by Rita Hestand
A.J. looked up and grumbled under his breath. Joe didn't know what was wrong until he turned around to see Janet standing just behind him.
A.J. had no idea how to handle the girl so he left it entirely up to Joe. A job Joe didn't relish.
Joe was hard pressed by the young girl and somehow he had to set her straight once and for all. He was bone tired of her hanging onto him.
"You're such a hero, Joe." She reached to hug him. But he backed away from her.
"Look," His eyes met hers sternly as her disappointment spread all over her young and beautiful face. "There are some things we gotta get straight. You're too young for what you are thinking. Do you understand that?" Joe told her in frustration when she kept clinging to him later that evening.
"But I'll get older. I love you Joe…" She said trying to put her hands around his neck. "Being young has its advantages, Joe. I can have a passel of kids for you."
"Kids? You're a kid." He shouted in disbelief.
Her head bowed.
He moved quickly away from her. "I can't have a young girl hanging on me, Janet. You're a little girl, not a woman. Quit trying to be what you aren't. I'm not interested in you that way…you've got to get that through your stubborn little head. I want to be your friend, and noting more. I want to see you get home safely. That's all."
"But Joe…I just told you I love you. Doesn't that mean anything to you?" She paled, her lower lip trembling, her eyes full of confusion from his words.
Her wide-eyed innocence captured him temporarily. He saw the tears swimming in her eyes.
How could a man be delicate and yet firm with a young girl of her age?
Frustration climbed him.
"Yeah, trouble with a capital T. I don't love you Janet. It's that simple. Not the way you mean. If you have to have a boyfriend, find one your own age…" He insisted and stalked off.
She followed, obviously he hadn't set her straight yet. "But that's the problem, they are too young to know anything…they are so immature. Boys don't grow up as fast as girls."
"Look around you Janet, do you see other women trying to hang on to me. That isn't mature. You’re a young and beautiful girl, but that's just it, you're a girl. I'm a man on the other hand. If I had a love interest it wouldn’t be a sixteen-year-old kid." He stopped and stared.
"But love knows no age. I do love you."
"Prove it!" He hollered.
"What?" She stared confusion lining her brow.
"Prove you love me."
She came up to him, very close and threw her arms around his neck and kissed him for all she was worth. But Joe kissed her back, and carried it further. She became terrified at the way he was manipulating her mouth and wrenched her mouth from his.
She stared at him with startled eyes, as the tears fell freely down her cheek. "You're playing a grown up game Janet, but you aren't adult enough to pull it off. Now for the last time, I'm not interested in being in love with a kid. Do you understand me?"
"Is there someone else?" She cried.
"Yes, there is…"
"Who?"
"That's not your concern. And for your information, kissing isn't how to prove you love someone." Joe smiled with understanding at her confusion. "In most cases for a man, it's lustful, but love is a lot more than kisses. And honey, you don’t' know the first thing about it. So go play somewhere else, I just don't have the time or the inclination."
"Well what is love?" She cried.
"You'll know when your older and wiser. Kissing should be for someone you've fallen in love with…Kissing is the act of declaring that love, but it isn't necessarily love. Love is wanting someone to be happy and making them that way. Love is worrying and fretting over someone all the time. Love is watching a sunset with that person and not wanting anyone else to share it with. Love is holding a hand, touching a cheek, planting a meaningful kiss on their forehead to reassure them. Love is a lot of things all rolled into one. The physical end of love, kissing and making love comes later. Falling in love is feeling your heart pound when you look at that person, feeling your hands sweat when they are near, listening to the pound of your own heart when you look at them. But falling and loving are two very different things. There are many kinds of love Janet. I want what is best for you, like your father would want. I love you in that respect, but not as a lover. There's a difference. And this is more than I've ever spoke on the subject."
"But…I'm in love with you!"
"No you aren't. You think you are, but you are in love with love. Someday you will thank me for this. But you need to go home and grow up a little. You're a beautiful young girl, and someday a young fella is going to come along and sweep you off your feet. And you won't know what hit you. That's love. When you don't know what it is."
"Then will you love me, if I grow up?"
"No, and I'm sorry…I was trying to be nice to you. Trying to help you along the way because you are young and have a lot to learn yet. And you're alone here on the train. But I'm not the one you need. I have a job to do and nursemaiding you isn't part of it."
"Then who is the one I need?" She asked innocently.
"I don't know. Maybe he hasn't come along yet. But the bible says to be still. Sometimes that's what's needed."
"You know the bible?" Her eyes widened and she backed up a bit.
"Surprises you huh?"
"A little. I guess you are too old for me…No one knows the bible but old people." She murmured shaking her head and walking off. She had suddenly seen him in a different light.
Joe chuckled to himself. How simple could it get!
Now how was he going to explain this to Millie? Because it mattered what she thought of him. Surely, she didn't believe he was interested in Janet, she was such a child.
Dammit he was married to Millie. And in some ways Millie was quite naïve about these things too, like exactly how much he loved her.
But he picked some Goldenrods along the way and took them to her that evening after supper.
"What's this?" She looked from the flowers in his hand to his eyes that held a gleam.
"I thought you might like them." Joe murmured.
She took them and stared at them. "Thank you…they are lovely. What are they?"
"They call them Goldenrods. They are pretty thick here in Nebraska Territory."
"They are beautiful, thank you." She blushed.
"You sure took care of everyone during that attack." He said lowly as she gathered her clothes from a nearby branch she'd hung them on. It seemed she was always washing clothes.
"Lost one, though." She said sadly turning to look at him.
"Hey, you do what you can do…"
When she went silent, he went on.
"See you're wearing that dress again, I sure do like it." He smiled at her.
"So do I." She smiled quietly, almost shyly. "So tell me, how's Janet, did the Indian raid scare her?" Millie asked flippantly.
"Janet's fine." His gaze narrowed on her. "I don't think anything scares her. When you're that young you think you're invincible. She scares me a little though."
"I don't think I was ever that confident. Lots of things scare me." She muttered.
"Look, let's get something straight here. Janet is a sweet and beautiful young girl. But she is a young girl, not a woman. I told her that. I told her I wasn't interested. A.J. wanted me to look after her, she took it another way, that's all there is to that. I set her straight. At least I hope I did. I quoted something from the bible and she really saw the light."
Millie almost chuckled when she saw his frustration. "I bet you have to set a few of them straight don't you?"
He smiled at her now, "A few…And it's not because I'm so charming or handsome either."
Millie chuckled. "What I want to know is, why did you fly under that wagon like that?"
"Me, I'd talk. Because I saw you dragging him under there and treating him, unmindful of the Indian arrows flying every which way. It was like you didn't eve
n see them, hear them." He explained. "I was afraid you'd get hurt."
Her eyes flashed at him.
"I wasn't unmindful. Wilma had a gun on anyone trying to hit me. When I saw the man was hurt, it was just a natural reaction to go and help him. But I was trying to save him. He couldn't have taken another arrow like that, it would have done him in. As a result, he's fine now, just a bit sore."
"It wasn't him I was worried about." His eyes glassed over as he stared at her. "It was your total lack of regard for your own safety that scared the wits out of me."
She looked at him, and her facial expression denoted a bit of shock.
Her breath hitched.
"You have no respect for you own life." He firmed his lips in a frown. "You could have been easily killed. Just because the Kiowa camp treated you well, doesn't mean the Indian can't be a fierce foe."
"Of course I understand that," she shrugged. "It's just I guess my doctor instincts comes out at those times. You do your job; I have to do mine. It's pure instinct. Nothing more."
"You really are a doctor…aren't you? I mean, deep down, you just can't get away from it. And just now, while you were explaining it to me, I understood it, for the first time."
Her mouth came open but she said nothing.
"But you could have been killed. You seem to have no idea what you do to yourself sometimes." He scolded. "You seem to put yourself in harms' way all the time. Somebody has to look out for you. I can see it's going to be my full time job."
She stared at him with awe. "Haven't you ever heard that God protects doctors and nurses."
"Well, I can't argue that." He smirked. "I've seen it."
She laughed.
"I love to hear you laugh." He said lowly staring into her eyes.
She swallowed hard. Her cheeks pinked. "You seem to bring out the laughter in me."
"Well, that's nice to hear. Because I've come to realize there is nothing prettier than a woman's laugh." He moved closer. "So, tell me more about how great I am." He smiled now.
Again she chuckled, knowing he was teasing but she turned her head and admitted.
"You're a great scout." She chuckled. "You keep everyone safe. You…take care of people. I sense that even though you'd never say it, you care about people more than you let on."
"I am a good scout, aren't I?" He looked pleased. "What else."
"You aren't bad to look at…" She didn't chuckle this time but stared at him. It was the way she was staring that made him want to take her into his arms and kiss her silly.
"You think so?"
This time she did laugh. "You know so. You have females falling all over you. How could you not know?"
"Go on…I need more."
"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" She chuckled.
"Yep. It's not often I have a female saying such nice things about me. Sometimes, a man needs a little encouragement. I've been at this job so long, I guess I forget there are others things…more important."
Her gaze fell on him, and her glance was more than fleeting as her eyes took him all in. "All right…You know how to handle Indians, and people."
"All but you, I don't know how to handle you, sweetheart."
Had he said that? Had he called her sweetheart again? It felt so natural it sorta spilled out of him. She looked so sweet, so tempting, and damn he wanted to kiss her.
His glance swept over her from the hem of her skirt to the top of her head, in one appreciative assessment. He had the urge to take her in his arms and kiss her until she had no breath then take her to the nearest deserted wagon and make love to her all night long. But that wouldn't happen. Because she was a lady, he had work to do and there were a million other reasons he wouldn't be doing that. Only in his dreams. But what he'd give for one kiss right now, just one…
He came closer, his hand reached to stroke her cheek, she stared into his eyes and he saw what looked like raw desire in hers. Her head bent against his hand, obviously enjoying the stroking. His eyes glittered into hers. He bent his head, he was inches from the kiss, when Wilma burst in on them with a start.
"Oh I'm sorry…bad timing…" She started to walk off.
It broke the spell and Millie called to her, "Don't be silly…"
"A.J. wants to see you." Wilma shot him a gentle glance.
"Thanks…see you." He turned to Millie once more, hoping she understood.
She nodded.
His head was full of what if's as he walked away from her.
There were so many things he liked about Millie. She was right, when that man was injured she instinctively did her job, just like he did. They had that in common.
As a woman she wasn't bold as brass. She was shy, not arrogant.
He loved hearing her laugh.
He knew one thing for certain, he was in love with Millie Powell. And if it took him a lifetime he'd prove it.
Chapter Twenty
"I really didn't mean to interrupt," Wilma tried to apologize.
"I wish you'd quit worrying about that. You didn't." Millie grin widened as she watched Wilma looking so uncomfortable. "We were just talking."
"Looked more intense than just talking." Wilma eyed her perceptively.
"That's all it was Wilma, just talking." Millie shook her head.
"About what?" Wilma didn't even apologize for her nosiness.
"I was complimenting him." Millie chuckled aloud.
"Complimenting him? Are you crazy? Do you want to give him the big head?" Wilma snickered.
"I just told him he was a great scout, and a good judge of people and that he knew how to handle them."
"Anything else?"
"And that he was very handsome." She laughed. "Oh and he always made me laugh."
"All those compliments and you didn't once tell him you loved him?" Wilma frowned suddenly.
"Not in words at least. But I think he could see it in my eyes. Like I did his. Sometimes," she reflected. "Words just aren't needed."
"I did interrupt something…" Wilma smiled.
"Not really, all those pent up feelings were there, exposed to us, but he knows." Millie chuckled. "Wilma, he's agreed to court me. You see, I've neglected that part of life, and I want it. I told him I want to be able to tell our children how their father courted me, after we were married. Doesn't that sound romantic to you?"
"Well I'll be, it sure does. Very romantic." Wilma shook her head and chuckled.
"And I'll admit, he was going to kiss me. But, there has to be more than just kissing. I want the flowers he brought me, the sweet words, all of it. I don't want to miss anything. Being in love is a good time in your life, or should be. You've taught me that. I want to enjoy every moment of it. I've seen a lot of it on this wagon train, and in so many ways. The way Mr. Montgomery helps his wife up to the wagon seat so carefully each time, and the look they share when he does it, knowing how frail she is, and caring so much. The way Dell Hardin looks at Cora Leslie, that's love. The way Mr. Newton only has eyes for his wife. So many times and ways. Even the way you and A.J. talk back and forth is like music."
"A.J. and I aren't romantic, we've done passed that at our age."
"Oh, I don't know. Just the way you talk to each other says a lot."
"Yeah, and I ruined the moment, didn't I?"
"Will you quit fussing. Everything is fine."
"Next time I'll dang sure wait a lot longer to tell either of you anything." Wilma promised.
Millie laughed.
"You're in a good mood. Something must have been accomplished." Wilma eyed her.
"A little, maybe." She smiled. "He did bring me flowers."
"Well now, that's good news."
Millie nodded. "Maybe."
"Ladies we'll be in Ft. Laramie this evening," Joe said as he passed by.
"That's good to know, are we gonna stop long."
"Not sure, we'll be catching up on all the news with the commander of the fort, see how things are." Joe winked at Millie and rode on. "The Cheye
nne and Lakota are making some trouble, so we need to find out all we can before we go on. They are trying to talk treaties, but so far it's been nothing but talk and all these miners coming through aren't helping things. See you!"
"Well now, he was in a fine fiddle, wasn't he?" Wilma chuckled.
Millie smiled indulgently. "It would seem so. Yes…"
"You know, I'm gonna enjoy this courting as much as you, I think." Wilma laughed.
"I happen to know that a certain fella is sorta sweet on you too. And he doesn't seem to hide it either." Millie chuckled.
"Who?" Wilma sat up straight and paid attention.
"A.J. of course, like you didn't know."
"I did, but I didn't think anyone else knew. Who told you."
"A.J.."
"Did I hear my name?" A.J. burst in on them.
"You sure did. We were talking about what a magnificent wagon master you are," Millie chuckled.
"I'll wager that wasn't all. We'll be stopping off a spell at the fort." He tipped his hat and winked at Wilma. Wilma actually blushed.
Millie smiled, and elbowed her in the ribs when he left. "See, I told you."
When they rolled into the Fort everyone was surprised at how neat and big the fort actually was. Every wagon train stopped here and the army was a gracious host. Supplies were plentiful for the Oregon Trail wagons.
A.J. made a little speech about the fort to the settlers in his train. "Company G, 6th Infantry is here, so we are well protected, and we can obtain supplies here too. There will be another dance this Saturday so ladies prepare for that. Enjoy your stay."
Joe and A.J. went to talk to the commanding officer and were informed that treaty talks had begun and that the tribes had responded well, so he didn't look for any trouble as long as the train stuck to the route and didn't bother them. He stressed that good relations would secure the treaty soon, so asked that A.J. stress the importance of not making any trouble along the way.
"What will the treaty accomplish?" Joe asked.
"We intend to ask for peace among the different tribes first. Then we plan to give each tribe $50,000 a year for the next ten years so we can build roads and forts and allow trains to pass through the area and to replenish what game and lands we might trample upon in that time. Hunting lands will be established for the Indians, and the last thing that if they break the treaty, the money will stop."