by Jenny Hale
He stopped moving, his silent question forcing her to say more.
“I like it when you let your guard down,” she said honestly.
He pulled away again.
There was an underlying emotion lurking which screamed to her that Theo was struggling with something. And maybe, she figured, since she’d been the one to notice, it was her job to help him figure out whatever it was that had him so closed off. She’d dealt with her own issues of not knowing her worth after Razz had hurt her, and she understood what it felt like to move through her days while holding on to a secret pain and fear that she couldn’t be enough for someone, suppressed for the benefit of everyone else.
“Why won’t you show me who you really are?” she pushed. He didn’t answer. She reached for his hand, but he wouldn’t let her take it.
“You don’t really want to know,” he said, but instead of barking at her like he usually did, his words came out wounded. “You came out here on your week’s vacation, looking to have fun, and then you’re going to go back to your regular life, wherever that might be. But this is my life. This is it. And something tells me that when it comes to dating someone, you’d want more than the guy at the coffee shop.”
“How do you know that? You’re presuming a lot of things.” Then she tilted her head up to directly address him. “I think you’re scared.”
“What?” he asked, walking away, his usual annoyance returning. “I’m not scared of anything,” he said, but his eyes told a different story.
“What is it?” she asked. “Why won’t you let your guard down?”
“I don’t need to explain myself,” he snapped, a frantic scramble for a response swimming across his features. Her questioning had clearly hit a nerve.
“You’re terrified to feel something, and you’re hiding behind your anger and that coffee shop instead of facing whatever it is,” she ventured.
“You don’t know anything,” he spat.
“Don’t I? By the look on your face, it sure seems like I do.” She strode over to him, forcing him to stay by blocking his path to the door.
“Hey,” Edie said, suddenly coming into the room.
The two of them flew apart, Lila’s heart slamming around in her chest.
Piper and Eleanor followed Edie back into the room.
“You know the client I’m trying to win for my firm?” Edie said, biting her lip, clearly so worried about the phone call she’d just had that she hadn’t even noticed Lila and Theo’s reaction when she’d come in. “They want an emergency meeting tomorrow before their CEO flies to Vail for the holidays. I have to present. He wants to make a decision before Christmas.”
“What does that mean?” Lila asked.
“I know it’s getting late, but if I want any time to prepare, I have to leave tonight.” Edie paced back and forth. “I offered to help Eleanor with photos and that free PR…” she worried aloud.
“It’s fine,” Lila soothed, trying to absorb the blow that another friend was leaving. “Theo can do the job and he agreed to it without any PR.”
“I feel terrible,” Edie said, her face crumpling with dejection. “First Charlotte, now me.” She held up her phone. “I have to find a rental car company somewhere nearby, but I doubt I’ll have much luck.”
“We’ll figure something out,” Lila told her. “Worst case, you could take my car…”
“I could always come back to pick you up. But let me look for a rental first.”
“I have an extra car,” Theo said. “If you take Lila’s, I’ll either loan her one that can be returned later, or I’ll find another way to get her home.”
Edie turned her goggling eyes toward Lila.
Then, as if something occurred to him, he asked Lila, “Where do you live?”
Was Theo putting himself in a position to have to see her again? “California,” she said.
But the shock that registered in his expression made her unable to keep her poker face. “Just kidding,” she said. “I live in Nashville.”
He let out a nervous exhale. “Glad it’s at least in the state. Probably should’ve thought that through before I offered.”
“No need for all that,” Eleanor cut in. “I hardly ever drive anymore. You’re welcome to use my car as your own, any time you need it, until your friends can come back for you. It’s the least I can do to repay you for all your help.”
“Thank you, Eleanor.” Lila was grateful for the offer, but she couldn’t help the regret that bubbled up at having lost an opportunity to see Theo again.
“This is awful to say, but I think we might need to just call off the Christmas trip this year,” Piper said. “With Edie having to leave and Charlotte already gone, it just doesn’t feel the same. And now the cabin will be torn to shreds with repairs… It makes the most sense if we all get in the car together and go home.”
“I agree,” Edie said, shaking her head with resignation. “I don’t want to, but I think we’ve been given no other choice.”
“Except that Theo would be forced to work all day at the coffee shop and then all night on the plumbing, since there wouldn’t be anyone to take over the shop for him,” Lila said.
Piper chewed on her lip.
That familiar feeling of being alone slithered through Lila. “What if I stay behind?” she suggested. She didn’t want to go home. She’d managed to have people she loved around her every holiday, and that had kept her from falling apart. If she went back now, she’d be alone, and she’d have to think about how much she missed her father and how she wished she had a family of her own. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that she felt she was needed here, like she had a purpose. And if she couldn’t be with her best friends, this was where she wanted to be.
“I don’t want to abandon Eleanor. The last thing I want is for her to spend her holiday alone,” Lila said. “I can work in the shop for Theo during the day and keep Eleanor company in the evenings. I’d love to learn about all the history on the grounds. The website said there was a ton of it here, and we haven’t had a chance to hear it. I’ll bet Eleanor has a wealth of stories… I want to stay.”
“You sure you want to do that?” Edie asked.
“Yes. It’ll be great for Eleanor.”
Edie gave a knowing nod. “Yes,” she said. “It’ll be great for Eleanor. You’ll be wonderful company for her.” She put her arm around Lila. “And I couldn’t help but notice you and Theo when I came in,” she whispered.
So she had seen… Lila shook her head to tell her it was nothing, but she knew her friend understood.
“Okay, Piper,” Edie said. “Let’s see if we can bag up my wet clothes and get them into the car. She turned to Lila. “Want us to leave the decorations? I could come back to get you, and we can take them down then.”
“I can take them down—it’s no problem,” Lila said. “It’ll be nice to have them all up.”
“I feel terrible leaving you,” Piper said.
“I think she’ll be just fine,” Edie said with a smirk.
Edie was both right and totally wrong, Lila mused. While she might be trying to make the best out of a bad situation, there was a hole in her heart that they’d never really get to have that final vacation, sharing gifts and laugher, making memories they could cherish forever. Charlotte, Piper, and Edie were like her sisters, and an era was coming to an end. At this rate she probably wouldn’t ever get to have another Christmas with them—they’d barely managed a few days together this year, and given how their lives were moving in different directions, it would only get harder. Lila wondered how long it would be before they abandoned their regular coffee dates and quit hanging out completely, struggling to snatch a quick hour together. She’d be completely alone, without her best friends or any family, in a city that wasn’t hers. What would she do with her life?
If anything could be said about this Christmas, it was full of surprises, that was for sure. Hopefully, there wouldn’t be any more. Her heart might not be able
to take it.
Ten
Eleanor’s house was lit up this morning before the sun rose. The lamplight created a glow from inside as Lila knocked on the door. Presley the cat greeted her and rubbed once across her leg before darting off into the snowy surroundings.
Lila had come over earlier than she’d originally planned, just to take some time to be with Eleanor. Her eyes stung with lack of sleep, all night her body caught between the desperate need for rest and the wild, constant thoughts that rushed through her mind, not allowing her any peace. She kept thinking about how her friends were moving on with their lives, yet she felt stuck, like she was running in quicksand, being left behind.
“Good morning,” Eleanor said when she answered the door. “Come in. Do you want some breakfast?”
“I’m on my way to the coffee shop in a bit to help Theo out,” Lila replied.
“I’ve made biscuits and eggs,” Eleanor said. “I’ll whip up a sandwich and wrap it in some cellophane for the road.”
“Thanks.” Lila grinned gratefully at her. “I just wanted to stop in and see how you were.”
“I’m fine, dear,” she said, but the cloud of worry that overtook her when she said it told a different story. She sat down in her reading chair by the fire, which was lit already.
“You sure?” Lila asked, setting her coat on the arm of the sofa and taking a seat.
“Do you ever feel like you have no idea where your life is going?” the old woman asked with a sigh.
Lila couldn’t help laughing. “Sorry, it’s not funny. I’m laughing because I know exactly what you mean. In fact, I’ve been feeling the same thing myself.”
“I thought that by this age, I would be settled, looking back on my life and knowing I was finally in the place where I could live out my years in comfort and security.”
“Do you think anyone really gets to have that?” Lila wondered aloud.
Eleanor contemplated her question before replying, “I think some do.”
“Then how do they get that lucky?”
Eleanor smiled. “‘Lucky’ is the key word there. I think we all have paths we take in life, and as long as we’ve prayed for them and tried to do what’s right, we are on the correct one. But contentment isn’t a guarantee. I guess, during those times when things seemed to be moving faster than I could keep up with them, when this place was buzzing with activity and I had Chester by my side—I suppose I thought I’d manage to become one of the lucky ones. But then it all just fell away…”
“Yeah, I get that,” Lila said. “I’ve always wondered why I had to lose my parents.”
“Oh, you poor girl,” Eleanor said, reaching out for her.
“I’m okay,” Lila said. She got uncomfortable whenever people tried to console her about the loss of her parents. Over the years, she’d tried to figure out why, and finally it occurred to her that she’d worked so hard to be strong all her life that if she accepted their loving embraces, she feared that she might crumble to the ground. But sitting there with Eleanor, it became harder to fight, and the tears rose up without warning.
Eleanor wrapped her in a warm hug, squeezing her gently. Lila put her head on the old woman’s shoulder and took in a jagged breath, the feel of Eleanor’s arms around her making her feel safe.
“Thank you. For the hug,” she said, pulling back and wiping her eyes. “I feel like you just get me.”
“Maybe we are lucky, the both of us,” Eleanor said. “Perhaps we’ve come through so much so we could understand each other.” Her eyes filled with tears. “I never had a daughter. And you never had a mother. And here we are.” She suddenly grinned, giddy, and put her hands on Lila’s face. “What a way to start this day,” she said.
“Crying?” Lila asked with a laugh and a sniffle.
“No,” she chuckled. “We started our day by finding a person who understands us. Maybe it’s the first day of our happy ending.”
“I like that,” Lila said, giving Eleanor another squeeze.
“Hold this,” Theo said at the café, having resumed his unsociable behavior, thrusting a bunch of lavender into her hands, the stems filling her nose with their floral aroma. His gaze landed to her and then skirted away before tending to another customer. He was supposed to be teaching her how to make all the signature lattes, but he’d been so busy with a bunch of to-go orders that it had been more piecemeal than lesson. She figured that worst case, she could ask him to write down the recipes.
Even if he was being ornery as usual, Lila was glad to be at the bustling coffee shop this morning. She’d slept with the Christmas lights on last night, feeling isolated way out there in the cabin on her own. Before she’d gone to bed, Eleanor had called and offered a different cabin for her, but she’d declined, not wanting to make more work for the old woman. She said she’d be just fine. But the old wood in Edie’s room had started to smell musty from all the leaking water, and she’d been afraid to light a candle so late at night for fear she might fall asleep with it burning.
“Stuff the lavender into one of those mesh bags over there,” Theo told her, wagging his finger at a stack of small steeping bags. He had the same look of irritation at the process of soaking lavender that he’d had when she’d asked him for almond milk. It was as if making anything other than a plain cup of black coffee bothered him.
He hadn’t mentioned what had happened yesterday yet this morning, and with the way the shop was buzzing, he definitely wouldn’t get much of a chance to. He turned away from her to ring up another customer.
Lila grabbed a mesh bag and did what she was told, while Theo handed the customer her change. “I’ve got a pot boiling in the kitchen,” he said over his shoulder to Lila. “Drop the bag into the water, reduce it to simmer, and set the timer for three minutes.”
Lila went back into the kitchen where a pot of water steamed on the stove. She released the bag of lavender into it and turned down the heat just a bit. Then she set the timer as he’d said. A wooden spoon sat nearby and she used it to stir the lavender water, watching the little bubbles fizz up from the bottom, thinking about when she’d first come in this morning.
She’d allowed her happiness to show when she’d walked in, looking forward to spending some time with Theo despite how up and down he could be, but he had been quiet. She had purposely left Eleanor’s in time to come in a few minutes before opening so she could give him a chance to talk to her with just the two of them there, but he’d busied himself unpacking boxes in the back room, barely glancing in her direction. Then he’d gotten straight to work, training her, beginning with a caramel crunch latte and then rushing over to the first customers waiting at the door. As she stirred the lavender, she tried to guess what had caused his silence.
She set the spoon down and went out to see if Theo needed her, still thinking about him when—bam!—she slammed right into his chest. “Oh!” she cried, stumbling backwards. Theo caught her, his strong hands steadying her in a flash.
“Sorry,” she said.
“It’s fine.” He hurried past her, avoiding eye contact.
“You know, if you end up driving me home and you’re this quiet, it’s going to be a long journey…” she teased.
He finally looked over at her. “I’m not being quiet,” he said.
“So what do you call this silence then?”
He pursed his lips. “Working.”
She offered a challenging look. “Wanna see working? I’ll show you working. Take over the lavender boiling.” She walked back into the front and stood by the register.
Theo poked his head through the kitchen doorway. “But you don’t know all the—” A customer came in so he stopped talking, gritting his teeth and retreating to the kitchen.
An elderly woman lumped her handbag onto the counter. “Y’all got just plain coffee?”
“Of course,” she said with a smile.
The woman looked around the shop. “Theo’s been itchin’ to get me in here. He told me I should pop by sometime, b
ut I can make my own coffee just fine in my housecoat at six in the mornin’. I don’t need to be runnin’ the streets for it.”
Her candor gave Lila a burst of pleasure. “I totally understand,” she said, shooting a grin over to Theo, but he moved out of sight. This woman was the type of person she could spend hours talking to—she could already tell. “What’s your name?”
“Adele.” The lady looked Lila up and down.
“Adele, it’s nice to meet you,” Lila replied. “Are you going to settle in and relax with us, or are you in a hurry?”
“I was gonna take it home with me.”
“Well,” Lila said, “you’re more than welcome to stay by the fire over there for a chat, but I’ll make your coffee in a to-go cup so if you need to head out, you can take it with you. How does that sound?”
Adele nodded. “That would be wonderful, thank you.”
Lila grabbed a paper cup and filled it with the coffee that Theo had brewed this morning after she’d come in. “Are you all ready for Christmas?” she asked the woman as she snapped the lid on the cup.
“Nearly. I’ve still gotta get a gift for my grandson Rex.”
“Rex from the Christmas tree farm? I met him the other day,” Lila said, while hunting for the correct buttons on the register to ring up the order. “He’s adorable.”
“Yes,” Adele said, perking up, clearly keen to talk about her grandson. “He’s such an old soul. I have no idea what I should get him for Christmas.”
“You know, we rode horses with little Rex, and he was such a delightful host,” Lila told her. “He mentioned that he needed some tools to fix his saddle. Maybe you could find him some… That’ll be three seventy-five,” she said, proud of herself for ringing it up correctly. Luckily the register was similar to the one she’d used at work.
“Oh, like a little leather tool kit or somethin’?” Adele asked, getting excited as she handed over her money.
“Yes, exactly!” Lila put the bills into the cash holder at the bottom of the register and handed the woman her change as a line began to form, the next customer grabbing a paper coffee menu to make his selection.