by Carré White
“I’m sure you’ll have them in short order.”
“Yes, but first I have to find a groom.”
That was surprising. “You are engaged, are you not?”
“Yes.”
“Then it seems you’ve found the groom.”
“Getting him to the altar is my next challenge. He’s … he’s been difficult. I don’t know why he’s so slow about some things. I had hoped to be married already. Instead, I’m traipsing around the university, digging through dusty old boxes, and having the time of my life.” She giggled, surprising me. “I do so adore my studies. I’m thinking about continuing them.”
“You’re lucky to have choices.”
“I suppose I am.” Her gaze became considering. “You’re lovelier than I thought you’d be. When I heard you were a mail order bride, I thought perhaps you might look … less appealing. I’d formed an opinion of you well before we met. I’m sorry about that. Then, when I saw you, I realized I was completely wrong. You’re actually really beautiful. I’d give anything not to be so tall and gangly. I tower over most men. I’d rather be tiny and delicate like you.”
Amazed by her description of me, I stared at her wide-eyed. She had been surprisingly honest. “I think you’re astonishingly beautiful.”
“Then we’re even.” She grinned, flashing sparkling white teeth.
It would be impossible to hate Victoria, finding her warmth and kindness endearing. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For being so accepting. My background’s hardly in line with yours or the people of Mr. Witherspoon’s acquaintance, but you’ve all made me feel entirely welcome.”
“I hope we can be friends. I know you live in West Virginia, but being on good terms shall make family holidays far easier to withstand. You’ll meet my family soon enough. They can be … demanding. Their standards for everything are rather high. I’ve a younger sister who’s marrying an English aristocrat. She’ll be a Lady soon. I thought I might be the first to the altar, but it doesn’t appear that way.”
Mr. Witherspoon stood in the doorway. “I’m sorry to interrupt, ladies, but I do wish a word with my wife.”
I got to my feet. “It was nice speaking with you. Excuse me.”
“Certainly.”
Following Mr. Witherspoon into the hallway, he ambled along, the cane thudding against the marble floor. “How are you enjoying your evening, my dear?”
“It’s been wonderful. I do like Victoria a great deal. She’s very nice, and she’s beautiful.”
We stood before a door. “See me to bed, would you? It’s been a long night.”
I knew what that meant. I would have to perform my wifely duties, as I did every night, although when I closed my eyes, it wasn’t my husband’s face I saw. It was someone else entirely.
Chapter Thirteen
The hour grew late, Victoria having gone home. I left my husband after midnight, slipping from the room, while he snored loudly. A light had been left on in the parlor, helping to guide the way as I reached the staircase. A grandfather clock ticked in the study, the sound indicating the hour of one in the morning. Upon reaching the upper floor, I turned in the direction of my bedroom, finding it a few doors down.
“I’ve been waiting for you.”
Stunned at the voice, I turned to face Nathanial. “It’s late. You should be asleep.”
“So should you.”
“Well, I shall be soon enough.”
“You’ve made him very happy.”
“I have?”
“Yes, it shows. He’s full of vinegar now. He’s back to his old self. I’m pleased about this, but … I’m terribly jealous.”
“You’ll soon have a wife of your own. She’s an accomplished young woman. She’s delightful. I do like her.”
“She meets all of the requirements … except for one.”
I was afraid to ask what that was, saying, “I’ve had a busy day. I’m exhausted. Good night, Nathanial.” Opening the door, I intended to close it behind me, but he shoved it wide, striding into the room. It being dark, he turned on a bedside lamp. “You can’t be here.”
“It’s my house. I can inhabit any room I please.”
Dismayed by this, I glared at him. “Where have your manners gone?”
A seating area stood before the windows, although the drapes had been drawn. “Let’s talk.”
“I’m exhausted.”
He scowled, clearly displeased about something. “Yet, you had enough energy to attend my father not that long ago. You can’t be that tired.”
For heaven’s sake, he was in a foul mood. “I’m not having this conversation with you. You’re being rude. I must ask you leave at once.”
“I’m rude?” He strode towards me, anger flashing in his eyes. “The woman I love entertains another man in my house, while I wait in misery, drowning in enough brandy so I’ll not feel a thing. But, that failed to work.” He reached for me, drawing me near. “You so cruelly refuse to write to me. You give me nothing, nothing! Yet, I want it all. I want you.”
“You can’t do this,” I whispered, my emotions having stirred to life again, threatening to overwhelm me. “You have to find some way to control yourself, for both our sakes.” He stood so close, the heat of his breath fanned over my face, with a hint of brandy. “Please, Nathanial.” He grasped me, drawing me even closer.
“No,” he uttered.
His lips captured mine, the feeling soft and seductive, a sigh of surrender escaping me. The warmth of him enveloped me entirely. Tiny shivers of pleasure skimmed down my backbone, centering in my core, where they fanned out in a myriad of tingles. One kiss had reduced me to a giant pool of jelly, my knees giving way beneath me. He lifted me into his arms, carrying me to the bed, where we landed in a heap.
“I’ve dreamed of this,” he breathed against my neck. He kissed my heated skin, his mouth lingering over a vein that pulsed wildly.
“No, Nathanial.”
Despite that weak protestation, my fingers drifted through the silken strands of his hair, holding him close. Desperate and hungry kisses ensued, our mouths fused in battle. I thought I tasted blood, the intensity of the desire robbing us of restraint. He tore at my dress, the sound of fabric rending managing to finally seep through the fog in my brain.
I pushed against him. “Stop!” I feared he might fight me.
He paused, his ragged breathing filling my ears. “There’s little reason to stop. We could … we could be together. It might be all we’re ever given, Trinity. I could love you in secret. I already love you, and it’s a secret.”
Tears filled my eyes. I had to muster the will to disengage him. “We can’t dishonor ourselves in such a way. We can’t. I can’t.”
He lay partially on me, his thigh wedged between my legs. “You should think about it. As time goes by, you’ll wish for this.”
“Please, Nathanial. Don’t make things harder than they are. I beg you. I agreed to come to Boston for your engagement party. I’m not here to be your lover.”
“Nothing could stop us. No one would know.”
“I would know. I can’t go on like this. This is why I won’t write you. I don’t wish to encourage your affections or this sort of behavior.”
“Do you love me?”
“That’s beside the point. It doesn’t matter. I’m married to your father. My duty is to him. It’s to our children.”
His hand drifted to my belly. “This should be mine. Why didn’t I meet you first?”
“I don’t know. Fate dealt its hand. I can’t change what’s happened.”
“Do you love me?”
“Nathanial.”
“Answer the question, Trinity.”
I thought to lie, but it would do no good. “Yes.”
“I’ve never felt love like this before. It’s all consuming. Even though you refuse to write me, you’re all I think about.”
“That shall pass with enough time. I’m hardly interesting. Your f
iancée is far more intriguing. She’s a wonderful woman. I admire her. She deserves your ardor. She deserves to be cherished and loved. She—”
“Shut up.”
He kissed me, grasping my face with a hand and devouring my mouth. I succumbed, although I didn’t want to … because the touch was what my body and soul craved. How long we kissed, I could not be certain, but a clock chimed somewhere, the hour even later.
“It would be so good between us,” he murmured. “Let me stay tonight.”
“No.”
“We could steal these moments. No one would have to know.”
“I know, and God knows. We would have to answer to Him.”
“We’re heartbroken and lonely. Perhaps, He could forgive us.”
“No, Nathanial. Please go now. You’ve taken enough liberties as it is.”
His fingers drifted down my cheek to my throat. “Hardly. You leave me wanting so much more.”
“It’s not done on purpose. I shouldn’t encourage you. You’re quite incorrigible as it is.” I struggled to sit, my corset constrictive. “I beg you to go now.”
“I shall dream of you all night.”
“It’s morning now.”
“I don’t care a continental.”
I touched his face. “You’re a good man, Nate, but you must try to control yourself. Can you do that?”
“One of these days, when you’ve had years of being with someone you don’t love or want, you’ll seek me out. I’ll be waiting too. I’ve endless patience. I want you to know that, Trinity. Do you understand?”
“Oh, gracious.”
“Even if it takes twenty years. I’ll be waiting. When you’re ready to admit defeat, I shall be here for you. Always.”
I held my face in my hands, not knowing how to respond to that. “Go to bed. Let me get some sleep.”
He grasped me, kissing me. It wasn’t until I pushed against him, that he let me go. Without another word, he left the room, closing the door behind him. I stared at it for a long time, my mind spinning with all the things he had said.
Feeling exhausted, I labored to remove the dress, fighting dozens of tiny buttons and the stays of the corset. It was a relief to be free of everything, donning a loose-fitting nightgown. I left the room briefly to use the water closet, returning to brush my hair, the burnished locks hanging down my back. Once in bed, I shut the light off, my mind reliving the events of the evening. I touched my lips with the tips of my fingers, feeling the swollen skin there. His spicy, woodsy scent lingered distractingly around my neck.
Trying to sleep, I curled into a ball and wept, feeling miserable over the situation. I had a devoted husband, who adored me, and a man who wanted to be my lover. I would never succumb to Nathanial, knowing it was immoral, but the attraction I felt bothered me greatly. I knew right from wrong, having endeavored my entire life to live as my conscience dictated. But … he tempted me like no other. I had never experienced anything like this before.
Tossing and turning, I gave up on sleep a few minutes later, going to the window to peer out at an empty street. Gaslights illuminated the brick sidewalks, while people slept comfortably in their beds. I used to stare at buildings like this, envying those inside mansions, wondering at how happy and content they must be. Here I was, mistress of all those grand things, and I felt far from happy. How had my life come to this?
A twinge of pain shot through my belly at that moment, startling me. I wondered at the occurrence, waiting for another. A long minute passed without incident. Perhaps, I had eaten something that had not agreed with me. Returning to the bed, I drew the covers up to my chin, staring at the plasterwork on the ceiling overhead. The moonlight now streamed in through the crack in the draperies. I had forgotten to close them.
Intending on leaving the bed again, another flare of pain registered, the feeling throbbing now. “What is that?” Rubbing my belly, I worried it might be the baby. “Are you all right?” Although I wasn’t particularly in love with the father, I respected him greatly. I hoped to one day feel some affection for him. This baby, however, was desperately wanted. Ever since discovering I had gotten with child, I embraced the idea wholeheartedly, looking forward to becoming a mother. I yearned to have something of my own to love and cherish openly. Another jolt of pain flared. “Oh, my word. I hope it’s not … I hope this isn’t me losing my baby. I … no.”
Leaving the bed, I hastened from the room, finding Nathanial’s a few doors down. Without knocking, I entered. He hadn’t gone to sleep yet, sitting on a sofa reading. His startled expression met mine.
“Is everything all right, Trinity?”
I grasped my belly. “I’m not sure. I … don’t think so.”
He tossed the book aside, springing to his feet. “What is it?”
“I’ve a belly ache.”
Leading me to the bed, he had me sit, his expression worried. “Where?”
“Here.” I touched my stomach.
“How long has it bothered you? I was with you no more than thirty minutes ago. You seemed perfectly fine then.”
“I was. This started just now. Something’s not right.”
“Are you bleeding?”
“No.”
“Shall I get the doctor?”
“I don’t want to be trouble.”
“But you came to me for help.” He touched my face. “I’ll get dressed. We can’t leave this to chance. If something happened to you, I’d never forgive myself. I’d rather be safe than sorry.”
I watched him, as he pulled up a pair of drawers beneath the nightshirt. The lower part hidden, he then drew the shirt over his head discarding it on a chair. This revealed a surprisingly muscled torso smattered with hair. He then donned an undershirt, grinning my way.
“I’m glad you’re here, although I’d rather you come to me healthy, not in need of medical attention.” He buttoned the shirt quickly, reaching for a pair of trousers.
I wasn’t able to appreciate the view for long, something throbbing in my belly. I fell back onto the bed, moaning. Nathanial dashed over to me, his features pinched with concern.
“Trinity?”
“Just go get the doctor.”
“I will, my love. Lord have mercy, I will.” He ran from the room.
Chapter Fourteen
Instead of sleeping, in the early hours of the morning, I had woken the entire house, even my husband coming up to the second floor to sit by my bedside. Doctor Leonard Goff arrived within the hour, Nathanial having gotten him. He examined me, listening to my heart with a stethoscope. He seemed satisfied a short while later, staring at me.
“You’ve not had another cramp?”
“No, sir.”
“There’s no bleeding.”
“No.”
He nodded. “I was worried the embryo might’ve implanted outside of the uterus, but that’s not the case.”
“I was examined at home by Doctor Watson. He said everything was fine.”
“You’re not far along enough to be in pre-term labor. We can rule that out. Do you feel an ache in your lower back?”
“No.”
“Pressure in the pelvic area?”
“No.”
“It couldn’t possibly be placental abruption, because it’s too early in the pregnancy for that. That usually occurs much later.” He smiled slightly. “We should be watchful for any of the afore mentioned symptoms, my dear. If you start to bleed, that’s a rather bad sign. Your blood pressure is perfect.”
“So, this was nothing?” I stared at him hopefully. “Indigestion?”
“Perhaps. Or your uterus is expanding to accommodate the growing fetus. I can’t say for certain. You’re not feeling pain now, are you?”
“No.” I glanced at my husband’s tired face. “Oh, gracious. I feel so silly for causing such trouble.”
“Is my wife all right, Doctor Goff?”
“She is.” He closed a leather bag. “She’s quite healthy.”
Nathanial slumped agains
t the chair he had been sitting in, a glass of brandy dangling from his hand.
“I’m so sorry for causing everyone grief.”
“Don’t be hard on yourself, my dear,” said Mr. Witherspoon. “You’ve done the right thing by calling for the doctor. I can now go back to sleep and feel secure that you’re alive and well.”
I hugged him, genuinely happy to have him by my side. “Go to sleep. I shan’t wake you again until later today.”
“I’m off.” Doctor Goff grinned. “It was nice meeting you, Mrs. Witherspoon. Do try to get some rest.” He strode to the door.
I heard Nathanial say, “Send me the bill.”
Still being in Nathanial’s bedroom, I slid from the mattress, my bare feet touching the carpeting. “I’ll escort you down.”
“That’s not necessary, but I’ll escort you to your room.” He glanced at Nathanial. “Good chap there, you’ve done good. Thank you for summoning the doctor.”
“She came to my room in pain. It was the least I could do.” He smiled tiredly.
“Thank you, Nathanial,” I murmured. “You’ve been far too kind. I should’ve gone back to bed. I'm sorry I woke the whole house.”
“No.” He got to his feet. “You’ve a right to be worried over your health. I’d be happy to fetch every doctor in Boston, every single night you’re here, if you desire it.”
“Oh, that’s too much.” I grinned, relieved to have the all clear from the doctor. “Let’s leave Nathanial in peace. He’s tired like the rest of us.” My husband escorted me down the hall, depositing me in my room. As he kissed my cheek, I murmured, “Good night.”
“Good night, my dear. You sleep well. We’ve nothing planned until tonight anyhow.”
“All right.” I closed the door after he left, sliding beneath the sheets of the bed. I hadn’t been losing my baby after all. Whatever ailed me had nothing to do with a miscarriage, thankfully. Some other, mysterious cause was to blame. The door creaked open. I glanced in the direction of it, seeing Nathanial. “You should go to bed.”