by J. H. Croix
Cam’s mother, April Nash, was a librarian, so she approached everything with methodical, logical questions. Since he and Ivy had arrived during the night at the hospital, April had been emotional, but calm. She immediately started asking the doctor questions.
“When can we see him?”
Dr. Martin smiled. “That’s why I’m here. He can have visitors in about a half hour, but only one at a time and only for a few minutes.”
His mother nodded quickly. Her brown eyes were tired and worried. She looked between Cam and Ivy before turning back to the doctor. “Can you explain how his surgery went?”
Dr. Martin nodded. “He had open-heart surgery. His heart attack occurred because his left anterior descending artery was almost completely blocked. It’s fortunate someone was with him when it occurred because he arrived at the hospital within minutes. I need to be honest and tell you survival rates from the kind of heart attack your husband had are not good if the person doesn’t receive prompt surgical intervention. Fortunately, we were able to clear the blockage and place a stent in the artery. Once he’s able to participate in planning, we’ll need to talk about monitoring the stent and making sure he routinely sees a cardiologist.”
Cam’s mother nodded along and continued asking questions, while Cam’s thoughts spun wild. He was no medical expert, but by chance he knew what it meant for someone to have a blockage in the left anterior descending artery. Those heart attacks were called ‘widow makers’ because of how deadly they were. His father had survived, but he would need to be vigilant going forward. Cam glanced to Ivy whose eyes held the same worry her felt.
Dr. Martin stood and glanced to Cam and Ivy. “Do either of you have any questions for me?”
When they shook their heads in unison, he nodded. “Feel free to page me if you do. A nurse will be down shortly to let you know when you can visit your father.”
At that, Dr. Martin turned and walked away. Cam and Ivy sat down on opposite sides of their mother. Cam looked at his mother. She tucked her brown hair behind her eyes and met his gaze. “I’m fine. You don’t need to keep asking me how I’m doing,” she said firmly.
Cam sighed and ran his hands through his hair. “It would be okay if you weren’t fine, Mom.”
April smiled ruefully. “I know it would. I had some long hours last night where I had a rough patch, but your father’s going to be okay. You just heard Dr. Martin say he would. His recovery will take some time, but he’s okay and that’s all that matters.”
Ivy hooked her hand in her mother’s elbow. “That is all that matters. We just want you to know you don’t have to be strong for us. If you need someone to lean on, we’re both here.”
April looked from Ivy to Cam and smiled. “I know you are.”
***
A while later, Cam stood by his father’s bed. His father was asleep. His mother had visited first and then Ivy. The nurses had explained his father would only come in and out of consciousness due to the lingering effects of the anesthesia after a six-hour surgery. Cam’s eyes traveled over the tubes hooked up to his father. Eric Nash, Sr. was a stately looking man, even when he looked vulnerable in his hospital bed. His hair had faded to gray and, at the moment, his skin had a grayish hue. Cam’s heart felt heavy. He was beyond relieved it looked like his father would be okay, but this scare was significant. When he’d mentioned to Ivy they might want to talk with their parents about planning, it hadn’t quite sunk in for him how serious his father’s heart attack had been.
The sliding doors into his father’s ICU room opened, and a nurse poked her head through the door. “Another minute, okay?”
Cam nodded and stood up. He curled his hand around his father’s, which lay limply on the edge of the bed. He gave it a quick squeeze. “Love you, Dad,” he whispered before he stepped away and quietly left the room. He walked down the hall to a small alcove where a vending machine held snacks, along with an automated coffee maker. He fed a dollar bill in the coffee machine and waited for the beep to indicate his coffee cup was full. He added a dash of creamer and headed back to the waiting room.
He rounded the corner and almost choked on the sip of coffee he’d just taken. Ginger stood beside Ivy. She turned toward the doorway when he stepped into the room. Her dark hair was mussed, and her blue eyes looked worried. They stood frozen and stared at each other. Ivy hurried out of the room, glancing over her shoulder when she reached the door. “I’ll be in the cafeteria with Mom.”
Cam’s heart hammered against his ribs. Ginger tucked a loose lock of hair behind her ear. “I left you a few messages, but when I didn’t hear back, I got worried. So…I decided to come down here. I hope it’s okay. Ivy told me your father’s okay.”
Cam nodded and took a step in her direction. He wanted to wrap her in his arms and just hold on. She’d stunned him by showing up here, but he didn’t know what she wanted. It occurred to him that he hadn’t even checked his phone since he plugged it in for charging a while ago. He’d forgotten all about it. The long night had fogged his thoughts. All the feelings that had been tumbling through his heart in the days since Ginger asked for a break had come into sharp focus during the hours of his flight down here. He loved Ginger and all he wanted was a chance to be with her. Yet, he didn’t think he could do anything with her in half-measures. He could wait, but he couldn’t try to fumble along if he didn’t know where she stood. To see her here, in the antiseptic environment of the hospital while he felt worn, weary and could most definitely use a shower, wasn’t ideal—not when his heart longed to pull her close and hold her.
Ginger bit her lip and clasped and unclasped her hands in front of her. “Cam, I’m, uh, I’m sorry I shut you out like that. I just…” She paused and crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m sorry. Maybe now isn’t the best time to talk. I didn’t come here to make this all about me. I just wanted to be here for you. How are you?”
“I’m fine. It’s been a long night, but my dad’s gonna be okay. That’s all I could ask for.” He paused and took a gulp of coffee, trying to gather his frayed nerves. Her eyes coasted over him, but she was quiet. He needed to know what she’d meant to say when she first started talking. “Now’s a good time to talk,” he said, his voice coming out gruff.
She looked puzzled. “What do you mean?”
He took another swallow of coffee. He needed the caffeine to keep his brain functioning. His heart was still pounding and anxiety was coiling in his stomach. With his emotions bouncing all over the place, he was grasping for an anchor inside, but he was coming up short. “You started to say something and then said you didn’t come here to make it about you. My dad’s okay, so I’m okay. I want to hear what you were about to tell me.”
“Oh.” One word and then silence hung in the room. He felt it with every beat of his heart, but he waited.
***
Ginger’s pulse raced madly and her stomach clenched with anxiety. She’d flown down here, her thoughts clouded with worry, driven only by the urge to be by Cam’s side and make sure he was okay. He stood across from her in the hospital waiting room. The walls were a soft cream color and the chairs varying pastel shades, everything intended to be soothing and unobtrusive. Inside, she was a wild mess—her feelings swirling madly. Cam wanted her to finish what she’d meant to say and fear clogged her throat. She was nearly torn inside between desperately wanting to fling her arms around him and tell him she loved him and wanting to turn and run away. Her feelings were too big, too encompassing. His broken message had left too many gaps for her to feel the certainty she craved.
She looked over at him. His golden-brown hair glinted under the bright hospital lights. His amber eyes were fatigued, yet they held her fast in his intent gaze. Something settled within her. She couldn’t wait for guarantees. If Cam had the courage to tell her he loved her without knowing how she felt, she could at least return the favor—especially since he’d already offered her the gift of his feelings. Her heart, or perhaps her guarded, slig
htly cynical mind, wanted a certainty that life didn’t offer, so she had to take the chance. She took a breath and dredged up her courage.
“I meant to say I’m sorry for how I handled things the other day.” She paused for a breath and to consider how to explain herself to him. It occurred to her it had been a mere four days ago when he’d stood in the snow by her car and told her he loved her. It felt like eons had passed because she’d missed him so. The worn grooves of worry and rumination in her mind seemed just that—worn. The walls she’d put up around her heart had gotten in her way with Cam. While his love may not come with guarantees, no one’s did and she knew he would never hurt her on purpose. “I got scared because you matter so much to me. I love you. It scared me because I never meant to love anyone again. With you, it’s so much more than I ever imagined. I’m not making excuses, but I want you to understand why I…well, why I freaked out. I did need a little space to get my head on straight, but I wish I’d just talked to you instead of shutting you out.”
Her words ran out, along with her breath. She gulped in air and twisted her hands together. Cam stood there for so long she was afraid she’d misunderstood. Maybe he didn’t really love her, maybe he said the words in an impulsive, overwrought moment. He moved, slowly and deliberately, and set his coffee down on a small table by the chairs. In two quick strides, he was in front of her. His hands came to rest on her shoulders and she looked up. What she saw in his eyes made her heart soar and hope spin in wild circles.
One hand stroked up into her hair, curling around the nape of her neck, while the other stroked down her back. The heat of his palm sent a jolt of electricity racing up her spine. He dipped his head slowly, his forehead coming to rest against hers. “So are you done needing space?” he asked, his voice sending a shiver through her.
“Yes,” she managed to reply, her voice barely a whisper. “I didn’t mean…”
“It’s okay. I understand. You had your reasons to worry. Maybe I didn’t have the same ones, but I get it.”
His lips were so close, she could feel them moving against hers. Her body flexed toward him, drawn solely by the force between them. She sighed with relief when his lips caught hers. His kiss started soft, but in seconds, she lost all sense of time and place. She felt starved for his touch. He fit his mouth over hers and swept his tongue into her mouth, stroking against hers. Heat blazed through her, and she gasped when his palm slid down to cup her bottom. Suddenly, he tore his mouth away.
“Dammit,” he whispered roughly. “You make me crazy, but we have to stop before I forget where we are.”
He dropped his forehead to her shoulder and took a shuddering breath. “I love you, you know.” His words were muffled against her skin. Her heart clenched and opened.
“I love you too.”
He lifted his head and stroked her hair away from her face. His eyes were warm, and she felt hot tears at the back of hers.
Chapter 21
Cam slung his bag over his shoulder and walked out of the guest room at his parents’ house. Ginger had flown back to Diamond Creek two days ago after staying with him in Utah for over a week. His father had been discharged from the hospital three days ago. He and Ivy had stayed to make sure everything was settled, his father was comfortable and his mother had everything she needed. Ivy was staying for another few days. Cam had offered, but his mother was beyond annoyed to have both of her children fussing over them.
Yesterday morning, his mother had looked across the table at him. “You need to get back to Alaska and Ginger.”
“Mom, I can stay as long as…”
His mother, who was almost always polite, rolled her eyes. “I don’t need anything. Your father is going to go mad with all of us hovering over him. It’s been wonderful to have you here, but I’d be much happier to know you were where you want to be.”
Cam had bitten back a laugh and agreed to book a flight back to Alaska soon. This morning, he made his way down the hall to find his father in his study. His father was leaning back in a recliner he and Ivy had wrangled into the study the day before his father was discharged from the hospital. Eric, Sr. rolled his head to the side when Cam entered the room.
“Morning, Dad,” Cam said as he sat down in a chair across from his father.
“Morning. I suppose you’re here to find out how I’m feeling. No need to ask. I’m fine. What I am is sick and tired of everyone checking on me.”
Cam chuckled. “I can see you’re fine, so I’ll skip asking.” He paused and glanced around the room, his eyes scanning across multiple photographs of him and his brother, almost all of them somewhere in the mountains on skis. There were just as many photos of Ivy, although most of hers were of her receiving academic awards. His gaze made it back to his father. His father’s eyes were similar to his and Ivy’s. Right now, the amber was flashing with annoyance.
“Before I fly out this afternoon, I wanted to check in and see what your plans are for the store. Have you thought about it much?”
His father sighed and leaned his head back. “My new cardiologist says I need to minimize stress. I love working, but the pace is too much. I’m planning to sell the store and then your mother and I will figure out what’s next. I won’t stop working altogether, but I’ll work less. Your mother will want to stay here until she knows you and Ivy are settled.”
Cam was relieved at his father’s decision, but surprised he’d made it so quickly. “Well, I’m glad to hear you’re planning to sell the store, but…”
“You can’t believe I’m letting go that fast?” his father asked with a chuckle.
“That’s what I was going to say. Do you feel okay about it?”
His father shrugged. “Your mother and I had already talked about it. I’m not as young as I used to be, and this year’s been hard on both of us. I knew I needed to slow down, but it’s amazing the perspective you can get from almost dying. I’ll never like being hovered over. I won’t be good at sitting around, but I don’t have to work so hard, so I can be sensible.”
Cam nodded and swallowed at the emotion tightening in his chest. His father had made it through this scare all in one piece, but hearing him say so plainly that he’d almost died was sobering. After another breath, Cam glanced over. “All right then. I won’t hover, but you’d better be ready for me to visit more often.”
His father grinned. “I like Ginger. She’s good for you. I’m glad you stopped in one place long enough to find her. Alaska’s not too far from here. After all your traveling, we’ll see lots more of you now. Especially since we have somewhere to visit you. That’s new.”
“I guess I hadn’t thought of it like that.”
His father adjusted the recliner and slowly stood. “Let’s go have breakfast. Your mother won’t let me hear the end of it if you don’t sit down with us before you go.”
***
An icy gust blew Ginger’s hood back, and she tugged it back up as she ran across the parking lot at the airport. Cam’s flight had just landed. She’d waited in her car and watched the small plane come in for a landing. The plane had wobbled in the wind, but landed safely. The few passengers were climbing out and waiting while the pilot pulled their bags out of the small hold under the plane. Ginger waited by the gate. Diamond Creek’s airport was tiny. The small building housed a counter where the sole airline that flew in here and a car rental place shared the space.
The ‘gate’ was a door where passengers came in and out to walk to the small six-seater planes. Cam snagged his bag from the pilot and strode quickly to the door. As soon as he stepped inside, his eyes landed on Ginger. Her pulse rocketed and heat washed through her. All he had to do was look and her body went wild. She ran to meet him and didn’t even stop to think when she threw her arms around him. His bag thudded to the floor as he wrapped both arms around her. His lips met hers in swift kiss.
When he pulled away, he was smiling. “Damn, it’s good to see you.”
“It’s only b
een two days,” she replied, unable to keep from smiling. It had only been two days, but two days felt like forever. His arms loosened, and she slid to the floor. “Let’s go. It’s freezing out.”
Cam picked up his bag and walked at her side, her hand held in the warm grip of his. Once they were in the car, he glanced to her. “Your place?”
“You sure you don’t want to stop by the lodge first?”
He shook his head firmly. “The only person I want to see tonight is you.”
His words sent a hot thrill through her. Though they’d just spent the last week together, they’d had hardly a moment alone. She nodded and started driving. By the time, she pulled up at her house, Cam had nearly driven her wild by curling his palm over her thigh and stroking his thumb back and forth slowly. She was drenched with need and heat suffused her entire body. Somehow, she managed to get out of the car. The contrast of the icy air to the heat inside temporarily eased the desire pounding through her.
It was late afternoon, the sky was gray and the air was scented with snow. The water in the bay was choppy from the wind. Once they were inside, they hung their jackets and kicked their shoes off. She went straight to the woodstove. She could barely focus, so intent was Cam’s presence. She needed a moment to gather herself, and the activity of laying logs in the woodstove and starting a fire grounded her slightly. When she stood, she saw Cam standing by the windows. He turned to face her. It felt as if a flame lit the air between them. He walked slowly to her. In slow motion, he lifted a hand and traced her lips. Her breath came out in a whoosh. The heat that had barely cooled in the few moments outside blazed back to life.