‘Even less a man of God,’ he continued.
‘Indeed,’ I agreed, wondering who he might be.
‘You have let your needs be known, Father.’
‘My needs?’ Some agency sent heat into my face.
‘A priest needs a housekeeper.’
‘Yes,’ I spoke hastily. ‘I need a housekeeper.’
‘Indeed, Father. My Anne would be a good housekeeper.’
‘Anne?’
‘I am her father. Stephen.’ He rolled his eyes. ‘The carpenter.’
‘Ah, yes.’
‘You know her.’
‘I do?’
‘By my head; you smiled at her on Relic Day.’ Water dripped from his muzzle onto his clogs.
‘I did?’ Again, I searched my memory but found the face of each female as unremarkable as the next.
‘Indeed you did, Father.’
‘I smile at all my flock.’
‘But her in special.’ He gnarled his eye shut and I realised he was winking. He spat on his hand, shoved it into mine. ‘I will send her mother.’
I opened the door to loud knocking. Three women shadowed the light: a matron and at her back two younger females who flicked at the ends of their braids. My face asked the question.
‘I am Anne’s mother, Joan.’ She aimed a broad thumb over her shoulder. ‘These two are her gossips, Alice and Isabel.’
‘Greetings, Mistress Joan. Ladies.’
They pressed their way past me and walked directly to the hearth. They peered into the butter-pot one after the other, held up the frying pan and tested its weight, counted out the knives, the dishes, the pitchers and the pewter plates, banged their knuckles against the great pot on its hook over the fire.
The two maids sighed, scowling at each item as though it was wanting in some way I could not comprehend. Joan strode into the solar and stared at my bed awhile, mercifully without comment. She flipped up the lid of the chest as though it were only the weight of a penny, and straightway began filleting the sheets folded within.
‘Good linen,’ she clucked, ‘what there is of it. Surely you have more?’
‘It is stored. I have little need for—’
‘Good, good.’ She peered at me, from my uneven tonsure to my clogs. ‘Your glebe, Father.’
I realised it was a question. I had the uncomfortable feeling of being a clerk standing before a strict schoolmaster and not knowing the answer.
‘I have an orchard,’ I gabbled. ‘Apples and medlars, six cherry trees besides. Fifteen healthy ewes at the last count, tended for by Edgard. A tup-ram, a milk-cow and calf, many fowls for eggs. A mare in her own stable. My Lord Bishop is generous.’
She hummed and swept back into the hall, dragging us in her formidable wake. She kicked at the reeds on the floor, clicking her tongue at one of the maidens, who nodded and said in need of fresh rushes to her companion. She tapped at the oilcloth set into the window, tested the shutters.
‘No glass?’
‘It is warm enough. There is much vanity—’
‘With the shutters open it is too cold. With them shut it is too dark,’ she said as brisk as you would to a boy. ‘How can a woman see clear to bake your bread?’
I had not thought that far ahead. One of the maids sniggered: Joan quenched the sound with a glare.
‘I will pay for a glazier,’ I gulped.
‘And curtains?’
‘Yes. I have some. Stored with the linen.’
‘Fine?’
‘Yes.’
‘Good. A tapet for the bed?’
I had no idea why she wanted my bed to appear grander than it was. It was an indelicate question, but I let it pass, for rustic folk have odd notions.
‘I shall not stint,’ I said.
‘That is a fine thought, Father. And for the feast?’
‘The feast?’
‘When she shall come to you. It is our way.’ She patted my hand. ‘There must be beer; the good brown, nothing sour.’
I felt myself suddenly in the sharp angle of a small room, its walls pressing hard upon my shoulders.
Ground almonds?
Green cheese and hard cheese?
White porray with saffron?
Wheat bread? Of sifted flour?
A dozen rabbits?
I quacked out agreement after agreement until I believe I could have given my assent to anything. Raisins. Lemons. Hot wine caudle. Nutmeg. Mace. Custards. A sugar-loaf. They were no longer requests but statements.
‘Eels and herrings for yourself. Two new lambs to roast.’
‘Two?’
‘Two. You shall not stint.’
I was dizzy with talk of pies, and spices, and boiled chickens, and stock-fish, and clapbread and havercakes and so much honey my teeth ached. At last she stopped; held out her hand. I fetched coins from my safe-box and counted them into her palm until she clicked her tongue a final time and closed her fingers.
Anne was brought to my house fifteen days later, on the Feast of Saint Perpetua, her mother eager to bring her before Lent. There was a fine dampness in the air, as barely noticeable as breath. Maybe this was the day the rain would cease.
Just before Prime the women arrived with my dishes, now filled with the food I had paid for. They looked to be bringing it the whole morning, so I took myself to the church and did not return till after Terce. As I walked down the path I heard laughter, the bleating of a pipe.
Her hair was glossy as an otter. It had been combed through and sheaves of it looped up in plaited trenchers over her ears, threaded through with sprigs of mayflower. She fluttered with a girdle of coloured ribbons, wound about her so tight it was a marvel she could guffaw so loudly. As they reached the ford she was hoisted like a log and carried on the shoulders of two young men who hung onto her knees. She kicked out her feet and showed red slippers.
One of her bearers began to sing, ‘I tell of one so fair and bright’, and all bawled the refrain, ‘Oh, bright and fair!’ She grinned and swung her head about to be so praised; but I saw her slap the lad’s fingers as he clutched her thigh too tightly, and knew her for a virtuous maid.
I was at my door to welcome them as they trod their last few steps. All were wet halfway to the knee save Anne, and there was much merriment as the women wrung out their underskirts and the men squeezed out their hose and came in bare-legged. They patted mud from their tunics, knocked dirt off their clogs. I resolved to be a cheerful host and not draw attention to this rudeness.
‘Welcome,’ I said. ‘Welcome all.’
I barely knew my own house. While I had been in the church it had been wreathed about with ivy and may, as though the Feast of Saint Lucy was come round again. The trestle shone with bright linen, and a great heap of logs glowed in the hearth, the embers studded with seething pots of green and white porray. The very air was foreign to me, thickened as it was with tickling spice. There was a roar as the ale was brought in.
‘It is the very finest,’ said Joan. ‘Made by our own Aline.’
The ale-wife dropped to her knees as I thanked her, drowned out by thirsty bellowing. Each man dug out a beaker from inside his shirt and polished it on his stomach, ready for it to be filled.
‘Good Aline!’
‘Happy woman and happier husband!’
The man spoken of cawed like a rook. ‘It is the spring!’
‘It is near!’
‘It will be a good spring,’ I said.
‘It will, God willing,’ a man declared, and ducked his head at me.
‘God is good,’ I continued, and they raised their cups in agreement.
‘And so is Anne!’ cried one voice, to answering cheers.
‘My death I love, my life I hate,’ sang one fellow. ‘All for a girl so fair; she is as bright as day is light, but she won’t look at me.’
‘So fair she is and fine,’ boomed another. ‘I wish to God that she were mine.’
‘Oh, Anne is a fine girl indeed,’ whispered Joan, close to me.
‘Fair was her bower,’ cried a third voice.
‘What was her bower?’
‘The red rose and the lily flower.’
The company laughed.
‘My turn now,’ cried a voice thick with ale. ‘When the priest comes in to pray, next day Death takes you away.’
‘Best not get the priest in, then.’
‘Hush now,’ said Joan.
‘No disrespect, Father.’
‘I can sing too!’ I smiled, and took a deep breath.
‘Jesus Christ, my darling Lord, That died for us upon the tree. With all my might I do beseech, You send your love to me.’
They coughed and stamped, and said, That is a good song, Father, and I was warmed.
‘We will be safe this year, Father,’ said Joan.
‘We are always safe in the Lord.’
‘But here, in special.’ She dropped her voice. ‘Against the pestilence. Is it not true?’
‘Our Saint protects us.’
I made the sign of the Cross over the victuals, and they fell to, picking at their teeth with their knives and spitting on the floor. The hours swam by in eating and drinking, and I began to wonder if they might stay the entire night. I could not leave them to go to the church, for it would show them less holy than myself. As I thought it, Joan left off gossiping and clapped her hands. The talking and laughter tumbled into silence.
‘Good people,’ she said, and I thought how loud her voice was, for a woman.
I had not yet heard Anne speak and I hoped her voice was milder than her mother’s. Someone cheered to hear himself called good, and there was jostling until Joan lifted the spade of her hand and dug it into the air. The noise was struck down.
‘Yes, good we are indeed,’ she continued. ‘And as such, we must be gone to our homes.’
The man roared again, wild enough to shout about anything. He stood up to assert his goodness, but his feet were unwilling to follow and he slipped to the floor. His companions hauled him upright and I saw his face made dark with ale.
‘I am sorry, Father,’ he said, the drink gone from him straightway.
The eyes of the room screwed themselves into me.
‘It is nothing; you are merry.’
‘Yes, Father.’
‘It is a fine day to be merry, is it not?’
‘Yes, Father.’
He rubbed his face. Someone slammed me on the back. I was pleased at my cleverness not to chide him, for the word would be about that I was a forgiving man. Joan smacked her hands together, and the room was hers.
‘Let us say a good night to our priest. Our fine and right reverend Thomas.’
The people cheered and I burned with happiness. If I could pick out one instant in my life when I was entirely happy, it was then. A warm room; the company of innocents stuffed with food and smiling for me alone. But it was built of shadows. I did not know what was to follow, and when I look back, I cringe that I was so much a fool.
‘Let me bless you before you go,’ I cried.
‘Yes. It would be a fitting farewell, Father,’ said Joan.
There was a clearing of beery throats, the rustling of feet in straw. I must bid Anne sweep it out, for it was sticky with spilt victuals. It would wait until morning. Every chin dropped onto every breast.
‘Oh God, who created the earth and everything in it, look upon our simple feast. Bless us in our humility. Grant us health on earth as it is in Heaven. Comfort our bodies.’
Ah yes, comfort us.
The room rumbled its thanks. Joan began to shoo the company out of the door, encouraging them to bear away what food was left. Anne’s father grasped my wrist and gazed at me with a wandering eye.
‘Father Thomas, you are a good man,’ he hiccoughed. ‘She is a fine girl, Father.’
‘I do not doubt it.’
‘Clean.’
‘Yes,’ I nodded.
‘Willing.’
‘Yes, good.’
‘She could be meeker.’
‘I am sure of it.’
‘But bright in humour.’
‘I wonder you can spare her; she is such a jewel.’
‘My Joan fetches and carries well enough,’ he beamed. ‘I would rather lose a pig than send my Anne to a bad house.’
‘She will be honoured under my roof, Stephen. Have no fear of that.’
‘It is a good thing, Father.’ His eyes shone. ‘You are a better man than we thought.’
My heart leapt and thrust water into my eyes: at last they accepted me. I sheltered the thought in the soft nest of my soul.
Aline directed the steadier of the men to carry away the ale-pots: women wrapped roasted lamb in their aprons and men stuffed half-loaves down their shirts. I wondered how much would survive the crossing of the ford. I pressed them to take more, so they would also carry away the tale of my generosity. In the end it was Joan who stopped them, smacking the greediest of hands, and declaring that some must be left for the two who remained. She was the last to go, nodding a brisk farewell to her daughter.
The cloth on the table was stained with gravy and splashes of ale, the floor crunching with bread crusts and mutton bones. A bowl of pottage had been tipped into the fire: I noticed the smell of burnt peas only now. I held the door open to clear away the breathed-out air. The rain was now coming down steadily, but it seemed nothing could dampen my guests. I could hear them singing in the darkness, as though the heat of their happiness might dry up the downpour. I sucked in the clean breath of the night.
There was a small cough at my back. Of course, Anne was here. We faced each other, listening to the laughter grow fainter. When it was quiet enough to hear my own thoughts, Anne took her skirt in each hand and lowered herself to the floor in such a deep curtsey that her knees brushed the straw.
‘No, mistress; there is no need to kneel before me.’
I grasped at her elbow to pull her upright, but she toppled sideways and I staggered with her: I would have fallen if I had not wrenched the both of us upright. Her giggle snapped off in a yelp.
‘I am sorry, mistress. Are you hurt?’
‘No, sir,’ she said between her teeth. Her eyes wrinkled as she rubbed her shoulder.
‘I am a gentle man, mistress.’
‘Yes, sir. I stumbled. It is my fault.’ She yawned, and a yeasty belch escaped.
‘Are you tired?’
Her eyes sprang open. ‘Oh no, sir. I have eaten well, that is all.’ She looked about, as though seeing each thing for the first time: the hearth, the benches, the table still dressed with trenchers and dribbled ale. ‘Shall I clear it, sir?’
‘Yes, mistress. That would be a good thing.’
She looked surprised, and it came to me at last what she expected and feared. That I was a beast like other men; a corrupt priest who wanted her only to slave beneath me in my bed. I could have wept at her innocence; thinking herself trussed up and sacrificed to me. I started to undo the gaudy ribbons binding her waist; plucked out the wilting blossoms tucked into her looped hair. She panted a little.
‘Do not be afraid, mistress.’
‘I am not, sir. My name is Anne.’
‘I know it.’ I folded the ribbons neatly, for I understood and forgave the hunger of common girls for pretty things. ‘There: you are free now.’
‘Free, sir?’
‘You owe me no debt, Anne.’ I folded my hands together. ‘You know I am a priest?’
‘I do, sir.’ Her breath furred the air between us.
‘You know a priest can never be married to a maid.’
‘I do, sir.’
‘I am a chaste man, Anne. A kind man. I will never insult you.’
‘Sir?’
I smiled at her virgin simplicity. ‘I will never give you cause to rebuke me. You will never be dishonoured in my house. You will never be hungry.’
‘Sir?’
‘Our companionship will shine like a jewel at the heart of this community. We shall show everyone th
e meaning of marriage in Christ.’ I leaned forward and pressed my lips against her cheek. ‘Goodnight, mistress. I give you the kiss of peace. You are safe here.’
I went to the solar and closed the door behind me. The floor and bedcover were sprinkled with petals frilled with rust.
ANNE
I lie on my mattress in the outer room that night and every night after, listening to his snores shake the wall. The weeks pass, and every month my blood comes and goes also. Even the moon is less regular. I yearn for Thomas with a hunger that pricks me with wakefulness. Of course, I’ve seen rams tup their ewes and stallions cover their mares, but never guessed the eagerness to be about their labour. I burn for him: he should burn for me. He’s no old dodderer, far from it. All young men have this fire: as the sun rises each morning, so men rise up with it. I do not know why he will not rise up for me.
In the meantime, I want for amusement and I take it where I may find it. Boredom is a dangerous estate for a woman, and I blame Thomas for thrusting tedium of the mind upon me. I cannot accuse him of sparing the labours of the body, for there is no end to the chores he discovers to occupy my hands. I scrub linen, bake bread, spin and a hundred other tasks. Not that any of this drudgery diverts me from wifely passions. But feeling sorry for myself will get me nowhere, nor will trying to fathom the workings of a man’s wits.
I watch him in and out of the house, to the church and back. And most interesting to my way of thinking, he goes to his storeroom, tucked beneath the eaves. The way he scoots up the ladder fast as a weasel pricks my interest, and when he comes down he’s carrying some treasure: a fine knife, a pair of embroidered slippers or a shirt so crisp I could shave his beard with it. More’s the point, he has an air of guilt that fires my curiosity and sets it burning. I know a secret when I smell one.
He never permits me to go up there, even though I come up with plenty of reasons, from clearing out mice to opening the shutter and letting new air chase away the old. I bustle below, and the room breathes in and out above my head. As the tale says, there’s nothing like the curiosity of a woman who is forbidden to do something. It is his fault. If I were not so bored, then I would have no need for distraction.
It is three weeks past Easter before I find the path up that ladder, and it is all due to his refusal to have good pots and pans. I clear my throat and begin with my latest stratagem.
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