“You’re beautiful,” Gabriel said and took my hand.
I stared at our enjoined hands, gathered the strength to continue. “It was a nice date, then he—I had a couple beers. In one he slipped me a mickey. I told him no, but I couldn’t fight back, and then I didn’t think it was really happening, like I was looking at a stranger being—” I took a deep breath. “He left me on the beach where he’d raped me. I remember the waves most of all, the sand in my mouth. But it was unreal.”
I couldn’t look Gabriel in the eye; I stared on our hands. My knuckles were white with tension. “I could lie and say I forgot everything that happened. I remembered everything. I was confused and scared and very angry mad. Angry at him and at myself.
“I don’t remember how I got home. I think I walked. It was a couple miles. When I woke up, I was in my own bed. I was sticky and sore and bleeding. I showered until the water was cold, and then stayed there, completely paralyzed. Then I drank. A lot. I didn’t report it until the next day. To the campus police. It didn’t go over well. The guy I accused said it was consensual sex. He was respected and well liked and had a rich donor father. The professor he T.A.’d for stood by him. But ultimately, there was no evidence. I still had my clothes, but they said they couldn’t do anything about that. I should have gone to the hospital. I should have gone to them first. I should never have showered, or gotten drunk, or anything. I was so stupid! My dad had been a cop! I knew what to do if I was ever attacked, but I was nineteen and in complete denial. I never told my dad or my brother. Not then, not now. I told no one.
“But,” I continued, “I lied on my employment application. Under penalty of perjury, I lied and said I’d never been a victim of a sexual assault. No one knew, because I never pursued it. The campus police made me feel cheap and stupid, like I had sex because I wanted to, but regretted it later. But Greg Keller knows.”
Something inside me had broken, and I didn’t know how to fix it.
“How does he know?”
“He got the file. He knew the details.”
“He told you?”
I nodded, wiped away my tears with the bathrobe sleeve.
“What happened?”
“He’s been playing with me all along. The courthouse this morning—Joe walked in and Keller acted like I had nearly attacked him. I didn’t!”
“You don’t have to defend yourself with me, Lena.”
“Joe didn’t believe me. And then this afternoon, I followed him, and now he’s threatening to sue. Ashley’s case was moved to homicide. I—I was suspended. Ramirez wants me to see a shrink.” I barked out of laugh that sounded crazy to me. “Maybe I need one.”
“You don’t.” He kissed me firmly. “The world has gone insane, not you.”
“I’ll lose my job. If he turns over those files, my career’s over.”
“Hardly.”
I shook my head, touched the side of Gabriel’s face and looked at him. “I’m a victim of sexual assault. That alone doesn’t keep me off the force. Lying on my employment questionnaire is a felony, but even if I got around that somehow, or appealed, I’d be out of sex crimes.” I considered everything I knew about the case, and about me. “I did take a lot about this case personal, I saw the parallels and maybe I denied that it affected me. But I know they’re two different cases, and I’m not seeking justice for Ashley, or any of the other victims I’ve helped in the twelve years I’ve been on the force, solely because justice was denied in my case. I’ve never faced a criminal so brazen, so confident that he won’t be caught, so taunting.”
“You’re good at your job because you empathize with the victims. There’s nothing wrong with that, Lena.”
“Judge Healy already accused me of having a vendetta against Keller. If I do nail that bastard, his attorney will get the case thrown out. At least cast enough doubt to question the evidence. Especially because the only way I’ll get his DNA short of catching him in the act is following him for the next umpteen years until he screws up and tosses a coffee cup in a public garbage can!”
Gabriel held me tight, stroking my hair. “You’re the most dedicated, smartest cop I know.”
“Not today.”
“There’s something else, something you haven’t told me.”
“This isn’t enough?”
“What are you keeping locked inside, Lena?” Gabriel asked. “What did he do to you?”
“He didn’t do anything, not physically.”
“But?”
My voice hitched. “I shouldn’t be scared. Dammit, I’m a cop!”
“I’m scared when I face a dying human being in the operating room, but I still do everything in my power to save that person. I’m scared when I lose someone, thinking I didn’t do enough, that someday God will show me if I had only been smarter or better, more people would have lived.”
I stared at him, the tears I thought were gone returning. “I’ve never seen you scared.”
“I’ve never seen you scared. But we both are. The difference between people like us and other people is that even when we’re scared, we do our job. It’s who we are.” He kissed me lightly. “I’m lucky I found a kindred spirit.”
I rested my head on his shoulder and relaxed. I might have fallen asleep, just for a few minutes, but when I opened my eyes, I realized Gabriel deserved to know my fears.
“Keller threatened to come after me. I don’t think he would—he knows I can defend myself. But I felt naked without my gun today. What if I couldn’t fight him off? Or worse, what if it’s just that, a threat, to keep me scared that someday he will come after me?
“What did your boss say?”
“I didn’t tell him the details. He wasn’t in a mood to listen to me. I just feel so lost, Gabriel.”
“You’ve been found, Lena. And I’m not letting you go.”
VIII.
I showered and Gabriel warmed up dinner. Purging my secrets made me feel physically lighter, as if the secrets themselves had weight.
When I sat at the table, I found a white rose in a bud vase next to my plate. I stared at it for a long minute, surprised at the wistfulness and hope that rose up inside. Could something so simple as a rose melt me?
Gabriel kissed me lightly on the lips. He poured two glasses of wine and sat across from me. We chatted about nothing serious over the meal, and I drank three glasses of wine. Enough to drown today, but not enough to forget tonight.
I rose to clear the dishes, but Gabriel took my plate from my hands and put it back on the table. “They’ll wait.” He smiled, took both my hands, and led me to his bedroom.
I’d been here before, but tonight felt more important than the nights that preceded it. He pulled off his shirt, then untied the sash on the robe I wore, letting it fall to the ground. “I love you, Selena Black.”
My heart flipped. “I—”
“Shh,” he murmured as he kissed me. “It’ll come.”
I wanted to love Gabriel. I wanted to tell him, then sing it from the rooftops. But the emotional roller coaster I’d been on during the last twenty-four hours had drained me. What if he didn’t believe me? What if I didn’t believe myself?
He kissed me firmly, his hands entwined with mine, as he pushed me onto his soft, plush bed.
Making love to Gabriel had always been full of lust and passion, both of us wanting to enjoy each other to the fullest. Sometimes it had gotten wild.
But tonight, he was exactly how I needed him to be. Firm, determined, but gentle. He explored with his mouth, from top to bottom, slowly. My body went limp as Gabriel smoothed and massaged each muscle, with both his thumbs and his mouth. When he entered me, there were no thoughts left, just my nerves crying out in joy and ecstasy. Our rhythm was perfect, starting slow, building to the nearly unbearable crescendo until I cried out his name and held onto him as if I would drown.
Gabriel lay next to me, pulling me close as we spooned together. He kissed my cheek and whispered, “I love you.”
I love yo
u too.
The steady drumming of rain against the skylights lulled me into a deep sleep.
I woke up incrementally from being cold. The rain still fell, but softer now, the deluge over. I shivered, and reached for Gabriel. He wasn’t there.
I opened my eyes and the bathroom light clicked off. He crossed over to the bed. “I didn’t mean to wake you,” he whispered as he slipped back between the sheets.
His body was cold, but I snuggled against him, wrapping my hands around his neck. His hair was damp, and I almost asked why he needed to shower in the middle of the night, then he kissed me, his hands on my naked body, touching me just right, until I couldn’t think at all.
I woke up late, but didn’t care. I had no job to go to today. Gabriel had breakfast ready.
“I’m going to get fat if you feed me like this.”
“You don’t eat properly. Most cops don’t.” He kissed me.
After we ate, Gabriel drove me home on his way to the hospital. After yesterday, I didn’t think I could be happy. But for the first time in years, I felt free.
I would talk to the police shrink and get a clean bill of mental health. I had problems, just like any cop on the street, but nothing that hindered me from doing my job. If anything, I was better because I understood. I empathized with the victims, and in my division that was a plus.
When I got my badge and gun back, I’d do my job the only way I know how: with passion. And when I was off, I’d put it aside and give Gabriel my time and attention.
I wanted to have a real life. And someone like Gabriel fit. He fit very, very well.
My house phone was ringing. Odd, few people had that number.
“Hello?”
“Selena, where have you been?” It was Joe.
“I don’t understand.”
“Get down to the station. Now.”
“What happened?”
“Keller was murdered.” Joe added a low voice, “No one could find you. I hope you have an alibi, because after yesterday…” He let his sentence trail off.
I was so stunned into complete silence, trying to absorb two key facts.
Keller was dead. Murdered.
I needed an alibi. Joe asked me about an alibi.
“Selena, are you there?”
“Dead? He’s dead?”
“Shot in his house. Sometime last night. It just hit the news as well, but—where were you?”
“I was nowhere near Greg Keller.”
“Ramirez wants you.”
“I’m coming.”
I listened to KFBK news driving to the station as the reality of the situation hit me. Keller was dead. Who? Why? I was silently pleased, but angry with myself that I was happy about another human being killed, however deserving. Vigilantes caused as many problems as the criminals they targeted.
What upset me the most, however, was that Keller was dead and I wouldn’t have the satisfaction of proving that he was a rapist and a killer. Would he be buried as a victim, a practical saint for all the work he did for the Attorney General? Or would the accusations follow him to the grave?
I wanted to look Greg Keller in the eyes and say, “You’re under arrest. You have the right to remain silent.” But I would never have the chance to read him his Miranda rights or put the cuffs on his wrists or lock him in a holding cell.
But in the end, there was one truth that gave me peace: he wouldn’t be hurting any more women in the River City.
I walked into the station less than thirty minutes after Joe’s call. Ramirez bellowed for me to go to his office.
“Shut the door,” he ordered. Before I could ask any questions, he asked, “Where were you last night?”
I blinked. My stomach twisted. This was real. I’d been so focused on Keller’s murder that I really hadn’t thought about an alibi. Not that I didn’t have one. “Why?”
“You weren’t at home.”
“No, I wasn’t.”
“Were you alone?”
“No.” I kept my private life very private. No one knew I was involved with Gabriel.
“He’d better be rock solid, Black. Greg Keller was shot to death last night in his townhouse. His cheek was slashed like the River City Rapist victims. After your set-back yesterday with Judge Healy, then the AG’s office getting involved because of your harassment of Keller, you might have—”
“I can’t believe you’d think I’d kill someone in cold blood.”
“If you thought he was going to get away with serial rape? Murder?”
“Not even then. I’m not a killer.”
“Do you want your union rep in here?”
“No. I don’t. I don’t need it.”
Ramirez sighed. “You’re not a killer, Selena. I know that. But people will ask questions, I have to know everything.”
“I didn’t kill Keller.
Gabriel had come to bed in the middle of the night, cold, his hair wet. I’d thought he’d showered.
But his side of the bed had been cold. He hadn’t been lying next to me for a while. How long? How long had Gabriel been out of the bed?
“Who’s your boyfriend, Selena? Is he going to vouch for you?”
I almost didn’t want to answer. I didn’t want to drag Gabriel into this mess. But he couldn’t have had anything to do with Keller’s murder, could he?
“Gabriel Storm, trauma surgeon at Mercy General.”
My boss had the decency to look uncomfortable. Gabriel was above reproach, a well-respected doctor in the community. “The doctor? Dr. Storm?”
“Yes. We’ve been seeing each other for a few months.
“And, um, you were with Dr. Storm all night?”
“I arrived at eight last night for a late dinner and I stayed until this morning when I left at seven-thirty.”
“Oh. Okay. I’m sorry I had to ask, Selena, but after yesterday—I’m sorry I put you through the ringer.”
“You want Gabriel’s statement, too, don’t you?” I didn’t want to ask him. But not just because I might need proof that I had been in his bed all night.
He shook his head. “I hate to do it, but it’s up to homicide. I’ll let them know.”
I nodded. Better to clear me now and not have it hanging over the department.
“Was there anything in his townhouse that incriminated Keller?” I wasn’t wrong about him, but I wanted the evidence.
“CSU is at his place now. They found two knives, nearly identical, with traces of blood. If they can match it with the victims, you can close your case. But the AG’s office is going to keep a lid on it, and—”
“No.”
“Selena, someone murdered Keller in cold blood. We can’t have a vigilante running around knocking off the bad guys. And unfortunately, it’s probably someone we know. Few people knew that Keller was a suspect.”
“I didn’t keep it a secret, Lieutenant. You know that. Our department, the D.A.’s office, the victims. We’re going to go after the victims now?”
“Just be available for questions.”
“Of course.” I left his office.
I didn’t leave all night.
Could Gabriel have killed Greg Keller?
Joe cornered me as I was leaving. “Well?”
“It wasn’t me.”
Joe still looked concerned. “Good.”
“Good? Don’t you trust me?”
“Yes. I’m sorry, Selena.”
“It’s not all your fault.” I tried to smile, but my head was already thinking about what I would say to Gabriel. If anything.
“Are we good?”
I nodded. Life was too short to hold a grudge.
But I was a little wiser now, and with it would come some distance. Protective distance.
I drove from the station to Mercy Hospital. I sat in the parking lot for a long time before I went in and tracked down Gabriel.
He looked both happy and surprised to see me, and ushered me into his office.
“Miss me already?” He grinned the
n kissed me.
“Yeah, I do.” That wasn’t a lie. “I just came from the station. Greg Keller is dead.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Dead? How?”
Was he assessing me? What I knew? If I knew anything? Did he seen surprised, or was that an act?
I said, “Shot to death. His face was cut.”
“I can’t say I’m upset, not after what he did.”
“Nor can I.”
I kissed him, but didn’t close my eyes. He didn’t close his either.
He smiled at me. There was something in his expression.
“Do you always shower in the middle of the night?” I asked, trying to make my voice light.
“On occasion.”
He was looking at me, trying to assess whether I was going to push him on this. The only way the police would even look at Gabriel—even if he had been careless and left evidence at the scene—was if I said he wasn’t with me last night.
Except, that would incriminate me as much as him.
Could I live with myself—with Gabriel—when I suspected him of murder?
“Selena, is everything okay?”
What a loaded question. My heart raced—there was no turning back.
“Everything is just fine,” I said.
“Good.” He kissed me. “I have to prep for surgery, but I’m on-call tonight so I can go home when I’m done. Will you be there?”
I nodded. “I don’t cook.”
“Lucky for you I love to cook.”
He opened the door to leave. I said, “By the way, Gabriel?”
He turned to look at me. His expression was curious, his blue eyes brighter than I’d ever seen them. I could lose time with this man, and enjoy every moment.
I said, “I love you, too.”
# # #
Preorder the next exciting Lucy Kincaid novel now!
Reckless
Coming 3/14/13 for only $1.99
Two suspicious hikers …
An unmarked grave …
A missing child …
FBI trainee Lucy Kincaid's spontaneous weekend camping trip with her boyfriend, P.I. Sean Rogan, turns into a deadly nightmare when they come across two hikers looking for their lost son. But when Lucy and Sean split up to help find the missing child, each quickly realizes that the parents have a dark secret they'll kill to keep.
Killing Justice Page 12