by Roz James
Vivien smiled. “Good, I feel the same, and yes I want a chance with you too. I love you Louise.”
“I love you too, but just so you know, my uncle will be a challenge, we need to handle this carefully. Irrespective of what happens between us, the scandal of an affair won’t go down well. Tom is openminded, but not that much.”
“So, what do we do now?”
Lou stood up, and walked towards the coffee machine, now she needed caffeine. “We confront them.”
“Seriously, how?”
“Well we get them together, Viv we need everything out in the open, once and for all, and as quickly as possible. Then we can get on with our own lives.” She thought for a moment. “Actually Nat and I already have a dinner reservation for Friday, at Marco Polo’s at 7:30, what if I make it for four people instead?”
Viv knew it, it was medium sized Italian restaurant. Not too loud or bright, with booths, and not a place for a scene. “Good, we’ll see you there.” I hope to god you’re right.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Louise was surprised to arrive home the following evening to find Natalie dressed in a red dress she had often admired. Her favourite dinner, moussaka, was already in the oven; she could smell it the moment she came through the door. She could see the table set for two, with candles and an ice bucket, a bottle of her favourite wine, Oyster Bay Sauvignon Blanc, already chilling.
She wracked her brains as to what she had forgotten, but Nat’s birthday had just been and their anniversary months away. What’s going on? “What have I done to deserve this?”
Natalie kissed her gently on the lips. “Just being you. It’s Thursday night and you’ve finished work for a few days, and I’m working from home tomorrow. You rarely get weekends off, and it felt like we’ve hardy seen each other recently.” And you deserve more than me fucking my ex, much more. I owe it to us to try at least. “Go and shower and change, then come down and relax. I’m going to take care of you tonight Lou.”
Lou kissed her gently. “Thanks babe, you look beautiful.” Coming close she could see that Nat had her best lingerie on, she smelled great too, clearly wearing her favourite perfume. Her heart sped up; she was certainly onto a promise tonight. Natalie only ever dressed like this for one reason. She hesitated; this sowed a seed of doubt. Maybe Vivien was wrong about them.
She showered quickly but took time to dress as if for a date and put on some makeup. Natalie had made such an effort; it was only reasonable that she should. They talked over dinner, and a couple of bottles of wine. Soon they were dancing closely, Nat’s arms around her neck as her arms circled her waist. Natalie moved painfully, the underwire in her lingerie digging into her. This was clearly underwear only to be worn for a short time, the thrill being in its removing rather than its wearing.
Louise witnessed her discomfort. “How about I free you from these clothes babe.”
Natalie smiled, looking up into her wife’s eyes, and pulling her closer to her. “Best idea you’ve had all night, but tonight’s for you Lou, not me.”
Lou looked down into her eyes, smiling. “And as you should well know by now I get most pleasure from making love to my wife. Don’t deny me Nat please?”
Natalie was helpless as Lou began to undress her, gently kissing and caressing every piece of flesh she uncovered. By the time Louise knelt on the floor, lowering her panties, she was more than ready for her. She shut her eyes as Lou ran her expert tongue over the entire length of her core, three fingers quickly filling her.
Natalie slid lower on the couch as Lou lifted her legs over her shoulders. She closed her eyes, concentrating on the feel of Lou’s tongue as she lavished her core with attention. No millimetre was uncovered as she took what was hers. Nat’s hands grabbed the back of her head, running them through her lover’s soft short hair. Suddenly she became aware that this was one of the differences between her wife and Kara. They both had short hair, but where Kara’s was soft, Lou’s was full of products which coated her hands.
In an instant Nat’s desire froze, she realised that she wanted to be as far from here as possible. That what it would take to excite her again was imagining Kara’s tongue there. She was horrified, she couldn’t come at her wife’s hands thinking of her lover, this was meant to be for Lou. She had two choices, remove her hands, shut her eyes and imagine Kara, or the second. She chose the second, for the first time in her life she did something she’d sworn she would never do, she faked it.
Natalie did all she could to make it up to Lou, taking her to bed and fucking her with their strap on until she came three times. She lay awake long after Lou had passed out sated and exhausted, her mind in turmoil. That’s it, Lou doesn’t deserve this, she deserves so much more, and I can’t deny it to myself either. I want Kara, I always have..... if she’ll have me.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Kara was already dressed and sitting in the living room, staring out into the garden and struggling to get motivated for this evening. It was Viv’s first Friday night off for a couple of weeks though and she’s been clear about what she wanted. The plan was dinner, drinks and possibly some dancing. Kara didn’t recall being consulted about any of the details, but she would go with the flow, it was time she made an effort.
She was in turmoil, she’d last spoken with Natalie on Wednesday, two days ago and heard nothing since. Natalie’s guilt was kicking in big style, she could feel it, could already sense her withdrawing. Does she think I don’t feel guilty, every time I look at Viv? She wandered into the kitchen, opening the fridge to retrieve the bottle of wine she had started earlier. Filling her glass, she took a long drink before topping it up.
Kara’s attention returned to her wife. What if after dancing tonight Viv wanted to make love? Much as she still loved her, she wasn’t sure she would be capable of going through with it. Natalie’s going to break up with me again, I just know it. Who am I kidding, there is no us...?
Suddenly Viv appeared at the lounge door. While Kara was getting more depressed by the minute, her wife looked stunning. She seemed to have a new glow recently, this job was really agreeing with her. Her skin-tight black jeans and red blouse managed to look elegant and cool at the same time. Her dark hair fell to her shoulder in waves. God why am I not happy with my wife? What the hell is wrong with me? You know why...... she’s not Natalie, she never stood a chance. Viv walked towards her. “Come on slow coach, we’ll miss our reservation.”
“Hey, I’m the one whose been sitting here for half an hour.”
Vivien looked at her glass, frowning. “Mm and getting a head start I see.” She was nervous, she knew how important their timing was, they needed to get there at 7:30 p.m., so they were already seated when Lou and Natalie arrived. They didn’t want to run into each other outside, or in the doorway. “That’s the taxi babe.” They’d also agreed to taxis, no quick get always for either of them.
Traffic was light and they arrived on time. The Italian bistro was half full. She explained away the booth set for four to Kara as an error. She waited for Kara to sit, then urged her closer to the wall so she could sit beside her, alluding to wanting to feel close to her. They ordered a bottle of wine, she needed Kara’s eyes on the menu when they arrived.
Kara looked down at the menu. “So, what are you having Viv?” She chuckled. “Oh, don’t tell me your usual.....?” Vivien always started with tomato and mozzarella bruschetta, and then carbonara, it was a long-shared joke that there was no point in her reading a menu. Viv watched as her wife’s expression suddenly changed as she looked up. “What the......”
Viv swallowed, her anxiety, increasing as time passed, was now at its peak. Clearly they’d arrived. She smiled at Lou. “You made it then.” In her peripheral vision she could sense Natalie’s fear and see her face turn chalk white. Kara tensed beside her, but in the booth next to the wall she had no place to go.
“Please sit down.”
Lou took control. “Yes, please let’s be civilised shall we. Sit down Nat, we all need t
o talk.”
Natalie hesitated. “Lou I’m not sure that’s......”
Lou’s eyebrow raised. “A good idea, actually it is.” Seeing her expression Natalie allowed Lou to usher her into the booth, this placed her across from Kara and closest to the wall. Lou sat next to her. Kara looked at her, aware they were both trapped, Nat’s anxiety evidenced by her lifting the bottle of wine, pouring some into a glass and taking a long drink.
Lou sat next to her, looking at them all. “I’m sorry about this Nat, Kara, but you haven’t left us any choice. Not when you started sleeping together.”
Kara reacted instantly. “What the hell makes you think....?”
Viv reached out, placing her hand on her arm, with sufficient pressure to make her point. “We don’t think Kara, Natalie, we know.”
Natalie seemed to get even paler by the second. She turned to her wife. “How did you find out?”
Louise sat back. “Is that really important, surely what’s relevant right now is how we all move on from here?”
“Oh god, I think I’m going to be sick.” Nat stood up and Lou stood up and let her out the booth, watching her rush to the bathroom. She looked at Vivien. “Wait, I’ll talk to her, we’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere please?”
Vivien sat back down, she felt Kara turned towards her, but she couldn’t look at her. Her continued denial angered her. Did she think they were stupid, at least Natalie had the guts to admit their deception?
“Viv..”
“Save it for when Natalie and Lou come back, please.”
“No, I can’t, and I wont. This isn’t for an audience. look at me please. I’m sorry Vivien really.”
Vivien turned and met her gaze. “Honestly? What are you sorry about Kara, that you got caught?”
Kara could see the pain and hurt underlying the anger in her wife’s eyes. “No, that I never stopped loving Natalie, even when I had you.” I’m sorry you weren’t enough. “I won’t deny it, not anymore, I wasn’t just protecting me. Yes, we’ve been together, twice. It started at the conference.” She reached out and took Viv’s hand, Viv didn’t pull away. “Please believe that I never meant to hurt you.”
“Well why would I notice, it’s not like you’ve suddenly stopped fucking me?”
Kara winced. “I guess I deserve that. But you and I both know that our intimacy issues started some time before Natalie was back on the scene. We both need to take some responsibility for that.”
Viv sighed, wiping a tear from her face. She couldn’t believe that they were having the most honest conversation they’d had in months in a restaurant. “You’re right, but you spend so much time in your office writing I’m not sure when that would have happened. Do you know what made me realise you were being unfaithful?”
“No.”
“I overheard you talking to Natalie on the phone the other night. I couldn’t hear the words, but that didn’t matter. It was the tone; you obviously weren’t just talking to a friend. Do you know what hurt the most?”
Kara shook her head.
“That she breached your inner sanctum, your office and your writing time; something I was never allowed to do. Since we moved here that door has been firmly closed to me. If anything tells me how much you love her, that does.”
Kara didn’t get a chance to respond. Viv tore her hands from hers as Lou reappeared, pulling a very reluctant and still deathly pale Natalie behind her. They both sat down, Lou again ushering Natalie into the booth before her. The waitress appeared and they quickly followed Vivien, ordering a main course each, keen for her to leave them alone.
Kara cleared her throat, she was worried about Nat, who was slumped in the booth. “Okay ladies, you’ve had your fun, challenging us in public, but don’t you think we need to go to our respective homes now and deal with what’s happened in our relationships, privately?”
Lou smiled, reaching for Vivien’s hand across the table. “Actually, no we don’t. I’m afraid it’s not that simple.”
Natalie sat up straight, as they all looked down at the hands joined on the table. “What’s going on Lou?”
Lou smiled. “Well whilst you two were rekindling your past relationship, we had gotten to know each other too. We’ve fallen in love... that is I love Vivien.”
Kara was the first to speak, the shock evident on her face. “Seriously?”
Vivien smiled at Natalie, grasping her hand tightly. “Yes, she couldn’t be more serious. I’ve wanted her from the first time I saw her too. We haven’t slept together yet, some of us take our vows of fidelity more seriously it seems, but tonight is about clearing the air. About total honesty.”
Kara laughed, completely stunned at the disclosure. “Clearing the air?”
Louise interrupted. “Yes, making decisions and moving forward. I care about you Nat, I probably always will, but I’ve never been the love of your life, Kara is, if you’re honest she always has been and always will be. I want that with someone too.” She looked around taking in Natalie and Kara. “We’re asking you to set us free, to officially separate as of today.”
“Let me out.”
“Natalie.”
Lou let me out, NOW!”
Lou stood, allowing Natalie to leave the booth
Kara stood up. “Let me out there Viv!”
“What?”
“I said let me out, or so help me I’ll crawl under the table, or climb over you and the table if necessary.”
Viv stood, quickly letting her out.
Kara followed Natalie. The restaurant only had a small toilet, with two stalls, and she could hear Natalie sobbing before she saw her. She knocked gently on the door. “Hey, it’s me Nat, please let me in.”
Natalie opened the door, her eyes red from crying, she immediately pulled Kara into a hug.
Kara pulled back for a second. “Nat, I know we’ve been pushed into this, but I need to know, do you want to fight for her?”
Natalie’s confused tear-filled eyes met hers. “What do you mean?”
“Do you want to fight for her, Louise, your wife? Is she who you want?”
“No Kara, how can you ask me that? You know she isn’t. You’re all I want; all I’ve ever wanted.” The vehemence of her statement convinced Kara. “Do you think I’d so easily cheat on my wife?”
“No, I don’t, and that’s all I need to know. I love you Natalie, and this is going to be incredibly difficult, we both know that. All I needed to know before we take the first step is that you’re with me.”
Nat pulled her into a deep kiss. “I’m all in. Kara whatever happens I need to be with you tonight.”
Kara kissed her lips gently. “Do you trust me?”
Natalie smiled, punctuating each word with a kiss. “Totally, utterly, completely.”
“Good, then let’s regain some control of this. Then I’m taking you home, with me, where you belong.”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Kara gently dried Natalie’s tears and led her back into the restaurant. Viv and Lou were now sitting on the same side of the booth. She and Natalie sat on the other. Kara held tightly to Nat’s hand under the table. “Okay, so what’s the grand plan? I’m assuming you have one?”
Lou was the first to respond. “Well we go our separate ways, me and Viv, you and Nat, then we see where it goes.”
Kara laughed, she had done nothing but think about how she and Nat could be together since the conference; it was not this simple, even with Viv and Lou’s disclosure slightly lessening the blow. “Seriously, so what we just swap wives, decide who gets what house, carry on with our lives? Please tell me you’re not that naive. Do you really think it’s that simple?”
No one spoke.
Kara sighed. “How about for tonight Nat comes home with me, Viv you go with Lou, and we meet up tomorrow at mine at two. Sober and ready to discuss this like adults.”
They all agreed and when their food arrived they asked for it to go, and for two taxis to be ordered. Kara took care of the bill, addi
ng a large tip and apologising for any disruption, citing one of them feeling unwell; Natalie’s rush to the bathroom twice making this believable.
Viv headed for the bathroom and Lou faced her wife across the booth. “Just so I’m clear Nat, we’re finished tonight.” She looked towards the bathroom. “It’s just I don’t want to cheat.”
Natalie crossed her arms, looking hurt. “I think you’ve made your intentions quite clear Lou.”
“Hey, cut the wounded puppy look, and don’t go treating me like the guilty party here Natalie, at least I had the decency not to fuck someone else and then sleep with you. What exactly was last night?”
Natalie looked up into the eyes of the women she still loved. “That was me making love to my wife.”
“Seriously? You know with the full seduction thing you had going on, for a second you almost had me doubting that Vivien was correct about you two. Then you confirmed it. You’re not such a good actress Nat that I can’t tell when you’re faking it. You’re my wife for fuck sake.”
Nat looked down, she’d felt nothing but shame for her actions since then, it had totally backfired. Now was the time for honesty, however much it hurt. “I’m sorry Lou, I was trying to reconnect, then.... I didn’t want to come at your hands when I was thinking of someone else.”
Lou raised her chin with her finger, forcing her to look her in the eyes, her expression controlled and almost hard. “Shame, I did... three times if I recall.”
Natalie’s wounded expression, and the tears in her eyes, prevented her turning away. “Look I know you’re hurt and angry and want to lash out Lou, I understand that. I deserve all you’ve got, but please let’s at least try and be civil to each other.”