by Jenny Hale
“I suppose so,” Smash said. “That’s too bad. My hope is that he was trying to explain everything to her, and she just hasn’t calmed down enough to listen.” He got up and walked over to the fireplace, peering into it, his thoughts clearly somewhere else. “I went and did it again. I screwed up, trying to make things better.”
Lila finally spoke in a quiet voice. “You’re too hard on yourself,” she told Smash.
He turned around and offered her a weak smile.
“And Theo, you’ve got to face this. If she tries to smear your name, then we’ll figure it out, but it won’t just go away. And you can’t stay married to her forever.”
Theo took in an aggravated breath. “Why would I want to put myself in the middle of Alexa’s ridiculous world, and get wrapped up in the media circus and negative news coverage that has me painted as some kind of criminal? I was doing perfectly well running the coffee shop on my own and keeping a low profile. I don’t want anything to do with that life anymore.”
“But you can’t start this new life until you end the old one,” Lila said.
He nodded reluctantly. “Clearly, she’s not going to back down. I knew, dating her, that she had a pretty big bite, and I didn’t ever want to be on her bad side. She’ll go to the press… They’ll have a field day. They’ll hound me and make my life a living hell. Not to mention that they will completely overrun this town. I won’t even be able to see Rex for fear that he’d be splashed across the inside of some tabloid with stories of being my illegitimate child or something.” He ran his fingers though his hair in frustration. “And what will they say when they get wind of us?” he asked Lila. “I won’t be able to handle it if they make up lies about you, trying to piece the story of us together.”
Just by what she’d seen of him so far, Lila knew that Theo didn’t like being in the limelight, let alone a negative one. And his concerns were valid. She’d read enough articles about him to know there was a real possibility that not only his but her own life, and the lives of the people he cared about here, could be altered forever if he confronted Alexa. This was going to be quite a battle, from the looks of it. What a mess. But there was no way around it. They needed to handle this together if they wanted to move forward. And this journey began with Theo and Smash. They had to have time to understand each other first.
“I’m going to go see Eleanor and leave you two alone for a little bit,” Lila suggested. “It’s been a long time since you were together, and I think you should have some privacy.”
“Stay,” Theo told her gently.
“It’s okay,” she said, reaching over and giving his hand a squeeze. “I’ll wait for your text.” She grabbed her coat and headed to the door. “Listen to each other. You’ll figure it all out.”
Lila sat at Eleanor’s kitchen table, strewn with playing cards, across from the old woman.
“I’ve got a good hand,” Eleanor said from behind her fanned-out cards. Lila looked on as she set two cards on the table. “And I have a pair of twos.” Eleanor laid two more cards down.
Lila pursed his lips. “I’ve got nothing.” She drew a card.
“The Christmas tree looks so lovely,” Eleanor said. “It should make it really easy to sell when I put it on the market.”
“What?” Lila blurted out.
“It’s okay, Lila,” Eleanor said. “When I sell, I’ll get your investment back to you.”
“That wasn’t what I was thinking,” Lila told her, shocked. “You’re selling?”
“I know originally I didn’t want to sell, but I talked myself into it,” Eleanor explained. “I’m getting too old to run this place. The state it was in when you got here explains it all. It might be better if I find somewhere small, where I can maybe get a dog and grow some plants on my porch. A simpler life. While I have a lot of memories here, it just makes sense for me now.”
A lump formed in Lila’s throat, her emotions surfacing out of nowhere. All at once, she felt the swell of sadness and panic at the same time. That was when she realized that if Eleanor sold Fireside Cabins, Lila’s newfound purpose would slide away, out of her grasp, and she’d be left with the same empty feeling she had back in Nashville. She’d quit her job, so she had no income. She’d given up her apartment, so she had no place to live. She’d spent all her savings, and even if Eleanor repaid her like she promised, it wasn’t enough to change Lila’s situation, or, if she were honest with herself, fulfill her. With Theo selling the coffee shop, and now Eleanor finding a new owner for Fireside Cabins, the comfortable little bubble Lila had just begun to create for herself—the only thing keeping her sane as her friends all went on with their lives—was about to pop. And where would that leave Lila?
“Are you all right, dear?” Eleanor asked.
Lila’s eyes filled with tears, beyond her control.
“Oh my goodness. You’re not okay,” Eleanor said, getting out of her chair and rushing over to Lila’s side. “Let’s go into the living room, dear. I’ll get the box of tissues.”
“I’m sorry,” Lila said. “I’m just emotional at the holidays.” There was no need to make Eleanor feel bad about her decision to sell.
“Tell me, dear. Why?” The old lady took her hand, pulling her up from her chair, and led her into the living room.
Lila plopped down on the sofa. “I don’t know where I belong. I’m so sorry! This is ridiculous.” She stood up to leave, unsure of where she was even going. “I should go,” Lila said. “Theo and his father are in my cabin right now.”
“Oh, how lovely,” Eleanor said, peeking out the window. “I thought William was on tour.”
“I guess not,” Lila replied. “I really should get back to them. I was just giving them some time alone.” The familiar feeling of not fitting anywhere swelled in her stomach. She wanted to get out of there and figure out what to do next, but she had nowhere to go, no one to really go to.
“You didn’t stay very long,” Eleanor said. “I feel like I’ve run you off.”
“You haven’t.”
Eleanor took her hand. “Tell me what’s gotten you so upset. Please.”
Lila bit her lip, trying to keep the tears at bay. “My friends are all busy these days. And I have no family; it’s just me. I’ve felt more myself here than I ever have before, but everything’s changing before I can even have enough time to process my feelings on it all, and I just don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing. I feel like I should be running this place with you, which makes no sense—I know. But it makes me whole. When I helped fix up the cabins, I had purpose and I enjoyed it. Now I don’t know what to do.”
Eleanor stared at her for the longest time. “That’s how I felt when I first saw this place. It called to me. I didn’t want to let it go because of that. I was too afraid that I wouldn’t know what I was supposed to do next. But the worry of trying to take care of it, and this place practically falling apart, consumed me so much that it just hit me that it might be time to let it go.” She patted Lila’s hand. “I’m sorry, dear. But someone will buy this place. Perhaps you could work for the new owner.”
“Maybe,” Lila said, a sinking feeling settling in her gut because she knew it wouldn’t be the same without Eleanor. Whatever her future, she knew now that Nashville—and Pinewood Hills—wasn’t in it. “Eleanor, could I borrow your car to go back to my apartment for a day or so? My lease is up, and I want to pack some things and get them into boxes. I’m not sure where I’ll go, but I won’t be living in my apartment anymore, I know that much.”
“Of course, dear.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re not packing up your cabin just yet, are you?” Eleanor asked. “I’d like you to stay through the holiday.”
“I’d love to,” Lila replied, more tears rising up when she considered how grateful she was to have this holiday in the company of her friend.
Twenty-Eight
Lila stirred, her consciousness pushing through when she didn’t feel Theo’s warm body a
round her anymore. She opened her eyes and yawned, assessing her surroundings. Theo smiled over at her from the kitchen, holding a coffee mug, his hair disheveled and his shadow of stubble giving her a flutter.
“Where’s your dad?” she asked, sitting up on the sofa, and noticing that she had a blanket over her.
Smash had slept in Charlotte’s old room and Theo had stayed on the sofa. Lila had offered him Piper’s room, but they’d gotten to talking about how he and his father had begun to understand each other a little more, and ended up getting so sleepy that they’d just stayed there. She’d been so comfortable tangled up with him on the sofa that she’d never gotten up to go to her own room.
“He ran out to get something to eat for breakfast, and then he’s stopping over at Eleanor’s to get him set up in one of the other cabins. Want some coffee?” His words were casual but he was focusing intently on her, making her forget all about the anxiety of last night for a moment.
“Yes,” she said, wrapping the blanket around her and padding over to him.
He pulled out a chair for her at the kitchen table. “I’ll get it,” he said, pouring her a cup.
“It’s not every day I get to have an actual barista in my kitchen to make my coffee,” she teased. But his half-smile suggested his musings, and it occurred to her that he wasn’t a barista anymore. “Have you thought about what you’re going to do with the coffee shop?” she asked.
“What do you mean?” He placed her mug on the table in front of her.
“You won’t reopen?”
He sat down. “We’ve had an offer already.”
“Oh…” She looked into her coffee, the milky brown liquid circling slowly from the movement of the mug, her future completely unclear. One thing that was certain was that this town was not a part of it. And as she considered this, the thought occurred to her… “What’s today’s date?” She checked her phone and slid it back into her pocket. “I have to move out of my apartment.” Everything was crashing down on her at once, and she had no idea what to do next.
“Where will you go?”
“I’m not sure. But I need to box up my stuff.”
“I’ll come with you,” Theo offered.
Perhaps she could put everything she had into a U-Haul, ask Theo to come with her, and then see where the road took them. But she knew that was rushing things. She’d been so busy trying to “save the world,” as Edie had said, that she needed the solitude to really think about her own next move, and she couldn’t be one hundred percent there for Theo until she’d had some time. When she was packing up her apartment, she’d be back in her reality, the spell of hope and happy endings that Christmas brings pushed out of her sight for a little while. That was the only way she’d know for sure what she really felt in her heart.
The car was running outside, as Lila held a small bag of her toiletries.
“Sure you don’t want me to go with you?” Theo asked.
“It’s okay,” she said, drinking in his face and praying he’d still be there when she got back. “I want to do this alone. I need time to be in my head for a little while. It’s the only way I’ll sort out my thoughts. I’ll be back soon, all right?”
“Okay,” Theo said, taking her hands. He leaned down and kissed her.
“Will you be all right with Smash?” she asked in a whisper.
“We’ll be fine. You positive you’ll be fine?”
“Yeah,” she assured him, although in truth she didn’t really know. She wanted to get back into her old life, standing in the middle of her apartment, to see what she felt once all this was out of her grasp. Where would she go from here? The only way to know was to get there.
Lila headed outside and climbed into Eleanor’s car. With one last wave to Theo, she pulled out of the drive and left Fireside Cabins, feeling uncertain. Her future was as wide open as the twisting snow-covered roads that led her home.
A few hours later, Lila had arrived. She set a stack of folded boxes against the wall and peered out her Nashville apartment window, Eleanor’s car looking out of place in the little parking space at her complex. It was the only reminder of what Lila had just left. She turned away from the view and took in the small space that had been hers over the years. Her refrigerator held magnets from all the places she’d gone with her friends—The Big Apple, Boston, San Diego. The one plant she owned sat looking lonely on the kitchen counter. It always seemed to need just a bit more light than she could provide, no matter where she moved it. The sofa pillows were still squished into an odd shape from the last time she’d sat there, and the living room’s wood floors could use a good sweep.
She dropped down onto the sofa, and breathed in the scent of lavender and eucalyptus that Piper had suggested to make the space her own the first year she lived here. Piper had assigned them all scents, telling them they needed something to remind them of what was theirs. Edie’s was lilac and thyme, Charlotte had cinnamon and nutmeg, and for herself, Piper had chosen her own blend, which she called “salt and pepper oregano”—an earthy mix of spices and herbs. Piper had been right. Lavender and eucalyptus now reminded Lila of home every time she caught the scent of it—it was the one thing she didn’t have at the cabins.
Now that she was home, her trip felt like a dream. She had no idea where to go from here. Nobody she knew had enough money to buy the cabins, nor would she ever be able to convince them to invest in a declining property in the middle of nowhere. The coffee shop was nearly sold, and Theo didn’t live there anymore.
It hurt to think that, beyond Theo, there was nothing to take her back to Pinewood Hills. She had made the mistake of following a guy before, but she still wanted to return. She wanted to see the snow-topped rolling hills out her window instead of a concrete parking lot. She wanted to visit Trudy at the farm café and ride horses with Rex. But she wanted more than that. She wanted to sit with Theo at the coffee shop, sipping peppermint lattes together. She wanted to write songs with him, watch him teach Rex how to play a difficult chord on the guitar, take Eleanor to breakfast, learn how to make her favorite peach cobbler recipe. But with the sale of the coffee shop and Fireside Cabins changing hands, there was no way to make any of it happen. Nothing seemed to be staying the same.
The heating in Lila’s apartment was always iffy. Sometimes it would scorch her and other times it would turn her little space into an icebox. Since she’d arrived from the cabins today, it had decided to fry her like a sizzling egg in a pan, which was most inconvenient when she was trying to pack up her things. She’d told the landlord about it when she’d made the phone call to let him know she wouldn’t be renewing her lease. She opened the window a crack, the familiar Nashville sounds of country music from the bar downstairs sailing into her apartment.
She’d come a long way since first arriving in the city with Razz three years ago. The sound of the music had been electric for her on that first day they had moved in here. She was wide-eyed and naive, convinced they were on their way to the life she’d always dreamed of. Now the country music was like an old family member, always humming and oddly comforting. It had played through her heartbreak, her trials, and her grief. It had been a constant, watching her grow and change to become the woman packing up right now. She would miss it.
Lila rolled out the bubble wrap she’d had in the closet since before her trip. She’d bought it in case she decided to move, which was telling—like she’d known this day would come along. Placing a plate from her last stack in the center of the wrap, she folded it over, putting another plate on top. All the while, she wondered what she was doing and where she was going. One thing was for sure: there was no good reason to stay here.
She’d checked down the hall to see if Edie was home, but she wasn’t. She was probably with her new boyfriend, and Piper hadn’t answered her door either. Lila figured it was probably best that they weren’t home because she had packing to do, and they would inevitably distract her with words like “cocktails” and “sashimi appetizers,” both of which
she’d have to lay off for a while since she was now jobless and she’d managed to give away her entire savings. She sat down in the middle of the kitchen floor, cross-legged. Was she losing her mind, adding “homeless” to her list of credentials this week?
Twenty-Nine
The sun streamed through Lila’s bedroom window, waking her earlier than she’d hoped. She’d stayed up far too long, avoiding her growing concern about the future by packing. Over the last two days, she’d gotten the entire kitchen boxed, most of the living room and small coat closet done, and part of her bedroom packed, the whole time considering her feelings for Theo. She missed him like crazy and couldn’t wait to see him again.
She and Theo had texted a bit, and he’d told her that he and Smash had spent quite a while talking to each other—something they hadn’t done in many years. Theo had decided to meet Lila at her cabin when she returned and tell her all about it. She stood back to survey the nearly empty apartment, all her boxes piled by the door. It was amazing how quickly she could completely leave a place. She got up and headed out to the living area, rubbing her eyes to try to make them focus.
A flash of something shot past her window, grabbing her attention, but when she looked to see what it was, it had gone. The street outside was busy already, the traffic building. She needed caffeine. A nice latte would do her wonders right now… The thought of coffee took her right back to Theo’s shop, and she wished she could pass Johnny, the local, as he read his paper with his mug of black coffee, on her way to the counter to put in her order while Theo’s blue eyes took her in. She missed it already. For now, she’d go down to the coffee shop on the corner and grab a quick cup.
Lila pulled out her phone and texted Edie and Piper. She’d been trying to get hold of them the whole two days, and she couldn’t stay any longer. Eleanor certainly must need her car back. It was so strange that she couldn’t get in touch with her friends; it made her realize how quickly things were changing. It seemed like being alone was the theme this Christmas, she thought sadly.