Hope(less)

by Melissa Haag

  * * * *

  I was surrounded by darkness and in a bed. Clay had carried me around while I slept again.

  “Clay?” I whispered, reaching out to feel the mattress beside me. Empty.

  Sam’s voice came from nearby. “You’re safe, Gabby. At the Compound.”

  “Where’s Clay?” I asked, trying to wake fully.

  “In the unMated’s wing. I was surprised he chose to stay there. After I kicked him out of here, I thought he’d go to the woods.”

  Sam’s words annoyed me. How dare he kick Clay out. He had no right.

  Still tired, I could have easily fallen back asleep. Instead, I struggled into a sitting position to keep myself awake.

  “You don’t know anything about him,” I muttered, using Sam’s own words. “Can you turn on a light please? I can’t see.”

  The lamp next to the bed clicked on. Sam sat in a chair near the bed. He looked worn, but I didn’t feel very sympathetic. I looked around. I wasn’t in the same room I usually occupied, but I didn’t bother asking why.

  “What time is it?”

  He glanced at his watch then met my eyes again.

  “Just after seven. You look worse than sick. Charlene came in to look at you. You have us all worried. You going to tell me what’s happened to you?”

  Of course, they were worried. They’d promised their horde an Introduction.

  “Nope, I won’t. Did you put out the call? Did anyone respond?”

  He didn’t care for my answer, but let it go. “Yes, there’s about fifty or so. There were more, but we explained that you were ill and wouldn’t be able to—”

  “Put the call out again.” Why did he choose now to care about my wellbeing? “They have an hour to get here. Get Clay for me, please.” I swung my legs out from the blankets and started to get up.

  Sam moved in a blur of speed and pushed me back down, his hand on my collarbone. He didn’t have to use much force. I flopped back into the pillow and glared at him. He kept his hand on me for a moment, probably waiting for me to try again. As if I could move a werewolf.

  “I get it, Gabby. I disappointed you and lost your trust, but you’re sick. This isn’t what I asked for when I said you’d be better off doing Introductions at the Compound.” His voice turned gruff. “Please, don’t push yourself like this. You’ll get worse.”

  His expression and pleading tone swayed me enough to take pity on him. I patted his cheek sadly and half-smiled.

  “Not everything is about you, Sam. Yes, I’m still mad at you, but this is about Clay and me. I don’t want to see him hurt because he’s trying to fight other werewolves away from me. Now, help me up, and go get Clay.” I held out my hands, and he reluctantly helped pull me to my feet.

  Wobbling a bit, I made my way to my bag that lay at the foot of the bed. Sam shook his head as he watched my determined, but slow, progress. I sat on the mattress and pulled the bag toward me. With a sigh, he left to go get Clay while I rummaged through my messenger bag.

  I still dug in the bag when Clay walked in without knocking. He didn’t walk past the threshold, though. Concern filled his expression when I looked up. I lifted my hand from the bag and let the bikini I’d found dangle from one finger.

  “Really, Clay? You’re killing me. Where are my jeans?”

  His lips twitched with a smile as he leaned against the frame, content to watch me dig through the bag some more.

  Despite my playful greeting, I felt winded and dizzy again. Shocking both of those girls took more out of me than I’d anticipated. I’d expected to feel much better by now, like I had the last time. The shocks hadn’t seemed as strong as Nicole’s had, but perhaps, because it had split between the two of them, it drained me more.

  At least my head didn’t hurt. I took a break from my search to look up at the fading bruises on Clay’s face. He still wore his hair back. I loved seeing his face.

  He must have seen something in my gaze because he pushed away from the door and moved closer. He stopped in front of me, and without breaking eye contact, reached into my bag and pulled out a pair of jeans. He held them out to me and tapped his lips.

  I smiled widely. “A kiss for the jeans?”

  He nodded. I grabbed the jeans from his loose grasp and tossed them on the bed.

  He watched me, curious, as I stood and placed my hands on his chest for balance.

  “I don’t need bribes to kiss you, Clay. Come here.”

  His lips covered mine in a move so fast, my head spun even more. I clutched his shirt in my fists, not sure if it was his kiss or my condition that caused the current wave of dizziness. His arms circled around me. I felt safe. And so desired. I pressed myself closer, and he increased the pressure on my lips. His warm breath fanned my face. One of his hands roamed up to curve around the back of my neck.

  My heart skipped a beat, and my breathing became more erratic. I knew he’d hear but I didn’t care. Standing on my tiptoes, I loosened my hold on his shirt and slid my hands up and around his neck. I didn’t want him to let go just yet.

  Tentatively, I opened my mouth and ran my tongue across his bottom lip. He growled, and his hold tightened fractionally. A thrill shot through me, heating my limbs and tickling my stomach. I used my tongue again. His mouth opened in response. He took control of the kiss and turned it from tender-sweet to passionately melting. Our tongues touched. I stopped breathing. My world tilted then steadied. He anchored me. How could I doubt this? Us?

  My lungs burned for air, and he gently pulled away even though I whined in protest. He kissed my cheek, then my forehead.

  It took a minute for the world to right itself again while I caught my breath. Clay placed his chin on my head and held me tight. My head rested on his chest over his thundering heart. The kiss had affected him as much as it had me. It made me smile because now I knew without a doubt; I attracted him, not my strange pull.

  I heard the apartment door open and figured it was Sam. With regret, I pulled back, and Clay let me go. I looked up at Clay.

  “Can you come with me for this, or will that cause more problems?”

  “It would be best if he stayed away, Gabby,” Sam answered from the doorway behind Clay.

  I moved around Clay to look at Sam. “I didn’t ask what was best. Best went out the window years ago, Sam, when ‘making do’ moved in. Is he allowed?”

  Sam flinched when I repeated his words then ran his hand over his face. The move muffled his sigh.

  “It’s allowed. He’s unMated, but he’s considered rejected. He’ll be challenged by everyone for his place in the Introduction order.”

  I made a non-committal noise and looked at Clay. “Do you want to be there?”

  He nodded sharply.

  “All right then. Sam, please head over and get things ready. Clay will walk me there. Clay, I just need to change then I’m ready.”

  Both men stared at me as if I’d grown horns. I knew I looked like hell. I was probably still pale and definitely had a worse tangled mass of hair than I had that morning. But, it didn’t matter. Sam wanted an Introduction, and I wanted peace for Clay. I arched a brow at both of them.

  Sam grumbled to himself as he left. Clay followed and closed the door softly behind him, leaving me to dress. I smoothed down my hair, not really caring, and changed into a shirt and jeans. My legs shook by the time I finished, and I had to sit on the bed for a minute.

  I took a fortifying breath, stood, and made my way out to the living room. Clay waited for me by the kitchenette. He had a glass of orange juice ready for me. He knew me well. I smiled my thanks and gulped it down. It felt good and gave me a tiny energy boost.

  “I need just a minute in the bathroom. Can you find my shoes for me?” I held the wall as I made my way there and leaned on the sink while I brushed my teeth. As I brushed, I dwelled on the fact that Sam had kicked Clay out of my room. If it were
n’t for the long drive, I’d insist we leave right after the Introduction. But I knew Clay needed sleep soon, too. I wondered what Sam would do when I insisted that Clay sleep next to me later. He was warm and comforting, and I needed both desperately.

  Clay stood right outside the door when I opened it. My slippers waited on the floor by his feet.

  “Where are my shoes?”

  He shrugged and pointed to the slippers. Hey, he’d packed for me and remembered the jeans. He’d even packed underclothes and a toothbrush. If he forgot the shoes, I really had no complaint. I stepped into the slippers then squeaked when my world spun, and I suddenly found myself in his arms.

  “I can walk, Clay.”

  He shook his head and carried me to the door. There, he repositioned me to one arm and opened the door while I clung tightly to his neck. I rather liked the feeling. With an arm wrapped around him, I leaned my head against his shoulder and ran my fingers through his hair.

  The few people in the hallways stopped and stared as we passed. At the intersection of halls, which led to the Introduction room, I stopped Clay.

  “No, go outside and around back. I won’t go in that room ever again.” As childish as it might be, I wanted something about the impending Introduction to be on my own terms.

  He grunted in acknowledgment. But, instead of turning to go out the nearby back door, he backtracked to the main entrance. He set me on my feet, snagged a spare jacket from one of the hooks, and carefully buttoned me in. I studied his face as he concentrated on each snap. Always thinking of me. When he finished, he scooped me back into his arms. I didn’t protest.

  Bundled warmly in a thick coat, I didn’t cringe when he carried me out into the cold. The sky was dark, and the yard light didn’t reach very far. Clay carried me toward the back of the building. I couldn’t hear the werewolves as we approached, but saw their sparks briefly before a sharp pain not so gently reminded me not to look. I guessed close to seventy-five waited out there. It meant some of them had returned.

  “Put me down, Clay,” I said before we rounded the corner of the building. “I’ll walk now.” I didn’t want to give the waiting unMated any reason to believe this wasn’t a fair Introduction, even though it really wasn’t. I still felt the pull for Clay.

  Clay hesitated. It’d be safer for both of us if I stayed in his arms. He wouldn’t fight, and I wouldn’t fall. Yet, despite my anger over another forced Introduction, I truly felt sorry for the men who waited. The Introduction was just a false hope. One I couldn’t take away from them.

  “It’ll be okay Clay. There are a lot of fast people here. I won’t fall on my face.” I spoke normally so everyone could hear. I really didn’t want to fall on my face.

  As soon as he set me on my feet, I walked around the corner with my shoulders back and head held high, determined to look strong. The slippers probably ruined the image, but I pretended otherwise.

  The Elders stood by the back door. Only three of them this time.

  “I’m Gabby. There will be no Introduction order. I won’t have anyone left out, or leaving without a fair chance. So, instead of the stuffy cabin, let’s just do this out here.” The warmth of the jacket when not supplemented by Clay wasn’t adequate, and I started to shiver slightly. “I believe the Elders mentioned I was ill, so if I start to stammer, bear with me.”

  The men began to line up. So many looking for a Mate, and this was just a fraction of what was really out there. Some were too far away to answer such a short notice call. I wondered how many of their kind I still hadn’t met.

  I met the eyes of several as I walked slowly down the not yet fully formed, long line. As I’d anticipated, the shivers grew more noticeable. This time the tremors were due to the cold, not my fatigue, and I fought not to duck further into my jacket. They needed to smell me. I kept walking and listened to Clay keep pace with me, just a few steps behind. Several of those I passed glanced at Clay, but no one actually commented on his presence.

  Walking helped warm me a little. While the shivering didn’t go away, it at least didn’t increase.

  A few exceptionally young Weres stood mixed in the line. I smiled kindly at each of them. For the most part, I paced in front of the line as if I performed a quiet military inspection. The males scented me as discreetly as possible, so hopeful for some type of connection. Many walked away after I passed.

  About halfway down the line, I noticed a man step back and retreat into the woods. No unMated male walked away from an Introduction before being Introduced. It just wasn’t done. The possibility of meeting a Mate was too important to them. Suspicious, I used my other sight despite the knowledge it would hurt. I pushed myself to look as far as I was able and gasped. A jolt of pain pierced my temple and forced me to close my other sight. My hand flew to my head, cradling it.

  Clay moved so quickly, my hair lifted in his breeze. He stood close enough that I felt his heat at my back. I forced myself to straighten. The werewolf I faced looked confused. His eyes moved to the Elders standing several steps behind us.

  “Gabby,” Sam began, but I held up a hand.

  “A moment, please,” I managed to say.

  Although it’d been a brief glimpse, I had seen a blue-grey spark moving away from our group. In the distance, three other blue-grey sparks waited. I couldn’t say anything to Clay since I held everyone’s attention, but I glanced at him. He studied the worry on my face for a moment then looked around. I felt safer because of it but still wished I could reach out to take his hand.

  Instead, I turned to the men in front of me.

  “I’m sorry. Like I said, I’m not feeling well. The pain in my head just took me by surprise.” I took a steadying breath and continued my slow progress. The werewolves I passed watched me with concern. I probably looked even worse than I had just a moment ago.

  More than halfway down the line, I came across a face I knew. He studied me, his playful smile from our last meeting absent. I used him as an excuse to stop and rest for a minute. I’d started shaking again, not from the cold.

  “A f-face I know. I’m here as p-promised.”

  His eyes turned slightly remorseful at my words.

  “I see that, little one. Although, it looks like you should be in bed instead.”

  “I would b-be if people would j-just leave me alone.” I felt bad for saying it as soon as it left my mouth. How many times had these men stood in line hoping to meet some faceless girl? “B-but it’s not meant t-to be. So, you know my name, but I d-don’t know yours.” I made conversation to make up for my harsh comment.

  “Luke Taylor, love.” He offered his hand, politely. A human custom, not a werewolf one. With my pull gone, could I safely touch him without causing some type of obsession? I hesitated and studied his face. He’d been desperate at the club, but now he looked resigned. He knew I wasn’t the one for him.

  Feeling sorry for him, I accepted his hand. A mild shock went through me to him.

  Time stopped as my vision tunneled. The world around me disappeared, swallowed by darkness until only a pinprick of light remained. Then the darkness exploded into a spark-filled view of the world in its entirety. The tiny lights dazzled me. The yellow-green of humanity almost consumed the world. However, diversity persisted, though small.

  Slowly, the sparks of each human, werewolf, and the yet unexplained blue-grey winked out of existence until a single, faint spark tinted with a violet halo remained on the east coast. My focus changed, honing in on that light. Like reading a map, I saw its exact location. My eyes swam in the yellow-violet light for a moment. Then, with a snap like an elastic band breaking, I returned to myself.

  My lungs sucked in a breath with a loud whoosh, and my heart hammered in my chest. I ached all over and felt like vomiting. Only Luke’s steady, warm hand, desperately clutched in my own, anchored me and kept me from falling apart.

  Clay paced directly behind me
. I vaguely imagined he wouldn’t like me holding another man’s hand for so long. I met Luke’s gaze and swallowed down my bile before attempting to speak. He eyed me warily.

  “I need to talk to you. Don’t leave until I do.”

  His brow rose in surprise at my heavily slurred words.

  “Clay,” I whispered. My head lolled to the side as I tried to catch his eye. “Catch me.” I let go of Luke’s hand, and the world disappeared.