by Rita Hestand
"I want to thank you for allowing me to ride on the train." She said sweetly. "Mr. Hudson will pay you or Mrs. Granger I want to assure you."
A.J. turned to look at her and smiled. "As long as you don't cause any trouble, we'll get along fine."
"I'll do my best to stay out of your way…" She promised. "I want to help Mrs. Granger. And I will stay out of your way."
"Not my way, his!" He pointed to Joe who was watching her every move.
"He's not very friendly, is he." She glanced at Joe.
"He's a scout, scouts aren't known for being too friendly. They spend a lot of their time alone."
"That's sad. But, I'll keep that in mind. Thank you again." She walked over to Mrs. Granger's wagon.
"Well, welcome aboard." Mrs. Granger said with a smile.
"Thank you so much. What is your first name? I don't want to call you Mrs. Granger all the time." Millie asked.
"Wilma…"
"Wilma." Millie smiled. "That scout doesn't like me being here, does he?"
"Joe's not a bad sort, just a little rough around the edges is all. Got a heart of gold though…He's the only man on this train that's ever helped me with those darn mules."
"You'd never know it…"Millie said and grabbed her mouth as though she'd spoke too much.
Wilma smiled. "He'll grow on you…"
"Lord, I hope not!" Millie exclaimed.
"Now tell me, why don't you like this Matt Hudson fella? I mean is he ugly, fat, or just mean."
Millie blushed, "Well, he leers at me, ever since I was just a kid and I've been afraid of him all along. You might say I blossomed early and he took note of it. I knew he was interested in me, but I didn't figure like that. I mean he's so much older."
"You can't marry a man you don't even like. And this man sounds like a bad one."
"I have to. I owe it to my father. I know you don't understand, and I certainly can't expect you to. I don't really expect anyone to. But I feel so guilty going to school and spending father's money like I did, then to find out he had no money. I had no idea. It's strange isn't it?"
"What's that child."
"Well, you go to school to learn and then you suddenly realize that you don't know a thing…"
Wilma chuckled. "Knowin' how dumb you are, is the first step to bein' smart, they tell me. But, you couldn't have known about your father's money problems, unless he told you. It's not something a father would tell his child. Especially a girl." Wilma decided.
"That's part of the problem. I was the oldest of the kids and I never acted like most girls. I guess because I was the only girl in the family. In most respects my Pa treated me like he did the boys. I liked that, most of the time. I've always been rather independent like. But I was so set on being a doctor. I saw no reason not to go to college. Like I said before, I really thought we had money. Although I never asked. But that ranch is all he has left of the struggles he and mother endured for it. They sacrificed so much for me. I see that now. A little late, but at least I do see it. I can't let him lose the Shenandoah. It means so much to him, and all of us." Millie cried. "You should see it, it's so beautiful."
"Is Matt Hudson handsome?"
Millie shrugged. "He's nearly as old as my father, and I don't usually find men that old attractive. At least not for myself. I suppose for his age he's nice enough looking. He has neat combed blonde-gray hair, and almost matching gray eyes. He's very neat, always looking his best. But…what bothered me is the way he looked at me all the time…Like he wanted to…"
"To what?"
"I don't know how to explain it. I guess I'm really just afraid of him. You see I've never had a beau. It sort of scares me."
"Oh? Is there a reason for that? I mean you're a beautiful young woman."
"Yeah, several in fact. I was a tom-boy my growing up years. Then I took to medicine like a duck to water. But again, men stayed clear of me. Almost as though they were afraid of me. I was always studying. Never had the time to be interested and by the time I did, all the boys were taken that were any account. But as far as Matt Hudson is concerned. He's a man that is used to getting what he wants, one way or another. And the fact that he threatened to foreclose on my father, that was enough to turn me totally against him. He's well respected in the community, but of course that comes from being very rich and prosperous. But I guess I'm going to have to figure out a way to get along with him. After all, he's going to be my husband."
"You're such a young and beautiful woman? I can't imagine why you wouldn't have a herd of boys interested in you." Wilma asked.
"Unfortunately, I was smart, I guess too smart. Boys don't like to be talked down to. I learned that fast. But, once I started college I didn't have the time to flirt and like I said, most of the men didn't like the fact that I wanted to study medicine. They didn't think I could keep up with them. When I learned to keep up, they shunned me even more. They think women are inferior."
"Did any ask you out?"
"One, but he wasn't really interested in that way, that's why I went out with him. We became good friends. No, I was too busy worrying over my studies to become entangled with a man. I was so close to graduating. I didn't want my folks thinking I was squandering their money. I studied most of the time. Other times I'd go sit in the beautiful yard at the University. I never seen anything like it before. And the squirrels loved it. I used to take some bread crumbs for them."
Wilma looked at her and frowned. "Wasting away at a college like that. So does this Matt Hudson know you are coming?"
"Well, yes and no. You see, I wrote him a letter telling him as soon as I graduated, I would marry him. But he wouldn't have it. He said I had to come within the month or he'd foreclose. I'm not sure why he was in such a hurry. Unless he didn't want me to obtain the degree in the first place. I wrote him back, but I'm sure he hasn't gotten it yet. I just saw this train leaving and hopped on the first available wagon."
"How far behind was your father's payments?"
"Four months now."
"I managed to get some of the money for my tuition back before I left college, but it wasn't enough. They wanted the entire sum, full payment. We couldn't raise it, and we did try. It was impossible. The taxes alone on the property were very high." Millie threaded her hands into the reins she was so nervous now. "He could pay one but not the other."
"Child you've got to calm down and think things over. There has got to be another way. How about asking other relatives for help?" Wilma asked.
Millie shook her head vehemently. "I'm afraid not, most of our relatives are in worse shape than we are. There's no money there." Millie shrugged. "Look, I know this isn't an ideal situation, but I'm resigned to doing it. There's absolutely no other way. If there was, I certainly wouldn't be going. Besides, I'm not like most girls. I haven't fallen in love with anyone and the prospects are dim of that happening."
"There's always a way, Millie, you just have to find it." Wilma sighed.
Millie was tired of talking about it, thinking about it. She wanted to forget it until she reached Independence Rock. Then she'd start worrying.
"What about you, why are you headed west?" Millie changed the subject. She didn't want to talk about it any longer. She'd spent the last two weeks trying to figure out a way to take care of it. She'd begged, tried to borrow, did everything but steal the money. There was no way out of it.
But she was considering Wilma's words. If this was her lot in life, she had to start taking a positive attitude toward Matt Hudson. Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad.
No one knew her disappointment in not finishing her schooling though. That had cut her to the bone. She'd wrestled with staying long enough to get her degree, but when she got Hudson's letter, she couldn't ignore it. She spent a whole week, crying, fretting, and wishing her life away. She wasn't a doctor, and she never would be. And the grief over that nearly made her sick. But most of her grief was silent, as she didn't know how to change it.
Everything she'd worked so h
ard to accomplish had gone out the window when Matt Hudson forced her hand for marriage.
It had been her dream, her mother's dream. And now it was in ruins. She'd never be a doctor, and with that gone, she faced her future with gloom. It didn't seem to matter any more. Her life was over anyway. She had no interest in any one man, she had no hope of attaining her degree now, and everything she dreamed about was gone. The only ray of hope was saving Shenandoah. If she could accomplish that, she'd have something to reflect on.
"Your father doesn't know you've come with the train?"
"No, no one knew." Millie sighed. "Now please, tell me about you. I don't want to talk about me the whole trip."
Wilma leaned back to look at Millie.
"I'm going to meet my sister, she's in Oregon."
"How wonderful for you." Millie smiled.
Wilma shrugged. "She's recently widowed and lonely since her kids are all grown. She wanted me to come live with her. Since I'm no longer married or got any big plans I decided to go."
"How long has it been since you've seen her?"
"Five years. She came home once, stayed with me a month, then left."
"It will be a great reunion then." Millie patted her on the arm.
"I don't think she's lonely, I think she thinks I am."
"Are you?"
Wilma blew a tendril of hair from her face. "I was, until I joined this wagon train. I've met a lot of folks and made friends. So I'm not lonely any more. But, I thought maybe seeing a new place might spark some life in me. You know, I'm the kind of person that once I make a friend, I don't want to lose them. And most of the people on this train will go their own ways and I'll never see them again. That makes me a tad sad."
"Oh yes, I agree." Millie nodded as she whipped the mule in line once more.
"Say, you're good with those old mules." Wilma pulled a strand of hair back behind her ear that kept flying about her face. "How'd you ever learn to work with them."
"I used to drive a team at home a lot. Pa taught us all how to drive a team, by the time we were teenagers we were all pretty good at it."
"So you been a farm or ranch girl for a long time, then?"
"Most of my growing up years."
"How come you wanted to study medicine?"
Millie grinned at her. "It started as a dare. I was nursing a sick calf, and my brother had tried to help her for some time, but she wasn't responding. Naturally a man isn't very tender. So I nursed her to health, I bet my brother I'd have her strutin' about in no time. The bet was on. I won. From then on, I took a liking to doctoring. It seemed to come kind of natural to me. Some said it was my bedside manner, and not letting people give up on themselves."
"Did you doctor just animals?"
"Oh no ma'am. I doctored a lot of people that couldn't afford to go to a real doctor. There were a lot, and since they had no money to pay me, I was called out a lot. I delivered three babies back home. They'd heard how I took care of the sick animals and some of them trusted me enough to let me doctor them. I used home remedies mostly. I didn't have any fancy pills to give them. So I invented ways to help make them well. Back home we had some friendly old Indians that taught me a lot about herbs and healing, so I used that knowledge too. Of course when I told my professor about them he discredited the Indians as knowing anything. But I didn't. I think we misjudge people a lot. The Indians have no doctors so to speak, and they have learned over the centuries to care for their people from what they've learned. My theory is everyone has to start somewhere."
"Indians? Well, that is interesting. You weren't afraid of the Indians?"
"No, you see I fell once when I was wandering through the forest, I was pretty small. But I was hanging on to a limb on this ledge and my hands were getting sweaty, and suddenly this Indian brave happened by and heard me yelling for help. He pulled me up, took me to his camp and they doctored me, then returned me home. My family was ever so grateful; we all became friends from then on."
"For a farm girl you've lived an exciting kind of life. Friends with the Indians. huh?"
"They've been treating themselves for years with no doctors so they had to know something. Educated people give them no credit, but I've used some of their remedies before and they work. It came in handy at the school. Except the professors at school wouldn't accept their ideas. I do. It seemed I locked horns on several occasions with the professors. They are just so narrow minded." A small worry frown crept upon her face.
"Was schoolin' easy for you?"
"No ma'am." She reflected. "It was hard. Grueling. The words they use for some of the body and the bones, I like to have never remembered. I had to study all the time. But by the time I quit, I was top of my class." Millie smiled.
"Oh child! I'm so sorry you didn't get to finish."
Millie shrugged. "I'm over that now. I had a long pity party for that, believe me. Still do sometimes." She said, but Wilma shot her a look as though she didn't believe that for one minute.
"Doctorin' is a gift."
"Maybe, but there were a lot of people that wouldn't let a woman touch them. A lot. People just can't get the idea that gender has nothing to do with knowledge."
"Now that's just plum stupid that they can't accept you. Why out here, women have been mid-wiving for years."
Millie laughed. "I wish you had lived near me."
"Why?"
"Because you have what they call an open mind. Mama was the one to encourage me, too. When she died, it was gone and I missed it. Pa never had much faith that I'd make it. Said they'd be too hard on a woman. He was right, they were. But, Ma kept me strong. I know it sounds kind of funny but I didn't enjoy going to college like some. I spent most of my time pouring over books and learning all I could. When I did relax, it was only with the two girls that studied with me and Jason."
"Jason?"
"Yeah, he studied all the time too. But he was like a genius. When I needed help with the names of things, he helped me. We were just good friends. His folks arranged for him to marry a girl from up north he'd known most of his life. I miss him, he was so smart."
"And now?"
"Now I don't have to study any longer. I'll never be a doctor. And I'll learn to live with that, I guess. I'll never be anything but Millie Powell Hudson." Millie shrugged once more and herded the mules onward, but the look on her face said everything.
When darkness fell, the wagons stopped and turned into a circle for the night. Millie had really got the hang of the mules and was enjoying the trip. The countryside was so flat and so boring one place looked a lot like another, but Millie enjoyed the company.
That is until Joe Modoc showed up again.
"I saw you handled the team well."
"I guess that surprised you." She tried to be nice, but the scowl on his face when he looked at her disappointed her. He had no interest in being friends with her. She wondered why. What was it about her that had men turning her a frown?
"Yes ma'am, it sure did." He walked off without another word.
"Is he always so hateful?" Millie frowned when he walked off.
"No, and that's peculiar. Joe's usually very nice to the young women on the train."
"Maybe he doesn't know I'm a woman." Millie laughed.
"Honey, that's one thing he does know." Wilma laughed too now.
Chapter Four
The first time they stopped Millie went to the nearby creek and sat down in the water, since it was a pretty shallow. She had asked Wilma for some lye soap and she scrubbed herself good. She didn't bother taking her clothes off, they stunk too. She soaped herself good, and washed her hair.
Her hair shone, in the morning sun.
When she came out, her clothes clung to her, and there was Joe, staring at her.
She straightened her clothes and walked around him with her head high.
As she passed him she whispered, "The dress stunk too."
He stared after her.
Later, that afternoon, they stopped again.<
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"Come here, Millie," Wilma encouraged when the wagon train stopped and waited for word from Joe on how far up the next train was and how the lay of the land looked.
Wilma had been talking to a woman and the woman seemed to practically gush. Millie watched the interplay between the two women and smiled. They had walked up about six wagons and Wilma had stopped off to talk to a few of the women along the way.
"This is Doris Leachman, she's newly married on the train." Wilma introduced her.
Millie smiled pleasantly, "I'm pleased to meet you."
"Wilma tells me you are headed for through Nebraska Territory to marry?"
Millie hung her head and nodded, "Yes, that's right."
"I hope you'll be as happy as me and Abner."
"Thank you," Millie tried to smile but it wasn't in her. There was nothing to look forward to. The closer she got, the more she wanted to run away. She knew she had to go through with it, but she wished with all her might that she could run away from the responsibility. And talking about it only reminded her how much she wanted to forget about it for a while. But she put on a happy face.
Married to a man of fifty, who covets wealth beyond anything else was not her idea of happiness. Still, these people didn't know her troubles and there was no sense telling them. She'd shared too much with Wilma, but the woman had a way of dragging things from her. Determined to keep her troubles to herself, she tried to join in the enthusiasm the woman had for marriage.
Wilma saw Millie drift off after a while and found her sitting under a willow, alone.
"Millie, is something wrong?" Wilma asked as she approached her.
Tears began to fall now; she couldn't hold them back any longer. She'd promised herself she wouldn't allow a pity party, but sometimes the tears just rolled.
"Oh child. I'm sorry. I'm so worried about you." Wilma cried, standing over her.
Millie swiped at her eyes and turned her head, "No, it's me that should be sorry. I'm ever so grateful to you for letting me ride with you… You just don't know."
"Child…you don't have to marry the man. Maybe you could just go to Oregon with me."