It didn’t take long before they were sitting at the kitchen nook with paper plates in front of them. Keri sat in her high chair and turned her head every time Sassa tried to spoon a dollop of cold peaches into her mouth.
“I give up. If she won’t eat her favorite, she won’t eat anything.”
Jared licked a drip of peach jelly from his finger. “If you don’t grab a waffle now, I’ll finish all this for you.”
“It is good, isn’t it? It’s my mother’s secret recipe. She won’t share it with anyone...except me, of course...if I can ever find the time to be in the kitchen so she can teach me how to cook.”
“Invite her down to the lab. You can cook up a pretty mean pathogen.”
She burst out laughing and covered her full mouth with her hand. Jared grinned. He liked making her laugh, making her happy.
“Do you have a peach orchard on your property?”
“Just a few trees in the back. Most of our crops are lemons and grapes.”
“You said your roots go way back. Your family helped settle this area?”
She nodded and dipped her head as a dab of jelly spilled over. She licked it off her lip. “My great-grandfather and grandmother bought the land in the 1800s and started with grapes. My family has worked the property since then and survived.”
“Really?”
She nodded again. Her long curls bounced. Her blue eyes sparkled and a little peach jelly clung to the corner of her mouth. Jared thought she’d never looked more lovely.
“So the Nilsson determination goes way back.”
Sassa shrugged. “I guess so. It’s taken all the cleverness we have to hang on to our land.”
Jared inhaled deeply. “I know the truth of that. When I sold my grandfather’s place, I resented the dry dust bowl that sucked so much life out of the man I loved. But now? Now I wish I’d been able to keep the land he’d poured his blood and soul into. I’d have something to show for his years of toil.”
Sassa was silent for a moment. Then she reached across the table and grasped his hand. “I think your grandfather would say he has something to show for his hard work.”
Jared frowned. “There’s nothing left.”
“Yes, there is, Jared. You. I think your grandfather would be very proud of who you have become and the work you’ve done. I know I am. Keri and I wouldn’t be here if not for your help.”
Those blue eyes and the sincerity of her tone did something to his heart. Discussions about God, confrontation and aspirations disappeared and all he could think about was her deep blue eyes and her in
viting pink lips. He leaned forward and touched his mouth to hers. For the second time that morning, his phone rang. Frustrated, he pulled it out of his pocket.
“Yeah?” Jared cleared his throat and tried to sound normal.
Kopack’s urgent tone echoed over the cell. “Your drug enforcement team arrived this morning with some new information.”
“What makes you so sure it’s new? The Spyder compromised the border patrol systems. If my team has the information Chekhov probably has it, too.”
“The info comes from a DEA investigation. Their system isn’t compromised and your agents had been briefed a while back. We took a chance and contacted the DEA. They’re in the thick of their mission and had a new development. They gave us a lead on Rashad Korgay and how he’s been shipping the Black Knights’ equipment. I think you need to get down here.”
Jared rose from the table and walked to the window. “I’m not sure I should leave Sassa.” He left out the part about how he’d promised he wouldn’t leave her again. Kopack would probably accuse him of being too close to his subject again. The man was right. Jared glanced back at the table where Sassa lifted Keri out of her high chair. Although he wasn’t sure “close” was the right word for what was happing between them. He only knew he didn’t want to break his promise not to leave her side.
“We have extra men guarding Sassa. Cameras and motion detectors surround her place. She’s safer there than anywhere else. I’d like your input.”
Pleasure surged through Jared. Sassa’s science was beyond his experience. He hadn’t been as much help there as he would have liked, but he had become a vital member of the FBI team. That made him feel like a success. It was the kind of feeling he’d been yearning for most of his adult career.
Sassa walked by and placed Keri in the middle of the blanket on the floor. Keri fussed and clung to her mother. But for some reason Jared’s feeling of success wasn’t as important as the promise he’d made to Sassa. He didn’t want to break it.