“Stop apologizing,” he admonishes firmly yet his eyes still hold happiness and amusement. “Just think of me as your filler guy, while you figure out what you want.”
“You either think so little of yourself that you think that’s what you deserve, or you really like me. I’m hoping it’s the latter because the former is bull crap. You’re amazing. I’d love to get to know you better, but…”
“Not right now,” he finishes for me, kissing me again. “I get it.”
“Maybe we can just be friends or something for a while?”
If he’s offended, he doesn’t show it. He just nods and nudges his hips between my thighs. “Whatever you need, babe.”
“Maybe when you get back from wherever it is you’re going I’ll be in a better place mentally and financially.”
“Syria,” he tells me and my heart stops beating.
“You’re going to Syria?”
Shrugging, he kisses down my neck to my shoulder. “Probably, but it’s not definite. I’ll be fine though, don’t worry.”
“I’m gonna worry.”
His head lifts and he smiles so blindingly I can’t help but return it. “Good, keep thinking of me while I’m gone and then maybe you’ll still let me fuck you when I get back.”
“I never want to stop,” I admit, feeling a pang of guilt at my own words because I can’t remember the last time I wanted sex from Chris. “Are you sure you’re not mad at me?”
“I’m a grown man, Summer, not about to get mad with you for being honest with me. Your heart is elsewhere, it’s fucking you up inside, I get that. I’ve been there, I’m willing to wait to see how you feel in a few months. If you’re not into it, cool, we’ll go our separate ways. If you’re into it, cool, we’ll eat and bang some more and see where this goes.”
I giggle at his words. “So romantic.”
“If it’s romance you want, I’ll woo you, but be warned, my romancing skills are so above par you won’t be able to resist falling head over heels in love with me.”
I snort and push at his chest. “Get off me, you giant. I need to pee.”
He moves onto his back and hooks an arm behind his head.
I look at him when I climb naked from the bed. He’s so fucking sexy and he likes me. How does this happen?
I want to dive back on top of him and kiss my way down his chest to his cock which is hard again.
“Are you gonna stand there and stare or you gonna go do your business and get your sexy ass back in bed?”
I race to the bathroom and do my business. When I return, he’s on the bed with the box of donuts and a fluffy gray cat is curled up in the spot I vacated. I forgot about Lancelot. She was originally a gift from Jacob to Marie but Mason ended up keeping her and giving her a weird-ass name. He loves this cat from what I’ve heard and I love that about him. There’s just something to be said about men who love animals.
I wonder who looks after her while he’s gone.
“I’ll make coffee,” I insist. I think I’m going to need it.
Sylvia floats around the kitchen with ease, throwing things into a pan, creating the most amazing scents.
“I do love your visits, Sylvia,” I hum while throwing Evelyn up into the air, making her screech with delight and then putting her back down again.
“Me too.” Maya walks into the kitchen while fastening a bracelet to her wrist with James hot on her heels. She looks so sophisticated and sexy with her thick, dark hair hanging in sprayed waves to her waist. Her hair has always been my favorite thing about her. It’s like a blanket, so soft and thick.
“Keep staring at my wife like that I’ll start to question your sexual preferences, Summer,” James jokes, winking at me. He’s as handsome as his wife is beautiful. “Hi, Mom.”
He kisses Sylvia’s cheek and then snatches Evelyn from me.
“No, Daddy!” the little girl whines and pulls his neat hair.
“You’ve got to give Summer a break,” James admonishes.
Maya smiles warmly at them and then shakes her wrist at me. “Can you help me latch this bastard bracelet on?”
“Language, Maya,” Sylvia snaps and Maya crosses her eyes at me. Her back is to the older woman so Sylvia doesn’t see but somehow I know that she knows Maya is pulling faces.
I snigger as I clip the dangling charm bracelet into place and admire the tiny lilac stone that hangs from it. The charm bracelet is a gift from her new friends, one of whom is a British duke. I have yet to meet him and his fiancée but I’m looking forward to it. They’re all Maya talks about these days. I think she’s worried about bringing another woman into our little gang though, she says why stir a pot that’s not bubbling.
I’m not entirely sure what that means but it definitely means something to her.
Maya says a lot of things that mean something to her but confuse the fushka out of everyone else.
“So,” I announce, bringing all eyes in the kitchen to me. Really, I’d only wanted to tell Maya. Now I feel put on the spot. “I got a job. I start Friday.”
Maya claps her hands and bounces on the spot like a child. Evelyn copies her because Evelyn is her mini-me. What Maya does, Evelyn does. It’s that simple.
“Well done, Summer.” James pulls on my short braid and Maya pulls me into a hug.
“It’s at a care home around the corner from the salon of all places. Pay’s lower than I’d hoped but it’s a start.”
“Well done.” Maya releases me and pinches my cheeks. “My lil girl is growing up.”
I bat her hands away. “That means I’ll be out of your hair before you know it. As soon as I find a place I can afford.”
“You know we’ll help you with whatever you need,” James says, forever generous.
“You’ve done enough for me already.” I point to the room with my thumb. “I’ll be in there if you need me.”
Maya nods and steps into her husband’s embrace and Evelyn squeezes between them, trying to separate them. She doesn’t like sharing them with each other. She’s so funny.
My phone is full of congratulatory messages from Marie, Jacob, Loryn, Lucas, and of course, Mason.
Mason who I fucked just under a week ago. Mason who messaged me this morning asking if I wanted to get together later. I want to say yes so bad.
I’m lonely, I’m horny, I’m single, even if recently I’m still single.
But I don’t want to use him as a rebound. That’d be unfair. Even if he’s not opposed to it.
Besides, I already made plans with Marie. We’re picking up Loryn and going out for drinks, paid for by Jacob, to celebrate my new job that I start on Monday.
It’s equal parts awesome and suckish having friends with money. They never leave me out but I feel like such a leech when they’re doing things I can’t afford. Especially now that I have absolutely no income.
Chris: When are you getting the rest of your stuff?
Summer: Where the hell do you expect me to put it exactly? Stop being an ass and stick it in a corner.
Chris: I’m being an ass? Me???
I immediately feel guilty for my text-burst.
Summer: No, you’re not. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I’ll get it as soon as I can. I just got a new job so hopefully I’ll have my own place soon.
Chris: How are you going to get your own place without a deposit or the first month’s rent up front?
Summer: I’ll figure it out. I start full time as of Monday.
Chris: It’ll take you a couple of months to get that kind of cash. Unless you’ve asked one of your posse to loan you it?
Summer: You know I’d never do that. I’m not a scrounger.
I chew on my lip as I contemplate another topic we haven’t addressed yet. In fact I’m pretty sure this is the first time we’ve spoken at all since I left.
Summer: Are you filing for divorce? Because I can’t afford the legal fees right now.
He doesn’t reply and I don’t push him on the subject. I’m hoping that’s a no for now. N
ot until I’ve gotten my bearings.
“Maya?” I call when she exits the kitchen looking absolutely stunning in a pants suit. She looks like she’s just been plucked out of one of those ladies’ magazines for business women.
“Yes, my lovely?”
“Are you sure you’re not coming tonight?”
She shakes her head. “No, you go have fun, toots. I’m gonna have a date night with James.”
I look at her again. “Am I getting under your feet? Be honest with me?”
She rolls her eyes, but her lips are smiling. “Summer, if you were getting under my feet, I’d ask you to leave.”
“Would you though?” I don’t think she would, she knows I don’t really have anywhere to go. “Because I know you hate what I did.”
“I hate what you did but I in no way hate you,” she replies, her smile fading now. “You’re my best friend, my sister from another mister, I’m sad for you because I know how hard life is about to get and I wish I could bail you out but… this is something you’ve got to figure out for yourself.”
“I wouldn’t expect you to bail me out,” I implore, despite the fact her words sting. She’s given like three cars to Marie in total and I’ve never asked for anything from her. I don’t expect it but having a friend as rich as she is makes you wish you had the balls and the relationship to just borrow their credit card.
“I know you wouldn’t, but when you really need me, I’ll be there.”
“Don’t I really need you now?”
“No, you’re doing great, Summer. I wish you could see that.”
She pats me on the head and moves to her bedroom. “I’m getting changed, this is way too workday for me.”
“Oh, to have your closet,” I mumble as she goes and then smile when Evelyn chases after her, stumbling along the way.
Sylvia stands in the doorway to the kitchen, her eyes narrowed on Maya’s back. She looks at me and questions, “Do her boobs look bigger to you?”
“She’s not pregnant, Mom,” James sighs and I grin at him.
“Well, she’s certainly taking her time,” Sylvia grumbles making me laugh.
“Loryn and Lucas will have another before you know it,” James says, not looking at all sad that he might not have another at all.
“I’m hoping they get pregnant together so I can raise my grandbabies like twins.”
“Lucas and Loryn?”
Sylvia smacks his shoulder. “No, you fool, Maya and Loryn.”
I couldn’t imagine being pregnant right now and to think a year ago I was begging Chris for a baby. I’d be stuck with him if that happened and that’s a scary thought. It’s for the best that it hasn’t happened for me yet. I’m still young, I’ve got a career I need to start and work on first before I start looking for another marriage and a baby.
Where would I even put it? I don’t have anywhere to live right now.
I place my hand over my stomach and pray that Mason and I didn’t accidentally create life. I didn’t think much of it at the time but now I’m panicking. It’s silly really, I haven’t missed my period yet or had any symptoms, it has only been five days. He also didn’t spill his seed inside of me so I should be fine. That would be a complication that I won’t appreciate right now.
I shudder at the thought and try not to torment myself with anymore of that bullshit. I’ve got things to focus on.
Summer: You can come with us later if you want to?
Mason: I thought you’d never ask…
Mason: So I invited myself anyway.
I giggle, feeling like a teen girl with a huge crush.
Summer: Can’t wait.
Mason: I’ll bring condoms this time. ;-)
Maybe he too has been thinking about it.
Summer: Rad. ;-)
Yeah, I’m totally getting laid later.
I feel beautiful for the first time since I left home. I haven’t been feeling great. My bad decision making has been a catalyst for bad feelings toward myself, but I know that I’m starting to get to a good place emotionally and mentally.
Leaving Chris has been hard but it has been easier not talking to him or seeing him. I haven’t even checked my social media accounts because I’m not a masochist. If Chris has been updating his it’ll tear me apart with jealousy so what’s the point?
I’m not going to update mine either like I’m living a great life and having a great time because truth be told, ninety percent of the time I’m in pieces. The reality of what I’ve done and how my life is falling apart is taking its toll on me by a lot.
But I’m trying not to think about that as I leave Maya’s apartment with bag in hand.
Mason volunteered to pick me up even though it’s not on the way.
He’s so sweet. I still can’t get my head around the fact a man like him actually wants to spend time with me. I bet he’s got no end of women on hold and he chooses the one with the most baggage?
Maybe the fact I’m married is what entices him to begin with. Some people are into that.
I exit the building, smiling at Kenny the concierge, or at least I think that’s his title. Basically, he rotates with different employees and keeps the entrance manned at all times so the building doesn’t get unwanted visitors and so the inhabitants are safe.
“Evening, miss,” he says politely.
“Good evening, Kenny,” I reply and step out into the brisk night air.
I follow the steps down in my heels, wishing I’d worn pants because this jumpsuit cuts too high at the thigh, leaving too much skin for the cold air to assault. It’s July so it’s summer, but tonight is a colder night than usual. I wonder if it’ll rain tomorrow. Luckily it didn’t rain all over Independence Day. Not that I did much to celebrate it beyond eating food cooked for me.
I look around the road and watch cars pass by. People walk down the street, huddled in their summer clothing because I don’t think they realized how cold it would turn either.
Mason sent me a text saying he’d be two minutes; it’s already been four. Where is he?
I pull my dark green satin jacket tighter around myself and check my phone but there are no messages at all.
As I’m stuffing it back into my bag, dancing from foot to foot to stay warm, I hear the roar of an engine that definitely does not belong to a car.
The noise screeches, sending powerful, deep vibrations of sound through the air as it gets closer and I wonder who the asshole is that owns a bike so loud.
Then said asshole skids to a stop in front of me and I immediately retract that statement.
“Oh my God,” I whisper when Mason climbs off the gleaming, glossy, jet-black motorbike after killing the engine.
It’s massive. Huge. Dangerous looking.
A bit like him.
He pulls off his helmet like a cliché advertisement and smiles at me like the supermodel he should be.
I’m still in awe, still unable to breathe.
“You okay, Sums?” he asks, still smiling that million-dollar smile that makes me want to sit on his face.
“Can we have sex on that?”
He laughs, throwing his head back with it, giving me a glimpse of his corded throat that leads to a muscular neck and shoulders.
“Fuck yeah, baby, sure we can.” He unclips a second helmet from the back of the bike and helps me squeeze it onto my head. I’m probably going to get helmet hair and I don’t care. I’m way too excited for this.
“You ever ridden on the back of a bike?”
I shake my head.
“Well, you lean when I lean, you can hold me or here.” He pats the handle at the back of the seat. “Got it?” He flips the visor of my tight helmet up and taps my nose. “You okay?”
Gulp. “Totally.” I am going to die.
He takes off his heavy-looking leather jacket and forces me to put it on, then zips it up and takes the middle of the seat with a swing of his leg. Damn, he looks sexy on that thing.
“Can I take a picture?” I ask, pull
ing out my phone.
I hear him laugh again as I get the shot and then an awkward selfie with my helmet head and his helmet head and the bike all in view. Tonight is going to be awesome.
I climb on behind him, praying he doesn’t crash and tear my legs up, but I have faith in him. The bike vibrates between my thighs and I choose to hold him instead of the handle, I feel safer.
“You okay?” he yells loudly so I can hear.
I give him a thumbs-up and then off we screech, jolting forward and onto the road. I scream, I can’t help it but scream. It’s such a rush. I lock my arms so tightly around his body that I wonder if he can breathe.
“WOOOOOO!” he calls, kicking up the speed a notch, making me hold my breath. Lights, buildings, cars, people blur by faster than I’ve ever travelled through a city. He controls the bike with grace and ease and expertise. This is not his first bike, I can tell. Though I didn’t know he had one at all.
It must be new.
We finally come to a stop outside the nightclub, Vendetta, where Jacob managed to get us a VIP balcony. So exciting.
We roll the bike across from the club, in a secure parking lot, and finally climb off.
My entire body aches.
Mason takes off his helmet first and then the jacket he loaned me. The second I unclip my helmet and yank it off he lifts me and crushes his lips to mine with a groan.
“Gonna be hard not fucking you now that I’ve had your thighs locked to my body the way they have been the entire ride here,” he mumbles against my neck after moving his kisses to there.
I hum from the pleasure of it. This man just makes me feel all kinds of things.
“You good?”
“I’m good,” I breathe.
He holds both helmets by their safety straps in one hand and holds my hand in his other.
“You’ve got my lipstick all over your mouth,” I tell him and reach up to wipe at it with my thumb.
“A badge of honor walking into that club with the sexiest woman’s lipstick on my face.”
I slap his chest, giggling at how silly he is. “You are such a charmer.”
“I have my moments.”
“Seriously, what do you see in me?”
A Little Bit of Guilt: Little Bits #5 Page 6