by J , Louise
“One day in the supermarket he gave me hell for absolutely nothing. I walked out and went back to his place to pick up my stuff, I was done with him. So done. I obviously wasn’t using common sense when I decided to go back to his house to get my things. He came in the front door before I had the chance to leave, and wouldn’t let me go. He put on the same desperate act that fooled me all the other times I tried to end it. I stood my ground and it was the first time I realized just how pathetic and manipulative he was.
“Then he locked us in and put the key in his pocket. Again and again, I told him it was over. He acted as though I wasn’t even speaking, so I punched him in the face.” She starts laughing. I’m still holding her, she’s still holding herself, and I’m not sure what to make of this reaction.
“I’m sorry,” she says. “None of this is funny, and I’m not taking it lightly, but I was so happy in that split second. I put everything I had into that punch. It was dark, but I could see well enough to take pleasure in his astoundment. It was almost worth hitting him for that.”
Her expression becomes gravely serious, and I’ve got a feeling this should stop right here. I don’t want to hear anymore. Does it make me a bastard if I tell her to stop? That I can’t bear to hear anymore?
“I did actually try to defend myself for what it was worth. That only made him worse, but no way was I gonna curl up and just take it. I’d already taken enough from him. He decided I needed a bath after. I struggled, but he was much stronger than me. I was fully clothed and submerged in water with two hands holding me under.
“I wanted my life before him back. Right then, I wanted it more than ever. I wanted life full stop. I don’t know where the strength came from, but I gave up fighting and managed to force myself still, held my breath. When I suspected he’d left the room, as calmly as I could, I raised my head above the water. Even now I don’t know how I managed to keep so quiet and controlled. When I heard the front door open and slam shut, I let go. He’d locked the front door again, so I had to climb out the living room window. And that’s…”
This feels like my worst nightmare, and I’m wide awake for it.
Fifty Nine: Brooklyn
The look in Dane’s eyes crushes me more than anything I’ve recalled for him since he walked into the bathroom. I close mine, tightly, needing to escape the pain I can see in his. I can still see it, imprinted behind my eyelids. I can’t believe I was foolish enough to take things this far, telling him so much. Too much.
I should’ve stopped before I spoke about the bath.
He wouldn’t have looked that way if I did. How could I be so bloody stupid?
“I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have told you.” I squeeze my closed eyes tighter. Dane’s arms constrict around me – too much. I sob. “I’m sorry, Dane.”
“Brooklyn, baby, you say sorry a lot … sometimes it’s appropriate, but too often it’s unnecessary.” I feel the press of his face against my hair. “Dammit,” he mutters, seemingly to himself. “You probably said that to Adrian a lot.” He sighs, the breath playing in among my strands.
I wait, silently.
I continue to wait.
“I don’t want you to tell me sorry anymore, okay? No matter what the reason is.”
I nod, simply because that same word was about to slip through my lips. He’s right; I did say it a lot. Between that stupid word and all those poxy tears, there was way too much of both.
I look at Dane through the mirror, but with the position of his head I can’t see his face. For some long moments, we’re silent. He raises his head enough to meet my gaze, but keeps his nose and mouth pressed against my hair.
“I’ve asked God every day to let me keep you,” he says. “I nearly lost you before you were even mine.”
Emotions of the highest level wash over me like a tidal wave, and my tears flow. Tears for all he’s lost. Tears for his pain. Tears for his fears. Tears for the degree of love in those words.
“You turned your back on love,” I whisper, though I’m aware he kept close those he cares deeply for. “Did you think you’d lose other things you love?”
His shoulders rise in a slow shrug, and I feel his exhale. “We don’t get to decide that, do we? I figured it was up to me if I put myself there in the first place by creating new bonds. I didn’t have that choice with my sister or Elizabeth or the others who became my family, those bonds were already there. But I could avoid new connections like the one I had with Nadine. The one Elizabeth lost. That’s something I felt I had control over.
“When I was a kid I resented both my parents being taken. I didn’t understand why we couldn’t at least keep one of them. When I witnessed the heartbreak Elizabeth thought she was keeping private, the pain she didn’t want Saff and me exposed to, I felt glad my mom and dad went together. Ray was Elizabeth’s everything, and losing him broke her. I thought, why the hell bother? I did bother, and losing Nadine solidified that idea.
“At first I didn’t even acknowledge other women. Then when I came here it was the total opposite, but I felt guilty, like I was dishonoring Nadine, yet I couldn’t stop. I wanted to escape myself, but I had no way out.
“Then I switched off completely and it was all physical, nothing emotional.
“I still cared about some of the women, but it never ran deep. It wasn’t hard for me to achieve that once I put myself there. When I did eventually try a relationship it was easy, I didn’t feel much more than when it was solely physical. Then I did it again and it was no different. I got to thinking I couldn’t love in that way, and I was cool with that. But it’s not so great when a woman feels things for you that you can’t give back, that part I didn’t find so easy. I continued doing what I did best, living the single life.”
The look in his eyes becomes softer. Remaining behind me, he moves his head and rests his cheek by my ear. I feel the press of his lips at the side of my neck, gentle yet so evident. His hold loosens, but stays nice and firm.
“Then you came along, and before I knew it I wanted you in every way and beyond anything I’d ever experienced before. With that other feelings started to surface.
“I made Saffron’s life unnecessarily hard after Ray died. Not many boys want their little sister with them all the time. She’d have been with us a lot anyway, but I didn’t give her the freedom to choose. She hated me at one point and even started sneaking off, which just caused us to fight because I was such an asshole about it. It just seemed to me that if she was always with me I could keep her safe. I knew it wasn’t realistic, but I couldn’t stop myself, I had to at least try.
“I felt protective of you from the first morning you sat across from me in the Purple Cafe and I caught a glimpse of vulnerability in your eyes. I even wanted to keep you safe from me.” Dane slowly glides his lips up and down the side of my neck. I close my eyes, tilting my head slightly to the side, and welcome the tender contact that seeps in and infuses throughout me entirely.
“My undoing was when you avoided me after seeing Clarissa. I knew something was up with you, but I couldn’t figure out what. All kinds of things went through my head that night and the next day, not a single answer gained. But one thing that was very clear to me was that I was already in too deep with you and I didn’t want to let you go. There are more ways than one to lose someone you love, and I wasn’t okay with any of them.” He nestles his face in my hair, behind my ear. I tilt my head towards him.
“You made it so easy for me to keep you near. I figured the guy you were with before me cheated on you and that’s why you were so cautious and mistrusting. I knew my past wouldn’t have helped matters. All in all, and as much as I tried to make you feel secure, you being insecure worked for me. I didn’t know I had it in me to be that much of a jerk to take advantage like that.”
His voice changed from low and calm to firm. He’s not happy with his actions. I considered him protective, not a jerk. He makes so much sense now.
“Dane, I always felt like I had a choice with
you. You didn’t take advantage. One thing I know too well is the difference between choice and control, someone who protects you and someone who hurts you. Every second I’ve ever spent with you was because it’s what I wanted. I find it impossible to want to be away from you.”
Moments pass without words, but they’re not necessary. I can sense the change in our connection, the depth. Even with the secrets, with the way we’ve been these past four weeks, I didn’t think I could possibly become any closer to Dane. I didn’t think we could get any deeper.
I was wrong.
I feel weightless now that we’ve shared ourselves. As sad as I find it, I’m glad I know more about the things that have shaped Dane.
“I’m still gonna want to protect the shit out of you.” I meet his sincere, hazel gaze through the mirror. “That might mean me suddenly showing up out of the blue when you’re in New York for Release. See for myself that you’re good. Just know that if you ever find me too much, you only need to say.”
“I already know that. Why would I have a problem with such an amazing man wanting to protect me?”
Love and protection from someone I want to love and protect back; how could I possibly oppose that?
“So … it turns out you’re not so bad at the L-word after all.” That first night in the bar feels like a lifetime ago in some ways.
Dane straightens up, moving his hands to my hips. I lower my arms to my sides.
“What do you mean?”
I smile like the luckiest girl in the world. “I’ll tell you later.”
Dane turns me away from our reflection and captures my mouth. I cling to him and give back everything I have to give. This kiss is different to all the others we’ve shared. There’s passion, desire, and love, as there always is, but there’s also a great big dose of promise and determination in equal measures, from both sides.
This is so fucking perfect.
Breaking away, but keeping my lips close to his, I whisper breathlessly, “Let me put the ‘c’ in your dance.”
Taking him by the hand, I lead the way out of the bathroom.
Release
Within the clutch of the poison, I am a prisoner
Within this fear, I am a prisoner
I am not free to love fearlessly
Release me
Allow me to love fearlessly and intensely
Allow me to receive love fearlessly and intensely
I am free
I am entirely yours
You are entirely mine
My air. My sun. My heart. My savior.
You, my soul-mate, have made this the right time
You are welcome in a place no other has entered, and I invite you to stay
S.S.W
Copyright © 2013 by Louise J
All rights reserved.
Dane and Brooklyn’s story from inside their heads may be over, but their journey doesn’t end here. See where life takes Dane and Brooklyn, and Joe and Callie through the eyes of Gerard and the woman insane enough to capture his heart in book three of the Captured series.
If you enjoyed Release, please take the time to tell others by leaving a review on Amazon.
I desire for as many people as possible to fall in love with Dane and Brooklyn, and all the other wonderful characters in this series.
Music
Feenin’ by Jodeci
I was listening to this song when I first saw Dane and Brooklyn dancing together, naked and surrounded by a dim, blue glow in his living room. It was passionate and incredibly intense.
I implore you to listen to this song if you haven’t.
It’s exactly how Dane feels about Brooklyn at that point in the story.
Come With Me by Keith Sweat ft Ronald Isley
Lyrics featured without permission under fair use
Again, this song was an ideal fit for Dane and Brooklyn, which is why it’s featured.
Every Little Thing I do by Soul For Real
I was listening to this when I saw Dane and Brooklyn dancing after they spoke about Ray,
and she was dressed in her sexy, peach party dress. The words are an exact match for Dane’s feelings.
I Wanna Know by Joe
This song originally featured in the first draft of Release.
Music played a bigger part in that version of the story, but sometimes things change as a story matures and occasionally that means losing scenes you love.
Several songs were taken out, but I have to list this one because I was listening to it when I first saw Dane and Brooklyn in the bathroom, naked and baring themselves – that’s the pinnacle of their story for me. Such a deep and emotional scene.
This is a very special song for that reason and it’s exactly the way Dane feels around the time of Brooklyn being in L.A. and beyond – which is why it originally featured. I highly recommend that you listen to this song, and connect with Dane and Brooklyn.
This could easily have been written for them.
For more information on the Captured series, or the author, please visit louisejbooks.blogspot.com, or email [email protected]
Louise J can also be found at
https://www.facebook.com/pages/LouiseJ/122498824576630
And
http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/6654267.Louise_J_