A Little Bit of Guilt: Little Bits #5

by Murphy, A. E.

  He gently pulls my hand away from my face. “Go on?”

  My brows pull in and I’m ashamed to admit I stomp like a child. Only lightly, but he still followed the movement with amusement in his eyes. “You don’t have to sound so skeptical.”

  “I’m holding my breath.”

  I narrow my eyes. “She said, and I agree, that we should just try to co-parent as friends. Because we hardly know each other, and this is a lot to deal with.”

  He laughs as though that’s hilarious and then suddenly stops before stating, “Yeah, that’s not happening. You’re pregnant with my kid, so as far as I’m aware you’re my girl now. We’ll make this work before we try the ‘friends’ thing. No way I’m being around you all pregnant with my child and not putting my hands on you.”

  Why does he always render me breathless? “You’d be giving up your freedom… everything you enjoy, for me, for someone you hardly know…”

  “For the sexiest ass I’ve ever seen and the mother of my child, not a hardship, Summer. I haven’t fucked anybody since I first fucked you. Not planning on it either. So if you’re deciding you’re keeping this baby, you’re deciding you’re keeping me too. I’m not leaving without a fight. A kid needs both parents united and I can’t do that from another house.”

  I try not to feel too happy about the fact he hasn’t had sex with anyone else but how can I not? “Lots of parents do it separately.”

  “Not me, not mine, not for my kid.”

  “I feel like you’re settling. What if you don’t like me in a couple of months? What happens if you get bored?”

  “That’s not going to happen.” His warm hands cup my face and squish my cheeks together to make my lips pucker. When he kisses them, I try not to laugh but fail. “I promise. You have my word. I will be good to you, as best I can, until the unfortunate moment we both decide we aren’t good for each other, which I don’t think is gonna happen.”

  When he lets go of my cheeks, I mold my body to his, gripping him tight around his strong back. “You’re a good man, Mason.”

  “Don’t praise me just yet. Beyond making my bed and keeping my space clean I’m not domesticated at all. You’re gonna have to bear with me here.”

  “You’re going to make me fall in love with you if you keep talking like that.”

  He grips my hair and pulls my head back so his gray eyes can once again peer into mine with exquisite softness. “Here’s hoping. Then maybe you’ll never leave me.”

  We kiss intimately, tasting each other, lips gentle, tongues teasing. I hum against him and my body relaxes further so of course he grips my ass with a large hand, making me squeak.

  “Reckon I can take you to bed now?”

  I slap his chest and lean back. “I thought we were going grocery shopping?”

  “Ugh, right, domestic shit,” he jests, rolling his eyes and adjusting his crotch. “Let’s get you settled then. Fill the bathroom with your shampoos and shit, fill the kitchen with the candy you like and maybe then you’ll feel less on edge and more at home when I leave for three months.”

  My jaw drops. “You want me to stay here?”

  “Yup.”

  “Just like that?”

  “It makes sense financially. You stay, I provide, baby has the spare room, we have rocking sex in our room, the living room, every room…”

  I look at my feet, I didn’t take my shoes off because he didn’t, but that will have to change if I’m actually moving in.

  “You can do whatever the fuck you want to the place. It’s perfect for both of us right now, I need somebody to brush and feed Lancelot every day and you need somewhere to call home.”

  “I might change her name…”

  He narrows his eyes but continues, “Her name is Lancelot.”

  “That’s a boy’s name.”

  “Not my fault society gives us names with gender ruling.”

  I roll my eyes and laugh again. “We’ll see how things go before you leave and then we’ll talk. I feel bad… moving in with you while I’m still married to Chris.”

  “Divorce him then.”

  “Already made the motion,” I reply sadly. “Maya is helping me with that. With everything actually.”

  He takes my hand in his and starts pulling me to the door. “Well there’s that at least.”

  We smile at each other and I’m starting to get excited about our future.

  When we return later, arms full of grocery bags, we put them away side by side and I grimace at the state of the kitchen cupboards. They’re not dirty but there’s no rhyme or reason to them. Everything should have a place. Nothing has a place.

  If he’s serious about me staying and that’s what we decide to do then I’ll just sort it all out while he’s gone. I feel awkward doing it while he’s here.

  “You’re picturing the walls pink, aren’t you?” He looks horrified.

  I laugh and shove him lightly. “No. Pink isn’t a wall color.”

  “Agreed. At least I won’t be coming home to a pink apartment.” He’s so sure of himself. It’s nice. I suppose one of us must be.

  “Thank you for stepping up and making me feel better about all of this.”

  When he winks at me, I sigh inwardly. Ugh, he’s just so handsome. He has shallow dimples in his cheeks that just add to the charm of his every smile.

  “Don’t thank me, not until I’ve done something worth your approval.”

  I kiss his jaw and then tickle his neck with my fingertips. “You hungry?”

  He bends at the waist and wraps his arms around my thighs to pick me up, putting his head level with my groin.

  “Only for you,” he growls, flashing his eyes at me and nipping at the skin of my belly.

  “Put me down.” I laugh and bend forward as he carries me from the kitchen and into his room. “Mason.”

  He drops me on the bed gently, steps back, and makes it look like he’s getting a running start.

  “What are you doing?” I shriek playfully but he soon shows me by diving onto me with a grunt and growling into my neck like an animal. It tickles like hell and I choke on my laughter, trying to breathe as he goes. When he stops, he pins my hands above my head and plunges his tongue into my mouth.

  I soon forget about everything else. I love how he has the ability to do that.

  He slows down and peppers gentle kisses over the closed seam of my lips and then my jaw, to my neck, where he yanks down the shoulder of my shirt and kisses my bare flesh there too.

  “I’m so sensitive,” I murmur when he travels further down and then lifts my top to expose my breasts.

  “I knew you weren’t wearing a bra,” he murmurs happily and then suckles on one of my pointed nipples. “I love your tits.”

  “Thanks,” I breathe, holding his head to my chest. “Ugh, you’re so good at that.”

  He flicks his tongue back and forth over the end of my hard flesh. I can feel him smiling, always so proud of himself.

  His lips travel lower, over my navel which he nuzzles for a moment and I wonder if he’s doing it because it feels good for me, or if he’s hugging his child through me. I really hope he doesn’t secretly resent me for choosing this. I know he didn’t want this to begin with, I can’t imagine he has genuinely changed his mind this suddenly. I have a strong feeling all of this is for my benefit, because he doesn’t want to look bad or feel guilty.

  “Mason?” I whisper and he lifts his head. “I’m hungry.”

  I’m not that hungry, but I do need to distance myself from this side of him until I figure out his intentions.

  If I can.

  The problem with that is, I find him too irresistible.

  “Can it wait?” he asks, smiling against my hip as he works the button of my jeans.

  I moan and wriggle beneath him. Just his breath near the V of my stomach is enough to make me feel ready.

  “Umm…” I try but fail when he yanks my pants down and then pulls them off my legs while standing. I gulp when he
pushes his own down, revealing himself to my hungry eyes. “I guess so.”

  “Suppose we don’t need a condom now,” he tells me, still smiling, and I wonder if my thoughts about his sincerity and happiness were wrong. It’s hard to fake this kind of emotion. “I already knocked you up with my super sperm.”

  “Dude,” I laugh and yank my top over my head so I’m completely naked to his viewing pleasure. “Hurry up and fuck me so I can make dinner.”

  He climbs on top of me and thrusts inside after finding his mark. We both cry out, and when he starts to thrust, we both gasp for breath. He rotates his hips just so, slightly tilting his body to the side so he can reach between us and massage my clit with his thumb.

  All reservations vanish. My eyes squeeze shut. The burning spreads to my feet, to my hands that are fisting the blanket beneath me.

  “Oh God, oh Mason,” I whimper, choking on a moan when he bites my nipple and tugs gently. I love it when he does that.

  I release the bedsheet and rub his body with my hands, his arms, his shoulders, his back, his hips. I grab his ass and squeeze. His ass really is perfect.

  “Gonna blow soon,” he mutters, a light sheen of moisture across his face and neck.

  “Me too,” I reply just as quietly. I don’t know how long we’ve been going like this for but I don’t want it to end. It feels so good. It’s like I’m stuck in that limbo between torturous pleasure and orgasm and his cock is just hitting the right spot with each thrust.

  I squeeze him, milking him, waiting patiently for my release to hit me.

  He adjusts his hips again, just so, while his thumb works faster. I notice his breathing getting labored and smile when I see the frown marring his handsome face.

  He’s really struggling to control himself.

  I put him out of his misery and let it go, thrusting my hips up to meet his in a way I know will tip me over.

  I just don’t expect the brutality of it. I come on a cry so loud he puts his hand over my mouth. Not because anyone will hear me, just a reaction on his part. It only makes my climax worse, more powerful, harder to control.

  As I all but scream against his hand and dig my nails into his ass, he finally lets go of his control, removing his thumb and jackhammering into me with the speed and power of a fucking animal. I move a couple of inches up the bed before he finally stops with a roar even louder than mine.

  I don’t cover his mouth, I hope everyone heard what I just did to him.

  “Merrroooooowwww.”

  We both look at the cat that’s on the pillow beside our heads, watching our every movement with lazy round eyes.

  “When did she get there?” I whisper, still panting from the exertion.

  “Not a fucking clue,” he replies, panting heavier than me.

  I waft a hand at the cat. “Shoo. Go get your own toy. This one’s mine today.”

  Mason laughs into my neck, letting his large body drop onto mine, giving me his full weight. I can hardly breathe.

  Lancelot climbs onto his back and turns a few times, making Mason hiss because of her claws. She settles at last and looks down at me over his shoulder, her lazy eyes showing no emotion.

  “She’s just looking at me.”

  “She does that.”

  “Looks at women?”

  He laughs lightly. “Yep.”

  “It’s weird.”

  He laughs harder. “Yep.”

  I narrow my eyes on the cat I secretly love. “I will shave you.”

  She blinks. We understand each other.

  “You need to get off me, I can’t breathe,” I say, prodding his muscular, meaty arm that is curved around my head.

  The cat meows her protest when he shifts, and lies on his side instead, still staring at me. He raises a brow at her and then at me when I stroke her head and scratch her chin.

  “She really loves you.”

  His gray eyes, lined by thick, dark lashes, soften and so does his voice. “Yep.”

  I run my fingers over the smooth curve of his cheekbone, to his small ear, and then to the sharp point of his jaw. “Maybe one day she’ll love me too.”

  “I know she will.” He taps the tip of his nose to mine and plays with my hair with his warm hand.

  Mason put me on his health insurance and dental the morning after my arrival, the morning I woke up sprawled on his chest and panicked thinking I was back with Chris.

  I had a dream about him, about our phone call that’s about to happen, he told me he was dying and I had to go back to him, leaving my new life behind. I felt more heartbreak in my dream over Mason moving on and getting another woman pregnant than I felt in real life when I left Chris.

  How fucked up is that?

  I’ll never admit it out loud because the shame is overwhelming.

  Mason, sensing my distress, kept my mind busy by teaching me how to work the air conditioner and other things around the apartment. Then we cooked lunch together and ended up having sex on the kitchen counter.

  It didn’t fully take my mind off Chris, especially not when he called me during.

  I was surprised when we stopped, my ass on the edge of the counter, Mason buried deep inside of me. He picked up my phone, frowned when he saw Chris’ name on the screen, and turned it face-side down before continuing.

  That’s why now, three days after moving in, a day after hosting the girls, I finally call Chris back and I’m trembling.

  Mason doesn’t know, I don’t want to complicate things there. He’s out at the moment with Jacob, I don’t know what they’re doing, he told me before he left but I was busy mentally preparing myself for this call so it didn’t register.

  The dial tone sounds and my back stiffens.

  It rings twice.

  “Finally,” Chris grumbles, sounding perturbed and upset. “I’ve been calling you for days.”

  “I’m sorry,” I reply genuinely. It’s so good to hear his voice. I’ve missed him. I’ve missed us. It’s so much easier to pretend things are easy when we’re not talking and reminding each other about the time we spent with each other. “It’s been a bit crazy these past few weeks.”

  “I heard. You went back to your parents after our call?” His concern sounds genuine.

  “Yeah, I had to. Maya asked me to leave. We fell out.”

  “And that asshole didn’t offer you a place to stay?” His anger sounds genuine too. Are we at a place in our separation where we can talk calmly about this stuff?

  “It’s complicated.” I look around the empty room and push my hand through my hair. “It’s good to hear your voice, Chris.”

  “It’s good to hear yours too.”

  I smile at the dark rug, feeling my eyes burn with tears. “I feel so bad about everything. I know I really hurt you.”

  “You did,” he confirms, and at his admission a tear trickles down my cheek. “But let’s not talk about that… not over the phone. Do you think…?” His voice trails off and he blows out a breath.

  “What is it? What do you need?”

  “Can we meet? Face to face? Maybe you can come to the house or something?” He sounds genuinely hopeful. I’m so confused by this conversation now.

  “Definitely,” I reply eagerly. Eager because maybe now we can put things to rest. “I’d like that. We have so much to discuss.”

  “You can say that again,” he chuckles but it’s laced with sorrow and dread. “When are you free next? When can you come?”

  That’s a good question. “Can I get back to you on that? Everything is a bit chaotic right now.”

  “Sure, I’m going away for work the day after tomorrow, but I’ll be back on the twenty-seventh.”

  “Of July?” It’s obviously going to be July, I doubt he’s going away for a month, it’s just ironic that that’s the very date that Mason is being deployed. Though thankfully he’s only going to Kenya and it’s not too dangerous there. But then again he could be bullshitting to make me feel better. I have a feeling he is because the last tim
e we talked about it he said Syria.

  “Yeah.”

  “I definitely can’t do tomorrow.” We have an appointment with an ob-gyn tomorrow. It’ll be our first sonogram hopefully. I’m so excited. I don’t tell Chris this. That would be stupid. “But I’ll come when you get back?”

  “Perfect. The twenty-eighth?”

  “Perfect.” I smile as relief fills me, pushing away the dread. “I’m so grateful that you’ve called, Chris. Thank you.”

  “Anytime. Now that I’m in a better head space, my line is open.”

  “Mine too,” I respond breathily. “Take care.”

  “I’ll text you.”

  “Okay, good.”

  “Speak to you later, Sums.”

  “Later, Chris.”

  We hang up and I smile at my phone, praying that he takes my news as well as he took that call.

  I hear the front door slam and jolt, hoping that’s Mason and not a burglar.

  When he comes around the corner I smile with relief.

  “Hey, you,” he says and I tilt my head back over the couch so he can kiss me. “Who was that on the phone?”

  Oh, he definitely heard. “Chris. First time we’ve spoken since I told him about me and you.”

  He blinks, his face carefully blank as he rounds the couch and sits beside me before placing his booted feet on the coffee table. That’s a habit he’s going to have to quit soon.

  “Oh yeah? Sounded amicable.”

  I narrow my eyes on him. “Were you eavesdropping?”

  “Maybe.” He doesn’t look slightly ashamed to admit that. “I didn’t want to disturb you while you were on the phone. I caught the tail end of it.”

  “Okay, well, I’m meeting up with him next week when he gets back from a work trip.”

  His eyes flicker with something. Could that be envy? Why do I feel a thrill at that? I don’t want him to be jealous or worried because I’m with him now and I wouldn’t do anything to mess that up.

  “I’m going to tell him about the pregnancy and about you and get the rest of my stuff. If there’s anything left.”

  He smiles but it doesn’t meet his eyes. “You couldn’t have done it while I’m here?”