by Robbi Neal
‘Okay,’ said Beth, who was still in her petticoats, ‘do you have your flower basket, Gracie?’
Gracie went and got it from where it was sitting on her dressing table waiting for today and when she came back Beth led them to the laundry. She took a key from where it was hidden on top of the door ledge and opened the door and flicked on the light.
‘Ohhh,’ said Gracie, slapping her head and wishing she’d thought to look for the key up there, then she could have had a peek inside the laundry years ago.
Gracie stood for a while getting accustomed to the dim light, then what she saw took her breath away. There was jar after preserving jar lined up on the shelves in the laundry and in each jar was a perfectly preserved red rose that glimmered in the light coming through the door.
Gracie looked at Edie and wondered why Edie looked so miserable and then she realised these were the roses from Theo, the ones he’d brought for Edie.
‘Oh,’ said Gracie, ‘these are all the roses that you didn’t want, Edie.’ Gracie ran her fingers along the jars on the lowest shelf. Her fingers tingled. ‘They are beautiful, Bethie,’ she whispered. ‘It’s like being in another world, isn’t it?’ she said. ‘A world where everything is made of surprises.’
Beth unclipped the lid of one of the jars and carefully lifted out the rose as tenderly as if it was the newest thing that had been born in the world, then she shook it and the petals fell into Gracie’s flower basket.
‘No,’ cried Gracie. ‘No don’t — you’ll let the magic escape.’
‘No, we’re taking the magic with us,’ said Beth and Gracie knew that Beth needed that magic. She couldn’t be without it or her fairytale would stop. Beth opened another jar and another and shook them into Gracie’s basket. Gracie looked at Edie but Edie was just standing there, her mouth open, and Gracie thought she saw tears in her sister’s eyes.
‘They do make you want to cry, don’t they?’ she whispered to Edie. ‘With happiness.’
But Edie didn’t answer.
With her basket full of Beth’s rose petals and Beth now dressed and holding her bridal posy and Papa with a full dried rosebud pinned to his lapel, they set off for the church — Gracie, Edie, Papa and Beth. Papa stopped at the letterbox and looked at the sky.
‘It’s going to rain later — it’s building up to a spring storm.’
‘Will we get to the church in time? I can’t get wet,’ said Beth.
‘We could take a cab,’ said Edie.
Gracie looked at Papa and said, ‘I think we should walk,’ because it was Beth’s day and she knew Beth would want to make it last as long as possible.
‘No, we’ll be fine, it won’t rain for a good hour yet,’ Paul decided. ‘But I can smell it in the air.’
The November sun pushed back the grey clouds that threatened to undo their happiness and it warmed their skin and their hearts and sparkled off the shine of the silk on the dresses as they walked. Feeling generous, the sun let its glistening rays halo around them, making their walking together a perfect moment that could last forever.
As they passed the end of the street, the children who had accompanied Theo each week were gathered waiting for them. They cheered and waved as the bride, the flower girl, the father and sister walked past and then the children fell in behind them, forming a procession like a brass band, the boys pretending they were trumpets and snare drums, the girls pretending they were flutes and cymbals or extra flower girls as they clutched daisies torn from gardens. The women stood at their front gates and held their hands on their hearts or threw flowers from their gardens at the wedding party and the men clapped. When the procession was out of earshot, the men made obscene jokes to each other about what the groom had to look forward to after all was signed and sealed, and the women wondered what magic Beth had used to capture Theo when his heart had belonged to Edie.
Gracie couldn’t look at anyone in case they were laughing at her dress. She was absolutely sure they were. She studied her feet in her best shoes. She saw the cracks in the road and fiddler beetles flying off to safety as her feet landed near them. Finally they reached the church; it was the longest walk to church she had ever had. Edie left them then and went inside and Gracie heard the music start and right after that first note the clouds opened and dropped a deluge of spring rain on the town. It was so furious that Gracie put her hands to her ears but when she stepped into the church, with its high ceilings and stone walls, the rain was silenced and all she could hear was all the eyes in the congregation watching her.
Gracie still couldn’t look at anyone as she walked up the aisle, carefully placing one foot in front of the other, trying to stay in time to the ‘Wedding March’, just like Beth had made her practise. Beth and Papa would be behind her, she knew that from the practice. Beth would have her arm through Papa’s. When Reverend Whitlock said, Who gives this woman to this man?, Papa was going to say I do in his big booming voice that he used at work but never at home. Beth’s dress was exactly the same as hers only bigger. Beth thought their dresses were wonderful, she was so proud of what she had created. As Gracie walked slowly up the aisle she wondered what their house would be like without Beth living in it any more. She wondered if they would miss her or if it would soon seem normal not to have her there. But she reminded herself that Beth said she wasn’t really leaving because she was going to come each morning at nine and leave each evening at six. Gracie scattered the dried rose petals ahead of her hoping they would work their magic just like Beth needed them to. She didn’t want to tread on them and break them so she threw them to each side of her instead of in front. Sealed in glass jars they had kept their aroma and as she scattered them perfume filled the air and everyone in the congregation breathed in their magic and breathed out an audible ‘Ahhhhh,’ as if they now had all the contentment they could hope for in the world. They looked at their spouses who they had grown weary of and beaux they had bickered with and friends and family who were irritating and gave them a little squeeze and a smile and a nod.
Gracie saw Theo Hooley standing at the end of the aisle. He was in his uniform. Each time he came to visit Beth, he would ask for her so she began to go to the front door with Beth to welcome him. He would wink at her and then ask her to smile for him and when she did he would put his hand over his heart and say, ‘Gracie, you have made me a very happy man.’
She smiled at him now and he winked at her and put his hand over his heart. All the women in the church sighed, they thought he was holding his heart for Beth. They didn’t know his hand was on his heart for Gracie. But Gracie knew because he did it all the time. Gracie couldn’t see what the fuss over her smile was about. She’d spent hours smiling at herself in the mirror trying to see what everyone else saw but as far as she could tell, her smile was no different to anyone else’s; in fact it was worse because it was a little lopsided.
Theo winked at Gracie, such a lovely child, and then he looked behind her to Beth, his bride, who was walking next to Paul. She had her veil over her head. Then he saw Edie, sitting in the front pew next to his mother.
His mother cocked her eyebrow at him, Come on, son, you can do it, and she wished he had eaten the fried eggs with the thick slices of bacon she had served him for breakfast. She had saved for weeks for that bacon. He had taken one mouthful, said he wasn’t hungry and left her to finish it off for him. She knew where his heart was and why he appeared to be so devoted to Beth and visited her so often. She saw him gazing at Edie sitting beside her and not at his bride who was walking down the aisle.
‘You’re doing the right thing son,’ she whispered, ‘a life must go on and it was never going to go anywhere for you with Edie.’
Theo saw his mother’s reprimand but instead of making him pay attention to his bride his blood filled with shame and rushed through his body to his heart and he determined never to be unfaithful to Edie again.
Gracie moved to the left-hand side of the church, like she’d practised, and felt Beth standing next to her.
She looked behind her and saw Edie sitting next to Missus Hooley, both of them in tears. Missus Hooley nibbled on a biscuit she had hidden in her white lace handkerchief. She looked around at the rest of the congregation. The women were dabbing their eyes with handkerchiefs and whispering, ‘A good wedding is just what we need in these sad times.’ She saw the men digging each other in the ribs with secret knowing winks.
Reverend Whitlock coughed and Gracie looked up and saw every hair up inside his large nostrils. He started his sermon.
‘Well, now that we are all ready, I’ll begin. This war is God’s way of bringing morality and order to the world,’ he said loudly, ‘and just as God has sacrificed his son for us, so Beth you must willingly sacrifice your claim to Theo so he can go to the front and fight for you and your children’s freedom and for Christianity and honour. It is God’s divine way.’
Gracie thought of God sitting like a general with a baton and a monocle, creating wars to bring moral fibre to the world. She knew Germany had no morals because only the other day she was reading in the paper that they sent schoolboys to the front, fourteen year olds not much older than her, right into the firing line to have their hearts shot from their chests. Theo was definitely not a schoolboy. In fact he was getting a bit bald at the back where he couldn’t see.
Reverend Whitlock coughed again and asked, ‘Who gives this woman to this man?’ and her father said ‘I do,’ and he sat down next to Theo’s mother in the space that had been left for him.
Reverend Whitlock said, ‘If anyone can see why Theo and Beth should not be wed,’ and she saw her father lean forward and look at Edie as though he thought Edie might have something to say but Edie just stared straight ahead and then her father turned and looked at Laidlaw sitting on the other side with Beth’s sisters and another man and she was sure she heard Laidlaw say, ‘Bet Young Colin’d have something to say, eh Davo?’
The Reverend waited and even though there was some muffled muttering no one said anything loud enough for the whole congregation to hear so Gracie turned back to look up the Reverend’s big nostrils.
Young Colin couldn’t have spoken up at Beth’s wedding even if he wanted to. He had made a point of telling everyone he was working this Saturday and he wasn’t the slightest bit interested in nobody’s wedding. Now his body was deep below the earth. The mine, driven by hunger and vengeance at being raped and carved out to its very soul, sucked in the heavy spring rain that had come crashing down and sent the water racing down its tunnels and shafts, chasing its prey, leaving no dark corner untouched. Without warning the currents rushed at Young Colin, belting his chest, throwing him into its torrent as though he was no more than a grain of dirt. It gushed and hated and pushed against Young Colin’s ribs and cracked them into splinters that pierced his skin and his lungs. The surging water then filled Young Colin’s lungs with its icy muddiness and tossed from him wall to wall as though he was no more than a rag doll. It smashed his limbs against sharp exposed rocks and bruised his skin to a purple and blue patchwork. Then the collapsing mine buried its murderous crime and Young Colin’s body deep under the crumbling earth where it turned to dust and would never be found.
With no one to speak out against the marriage, Reverend Whitlock coughed and continued the ceremony.
‘I have a poem to mark this occasion,’ he announced proudly and unfolded a piece of paper from his pocket and began to read:
War for the end of war,
Fight that fight might cease,
And out of the cannons’ roar
A thousand years of peace.
‘I wrote it myself,’ he said.
Gracie felt the awkward cold emptiness in the room. No one knew whether to clap in the middle of a wedding or not. She was holding a flower basket so no one could expect her to clap but then Reverend Whitlock said the groom may kiss the bride and everyone did clap and Theo leant over, lifted Beth’s veil and kissed her on the cheek.
Missus Hooley pulled a biscuit wrapped in paper from her bag and offered it to Edie and Edie said, ‘Oh, I’m just crying tears of happiness.’ Missus Hooley raised her eyebrow and Gracie thought a dunce could see Edie wasn’t happy at all. Missus Hooley took the biscuit out of the paper and handed it to Edie and Edie said, ‘Oh, why not,’ and took a big bite.
After everyone had eaten sandwiches and cakes in the dining room, Beth went to her bedroom and changed into her day dress: a pale blue skirt, a white blouse and a lovely matching pale blue jacket that hung loosely to her thighs. She tidied her hair in the mirror and picked up her overnight bag. They were taking the train to Melbourne for their honeymoon. Theo said one night was all they could manage on account of the war, and because it was on account of the war she couldn’t argue. At least he had finally married her. At least she was now someone else — she was Missus Theo Hooley. When she came out Theo was standing talking to Paul, and she slipped her arm through his and gave him a little squeeze and waited for him to smile at her, but he didn’t, so she held on tighter to make him aware that she was there.
Paul saw her and her bag. ‘Righteo, let’s see them off,’ he called to the guests, and he nodded at her and she threw her bouquet, aiming for Edie who caught it and quickly passed it to Gracie standing next to her. Gracie held it high so everyone could see what a beautiful posy of flowers it was and then she giggled and said, ‘I’m too young to be the next married, Beth — you should throw it again.’
‘Oh, I don’t think so,’ said Beth. ‘I think you can only throw it once, it doesn’t work the second time.’
Beth was hurt that Edie didn’t want her bouquet and had passed it to Gracie. She reminded herself that Edie hadn’t wanted Theo and she had and she had nothing to feel guilty about. She hoped Edie would still find someone she did want, even though she was approaching middle age and it wasn’t likely. But Beth would feel so much better if Edie had someone.
Beth looked at Theo but he was somewhere else so she nudged him and he smiled at her, but she knew he still wasn’t really looking at her.
She hugged Edie and Gracie, Paul and Lilly, and her sisters and nieces and nephews and Laidlaw.
‘Well, let’s see them off,’ said Paul and everyone walked to the station, and on the platform Beth hugged everyone all over again. She even hugged Nurse Drake. Theo helped her onto the train, but he still hadn’t really looked at her and she felt his indifference like a slap across her cheek and it turned her skin hot and pink. They stood in the doorway and waved and called goodbye to everyone and she saw his eyes light up as they rested on Edie as she stood on the platform next to her father, and for just a moment Beth’s heart sank to rest among the sharp stones on the railway track and she heard Colin’s words: He will never belong with you.
The conductor blew his whistle and the train pulled out and she toppled into Theo with the jolt and everyone laughed and cheered for them. Theo straightened her up and said, ‘Righteo,’ and walked to a compartment. He pulled open the door for her and then shut it so they had the compartment to themselves. She sat by the window and he sat next to her and she leant over to kiss him and he turned and kissed her cheek first.
‘Bloody hell,’ she said and he screwed up his face in distaste. ‘You told me I had to wait until our wedding night before we can you know — do what we did down the lake, so we can consummate our marriage properly as husband and wife. Then you make me wait three bloody years and now we are married you don’t want to kiss me?’
Theo stared straight ahead; he wouldn’t have a war with her.
She sighed and crossed her arms over her chest.
‘I set the date because I leave on Monday,’ he said finally, looking at her as though he didn’t know her. ‘I wanted to do the right thing. This way we can ease into things — take our time to get used to married life.’
Beth couldn’t speak. Something inside her just bottled up and the lid closed down fast.
‘So when do you have to be at your barracks?’ she asked at last, keeping her voice flat and co
ld.
‘Well,’ he said, ‘it was supposed to be three this afternoon but they have let me have until six on account of the wedding.’
‘So I’m supposed to spend my wedding night on my own?’ she wailed.
‘At least we will be married,’ he said. ‘Isn’t that what you wanted? Besides, you will get to see me off on the ship if you come to the dock on Monday morning — all the other wives will be there, I imagine.’
‘A proper husband and wife have sex,’ she said. She was red in the face. She knew he couldn’t even look at her.
‘And we will,’ he said, ‘when I get back and we can settle down to a proper family life. Everything in its right time, Beth. I would be a terrible husband if I took the risk of possibly leaving you pregnant and having to raise a child on your own with a war on. It’s better this way. We can start a family when I get back.’
Family was a word that always caught her heart. He saw her soften a fraction and said, ‘In the meantime you will live with my mother. You’re a proper member of the family, and she’ll look after you, I promise.’
Twenty-Five
The Mortification
Sunday, 8 November 1914, when George thinks it’s time for a bit of a chat with Beatrix.
George told Beatrix the news about Young Colin. He had held onto it until after, in case the news upset her and she didn’t want to give him any loving on account of it. So while they were putting their clothes back on he told her casually, like it was nothing at all, and she turned and looked at him square on, holding her petticoat up in front of her bare chest like George had never seen her bare chest, hadn’t been nuzzling her breasts just twenty minutes ago and swearing they tasted like honey and cream.
She said, ‘I’m telling you, he called that collapse on himself. He knew the mine was too wet. And all that rain yesterday. These last three years he’s been that distraught at Beth’s running off to marry Theo Hooley. He’s had a death wish on him, that boy. He brought it on himself. I’ve seen it many a time and I know what I’m talking about.’