by E. L. Todd
“What did he do to you?” he asked with a weak voice, his gaze averted.
“Sexual things. When I told my mom about it, she did nothing, calling me a liar. I woke up in the middle of the night with his finger down my pants. He told me if I said anything, he would tell his dad and he would beat me. So I did nothing, letting him take advantage of me. When I get older, I fought back, disgusted with him. When he told his dad that I was misbehaving, my stepfather would beat me. But it was worth the pain. I would rather be punched and kicked than be fingered by a disgusting pervert. The last thing I did before I left California was break two of his fingers. I know he’ll get retribution for that eventually. That’s my story.”
Coen said nothing, still staring at the sand while he held her hand. He seemed calm and in control, but she knew him better than that. A war was raging inside him, wanting to explode. The retelling of the story did make her feel better. She didn’t feel like the grief was only her burden, but his as well.
“Thank you for telling me,” he whispered. His eyes were lined with red and a few tears escaped. He blocked his face and looked away before she could get a good look at him. When he felt he had regained control of his emotions, he turned to her and wrapped her in his arms, holding her to his chest. “You’re safe now. That’s all the matters.”
“I know.”
“I’ll never let either one of them touch you again. I promise you.”
“I know, Coen.”
“I’m so sorry you had to suffer through that.”
“I don’t have to suffer alone anymore.”
“No, you don’t. I can’t believe you became such an amazing person through all that grief. It’s truly astounding.”
“My father. He raised me to control my mind. Nothing else mattered. As long as they couldn’t take my mind, thoughts, and beliefs away, I would stay sane. They could have my body.”
“Sydney, it wasn’t your fault he passed away. It was a horrific accident that was completely out of your control.”
“It is my fault.”
He looked into her eyes. “If the situation was reversed, would you want your daughter to feel this way? Carrying all this guilt for the rest of her life? Even if it was your fault, it wouldn’t change anything. He would want you to be happy, Sydney. It was a tragic accident. It could have happened to anyone.”
She nodded. “You’re right. I wouldn’t want my child to live in regret for the rest of their life.”
He kissed her forehead. “So let it go. He would want you to.”
She started to sob. “You’re right, you’re right.”
He rocked her back and forth and held her while she sobbed her heart out, remembering all the pain and suffering she experienced through those painful years. She didn’t know how long she sat there but hours seemed to trickle by. Coen never removed his arms from around her. He just whispered words of love into her ear.
When she finally felt calm, he pressed his lips to her ear. “I’m your family now, Sydney. I will take care of you as long as you’ll have me.”
“My family?”
He rubbed his nose against hers. “Yes. Henry, Nancy, and I are your family. Those pieces of shit you used to live with hold no sway over you anymore. You belong with me.”
“I’ve always wanted a real family,” she said through her increased breathing.
“And we’ll make one of our own.”
“We will?”
“Yes.”
“You still love me?”
“Always, baby. Always.”
“I was so scared that you wouldn’t.”
“That’s impossible.”
“Even after what I said about Johnny?”
“It changes nothing, Sydney. Your past is in the past—where it belongs.”
“You’re right. I do feel better.”
“Together, we can get through this and make it a distant memory.”
She nodded. “Thank you for not getting mad.”
He didn’t respond to her comment. “Can I ask you a few things?”
“Yeah.”
“What other sexual things did he do to you?” Her eyes widened in fright. “It doesn’t change how I feel about you. I just want to know.”
“He went down on me.”
“He never had sex with you?”
“He tried.”
“Do you have any proof?”
“I wish.”
“What about your stepdad? Do you have any proof of his crimes?”
“No. I was never allowed to have a cell phone. I would have recorded it if I could.”
He sighed. “Then perhaps we should just let it go.”
She nodded. “I think that’s best.”
“We’re going to have a beautiful life together, Sydney.”
“We haven’t been together very long.”
“No, we haven’t. But I’m never letting you go.”
“I don’t want you to.”
“Good.” He rocked her in his arms.
Sydney knew she should tell him about Thanksgiving and how her stepdad and brother planned to fly there, but she didn’t want to discuss that yet. She just dropped a bomb on him. He was taking the information so well but she didn’t want to push him. One horrific story was enough for the day.
5
When Sydney came to campus the next morning, Henry was just getting out of his car.
“Hey,” she said happily as she approached him.
“Hey,” he said with a smile. The light was still gone from his eyes. She knew his smile was just a show the second she looked at him. He was still sad. “How was your weekend?”
“It was good,” she said awkwardly, thinking about making love all over the place. “How was yours?”
“Great. I went out with some friends and met this girl. We are going out tonight.”
“Really? That’s great.”
“Yeah,” he said. “She’s cute and—well—Derek made me.”
She laughed. “He gave you a little nudge?”
“More like a shove. He walked up to her and said I told him she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen then introduced her to me. I was forced to go along with it.”
“Well, it worked.”
“Yeah,” he said as he ran his fingers through his hair, shifting his weight. “So, how’s Coen?”
She was quiet, unsure what to say.
“Syd, he was going to come up at some point. It’s best just to rip off the bandage.”
“He’s good.”
“So, you worked everything out?”
“Yeah. We did.”
He nodded. “I’m glad that I was able to repair some of the damage I caused.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Henry.”
“Yes, it was. I feel horrible for pressuring you repeatedly then kissing you when you were heartbroken. I feel like a total ass. If I had known you were with Coen, or even liked the guy, I never would have said anything to you.”
“I know, Henry. Please don’t apologize. I don’t blame you for anything and neither does Coen.”
“Really?”
“Of course.”
He sighed. “I’m relieved. I was worried about what you thought of me.”
“I still think you are a really great guy.”
“Okay.”
Coen parked his car then jumped out, closing the door behind him.
Henry saw him. “Well, I’ll see you later.”
“Please don’t do that.”
“What?”
“You don’t have to disappear just because he’s around.”
Henry put his hands in his pockets and sighed. “I just don’t want to come between you guys again.”
“You won’t. You are always welcome around us.”
“Okay.”
Coen reached them. “Hey, man,” he said as he nodded to Henry. “Have a good weekend?”
“I got a date.”
“Ooh. Is she cute?”
“Really cute,” he s
aid with a nod.
Coen kissed Sydney on the cheek. “Good morning, baby.”
“Hey.”
He placed his arm around her. “Let’s get to class.”
Henry watched them for a moment before he averted his gaze and walked alongside them. It was a little awkward even though she wished it wasn’t. It would take some time for Henry to get used to her relationship with Coen.
They took their seats in their classroom but Coen sat next to Sydney with Henry on her other side. When Nancy sat down, she looked at Sydney and smiled. Sydney smiled back.
Sydney leaned toward Coen’s ear, whispering so low he could barely hear her. “Please don’t be too affectionate with me in front of Henry.”
He sighed. “Okay. What does that entail?”
“Just hand holding.”
“Okay.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I understand. As long as he knows we’re together, I can do this.”
“Thank you,” she said with a smile.
“You’re lucky I love you so much.”
“The luckiest girl in the world.”
He smiled at her, conveying all of his love in the look alone. The classroom was an inappropriate place to be affectionate so their stares would have to suffice as intimacy.
Professor Jones walked into the classroom and immediately began lecturing about different energy levels in the environment. Sydney scribbled in her notebook while Henry typed on his computer. He hadn’t taken notes in a long time so she knew he was feeling better—at least a little bit. Every few minutes, Coen would scribble a love note on her paper. She smiled when she read it then covered it with her hand so Henry wouldn’t see it. Henry was accepting and supportive of her relationship with Coen, but she didn’t want to make him feel worse than he already did.
Sitting next to Coen made the electricity spark like it always did. It was almost too distracting. Even in jeans and a shirt, he looked absolutely delicious. After she told him about her horrific past, she really did feel better. Now she felt an even stronger connection to him than she already did. If she was sure of nothing else, she was sure of the love they shared for one another. Never in her life had she trusted and relied on someone so much. He was everything to her—even more than everything. Now she just wanted to go home and be alone with him, talking and making love. Her need for him wasn’t lustful, although she did feel the burn between her legs when she thought about him. She just needed that connection whenever possible. She felt addicted to sex—addicted to Coen.
When the class was over, Coen walked Sydney to her next period. Henry walked alongside them. He didn’t reach for her hand, which made Sydney equally relieved and sad. His hands were in his pockets but his shoulder was touching her, being affectionate in some way. She was grateful that Coen still liked Henry even though he kissed her, but they both knew Henry respected and loved her. He would never touch her like that again. Also, it was obvious how guilty he felt about the whole thing.
When they reached the lecture hall, Coen nodded to her. “Have fun.”
She sighed. “I’ll try.”
“I’ll see you at lunch,” he said as he walked away.
Sydney stared at his ass as he walked down the hallway before she went inside, trying to push her fantasies to the back of her mind. Henry and Sydney sat down in their usual seats in the back. Henry typed on his computer while Sydney tried to focus on the lecture. Her mind kept wandering to Coen until it started to annoy her. If he was all she ever thought about, she was going to fail all her classes. She imagined him lying on top of her, moving into her slowly while he looked in her eyes. He stretched her so much that it blasted her mind with pleasure. She shook the thought away because the area between her legs was starting to burn.
When the class finally ended, she and Henry walked to the cafeteria and sat at their usual table. Nancy was already sitting there and she was about to mention her relationship with Coen when a tofu salad was placed in front of her.
Coen smiled at her as he took his seat. “The dressing is on the side,” he said as he bit into his sandwich.
She thought it was sweet that he brought her lunch. She liked being independent, never allowing people to do things for her, but she liked it when Coen did it. For the first time, she loved being taken care of. She didn’t feel weak or pathetic, just loved. “Thank you.”
He opened his textbook and started to flip through the pages. Henry was typing on his computer, organizing his notes, and Nancy looked at her phone. Sydney never mentioned or even acted like she recognized Nancy’s attraction to Coen because she just wanted to forget about it. Her friend had no idea that she and Coen were together. She couldn’t be mad about it.
Her first instinct was to place her hand on Coen’s thigh like she did when they drove in his car, but she knew she couldn’t do that with Henry sitting across from her. She would just have to be patient.
Everything seemed calm until Sydney looked across the room and saw Audrey, Coen’s psycho ex, glaring at her with so much hate she thought she would explode. Sydney sighed, annoyed that this was going to be an issue. Obviously, word had traveled that she and Coen were together. Audrey wasn’t happy about it.
When Audrey started marching toward their table, Sydney tried to calm herself before the battle started. She knew she couldn’t hurt her even though she wanted to. Fighting was unacceptable on campus. She could lose her scholarship and her admission to the university because of it.
When Audrey reached the table, Coen stood up and moved forward, keeping Audrey away from Sydney, protecting her with his body. Sydney sighed in relief when he did that.
Coen crossed his arms over his chest. “Can I help you?”
She glared at him. “I heard that man-looking whore was your girlfriend. Is that true?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Sydney raised an eyebrow, unsure what he was playing. Henry closed his laptop then glared at Audrey, obviously furious that she just insulted Sydney like that. Nancy looked like she was going to punch her.
“I have an absolutely gorgeous girlfriend named Sydney, who I’m madly in love with. Perhaps you are confused.”
“She’s totally hideous,” she snapped, putting her hands on her hips. “How could you date her?”
“You’re hideous. She makes you look like the ass of a skunk.”
Nancy chuckled when he said that.
Audrey glanced at her then returned her look to Coen. “You didn’t seem to think that when you were fucking me.”
Sydney wanted to gag at the thought. She hated imagining him with anyone else.
He placed his hand on her arm then gently pushed her back. “Fuck off and leave me alone. We’re never getting back together. I don’t want you.”
“I don’t think so. I’m not going to let you settle for this butch dyke.”
He stuck his face close to hers. “Go fuck yourself. Leave me and Sydney alone. I mean it.”
“No.”
He grabbed his soda and poured it over her head. She gasped as the sticky syrup leaked into her hair and skin.
“Yes!” Nancy shouted.
Henry laughed hysterically, clapping his hands together. “You look like shit.”
“Sorry,” Coen said as he looked at her. “I must have tripped.”
She slapped him across the face as hard as she could before she marched off. Furious, Sydney stood up and was about to chase after her. She refused to let anyone hit Coen like that.
“Baby, it’s okay. Sit down.”
She looked at him then lowered herself back to her seat.
He sat down and sighed. “I apologize for that.”
“That was totally awesome,” Nancy said. “I’m so glad I got to watch.”
“It was the second most satisfying thing you could have done, besides slapping that whore as hard as possible,” Henry said. “That bitch got what was coming to her.”
Coen looked at Sydney. “You okay?”
<
br /> She nodded. “I wish you hadn’t done that.”
“She wouldn’t stop. I had to. She has to know that I won’t tolerate her behavior.”
“That was still really mean.”
“And her saying all those insults about you weren’t?”
“They’re just words. You tell me how beautiful I am all the time. Her opinion holds no value to me.”
He sighed. “You are a much better person than I’ll ever be.”
“I think we should just ignore her from now on. She can say whatever she wants. It says more about her than it does about us.”
“Okay,” he said as he looked at her. “But if she ever tries to touch you, you better beat the shit out of her.”
“I can’t do that.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s a crime.”
“Not if it’s self-defense.”
“I refuse to hit someone unless I fear for my life.”
“Well, it would never come to that.”
“I hope not.”
“It won’t. I’ll make sure she doesn’t bother you—without pouring stuff on her.”
“Thank you.”
“She’ll probably just keep bugging me anyway, trying to seduce me and shit.”
Nancy leaned forward. “I think we should blindfold her and jump her. That should do the trick. Scare the shit out of her.”
“That’s not funny,” Sydney said.
She rolled her eyes. “You’re no fun.”