by Sonya Jesus
“Because of being homeschooled.”
“Yeah, that’s exactly it.”
“Part of growing up is learning to lie effectively. Why should you have to be stuck where you don’t want to be?”
Story of my life: always where I’m not wanted and never where I want to be. “I’ll think about it, but the ice castle may be where I end up going.”
The waitress returns with our burgers. “Be right back with the chili fries.”
The second she turns her back, Corbin spews out what he had been holding back when she was here: “The Ice Queen, you think her nipples can cut glass?”
I snort my second Diet Coke through my nostrils, causing a fit of laughter between the two of us, which only dies down when the food arrives.
“I know of someone looking for a housemate,” he says after taking a big bite of his sandwich. I can still see some masticated cow rolling around in there. I like how he fits the world to his casing and doesn’t try to squeeze into one that’s much too tight for him.
“Who?”
“Me.”
My mouth gapes open slightly, and I pull my hair back, tucking it behind my ear. “You? We just met.” I know nothing about him. Other than his profession, he has a cool attitude and a sexy line of hair on his flat stomach.
With the burger in his hands and elbows on the table, he bobs his head. “Yes, all those things you are thinking about… Don’t forget that I write about serial killers. But I’m not one of them.”
“Well, I don’t think killers go around staking claim to the title.” Gaspar del Rio didn’t. Actually, I thought he was really nice up until I read he shot Meryl and threw himself into a waterfall. But he had his reasons. La Expansión was a vicious cartel trying to make its way to the United States, and they make a nasty enemy.
“Good point, but I don’t have time to be a killer. Writing about them takes up way too much energy.”
“Well, that’s nice to know.” I grab the bun from my burger and douse the meat in ketchup before replacing it. “For the record, I’m not one either.”
“Damn… I was really hoping for some inspiration.” His sarcasm makes the awkward roommate talk a lot less weird. “I’m just kidding. I’ve been looking for someone normal for a while now.”
Normal. I haven’t ever been normal. “Not a lot of normal people at CamU?”
“Well, the rich kids usually piss me off—Vanessa, for example—and when I find the odd one that’s just normal enough to be a possibility, the no house party rule usually sends them looking elsewhere.”
“No parties?”
“Yes, does the wild rebel inside you find that stifling?”
Nodding profusely, I grimace and flatten a palm against my heart, overdramatizing the thought of solitude. It lasts all of two seconds before I come clean, without any double meaning. “Honestly, I’m not much of a people person. I like peace and quiet, even though I don’t always get that.”
“What do you mean?”
I shrug it off and take a bite of my chili fries to buy time. After swallowing, I find I still don’t have a good answer. A version of the truth will do. Despite never having a safe place to call home as a child… “I like peaceful home environments.”
“Me too. Well, I’m obliged to. I can’t risk it. Underage kids could get me in trouble with the university. So, the no party thing isn’t a problem?”
“Who am I going to have a house party with? Most of my life it’s been Penny, Party of One.”
“Well, Penny, Party of One, rent is expensive on my stipend, and you’re not very annoying, which makes you an ideal candidate.”
“How do you know I’m not annoying?”
“I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt.” With his burger gone and his drink empty, he summons the waitress again by leaning back and wiggling his cup in the air, mouthing a please after placing the glass down. He steeples his palms to get a smile from the waitress.
I gulp down and check out his abs. Rather imagine them beneath his shirt. “Won’t it be weird? Living with a girl? I mean… like…”
He smiles wide. “You stuttering is really cute.”
“Thanks?” I scowl as I wade through my thoughts. Even if I wanted to contemplate this and somehow found a way to live with someone other than Vanessa… Could I trust him?
Not all people are horrible, the Kingstons proved that, but maybe they were the exception. I had no idea how friends were made. I’ve only ever made one, and it was a lot like this: pushing his way into my life.
“You are thinking a lot.” He nudges me with his foot. “I mean, we can run background checks if you want, or I can help you look for a place. I’m just trying to keep you out of Vanessa’s grasp.”
The DEA wouldn’t send me here without warning me of other people, they actually said Society Hill was a pretty safe neighbourhood, which is why the abandoned buildings behind the church stood out to me.
They also said my teachers and theater major had been cleared. So maybe it can be temporary until I find a place of my own or another opening becomes available. “Do I have my own room?”
“You’d have your own suite. It overlooks the ocean.”
“Let me think about it. It’s still weird moving in with a stranger.”
“A stranger who is a guy?”
I smile softly. “Kind of.”
“Would it help if I said my boyfriend would prefer I lived with a girl?”
Yeah. That does make it a bit easier.
8
Word Piss
Kai
We walk into The Reef to find Vanessa and her friends sitting at our regular spot, so I bypass her completely and head straight for the bar. The bartender recognizes me and pours me a beer from the tap. Ledger orders a fruity drink in a coconut.
“Pretty umbrella,” I joke.
Ledger tosses it on the bar counter and chugs the drink down before slamming the coconut down and cracking it. “Brain freeze!” he growls, earning a few chuckles from the girls around us when he swats at the glacier in his forehead.
A couple of those girls decide it’s a good idea to approach me and touch me. We had just spent the last two hours pre-gaming in the Rugger Loft, and I was just shitfaced enough not to care.
They lead us over to their booth near the set, asking us about our band and when we’d play again. Ledger tells them about the agreement not to play during rugby season, then has to explain what the heck rugby is. They fall all over him, and he’s about to bring me into the conversation when I see Vanessa get up and head over to a gorgeous blonde girl in tight, hip-hugging jeans and slicked-back ponytail.
“That must be Vanessa’s new roommate. She posted about…” I lose all train of thought when the girl turns around. My teeth grind against each other. The Thorn look-alike is on the arm of the guy from the coffee shop. I’m on my feet before Ledger can stop me.
“Where are you going?” he snaps me out of it. “Holy shit.”
In the middle of the dance floor, I flip around to find him gaping at the girl Vanessa introduces to her friends. He cups the back of my neck, massaging the tension knotted between my shoulder blades.
“It’s not her,” I growl back.
“Are you sure?” he asks.
“I met her this morning. Her name is Rose, and she doesn’t have a birthmark.”
“Well, that would explain the six pack you downed in thirty minutes.” He shakes his head and holds up his fingers to the girls we had just been with, requesting a moment. “You okay?”
“Not one bit.” My feet are like lead, hard set on standing my ground. I don’t want to look, but I can’t tear my eyes off this girl. It’s the face, the attraction, the urgency to know the unknown—years culminating into a massive ball of hate stuck between a soft heart and an asshole. She’s invading my space, my calm, my world. I’m stuck not wanting her here, but not wanting her to be anywhere else. Her presence messes with me in ways I don’t understand. I wish I could be like Ledger
and shut off when shit hits the floor, but I’m the opposite. My eyes glow with all the fury inside me, and I itch for the separation. Society Hill is my Thorn-free zone.
When her soft eyes find my hard glare across the room, I march forward, ready to tell her to get the hell out of my face.
Ledger’s hand wraps around my arm, stilling me. “Think about what you’re going to do, Kai.”
My eyes land on his hands before the words crawl out of me like something evil. “I don’t want her here.”
“Don’t make me smack the stupid out of you.” He pushes me off to the side away from her line of sight, which is probably good. Because the more I see her face, the more I want her gone. Her presence scratches at a wound that has not yet healed, and it stings. My gut churns, squeezing and twisting out every ounce of anger.
“Think about this. You said so yourself, it’s not her.” Ledger can easily overpower me, but he doesn’t. He’s even gentle, which makes me even more pissed.
“Get off of me,” I snap.
“Why? Are you going to lash out an innocent girl because she kind of, sort of, looks like Thorn? No offense to your Thorn-shrine or whatever, but that girl is way hotter than the chick you lived next to.”
I glance over at her. He was right, but I can’t shake my feelings loose. My grief was rough, full of tears and punches and lots of burning fires. My therapist said I had to forgive myself, but I didn’t do anything wrong. All I did was love her the wrong way. Life wasn’t supposed to end that graphically. “You don’t understand.”
“Yeah, I do.” He cups my bicep with a manly squeeze. “But you’re not angry at that girl. She’s done nothing to you but remind you of your past. You have to draw a line between the two.”
It doesn’t help that she’s here with another guy and talking to my ex-girlfriend.
“For a long time, you’ve tried to keep your past away from here. Now it kind of shows up, in a way.” His grip eases, and my muscles slowly unclench. “You’re angry at yourself.”
“How do you figure?” I growl back.
“Because you want it to be her, and you know it’s not.”
“Maybe I do… and maybe I don’t.” My tone softens a bit as Ledger catches one of our teammates and orders us some hard liquor. “Is it so bad to hope it’s her? Like maybe she lost her memory or something and doesn’t remember me.”
“It’s kind of pathetic.” He points out and shoves me in the direction of the girls who were waiting for us. “But you don’t have to deal with the look-alike today. Thorn and Vanessa are not the only flowers ready for plucking.”
I wince at his words. I don’t want anyone plucking Thorn. Or her look-alike.
As soon as I sit down, a random girl slides onto my lap and wraps her wiry arm around my neck. I don’t move a single inch because my mind is on the girl behind me. The one talking to my ex. The one with another guy.
The one standing next to me, flanked by Vanessa and the guy who has about five seconds to back the hell away from me.
“Vani,” Ledger quickly takes over. “You brought a friend.”
“Yes.” Vanessa’s gaze cuts to me. “Rose was just telling me about her small life back in Canada.”
Niagara Falls is in Canada.
Ledger kicks me under the table, catching the shin of the girl on my lap.
“Ouch,” she mumbles, catching the end of Vanessa’s hard glare. Her eyes are fixated on the woman in my lap, but my mind is on the girl next to her. The one I can’t even look at.
She’s too close to me, and I can’t breathe. When our drink order comes, I take the bottle and swig some down. A lot down. Before my lap buddy steals it away from me and brings the bottle to her own lips.
Only then do I look at the blonde version of my girl.
Gorgeous blue eyes penetrate me, as if they recognize me. Memories flood my mind. The first time I kissed her boldly playing on repeat, reminding me of the way her lips throbbed against mine.
“I have to take a leak.” I get up suddenly and shove past the group. My head spins, but I manage to keep myself upright and find the men’s bathroom. I did have to piss, but I needed a break from the scrutiny and from Vanessa’s evil eye.
I find a urinal and pull my dick out. My aim is off, so I close one eye and zone in on the right position before I fill the fountain.
“Kai!”
I lower my head and continue peeing like her presence in the empty men’s bathroom is as banal as the water running.
She reaches me, grabs my face between her fingers and forces it to look at her. I finish peeing before my aim is further hindered by the upright position of my pistol, and look her in the eye as I shake off the excess.
“What, Vanessa?” I turn my lower body to face her, dick in hand.
She glances down, unimpressed with my callousness, and crosses her arms in front of her. “She looks like the girl from your past, doesn’t she?”
“What girl?” I tuck and zip, pretending to be unbothered by her accusations.
“The cartel orphan?” She stretches the word out so it grows increasingly louder as it reaches the end.
“You mean your new roommate?”
“Yes,” she hisses as I wash my hands. “But she’s off-limits.”
“Oh?” I pump some soap into my palms and lather them up while staring at her in the mirror’s reflection. “You don’t get to limit me anymore.”
“You made that clear with the girl riding your lap.” She narrows her eyes and crosses her arms in front of her chest, the V of her shirt riding a little bit lower. “Regardless. We agreed a long time ago… friends—”
“Stop, Vanessa!” She’s referring to the pact we made on our first break from each other. “That was only important when you mattered to me.” I roll some of the paper towel and tear it off to wipe my hands. “I don’t really care who you screw anymore. I told you, erased.”
“Just like that?”
I roll the paper towel up in a ball and hitch it into the trash bin. “No, it’s been slowly waning over the years. My Vanessa tolerance has reached its limit.”
“You’re just saying that because you’re mad at me and because this girl showed up. You want me out of the picture so you can finally be with a girl who is more your type?”
“The new girl has nothing to do with you and me breaking up!”
“Don’t lie to me.” She sighs and puts her back against the wall, rubbing her forehead, coaxing the right answer out or trying to put some patience in. “I saw the way you were looking at her.”
“Is that why you brought her here tonight? To start a fight? Because it’s pretty messed up, Vanessa. Shoving my pain in my face like that is heartless. I don’t see myself with someone as cruel as that.”
“That insult loses all its stamina when it comes from an asshole. I know what you’re doing.”
“What do you think I’m doing?”
“Pushing me away when we are meant to be together.”
I growl internally. How am I supposed to push her away when she keeps getting back?
“I am just like you.” She pats the back of her hand on her cheeks, so she doesn’t disturb her makeup. Tears don’t ever fall from her face. She’s too much of a cold-hearted bitch to show emotion. She wants me because I fit into place: beneath her. She’s richer, so she’ll have the upper hand. She has connections that she dangles in front of me, bending things to her will.
But not anymore. “You give yourself too much credit, Vani. Who I am will never have anything to do with you. You don’t impact me whatsoever.”
“I’m not giving up.”
“Sounds like a problem you need to work on.”
“So, what? You don’t love me anymore?”
“I don’t even know what love is right now.” I didn’t feel connected to Vanessa, not like I did to Thorn.
“But you want me,” she throws out.
“No, I don’t.” I don’t even feel attracted to her.
“You’re att
racted to Rose though, aren’t you?”
That girl causes a ball of emotions that I have to sift through. “Rose is not why I don’t love you, Vanessa.”
She hardens her stare. “You loved me a couple days ago.”
I’m going to end this once and for all. Maybe she’ll get the hint and step away. I glance toward the door to make sure no one is listening. “You had just sucked me off.” I can hear the grinding of her teeth from here. “Word of advice? Now that you’re embracing your looser ways?” I move closer to the door, next to her.
“Go for it.” Her chin is high, and the inflection in her voice warns me not to take it any further.
I bend down, bringing my lips closer to her ears and squeeze out the words that will stop this. “Never take anything a guy says after a good fuck seriously.”
She leans her head away from me. “Why is that?”
I grant her the request for distance and straighten my back. “Regardless of which body part he fucks, the words that follow are just the smoke after the hit.”
“Are you done with this asshole session, or do you need a little more time?”
I smirk. “I’m done… with all of you.”
“You’re obviously going through something right now,” she accurately diagnoses me as she places a hand on my chest. “This is my gift to you.”
I take a deep breath, attempting to wheedle the massive rush of emotions coursing through me. I ignore all of them. If I didn’t, she would pick up on my racing pulse and make this impossible.
“I cheated on you, right? You so clearly pointed that out this morning—loudly. Thanks for that, by the way.”
“The only gift I’m interested in… is you disappearing.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“You keep failing to understand the things I mean.” I unlock the door she locked and swing it open to find a line of guys standing outside. They filter in, and I walk out, leaving her in the room with all the guys and her stupid motion of a gift.