by Dawn Brower
“How much longer?” she asked.
“A night perhaps, I will have to arrange for a carriage to take you to your plantation. In order to do that, I’ll have to go to shore and hire one for the journey. I’m unsure how long that will take and I still have a few things to do on board the ship. You are welcome to stay aboard in your cabin or I can escort you to a local inn. If it’s possible to take you this evening I will make sure you get there.”
“No, don’t rush on my account. I can handle one more night on board the ship if you don’t mind. I think I’d prefer to stay in my cabin. At least I know what to expect from the accommodations.”
It also might give her another opportunity to have Rand as a lover. He wanted to discuss something with her perhaps that was his plan all along.
“Good.” He nodded in approval. “I would feel better knowing you are safely on board the ship. You never know what you will find in an inn.”
“Thank you for helping me. I know you don’t have to.”
“Yes, I do. I would never forgive myself if something happened to you, Lily. Your well-being is very important to me.”
“I suppose I should make myself comfortable in my cabin. I had hoped to go on land and see a little more of the country I am to call home,” she said whimsically.
“If you are willing to stand my company I can take you on a small tour of Charleston when I go to arrange for a carriage. We will have to walk and will only be able to see the downtown area, but I think you will enjoy it. There is nothing like Southern hospitality.”
“I’d like that very much,” Lilliana said with a small smile on her face.
“Good be ready in an hour and we will go to shore. While we are out we can stop some place for a meal and finally have that conversation. There’s something I want to ask you.”
“What?”
“Not now Lily, later will come soon enough.”
“All right. Come get me in my cabin when you are ready to depart,” she told him.
He nodded in assent and walked off to finish whatever a captain needed to once they docked at a port. She admired his handsome face and commanding presence and couldn’t wait to spend the afternoon with him strolling along Charleston’s streets. Maybe somewhere along the way she would figure out how to spend more time with him. Of course that could be the very thing he wished to discuss with her. She had no idea what his plans included. Hopefully he had something in mind that would allow them to see each other again. Rand may be planning to sail again very soon. Lilliana wanted him to stay with her long enough for them to become lovers, finding a way to make that happen eluded her. No time to worry about what may or may not happen. Lilliana did have one thing to look forward to and focusing on the positive had always been instinctive for her. For now she would go down to her cabin and rest for the upcoming adventure. She had a new town to learn and fall in love with.
Chapter Twelve
The culmination of Rand’s life summed up to one thing, loneliness. That realization hit him hard when he discussed it with Lilliana while they were out at sea. Before Lily he had been blind to the reality his life had become. She breathed life into him. He hoped the journey from England to North Carolina had endeared her to him. He believed she wanted him, but was that enough for her to agree to be with him forever? She was an intrinsic part of what he wanted for his life. She held all of his wishes and dreams in the palm of her hands. He knew she wanted to live on the plantation, and he would do whatever it took to make that desire a certainty for her. So with nervousness coursing through his veins he approached her cabin door and knocked on it.
“Come in,” she called from behind the door.
Rand walked inside at her bidding. She was sitting on her bed reading a book. Her black curls were falling loosely around her shoulders. Lilliana looked up at him, her blue eyes beaming with questions.
“It could have been anyone knocking. You should have at least gotten up to see who decided to rap at your door,” he scolded her.
“It only could’ve been you. I didn’t have expectations for anyone else to call on me.” Lilliana shrugged and set the book down next to her. “You didn’t have to knock you know. You have an open invitation to visit me any time you like.”
Did she still believe that propositioning him would work? He would seriously like to take her up on her offer of just a liaison, but he wanted so much more. He hadn’t planned on discussing what he wanted until later. She needed to understand that a love affair would never happen between them. Lilliana deserved everything he had to offer her. He just needed her to accept what he proposed for their future.
“Yeah, I believe you said something similar before,” he replied.
“I’ve been waiting for you for what seems like forever,” Lilliana exclaimed. “Why do you keep resisting? We are friends, right? I think that will make us the best lovers because we understand each other.”
“No, becoming your lover will make us more than friends. I doubt we could remain anything resembling friendship once the affair ended. If you want to be just friends I suggest you forego the idea we become lovers. It’s not something that can be separated. That kind of relationship changes things. I’d want more and you would too. You just don’t realize it because of your innocence. Make up your mind one or the other because I refuse to only be your friend. I want a hell of a lot more than that from you.”
“Perhaps you could define what constitutes more for you? I don’t know how much I’m willing to give.”
“More means everything a man could want from a woman. Probably more than even that. I want you to belong to me in every possible way.”
Lilliana stood up and walked over to him. She placed her hand on his chest and looked up into his eyes. Her eyes pleaded with him, and it broke his heart that he couldn’t be what she wanted him to be. She must understand how it needed to be in order for them to have any chance of a decent relationship. He offered her all of himself and he desired the same from her.
“That may be a bit more than I want. What you are asking of me scares me more than I can express with mere words. I don’t give control over easy. If there is a person I could do that with, it would be you. I’m just not so sure I am capable of allowing you to have that much power over me.” Lilliana took a few steps away from him putting some distance between them as she spoke.
“I need you Lily. I don’t want to change you. I happen to like you the way you are. If you want me, even a little, I need you to take a chance. There is no maybe in this situation. It’s all or nothing.”
“So I either agree to go along with your plan or you leave me to what? Forget I ever existed? Are you capable of doing that? I don’t know if I could ever erase you from my memories. I like you, Rand. A lot more that I thought I could possibly ever like a man. Generally they are worthless to me. Most of them see dollar signs when they look at me.”
“And you think I’m like them?” he asked bewildered. “First off, they are all fools if they only see you as a way to gain extra funds. You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. I see you as a woman not a way to pad my finances.”
“Don’t act so offended, I meant what I said. I’m very fond of you. I didn’t mean to imply you only saw money when you looked at me. I’m just stating how my beaus of the past have viewed me. You are the only male outside of my father and brother that I respect,” she told him. “I want you to understand that you are the only male, outside of my family, I could ever possibly trust.”
“I see.”
“No, I don’t think that you do. You mean an awful lot to me Randall Collins. I really do want to attempt more with you. I just don’t see that we need to go beyond what I am offering you.”
The conversation had derailed, and it looked like he needed to put it back on track.
“I had hoped to convince you that being with me would be not only the best thing for me, but also for you,” he replied.
“What do you mean?”
He could hear the anxiety in her voice a
s the words left her mouth. Lilliana paced through the room and wrung her fingers together. She frowned, and her forehead crinkled up with confusion. Even though this escalated his plans he knew that he had to lay everything out for her—a decision had to be made. If they had a chance of moving forward, he needed her to agree to everything.
“I want to ask you something. I have been thinking about it for a while now,” he began. “I know that we both had a different idea of what our future would hold, but I like to think that all changed on our journey.”
Lilliana’s forehead creased with uncertainty. She remained silent for several seconds before she responded.
“I suppose on some level that is true. What is it that you want to ask me?”
“I think we both have a certain amount of affection for each other. I believe we work well together and could potentially make each other very happy. What I mean is...what I want to ask you...” Rand said his voice shaking and cracked with emotion.
Why did he find it so hard to get the words out? Could he make it any harder on himself? She just stood there in front of him patiently waiting and he stumbled over his words. He just needed to say them and believe she would give him the answer he desired.
“Will you please marry me?” He breathed a sigh of relief as he finally managed to get the words out.
“You want me to be your wife?”
“With all my heart.”
Lilliana crossed the distance of the room and stopped directly in front of him. She looked into his eyes and searched for something. He didn’t know what, he just knew she was trying to figure him out and appeared to think the answer might reveal itself on his face.
“Why?” she finally asked.
“I thought I explained about the fondness I have for you and how well we are together. We have a spark between us that is dying to ignite. Please consent to be my wife, Lily. I can’t just be your lover or your friend. I need all of you.”
“You really believe we can make it work?” Lilliana asked. “Because I never intended on getting married. I explained that to you. Why would I have changed my mind? I wanted a lover not a husband.”
“I honestly do. I think that we have a better chance than most at making a marriage work,” he replied.
“I need more convincing. I don’t believe marriage is for me. I need a reason that will make me want to tie myself to you.”
She needed more convincing? How did she expect him to convince her? Rand stared at her for several minutes as he weighed his options. He reached down and picked up her hand and pulled her closer to him. With her hand still encased in his, he placed it over his heart and wrapped his free arm around her waist. His heart beat rapidly as he stared into the depths of her blue eyes. Her tongue darted out, and she licked her pink lips, wetting them in expectation. Rand placed his lips on hers and began to kiss her, coaxing her mouth open with fine tuned passion. Lily’s free hand began to roam through his hair, tousling it with eager frenzy. He put a small amount of distance between them and began a trail of feather light kisses over her cheeks and down the arch of her neck. A soft moan vibrated against her throat as he caressed it with his lips. Her pulse raced beneath his fingers, and he couldn’t tell the difference between the beats of her heart against his drumming rapidly in his ears. Passion ignited fast between them. Their shared ecstasy was never in doubt, only whether or not they would share it for a lifetime.
Rand needed her to agree to be his wife. He hoped that by giving her a small taste she would see that they were meant to be. That this thing between them wouldn’t go away after a few times of loving each other. They needed forever to explore each other and the desire that built each time they came together. He released her and backed up a little bit to look her directly in the eyes. They were still flushed with unspoken yearning. He took a deep breath and told her his view on their situation.
“It’s time to make a decision. I already explained I require everything from you. I want to wake up each morning by your side and know that you’re mine. I want the privilege of making love to you whenever I want and knowing you want that too. If you don’t agree to marriage we won’t have that. Do you really only want one night? Wouldn’t it be so much better to have every night in each other’s arms?”
“That does hold some appeal but why would we need to get married to have that. We can still do that without marriage.”
“And what if we have children? Do you want them to grow up with that stigma? No. I want it all. Please agree to marry me.”
“What about your ships? You said I’d have every night but not if you go off sailing for months at a time.”
“I don’t plan on sailing again once we are married. There are plenty of men who would love to earn a decent wage and captain my ships for me. I can run the business from here in Charleston and stay with you.” Rand caressed her back with his hand. “I used to think the business was all I wanted. Everything I believed about myself changed when I met you. Together we could do anything.”
“All right,” she said. “You do have a point.”
“So, is that a yes?”
“Yes, I will marry you.”
Rand pulled her into his arms and held her for a long moment before he felt he could let her go. Leaning down he kissed her forehead and again lightly on her lips as relief pour through his veins. Now that she agreed to marry him, he needed to make it official.
“Good, I’m glad you agree. While we are out we can get married.”
“Are you in some kind of hurry? Why do we need to get married so fast?” she asked.
“I don’t want to give you a chance to change your mind. Plus I’d like to arrive at your plantation as your husband. Once we get there I want to start our lives together and build something worth keeping forever. I don’t see any reason not to begin to make that happen immediately.”
“I suppose that makes sense,” she said.
“Good, come with me and let’s make it official.”
Rand grabbed her hand in his and pulled her out of the cabin. They walked up to the deck of the ship and strolled down the gangplank onto the dock. As they roamed the streets of downtown Charleston, Rand couldn’t help thinking about the happiness filling him to the brim. She had actually agreed to marry him. For a brief moment, he believed she might say no. That moment of apprehension had made him react with a bit of spontaneity. When he asked her to be his wife his original intention centered around waiting and doing everything right. He panicked and demanded an immediate ceremony for fear she might change her mind. He didn’t want to take any chances that she might, with Lily anything was possible. Rand had one goal and it was to make Lily his wife. He didn’t have time to worry about anything else, including how her parents would react to their sudden marriage. Viscount Torrington would put him through hell for marrying his daughter without prior permission to do so.
It didn’t take them long to find the local church. The church had four long white columns in front of tall burnt red doors. The inside of the chapel had simple designs. It lacked decorations, but had detailed stained glass windows. A man with white hair dressed in the robes of a clergy knelt at the altar lost in prayer. Rand didn’t want to disturb him so he led Lily toward a pew and waiting for him to finish his worship. After several minutes he stood up and realized they sat in the pews. He walked over to them and nodded to both of them.
“I am Reverend Thomas,” he said. “How can I help you two?”
“We were hoping that you would be willing to marry us,” Rand said.
“Certainly,” the man agreed. “Did you have a special time in mind?”
“Actually we want to get married right now,” Lilliana murmured.
“Really? Is there a reason you two are in a hurry?” he asked.
“Just want to start our lives together. We don’t see any reason to wait,” Rand responded.
“I guess I can accommodate you. We will need two witnesses,” the reverend said. “Do you have anyone in mind?”
; “We don’t know anyone here in Charleston. We only arrived on my ship this afternoon,” Rand explained.
“Well a couple of my parishioners are due to arrive any minute. We can ask them if they would be willing to stand as witnesses,” he said.
“That would be lovely,” Lilliana said with a smile.
“In the meantime, why don’t you tell me a bit about yourselves? What are your names?”
After Rand gave the reverend their names, they heard a couple walk into the church. They all turned their attention to the new arrivals. An older couple walked up the aisle and stopped by the pew that Rand and Lily were sitting in.
“Jamieson, Eliza glad to see the two of you,” the reverend said with a nod.
“We’re glad to see you as well Reverend Thomas.” Jamieson nodded at him. “Eliza and I are here for our monthly meeting to help the less fortunate in our community.”
“Yes, before we begin I’d appreciate your assistance with another matter,” the reverend told him.
“What can we do to help?” Eliza asked.
“These two young people wish to get married,” the reverend responded. “Would you be willing to stand as witnesses while I perform the ceremony?”
“Oh, how wonderful. I’d be happy to,” Eliza smiled.
“I will as well,” Jamieson agreed.
“Perfect we have everything we need to begin if the two of you are ready.” The reverend looked at Lilliana and Rand.
“We are more than ready.” Rand folded Lilliana’s hand within his own. “Please begin the ceremony Reverend Thomas.”
“Follow me to the altar,” he told them.
Lilliana and Rand got out of the pew and walked, still holding hands, up to where the reverend stood. He opened the Bible and began the ceremony to make them husband and wife. The simple wedding appealed to Rand. He liked that they were about to start their lives together without any more complications. They would still have to deal with Lilliana’s family at some point, but he wouldn’t have changed anything.
“You may kiss your bride,” the reverend said to close the ceremony.