by Rachel Caine
But there was a small, haunted part of me that felt ill over knowing that that sort of power existed. And we were handing it off to Bacia. I tried to imagine what the two of them would do together, and it was impossible not to let fear simmer on low, especially when I remembered Starcurrent’s stories. Whatever might come of this down the line, it probably wouldn’t be good for the universe at large.
There was some faint comfort in knowing I wasn’t alone in my dread, however. Bea came knocking about halfway through the sleep cycle. She had shadows starting beneath her eyes, and it struck me that neither one of us should have to be making choices that were so damn big. We hadn’t been trained for any of this; at least Chao-Xing and Marko had experience. Yusuf had more. I thought of my sister Kiz on Mars, taking trips outside the dome, doing science experiments and deciding which book from her reading list to tackle next. I needed her to keep that innocence. That trust that the universe meant her no harm.
Yeah, that’s why we’re out here, making these tough decisions. So they don’t have to.
I stepped back to let Beatriz in without asking what she wanted. It was easy to guess that she was freaked too. We both desperately needed some peace, and maybe we could find it together. Pulling my pillow and blanket off the bed, I spread the covers out like a thin pallet, and we curled up close enough to share.
The light was faint, and I could see mainly the curves of her cheeks, the dark spill of her hair. Her lashes flicked slow and steady, a silent testament to the fact that she was tired but she couldn’t get her mind to shut off. I knew the feeling.
I couldn’t believe I was about to make the offer, but I’d wondered if it was possible, before. “You want to try something cool?”
“Maybe,” she whispered.
It wasn’t permission, exactly, but it wasn’t denial, either. Good enough. I wasn’t about to say something like if you don’t like it, we’ll stop, because I’d heard that in other contexts too often to count. I took her right hand in my left and flattened my right palm on Nadim.
“Are you touching him?”
Quiet rustling. “Now I am.”
“Nadim? Can you feel us?”
Instant warmth pulsed against my palm, washed over me like a warm bath. “Yes, Zara. You and Beatriz are together.”
“Can we, all three of us . . . ?”
“I would like that. As long as you’re both willing.”
“Bea?”
“Let’s try,” she said.
I closed my eyes. Nadim took me first and it was gentle, being carried on a wave. Bea slid into the water that was Nadim next, and I could feel her, like I never had before. Her sweetness, I’d known it, but never experienced it; she was warm and open, and it was all goodness, especially when I stretched farther and could soak in everything of Nadim. Our edges blurred, and I felt the worry and tension drifting. We weren’t deep bonded, but it was a beautiful between, with an intimacy that stole my breath. He was, and she was, I—oh, we were, together.
It was impossible to say when that exquisite peace and soft connection shifted into actual sleep, but I woke up snuggled on the floor with Bea, her head on my shoulder. I’d been with people before, but never like this. I stared down at her sleeping face. This was . . . different, and deliciously complicated, and some part of me wondered what it would be like, kissing Bea and letting Nadim feel it, and—
Maybe no Honor ever entertained such thoughts until now. Whatever, it wasn’t like I planned to act on them. Well, not yet, anyway.
Quietly I put on a uniform and crept out—well, limped, because even with EMITU’s fast-heal treatments, the ankle would make me wince for a while. I left Bea sleeping. She needed the rest.
First stop, check on the secure storage hold. I found Starcurrent there, watching the door like it might explode. Couldn’t really blame zim; ze must have been twice as twitchy at the idea of turning this thing over to Bacia.
“Everything okay?” I asked.
“Quiet,” ze said. “Not good. Should kill this while we can.”
It wasn’t that I disagreed with zim, but . . . “Our mission is to deliver it. Otherwise, we don’t get the upgrades. And we can’t fight the Phage without them.”
“Death is death,” Starcurrent pointed out. “Phage or the return of the god-kings. Either way, death.”
“You’re so much fun before breakfast.”
I ate, and then checked on how long till we reached the Sliver. Eight more hours. I wanted to ask Nadim how last night was for him, but that seemed strange, along the lines of was it good for you?
A couple of hours later, I gave in to my curiosity. “Nadim?”
“You’ve been quiet today,” he observed. “But . . . thank you for last night.”
Hell. From the heat in my cheeks, I was definitely blushing. “Uhm, what?”
“It was clearly your idea, Zara. Beatriz is shy. But that was . . . good. I wasn’t alone, and it was perfect. It put us all to rest.”
If I could, I’d bury my whole self, because here he was calmly leading a conversation I hadn’t worked up the nerve to start. “Clearly. All the best ideas are mine.”
“And the most dangerous ones,” he teased.
Bea joined us in the media room a little while later and damn if she didn’t mess with me too. “Do you always run out on people after you sleep with them, Z?”
“I wouldn’t say always,” I muttered.
She flashed me a wickedly beautiful grin, and shoulder-checked me before she got serious. Clearly not freaked about the events of the night. “Everything’s okay with . . .” She gestured, and I knew she was talking about our cargo.
“Okay’s a stretch, but it’s still asleep,” I said. “Starcurrent wants to kill it.”
Bea took that in without the horror I’d have expected. “Is that possible?”
“Don’t think so. What do you think, Nadim?”
“I am not in favor of killing a thing because I do not understand it.”
“Well, the Abyin Dommas understood it well enough to kill off the whole race, or give it a damn good try. They don’t seem like the type to overreact. The only reason I’m voting to keep it alive is to get our shit from Bacia.”
“Bacia is not full parentage, like the Lifekiller in our hold,” Nadim said. “Their song is in different frequencies. A distant component of Lifekiller, mixed with that of another species. The Lifekiller’s song is unique.”
“Let’s talk about something else,” I said. “Either of you ever heard of zydeco music? Chris Ardoin?” I spun up an album before they could keep going about killing a god. Thankfully, my choice of music distracted the two of them and kept them talking until the Sliver popped up on our visuals.
With no other options, I opened a comm channel to docking control and recognized one of Suncross’s kind, despite the helmet. “We need you to pass along a message to Bacia.”
The guard made a skeptical sound. “Sure, everyone says that.”
“Check in or you’ll be sorry. This is Zara Cole.”
Lizard made me wait five minutes, but when he came back on-screen, he was apologetic. “Sorry, what’s the message?”
“Tell them we’ve retrieved the cargo, but they need to collect it, as we’ve sustained some damage. We need a special refrigeration container or a slew of Abyin Dommas or both. Preferably both.”
I could tell the guard thought I was scrambled, but Bacia did send a crew of singers in the deep to board Nadim in a shuttle, and with them, they brought a huge freaking cryo unit on a hover dolly. My entire body went tight when they cracked open the door to our special secure storage. I looked away for the entire transfer, unable to bear the idea of seeing it, or worse, hearing it in my head, scraping like the long, yellow nails of someone who had long ago lost any claim to reason.
Bea held my hand so tight it hurt. “Are we sure this is a good idea?”
“Hell no.”
“Breathe please to acknowledge transfer of cargo,” said one of the Abyin Domm
as.
Automatically, I breathed on the tablet ze held up. The screen came alive. Startled, I took a step back, because there was Bacia. The image didn’t carry the same impact as their presence, but it was still impressive.
“Congratulations. You have exceeded my expectations. I will arrange for a full work crew to commence repairs and upgrades for your Dark Travelers. There will also be a substantial bonus added to your accounts, if you wish to partake in certain expensive celebratory revels while the work is being completed.”
We had their blessing for some R&R, but I had no idea what costly pleasures they might be talking about, unless it was some freaky shit up on Tier Twelve. Bea still hadn’t let go of my hand, and I didn’t breathe easy until I saw the cryo unit loaded on Bacia’s shuttle and the Abyin Dommas flew off with the Lifekiller.
Our singer in the deep was silent, a detail I couldn’t help but notice. Starcurrent likely thought we’d screwed up big here. My mama used to call this kind of move borrowing from Peter to pay Paul: you better be good at hustling when the final bill came due.
“Well,” I said to Bea. “Hail the returning heroes, roll out the red carpet, we’ve got mynt to burn. Should we hit up the Sliver one last time and make some noise?”
I didn’t say so, but this might be our last chance to cut loose.
Interlude: Nadim
What we have done terrifies me. Bacia Annont is a creature I do not understand much about, but I know that they will defend this station with all strength. But is Bacia more? Are they of a kind with the evil being we have brought back?
Having the being awake within me felt like a dire sickness, and if not for the brave actions of my Honors, I might now be a mindless slave to the Lifekiller, doing . . . what? Terrible things. I do not like handing this god-creature to Bacia. I do not like many things. But my cousins are perishing, hollowed out and eaten alive, and I must do what I can to preserve them.
I hope we have not done something even more dreadful, out of our fears.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Binding Compact
BEATRIZ NODDED, PUSHING the curls back from her pretty face. “Damn right. Let’s show them how it’s done.”
“Meet me at the docking bay in an hour. I need to glam up.”
I took my time in the bathroom, using my precious stash of Earth products to take care of my curls. If Yusuf knew how to start locs, I might ask him to hook me up. His hair still looked fucking great, despite everything he’d been through. I finished up with premium lotion that left my brown skin looking and smelling beautiful.
Too bad Nadim can’t really appreciate how fine I am.
Bea whistled when I strolled into the docking bay. Girl acted like she was playing when she gave me that once over, but I didn’t think it was entirely in fun—and I was good with it. Plus, I did look fantastic in a funky combo of a sleeveless zip-front shirt and calf-length pants with plenty of pockets, storage for the concealed weapons I was carrying. No point in formality here.
“That’s a good color on you,” I told her.
Bea had on a vibrant, silky scarf that floated like it had anti-grav; it changed colors depending on her moods. Right now, it was warm, sunny yellow that complemented her rich brown skin and eyes. “Thanks! You ready?”
“Just waiting on Yusuf.”
The older Honor had agreed to supervise Nadim’s upgrades since he’d overseen the process with his own Leviathan, and he didn’t seem interested in shore leave. The man would work himself to death if we weren’t careful. I’d keep an eye on him, make sure he didn’t push himself too hard. I was still worried about the parasitic fungal colony that was living in him too. We had to keep him healthy for two more years before he’d be clear of it.
Yusuf jumped off the Hopper as I got in and Bea settled into the pilot’s seat. “You have everything you need?” I asked him.
He hefted the bag slung across his shoulder. “I’m fine, thanks.”
“Then take care of Nadim for me.”
Zara, Nadim protested. There’s no need. You’ll be back soon.
It’s for him, not you.
That settled Nadim a little, but it was nice that he didn’t see Beatriz and me as replaceable.
Having one Hopper to serve two Leviathan was a bit inconvenient, but ours would be fixed soon. As Bea started the engine, Starcurrent joined us. Ze had been quiet since the whole waking-the-god-king issue, and true to form, ze climbed in back with Marko without saying a word.
Landing was much different this time. Bea had learned from watching Chao-Xing, and she maneuvered us in with admirable aplomb. Likewise, the guards in the docking area treated us like real VIPs, and we rolled through to the Sliver without a moment’s delay. Starcurrent broke away from the group immediately and hurried off, maybe to warn other Abyin Dommas about what we’d done.
Yeah, I don’t feel great about it, either.
Bea drifted ahead, toward the map at the center of the promenade. It had the latest info on what merchants were running hourly sales, where you could get grub for cheap, and what brothels on Tier Twelve were offering discount alien fun times. Beside me, Marko wore this complicated expression. Before, we were too pressed for time to debrief on the reality of the Sliver, and I wondered what he made of the place.
“What’s on your mind?” I asked.
“It’s unbelievable. All these races. All this—and we didn’t know about any of it. The Leviathan meant it for our own good, but . . . I spent a year on the Tour, and Nadim never even hinted that all this existed.”
I swallowed the urge to defend Nadim. Not helpful.
“You know why they did that, right?” I asked. “They were testing us. Trying to see if we were what they needed for the Journey . . . and the Journey is going to war with the Phage. Oh, sure, some badass space adventuring too, but mostly? It was about using us, and our human instincts, to help them fight the Phage.”
“And do you think that was wrong?” Marko asked quietly.
“Damn right it was. You don’t recruit people to a fight without telling them the odds, that’s a given. But they basically promised us a sea cruise with open buffet, and once we got on board, we ended up on battleships. Ever heard of a bait and switch?”
“No,” he said. “But I understand your point. Still. They’re fighting for their lives. And if we can help, then we should.”
“Not sure all those folks back home who keep your picture on their wall feel the same way about it,” I said. “Not sure they’d send their kids off with tears and pride if they knew what was on the other end.”
“That’s not our problem anymore,” Marko pointed out. “Our goal is survival.”
“Survival’s something I’m good at.” I nudged him. “So are you.” But he was right, and I couldn’t help but look for Beatriz. I watched her as she dodged and skipped around the bobbing flow of aliens on this tier. Grace and beauty, our Bea.
“She’s gorgeous,” I added quietly. “She may never be a fighter the way we are.”
“She doesn’t have to be, as long as she fights in her own way,” Marko said, but he was watching me, not her, and reading between the lines. “Have you told her?”
“What?”
“Zara.”
I glared at him. “What?”
“Nothing,” he said, but he was smiling as he said it. “None of my business.”
Bea joined us, and our eyes met just for a second. A flash of recognition, and something else. On some level, I understood her in ways I hadn’t before last night. But like he said, that was none of his damn business. I wasn’t ready to make a move, and he shouldn’t tease me about it, either.
“I’ll be at Pinky’s,” I told her. “I need to talk to Suncross. If you’re planning to shop, take Marko with you. He needs some gear.”
“Sure. We’ll find you there, then?”
“You bet.”
Her smile was like starlight on Nadim’s sails. Maybe Nadim and Bea and I could have something more . . . delicious
and complicated.
Hell, what out here conformed to human conventions, anyway? There were more possibilities than I could count. And we were just starting to see the outlines of it, after living so long in the dark.
I left Marko in Bea’s excellent company and moved on with confident purpose. I was secure here now, and when I jumped into the transport and kicked off at the right tier for Pinky’s, I felt like a local.
Pinky’s was, as usual, packed. No bouncers I knew this time; Chao-Xing had been replaced by an Abyin Dommas, and I had the impression, though it was tough to differentiate them even after so much time with Starcurrent, that this one was the victor I’d seen in the arena. The one I never wanted to fight. I’d guess that an Abyin Dommas with a victory down there would swing a very big stick around here, and sure enough, the crowd seemed boisterous, but they gave zim a wide, respectful berth.
Suncross and his boys were at their usual table, but they were different this time. Suncross raised a hand in greeting and kicked a chair toward me, and Ghostwalk nodded, but all in all it was a pretty morose welcome. No table-thumping. No chants for Zeerakull. Just grunts all around.
“Somber around here,” I said. Guilt nipped at me when I remembered that we’d bailed without waiting for a response to the hasty vid-message I sent. “I have a hell of a story for you.”
“We lost,” Suncross said, tossing his empty cup in the air. A hovertray grabbed it and zoomed in to offer another. He hardly seemed to know it was there, but I noticed he wasn’t slow on grabbing the glass, either. He batted the tray away irritably and lapped up the liquor, more like he was trying to deaden pain than just enjoy a drink. “Bet on stupid Abyin Dommas in finals. You would have won, Zeerakull, you and JongShowJing. Very disappointing. We lost much mynt.” He brightened up a little, and I saw he’d been drinking a while, and with dedication; his reflexes were slow. “But now you’re back! We will make good our losses, yes?”