by A. J. Byrd
“Whatever.” Kerosene smirks. “Bring back some chips while you’re at. I got the munchies, ma.”
“Boy, I ain’t no damn 7-Eleven.” She jerks open the door and storms out.
I’m left sitting in my chair snickering at them.
“I swear that girl be working my nerves,” Kerosene complains.
“She’s all right.” I close my eyes and try to float on top of my high.
“Hey, Tyler. Why don’t you come over here and sit right next to me?” He pats the empty space next to him.
“Because I’m comfortable right where I’m at.”
He chuckles. “Ah. You must be scared, then.”
My eyes creep open. “Boy, you ain’t nobody.”
He continues to pat the sofa. “Prove it,” he challenges.
I study him, especially that goofy smile and his twinkling eyes.
“Don’t make me start clucking at you like a chicken,” he says.
“Fine. Whatever.” I push myself up out of my chair, stomp over next to him and plop down. “There.”
“See? Now, was that so damn hard?” he asks, passing me the blunt again.
I wave it off. “I’m fine.”
Kerosene’s eyes rake over me as he licks his fat lips. “You sure are.”
The brazen compliment takes me off guard, and I can’t come back hard with a snappy reply. Instead, my face heats up in embarrassment.
He spreads his arm out behind me. “Can I ask you a question?”
“You just did,” I tell him.
“Nah. I mean, like, a personal question,” he says, moving in so close I’m now aware of his body cologne.
I flutter my gaze away from his. “What is it?”
He edges closer. “How come you ain’t got a man?”
Oh, God. I’m blushing.
“Hmm?” He reaches for my hand and starts playing with my fingers. “I mean, you’re a good-looking chick. A little buck wild with that temper, but I just think you ain’t met the right man to reel you in line.”
“Reel me in?” I cut my gaze up at him. “Boy, you done bumped your head.”
“Nah. Nah. I’ve been checking you out for a minute. Matter of fact, you’re the reason me and Adele have been beefing.”
“Me?”
“How come you think I always want to come hang over here? I’m feeling you, girl.”
“Yeah, right.”
Closer. “I’m being serious.” He brushes my hair from my shoulder. “You’re the type a brother like me could get down with. You know. A ride-or-die chick.”
Our eyes lock together, and there is this fusion of energy that seems to suck all the oxygen out of the room because I’m suddenly dizzy as hell.
“I got another question,” he says.
“Wh-what is it?” I whisper.
“Mind if I kiss you?”
Now my heart feels like a jackhammer pounding against my chest. He wants to kiss me? For the first time, I look at him outside of being just a friend. I guess he’s pretty cute with his shoulder-length dreads and his pencil-thin goatee. What is he—sixteen—seventeen?
I’m quiet for so long, I guess he takes my silence as a yes and starts to lean in the remaining few inches that separate our mouths. When his lips touch down onto my lips, I’m shocked at the feel of his warm tongue snaking into my mouth. Then I slowly start to melt. He tastes wicked, like some forbidden fruit. So why don’t I stop him when his other arm wraps around me and then pulls me close?
Because I like it.
“All right now, you two.” Michelle giggles. “Y’all know I’m going to tell.”
Kerosene pulls back, and I immediately miss his mouth.
“Let’s go back to your room,” he whispers.
I’m nodding before I even process what he said. Next thing I know, I’m taking him by the hand and leading him to my room. It’s the first time in my life that I’m a little embarrassed about the place looking like a pigsty. “Excuse the mess,” I say.
“Don’t worry. It ain’t no thing.” He sits down on the edge of the bed while still holding my hand.
Now what am I supposed to do?
He cocks a smile up at me. “Now, don’t get all shy on me,” he says, dropping my hand and then pulling off his T-shirt.
Nice chest. I gulp this huge knot that’s been building in my throat. Should I tell him that I’ve never done this before? I weigh that question for a couple of seconds and decide that if I share that information he just might run out of here screaming and I don’t want him to leave. Finally, I decide to follow his lead and pull my shirt off, too.
That puts a big old smile on his face. He reaches for me again, and the next thing I know I’m being pulled down onto the bed and planted under him. That’s fine because all that matters is that I get to have another taste of his mouth.
Warm.
Hard.
Powerful.
“Are you on the pill, baby?” he rasps.
“The what?” Hell, I can barely think and he’s asking me questions.
“You know, birth control.”
“Oh. I, um, no. I—”
“No matter. I got something.” He reaches in his back pocket and produces a condom.
My heart goes at it again. But when he starts kissing me again, all my anxieties disappear along with my clothes. So lost am I in all the things that I’m feeling and tasting that when the pain comes I’m completely caught off guard. I start punching at his chest.
“Whoa. Whoa. Whoa, l’il ma.” Kerosene grabs both my hands and pins them down on either side. “It’s just going to hurt for a few seconds.” He starts to move again. “See?”
The pain does go away.
He smiles down at me. “I didn’t know I was going to be your first.” He leans down and kisses me again. “That makes me feel kind of special.”
We go back to kissing and other things. I’m so lost in the clouds he’s creating inside my head that I don’t hear the ruckus that’s going on outside my bedroom. But that all ends when my father bursts into my bedroom like a roaring lion.
“WHAT IN THE HELL?”
“DADDY!”
twenty-three
Nicole—Baby Phat
Twelve pounds! I’m giddy and jumping around in the bathroom again. I’m well on my way now. I can see the small change in the mirror, and yesterday Kierra asked if I was losing weight. All I have to do now is stick with the program. Sure, I tend to get a little light-headed sometimes in the middle of the day, but it’s a small price to pay for such great results.
I quickly get dressed, rush down for my hot lemon water and cayenne pepper breakfast and then jot down a note to remind my mom that I’m spending the night at Kierra’s before rushing out the door to pick up my best friends. I’m all bubbly and happy, but it’s clear that something’s up when Anjenai and Kierra pile into my ride.
“All right. Who died?” I ask, hoping to lighten the mood.
Anjenai huffs. “Nobody. Let’s just go.”
That’s clearly a lie. “Shouldn’t we wait for Tyler?”
“She has court today,” Kierra reminds me.
“Oh, yeah. I forgot. Maybe I should go over and wish her luck?”
“You’re more than welcome to try. That’s if she doesn’t slam the door in your face.”
“Oookay. What’s going on? Y’all fighting again?” I ask.
“Apparently. Only I didn’t get the memo,” Anje says. “Can we please go?”
I glance back at Kierra, who only gives me a shrug. “All righty, then.” I shift into Reverse and hope the girls just fill me in on the way to school. But halfway through the drive, it’s clear that I’m going to have to do my own interrogation if I’m going to get to the bottom of things.
“Sooo, what happened?”
Anjenai, who’s staring out the side window, starts shaking her head, but then a lone tear slips down her face and she quickly swipes it away. “I don’t know anymore.” She sniffs. “She’s not letting me in.
She’s…she’s acting like someone I don’t even know.”
“It’s that Michelle and Trisha,” Kierra accuses. “We should have seen this coming.”
“And done what?” Anje snaps, still sniffing and wiping up her tears. “It’s not like we can tell her who she can and can’t hang out with. That girl has a hard head and it’s just getting harder. And—” she glances down at her hand “—you know what? Let’s just forget about it. Sooner or later, she’s going to snap out of this and come to her senses. I know it.”
I feel at a disadvantage since I haven’t been friends with the BFFs that long. I don’t know how Tyler was before they came to Jackson High, but I do know in the short time that I have been around them, Tyler tended to be a little all over the map. She’s tough, but cool, and a lot of times seems to be her own worst enemy. I like Tyler. I told her as much on the first day of school when I heard that she had broken the female school bully’s nose. But it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that she’s dealing with a lot of stuff she doesn’t like to talk about.
I can relate.
“Don’t worry,” I try to console Anjenai. “She will come around. There’s not a whole lot of true friends out there.”
Anjenai nods her head. “Yeah. Maybe.”
We’re quiet for the rest of the drive to school. It kind of makes me wonder what the mood is going to be later tonight during our sleepover. After we park and climb out of my ride and head toward the school, Anje stops and looks me up and down.
“Are you losing weight?”
I beam. “Yeah. Just a little bit.” I don’t want to brag too much because I a) don’t want to jinx it and b) want to stun them when I finally stroll in here with my fabulous new body.
“Looking good,” she says. “Keep it up.”
I just smile and stroll on into school. After stopping off at my locker, I swing into one of the upstairs bathrooms. While I’m in one of the stalls, I can’t help hearing someone crying a few stalls over. Oookay.
I quickly do what I have to do and rush to wash my hands so I can get out of there. But when I turn to go I spot the pale pink Chandra Bulgari purse Phoenix got for Christmas on the stall floor.
“Phoenix?”
The crying stops.
“Phoenix, is that you?” I walk over to the stall and then knock on the door.
“Nicole?” Phoenix croaks.
“Yeah. Open up.”
“Is there anybody out there with you?”
“No. I’m by myself.”
“Lock the bathroom door.”
I turn and rush to the main door and turn the silver lock. “Okay. It’s locked. Now come out.” She stands and shuffles stuff around before unlocking the stall and creeping out. Quite honestly, I’m astonished to see that she’s not on point like she usually is. Her hair could use a brush through it a couple of more times, and I’m not sure she put her makeup on when the lights were on. Given how much I’ve always hated Phoenix, I’m surprised to feel sympathy and compassion for her right now.
“I look that bad?” She turns toward the large mirror above the sinks. “Oh, shit.”
“Are you sick or something?” I ask, moving from the door. “Do you have morning sickness or something?”
She laughs. “No. I wish I did.” She goes to the sink and starts washing her makeup off. But while she scoops water onto her face, she suddenly starts crying again.
What the hell? I approach the sink and awkwardly try to pat her on the shoulder. “There. There. Everything is going to be all right.”
“No it isn’t,” she sobs. “Romeo hates me. Raven and Bianca hate me. You hate me.”
I flinch. “Now…I…”
Phoenix sniffs and raises her head to meet my gaze through the mirror. “Don’t lie. You hate me.”
Instead of lying, I don’t say anything.
Just as quickly, Phoenix’s gaze falls away. “I don’t blame you. It’s not like I’ve ever treated you like a real sister.”
You got that right. I remove my hand from her back and then fold my arms underneath my breasts.
She frowns and looks me over. “Are you losing weight?”
And just like that she is officially on my good side. “Here, let me help you,” I say, propping my purse up on the counter and digging out my makeup bag. It isn’t her usual Make Up Forever or MAC, but in a case of emergency Cover Girl will have to do. First I take a couple of paper towels and blot her face dry, and then I get to work.
The school bell rings for homeroom, but I stay put until I at least make her look more presentable. For her part, Phoenix stands still while I put a little more color into her face. It’s odd. Me doing something nice for her, and her being humble.
“I really appreciate you doing this for me,” Phoenix says.
I stop and stare at her.
“What?”
“That couldn’t have been easy to say.”
She opens her mouth, but I quickly cut her off.
“And don’t you lie to me.”
She laughs and, in that moment, there’s a thin bond threading in between us. One that I would have never dreamed could exist just this morning when I woke up. I’m actually dreading when we finally have to walk out of here.
“You’re probably wondering why I’m looking like such a wreck,” Phoenix says.
“Running through a list of things in my head right now.”
She drops her gaze again while her lips twitch for the right words, but they don’t seem like they’re coming any time soon. “Look. I understand. You don’t have to tell me. I just wanted to help. If I could.”
When our gazes lock again, her eyes start filling up with tears.
“Please don’t ruin my work. We’ll have to start all over.”
Her smile returns, but just for a brief moment. “If I tell you something, could you keep it a secret?”
Great. Another family secret.
“I mean it. No one.”
This sounds serious. “All right. I won’t tell anyone.”
She stares at me as if she’s having second thoughts, and then she drops a bomb on me.
“I lost my baby.”
twenty-four
Romeo—Competition
I can’t stand Kwan. I can’t stand the way he talks. The way he walks and how he’s always hanging around my boys, smiling and cheesing like he belongs in my crew. He doesn’t. And if he doesn’t get up out of my face pretty soon, we’re going to have to knuckle up.
“Romeo!” Shadiq snaps and then waves his hand in front of my face. “Damn, man. Don’t you hear me talking to you?”
“What?” I pull my gaze from Kwan and Chris talking across the cafeteria.
Shadiq laughs. “Man, you need to chill out with that nonsense.”
Confused as to what we’re talking about, I glance over at him.
“Kwan,” he says. “You keep mean-mugging him like that and he’s gonna take it personal.”
“Puh-lease. I wish he would step sideways to me.”
“What’s your beef, man? When I told you I didn’t like him you spat this whole peace-and-brotherly-love bullshit at me, and now you clocking him like a full-time job.” He leans over. “This wouldn’t happen to have something to do with Anjenai, would it?”
“What?”
Shadiq shrugs. “Chris seems to think that you still have the hots for the girl.”
“Don’t be retarded.” I roll my eyes, but my acting skills are failing me.
“I don’t believe this. You already have the hottest chick in this place knocked up and now you can’t let go of some chick you chilled with for what—a couple of weeks?”
I don’t answer. There’s no way I will be able to get him to see where I’m coming from. I was truly feeling Anjenai. I miss talking to her, playing ball and hanging out at the Mellow Mushroom and hogging down pizza. Damn. How did I screw this up?
“Whatever, man. I wasn’t born yesterday.”
I pick at my crappy Hamburger Helpe
r lunch and, like a thousand times before, try to figure out a way to reboot things with Anjenai. So far I haven’t come up with a single plan.
“Whatever. We can squash it. You coming out to Club Zero tomorrow night?” Shadiq asks.
I groan. “I don’t know, man. I got a lot of shit I got to do.”
“I think I’m going to go up onstage,” he says, smirking.
This surprises me. “For real?”
Shadiq shrugs. “Kwan says he’s going up, and I can’t have him trying to outshine the kid, you know?”
“Ah, so you still don’t like him, either?” I smirk. “And here you are sweating me?”
“I ain’t wishing death on the brother or nothing, but I’ll be damned if I’m just going to let him move here and step into the spotlight I’ve been creating for years. You feel me? I’ve been grinding and handing out mixtapes since sixth grade. People been waiting for me to break for a minute. This dude rolls down here and tries to show me up at my hangout joint? It’s not going to happen.”
“All right. All right. I feel ya,” I tell him. “Yeah, I’ll roll through and show you some love. Not a problem.”
“Cool. Cool.” He bobs his head and casts a glance across the cafeteria at Kwan. There’s gotta be some kind of irony about both of us feeling threatened by the same dude.
Shadiq and a few teammates from the football team make their way over to our table about the same time Phoenix strolls in. The minute she’s in my line of vision my head starts hurting and my lunch sours in my stomach. But I have to push all that stuff aside and try to dust off my acting skills again.
“You mind if I sit here?” she asks, fluttering a weak smile at me.
I shrug. It’s hard to mask that I don’t really care where she sits. I do need to go a little easier on her. I know that she and her girls Raven and Bianca are still beefing. Too much negativity probably isn’t good for the baby.
Phoenix sits down, still smiling.
“I didn’t know you were here today. You weren’t in homeroom this morning. Is everything okay?”
“Yeah. Everything is fine.”
How come every time I talk to her lately, the hairs on the back of my neck stand at attention? I study her. “Have you been to the doctor yet?”