by Rita Hestand
"But I've loved you for so long now…" He cried.
"Love? You don't know the true meaning of love. All you know is lust. For years you've ogled me, lusting after a child. I was afraid every time you came around, the way you undressed me with your eyes. I hated you, feared you, even up until yesterday. Now, I feel sorry for you, because you too are going to suffer some." She came to stare down at him, "You have no idea what real love is…"
"How can you watch them treat me this way?" He glared at her.
"I don't know. Maybe I've become part Indian too…" she said, then glanced at Joe with a smile.
"But you befriend the Indians and a breed?" He cursed them under his breath. "You might as well have slept with him."
"The longer you talk ugly, the longer you will stay as you are." Joe informed him. "You are a banker, so I've got news for you. You will not foreclose on any more people or these Indians will come and kill you slowly. Sickness and greed have your heart. You must learn to open your heart to people. Farming and ranching are hard work. You should know this, although I doubt you do much on your own place you have so many men. And yet they could not defend you today, could they?"
"You are out of your mind…"
"Fine. Let the ants have him, he does not want to be a good person." Joe laughed. "But you will not lust after my wife again. Ever!"
Latanka nodded.
Everyone mounted up, with Millie doubling with Joe.
Joe glanced down at him, "It's going to be a long day, isn't it?"
They rode away.
Millie clung to Joe. She wasn't sure how she felt about leaving Hudson out there, but Joe had to know what he was doing. And she would not interfere. Trust was fragile at times, but when a person truly loved, they trusted.
"I sure was worried about you, sweetheart." Joe murmured as they rode slowly away.
"I'm so glad you found me…" She hugged his middle.
But as they made camp, and cooked a couple of rabbits Joe explained. "Latanka will go back tomorrow and let him loose, with a warning that if he is caught doing anything else underhanded, he will suffer a worse fate."
"Will the ants get him."
"It isn't hot enough for them to be milling about. Not the kind that would hurt him. If the wolves don't get him, he'll live." Joe told her. "If they do, then he won't do any more harm."
She nodded, she was a little worried, but she had to trust Joe and the Indians, after all they saved her. It was hard to trust in a situation like that, but she soon realized one Indian was not with them. Then she knew. That Indian was watching over Hudson, but would not let him know he was. That was his punishment. A good punishment. A fair punishment. She should have known; Joe was not a heartless person. That was part of what she loved about him.
She smiled, and looked at Joe, "God, I love you…"
Joe smiled, "You say it so easily now…"
She looked around the camp and saw Latanka staring, "Sometimes when a oak tree is planted, people think it will not grow, because it is so slow. But eventually, they begin to see that the seed was growing roots, and becoming strong, before it grew. That's how my love for you is…like an oak tree."
"My God, where did you learn that?"
She giggled, and looked at Latanka, "He told me a lot about your mother while we waited."
Joe smiled. "You are a lot like her…"
"Does she still live?" Millie asked.
Joe's smile faded some, "Only in my heart."
"Then she will live in mine too…And your father?"
"He is gone too."
"They will never be gone completely." She told him.
"Your woman has become my sister, today." Latanka laughed.
"I am pleased that she is welcome…"
"Always. My brother." He winked at them.
"I hope my father is okay…" Millie blurted.
"Where would he go, do you think?"
"Probably to a cousin on the Kansas and Missouri line."
"Maybe you could write them to see."
She nodded, swallowing a lump in her throat.
"You must have a little faith in him too." Joe glanced at her. "Did you really tell him…we…"
She looked at Joe and snickered. "Not exactly, he filled in the blanks…"
Joe laughed, "What do you think of my wife, Latanka?"
"She is my sister now. You treat her right or I will come after you myself."
Joe laughed.
That night they lay on a blanket together, but Joe didn't touch her, except to kiss her. Millie didn't mind, she clung to him and moaned softly as his kisses stirred her to such passion. "I'll never understand why your kisses are so different."
"When a man loves a woman there is a difference."
"Then you have loved me all along…"
"Now your catching on…" He smiled at her and kissed her again. "I'll sure be glad when this trip is over," He murmured in her ear.
"Why?" She barely uttered.
"So I can take my wife to bed, properly." He smiled and kissed her again. But he was gentle with her because her jaw and cheek were bruised. She melted into his arms.
Chapter Twenty-Four
It was still early July, the heat began to bear down now and The Snake Country desert began.
Latanka geared up to ride back to Hudson. Joe came to talk to him. "Let him know that he got off easy this time, and that if he ever attempts to bother my wife again, he'll be a dead man."
Latanka chuckled. "I will my brother. Perhaps we have put the fear of God in him."
Joe nodded.
Joe and Millie headed for the train. They spent over a week on the prairie and it gave them some alone time. the weather was beginning to get hot now, and the dust. A weariness to complete the journey hurried them on toward the train, but the rest of the trip was not going to be as gentle, Millie realized.
The roads were not as good, in some places there were no clear cut roads. Joe knew the country well enough not to need any, but the weariness of the travel now was settling in.
The one relief was that Millie found it hard not to give in to her baser emotions though. She was madly in love with her husband and it was hard to keep her hands off him, especially since they were alone. They talked about their families, their lives, their dreams. Had it not been for the dreams the trip would have been much harder.
By the second week, they found the Snake River and in sight was the train.
Millie sighed happily. "It's good to be back."
Joe sighed, "Yeah, but now a lot of harder work is in store, it's rougher here. I want to warn you; I'll be very busy from here to the end. The river is deep, and hard to cross, the land has a devil's canyon mountains rise up out of nowhere. But be patient and we will get there, sweetheart."
"I'll miss our time alone…" She hugged him to her.
"No more than I. But it will give me a lot to reflect upon during the hard times, that's for sure." He grinned as he helped her off the horse and they ran to greet Wilma and the others.
"You're back, and in one piece. It's good to see you." Wilma laughed. "We're about to cross the Snake."
Joe nodded. "I better check in with A.J. let him know we are back."
Millie nodded, staring after him.
"We've got lots to talk about." Wilma cackled.
For the next day, Millie filled her in on what had happened and how glad she was to be home again.
But the entire train was not looking forward to the crossing. Even though there was a ferry to cross with. The Snake was treacherous, deep, and the currents were unpredictable plus the bottom could be tricky, since it seemed to change.
The next two days Joe and A.J. were busy getting everything ready to ferry all the wagons across.
The men worked meticulously to get the wagons ready. It took a couple of days to get it set up. Joe ferried across first to make sure it would hold. He was a good swimmer he told everyone.
Precautions saved lives, Millie noted and A.J. was
an experienced wagon master. However, a couple of oxen died and three mules, Joe said they refused to take to the water, panicked and the current swept them away. the first day they tried to cross. There was a small remuda of replacements, mostly oxen's but these had crossed before and wouldn't be as stubborn.
Joe asked how many people couldn't swim and a good number couldn't. He told them it was important to let them know because the current could fool a person, and it would be easy to be swept away. So they rode over after him. Then they sent the ferry back to get another load of people. Joe was handling the ropes, then lining the wagons up that had come over.
There was one particular man that stood out Millie thought to herself. He was extremely quiet at first. He seemed nervous to Millie, but she didn't know why. She eyed him closely, wondering why the crossing seemed to make him squirm about. He had no family, and drove his own wagon this far. He was put on the ferry with many others and somehow he'd made a misstep on the the logs and fell in. And suddenly everyone realized he couldn't swim. He'd go under, then come up splashing and raising his arms in every direction. He tried to scream. No one went in after him.
Millie was closer to him than anyone so she swam out to try to save him, but he was thrashing about so hard, she couldn't get a hold of him. He was a big man and he panicked She got a hold of his collar once, but the button popped and broke loose of his shirt. She tried again. He grunted and had he only quit struggling against her so much she might have gotten a good hold. Several times she dove down trying to find him and hold him long enough to swim to shore but she just couldn't get him to stop struggling. "Take my hand?" She hollered at him.
Everyone was cheering her on, but about midway, they realized that it wouldn't work and they became so silent, like the wind ceasing to blow suddenly.
From that moment on, everything played like a silent symphony. She saw the people's faces, saw the water splashing all around her, saw him going under, coming up, and going under again. But suddenly, the current took control.
The man reached out to her, but he couldn't reach her hand. He thrashed about with pure panic. Each time he panicked he went under. She tried to get closer, but the current was pulling him now and she realized with sudden panic that he was going to drown, that there was no way she was going to be able to save him. The way he looked at her just before he went down, had turned her emotions upside down. She'd remember that face for the rest of her life. He knew he was about to die and there was nothing that would stop it. Her heart seemed to stop, as she watched the current pulling him under one last time and he didn't come up until he was way down the line. It was too late, he was gone!
Horror gripped Millie. Terrified that she had let it happen, she struggled to get to shore, gulping water as she cried aloud.
She finally managed to get to shore, but she laid there sobbing against the mud, unheeding of the soft mud that cover her clothes. The terror of those few moments when she knew the man was drowning washed over her like a wave that wouldn't quit.
Joe came up behind her and picked her up in his arms. "Are you all right?" He whispered, carrying her to rest under a cottonwood. The concern in his voice comforted.
"I couldn't get a grip on him…Oh God…I tried…"
"I know…it's alright…honey" He tried to calm her down as he held her close. He pushed the mud away from her face, and saw the guilt and misery inside her when he looked into her eyes.
"I was so close. But he kept thrashing about and taking in water…the current swept him away from me. I just wasn't strong enough to keep hold of him. I'm so sorry…"
"It's all right Millie. You can't save the world; you know…" He said holding her close now to calm her.
"I can try…" She cried out.
"I feel as bad as you do. He was too proud to tell me he couldn't swim. We did everything to keep everyone safe. I've got to get back to work, but you buck up now. There was nothing anyone could do." Joe told her. "Not even you."
She turned the saddest eyes on him and he seemed to crumble. "Why couldn't I save him Joe?"
"Dammit Millie…"
And then she was in his arms and he was kissing her for all he was worth. He seemed to breathe life back into her with that kiss and when he came up for air, all she could do was stare at him with such wonder.
Everyone saw it, and again it grew very quiet.
Before he left though, she whispered, "Thanks. I guess I needed that."
He grinned slowly at her and tipped his hat. "So did I. When I saw you in the water with him, I knew…and I knew you weren't strong enough to hold him. We all knew. I'm just glad you're alive."
His words gave her courage and hope.
That was the last she saw of him all day. Wilma saw her muddy clothes and chuckled. "I'll get the tub out so you can clean up." She had pulled her wagon to the side to let others by, and she watched as Joe rode by.
"I feel so water logged." Millie sent her a faint smile. "Thanks, Wilma."
She could still hear the water splashing so violently against her, as the man made a last ditch attempt to grab her hand.
"What made you think you could save that man?" Wilma eyed her, batting the flies and mosquitoes away. "He was twice your size and the current was way too strong. I should have told you, this ain't the Platte, this is the Snake and it has a better grip than the Platte honey. There is no way you could have saved him. We all knew it when we saw you jump in, we were just holdin' our breath that you would make it to shore."
"I didn't think about that. I just reacted, that was all. I just saw him unable to swim and knew someone had to help him. Someone had to try. Joe was clear on the other side of the river, he could never have reached him in time, and no one else was going in. I had to try. But I wasn't much help. I wasn't strong enough to fight that current."
"These kinds of things happen Millie. And usually no one can stop them. We all know that we're taking a chance on getting there in one piece. And that some of us won't make it."
Millie listened and nodded numbly. "I guess so. But Wilma, I had to try."
"Bless your heart, I know Millie. It's in your nature to try to save the world." Wilma shook her head sadly. "That's why me and Joe need to watch after you."
It was late and they were still hauling wagons over, but they rigged a curtain so no one could see and Millie took a warm bath.
She heard Joe and Wilma talking as she continued to clean herself up, but she didn't have any idea what they said. The water had made her tired, either that or losing the man had totally exhausted her mentally and physically.
She felt bad about the drowning and the next morning when they had a funeral for the man she couldn't stop the flow of tears down her cheeks. She hated herself for being so weak. They buried him along the river banks. He was just another number now among the crowd of dead.
"Lord we deliver him into your hands for safe keeping now." A.J. said and they all said, "amen."
Joe was talking with A.J. and Millie went back to her wagon seat. She felt numb, and such a failure.
Wilma shook her head, "We'll be seeing lots of this river, from the cliffs up there, we'll stay high I'm told. Joe will be scouting steadily for watering holes as we can't go down to the Snake every time we need it. The rest of the trip ain't gonna be fun."
"I know, Joe warned me."
"You know, that kiss, well, let's just say everyone on the train knew how the two of you felt about each other. But I know he was scared to death for you, we all were."
"I wanted to save the man…so bad. I will never forget how he looked when he realized I couldn't help him."
"Honey, some things aren't meant to be…" Wilma told her sadly.
"Buck up!" Joe had told her. Yes, she needed to.
North of the Bear River, and into the Sheep Creek Hills, the climb was steep and hard, and the road was non-existent. But not half as hard as the coming down the Big Hill, where they had to lock their wheels and skidded down the incline to the valley below. The wago
ns had to be unloaded of extra burdens to make it down the incline, otherwise the wagons would crash. At Soda Springs they came upon mud-pots, fountains and carbonated pools, that the Indians claimed was healing waters. The Indians through the territory were mostly friends, helping them along, but would steal their oxen if they weren't careful. They had to post guards at night.
But the Indians worried them less that the critters they encountered past the Springs. Fields for miles were covered in black crickets, big ones. Enough to eat the canvas off the wagons. They hurried through this area, as the women were afraid to stop, and one woman would drive and another would kill the little varmits as best they could.
From there they stopped at Ft. Hall to refurbish the wagons and stock up on supplies. They took the Oregon and California trail, down the south rim of the Snake River, which lay in the deep bed of basalt. The terrain was rough and the paths narrow along the bluffs. Then they came upon the American Falls where the river dropped fifty feet or so and whitewater cascaded in a falls. It was beautiful untamed territory, a sight to see, but dangerous too.
They met up with more Indians along this way and traded for fresh fish. It was a treat that Millie and Wilma enjoyed.
At the Raft River, Parting of the Ways, the Mills train was going to journey on to California, while A.J. and Joe planned to make it over the Blue Mountains. Down the south side of the Snake, crossing Rock Creek and Thousand Springs, they ended up at Three Island Crossing. It seemed as though everything was more treacherous here. The river ford was deep, with uneven bottoms and treacherous holes. Joe knew that one wrong move could send a whole wagon, it's oxen and mules and people down the river to their death. This was one of the worst places and Joe knew it would be dangerous, but A.J.'s crew was more experienced and they all knew what they had to do. Some trains abandoned their wagon and went the rest of the way on foot, but Joe wanted to make it with the wagons. Because of the uneven bottoms and the holes at intervals, he put six oxen and mules wide on each wagon that went over. It took time to do this, but they would save the wagons this way and they took the time. He put a rider on each side of the wagon and slowly they made the way over the river. It took nearly a week to get them all across. And the patience was wearing thin with the people. But once they crossed they felt they had accomplished something too.