by Anne Fraser
‘Did Ciaran ever kiss you like that?’ Daniel said hoarsely. ‘Did he make you want him so much you can hardly bear it? Did he fill your waking thoughts, your dreams?’
No, was the answer. Not ever. Thoughts clambered around her head. But why was he talking about Ciaran?
‘Did Ciaran ever love you the way you deserve to be loved? Have you ever responded to him the way you responded just now?’ Daniel continued.
‘What’s Ciaran got to do with anything?’ she asked, totally bewildered.
‘I need to know if you still love him.’
Colleen gave a shaky laugh. ‘Of course I don’t. I wouldn’t have ended our engagement if I had.’
‘So you broke it off?’ The look of relief on Daniel’s face made her smile.
‘Yes,’ she said, softly. ‘I thought you knew.’
‘I needed to be sure. I need to know that there is nothing to stop us being together.’
Her heart was beating so hard, she could hardly breathe. Daniel wanted her.
‘Don’t you see?’ Daniel said triumphantly. ‘We can be a family. You, me and Harry.’
His words tore her apart.
She understood now. It had happened before, of course, with other family members of patients she had nursed. He was mistaking gratitude for love. And she well knew those feelings would fade; when Harry no longer needed her, Daniel wouldn’t either.
Her arms dropped to her side. ‘Daniel, I…’
He seemed oblivious to the change in her.
‘Don’t you see, Colleen? You belong with Harry and me. You love Harry and perhaps you could love me, too?’
So he’d kissed her so he wouldn’t lose her as Harry’s nurse? The thought made her feel ill. The arrogance of the man! Did he honestly think one kiss from him was all it took? He couldn’t even pretend he was in love with her!
‘And of course you know so much about love—with your own failed relationships behind you—your son and your wife for starters.’ She couldn’t stop herself from lashing out. She was hurting so much inside she thought she’d break apart. ‘I’m an employee, so that makes me fair game, does it? Well, let me tell you, if it wasn’t for Harry I’d tell you where to shove your job.’ Then, before she could say something she was bound to regret later, she turned her back on him and ran back up the slope towards the safety of the house.
She’d only got a little way up the hill before she felt a hand on her arm and she was yanked around to face Daniel.
‘Good God, woman. You don’t believe that I kissed you because of some crack-minded idea of keeping you as an unpaid nurse? Don’t you understand? I’m crazy about you.’
She looked up at him. His green eyes were blazing with such passion she knew he believed what he was saying.
‘Oh, Daniel. Maybe you do think you care about me. But it’s all really about Harry. People often develop feelings for the people who care for them or their families. But it will pass. I promise you. I’ll leave and shortly afterwards you’ll forget all about me. That’s the way it is.’
He took her by the shoulders and she knew by the way his fingers pressed into her that he was having a hard time not shaking her.
‘You’re wrong. I will never stop loving you—never.’
She reached up and touched him gently on the cheek. ‘You believe that…but in time…’ Her throat felt thick and she knew tears weren’t far away. She pushed his hands away. ‘Let me go, Daniel. Just let me go.’
* * *
He had made a mess of that. What had he been thinking? That Colleen would realise as soon as he kissed her that the man she should love was standing right in front of her?
The trouble was he hadn’t been thinking. At least not with his head. Weeks of having Colleen around and not being able to touch her, listening to her plans about getting married, had been bad enough when he thought that she was in love with Ciaran and he with her. He shouldn’t have rushed her. He should have taken his time, made his feelings clear, but instead he’d waded in and kissed her. He simply couldn’t help himself. The truth was he had wanted to kiss her for a long, long time.
And why hadn’t he told her that he loved her straight away, instead of clouding the issue with talk of Harry? Good God, a person would think he’d never made love to a woman before.
And there was the rub. He’d made love to plenty of women in the past, more than he could care to name, but he had never been in love before. Not even with Eleanor. Not like this.
So what was he going to do about it?
Not give up. That was for sure. Colleen and he belonged together. She was the missing part of his soul.
All he had to do now was make her believe that.
* * *
Colleen headed away from the house and towards the paddock. She wasn’t in a fit state to talk to anyone right now. She had to get herself under control first. She touched her lips where Daniel had kissed her. What had got into him? More importantly, what had got into her? She’d responded to him with unadulterated abandon. And if he hadn’t started talking about Harry, it wouldn’t have stopped there.
Now she wished she’d thrown common sense to the wind and allowed herself to take—if only for the moment—what he had offered her. At least until he came to the realisation he and Harry no longer needed her. But to even think that way was crazy—nuts. She’d only recently broken off her engagement and wasn’t about to charge into another one. Especially with Daniel Frobisher—a man whom she’d known for a few short weeks, but who would only break her heart if she let him.
The realisation that she was too late, that she was already in love with him, stopped her dead in her tracks. How could she have been so blind to all the signs?
The mere sight of Daniel made her feel alive in a way she had never felt before. The slightest brush of Daniel’s fingertips against her skin set her nerve endings on fire.
But it wasn’t just physical attraction she felt for Daniel. She loved being with him. Even if he wasn’t touching her, her body felt electrified in his presence. She loved his intensity, his passion, his dedication to his son—everything about him.
She loved Daniel.
She would always love Daniel.
And he cared about her. But for all the wrong reasons. It could never last. Daniel would realise that in time. When she was gone.
She walked over to the paddock and let her horse, Star, nuzzle her hand. Why couldn’t life be simple? Why couldn’t you love the person who was right for you? Why couldn’t the person you loved, love you back? Why couldn’t Daniel love her for herself and not because of Harry?
Why did love have to hurt so much?
* * *
Colleen tucked the covers round an exhausted-looking Harry. Despite his tiredness, there was finally a glow to his cheeks. Sitting down beside him, she stroked a lock of his blond hair from his eyes. Apart from his immobility, he looked like any other healthy, young twelve-year-old and her heart ached for him.
‘Did you have a good day, Harry?’ she asked softly.
Harry grinned. ‘The best.’ He squinted up at her, ‘Your brothers are brilliant fun. Even if they are a bit…’
‘Nutty?’ Colleen finished his sentence for him and laughed. ‘Sure, am I not the only sane one in the family?’
When Harry raised his eyebrow he looked so like his father it made her catch her breath. ‘If you say so,’ he teased back.
Sheila and Colleen had been helping Harry with his walking practice. He could manage the length of the room by himself now. However, Colleen had warned him not to attempt to try walking without her being there ready to catch him, should he stumble.
Colleen leaned over and kissed Harry’s forehead. ‘Night, sweetheart. Remember, I’m right next door to you if you need anything during the night, okay?’ She stood up.
‘Colleen, I want to speak to Dad,’ Harry said.
‘Then I’ll get him for you. Are you ready to tell him about your walking?’
‘Yes. But I want to talk t
o him first. Will you stay with me?’
His green eyes so like his father’s were filled with anxiety. No matter how much she wanted to avoid Daniel, she couldn’t resist the entreaty in Harry’s voice.
‘Of course I will, if you want me to.’
‘I’ll stay with Harry while you fetch Daniel,’ Sheila said.
* * *
Colleen ran across to the cottage where Daniel was staying. He was sitting outside, looking pensive. Colleen’s heart tumbled. How would she get through the next few weeks seeing him every day, yet knowing she had to keep her distance?
‘Harry wants to speak to you,’ Colleen said.
Daniel got to his feet. ‘I was just coming to see him. It’s beautiful here,’ Daniel said. ‘Maybe I’ll buy a house in Ireland. I think Harry would like that, don’t you?’
‘I think he might.’
‘He’s going to be all right, isn’t he? At last I can finally believe it and it’s largely down to you, Colleen. I wish I knew how to thank you.’
‘I don’t need thanks. Harry would have made it on his own.’
‘Perhaps. But not so quickly.’
The breeze whipped her hair across her face and Daniel reached across and tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. ‘You should always wear your hair loose,’ he said. The touch of his fingers on her face made her skin sizzle.
‘Let’s go and see what Harry wants,’ Daniel said. ‘Then I need you to listen to what I have to tell you.’
His words and the look in his eyes held a promise that made her heart do a complicated routine inside her chest.
Inside Harry’s room, Harry was waiting in the chair beside his bed with the sleeping puppy on his lap.
‘Hello, Dad,’ Harry said.
Daniel ruffled his hair. ‘Did you have a good day?’
‘Yes. I like it here. Can we stay longer?’
Daniel hesitated and glanced over to Colleen. ‘I don’t know, son. Colleen’s family has their own lives to be getting on with.’
‘Of course we can stay for a few more days, if that’s what you want, Harry. If your dad doesn’t mind. He can always go back to London to finish off whatever he needs to, but you and I can stay here until he comes back. Then you both can stay until his leave is up.’
Harry’s eyes lit up. ‘Can we, Dad? Then Patch will be old enough for us to take home.’
‘If Colleen and her family are up for it, then yes.’ Daniel sat down on the bed. ‘Is that what you wanted to talk to me about?’
Harry flicked a glance in Colleen’s direction. ‘Something else,’ he mumbled.
‘Fire away. You know you can talk to me about anything.’
Something in Harry’s expression made Colleen’s breath catch in her throat. But she had promised to stay and stay she would. She took the remaining seat beside Harry. Harry was looking at his father. Unshed tears trembled on his long lashes.
‘Why did you wait to tell me you were my dad?’
Immediately Daniel was off his feet and crouching by his son’s side.
‘I didn’t know, son. Your mum only told me you were mine and not David’s after he left you both. If I’d known, I’d never have let you go. I think your mum knew that. So that’s why she didn’t tell me.’
Doubt clouded Harry’s eyes.
‘I didn’t tell you this before because I didn’t want you to blame your mother. Once I knew you were mine, I thought the important thing was for us to get to know each other.’
‘Mum said you didn’t want me. She said you were too busy. And you were.’
‘People say things when they’re hurt, son.’ Daniel continued. ‘I hurt your mother. And I’m sorry about that. But she was wrong. I do want you. I love you more than I can say. I’m sorry that I missed you growing up and I’m sorry that I wasn’t around for you as much as I should have been. But I’m going to spend the rest of my life making it up to you.’
Harry smiled and Colleen’s heart splintered. He looked so much like his father. But that wasn’t the only reason her heart felt as if it would shatter into a thousand pieces. Her work with Harry was almost done. All too soon they’d be out of her life and she out of theirs.
‘Does that mean you’ll buy me whatever I want?’ Harry asked. ‘Cool.’
Daniel laughed, too. ‘What it means is that I promise from now on to put you before my work. No more working at weekends—and we’re going to spend every holiday together. You can even choose where we go. You don’t even have to go back to boarding school if you don’t want to. We can find another school closer that you can attend as a day boy if you like.’
‘Hey, Dad. Not so fast. I like my school. All my friends are there. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life hanging around with my father—even if he’s kind of cool.’
Daniel’s eyebrows shot up. ‘You think I’m cool?’
‘Sort of. For an old man.’
Daniel laughed again. ‘Less of the old man, son.’
Harry looked towards Colleen.
‘I think there’s something else Harry wants you to know, Daniel,’ Colleen said, rising to her feet. ‘Why don’t you go and stand by the door?’ Looking baffled, Daniel did as he was asked. ‘Are you ready, Harry?’ Colleen said softly.
Harry nodded and she helped him to his feet. He swayed slightly as he found his balance. Then she let him go and Harry took one step and then another. Daniel stared at his son and moved forwards as if to help him. Harry stopped. ‘No, Dad. I can do it.’
And then, with Harry taking one unsteady step at a time, he walked towards his father and into his arms.
Colleen watched with a lump in her throat as Daniel held his son in his arms. ‘I’ll leave you two to it, then,’ she said. ‘I’ve got to go and see to the horses we had out today—make sure they’ve got fresh bedding and feed.’
Daniel helped his son on to the bed and lay down beside him, gathering him close.
Colleen closed the door gently behind her, pausing only to look at Daniel lying alongside his son, his arm round his shoulders and the pair of them looking so comfortable together. She felt as if her heart was breaking. She would miss Harry terribly when it came time for her to leave. And as for Daniel? The thought of a life without him was almost too much to bear.
But did she have to live without him?
Love wasn’t slow and gentle. Love wasn’t boring. At least not with Daniel. It was exciting and unpredictable. It made your legs feel like jelly and your heart sing from a smile. It made you ache in the night from the need to be close. It made the thought of saying good bye unbearable. Colleen had always played it safe. Maybe now it was time to take a chance? Maybe it was time to be rocked out of her safe world? One thing was for sure—it would be a terrifying ride. But also exhilarating. Maybe Daniel did only love her because he felt indebted to her, but she would never know for sure unless she took the risk of finding out.
Happiness washed over her. Maybe Daniel did love her. In the meantime, she would take whatever he had to offer, no matter how short-lived it was.
* * *
Daniel eased his arm out from under Harry’s shoulders carefully, lest he wake him. Slowly and as quietly as possible, he removed the game console from Harry’s lap and, stretching his arm above his head, shuffled off the end of the bed. A floorboard creaked beneath his feet and he held his breath, but Harry didn’t move. He was definitely sound asleep.
Reaching for the lamp switch, Daniel hesitated, looking down at his son. He’d always loved him—but never more so than at this very moment. Very gently he stroked a finger down his cheek and in his sleep, Harry smiled.
Daniel could hear the sounds of a game show on the TV coming from the living room. Obviously the family relaxing at the end of a tiring day. He popped his head around the door. Colleen’s brothers were all there as well as Sheila.
‘If you’re looking for Colleen,’ Eugene said, ‘she’s mucking out down at the stables. But if you’re looking for company, you’re welcome to join us
.’
‘It’s a beautiful evening,’ Daniel replied. ‘I think I’ll go for a walk.’ He had to find Colleen. The sky was streaking orange and gold, casting a shimmering light over the lake that was glass still. Was he becoming a romantic? Daniel grinned wryly. So much was changing, himself included, he wouldn’t be surprised.
* * *
Crunching down the path, he made his way to the stables, wondering if he’d find her still there. But a quick glance in each of the boxes showed resting horses and no sign of Colleen.
He was about to turn on his heel when he noticed a light shining in the barn.
As if sensing his presence, she turned around, showering hay over her shoulder.
‘Come to help?’ she asked.
‘Sure. What would you like me to do?’
Colleen handed him a shovel and pointed to a pile of horse manure. ‘Shovel that up for a start.’
Great. Only his love for her could make him touch the stuff. ‘Shouldn’t your brothers be helping with this?’ He knew he was prevaricating, but he was unaccountably nervous. He had to make Colleen believe that what he felt for her had nothing to do with Harry.
‘They offered.’ Colleen rubbed a hand across her forehead. ‘But I love getting back to the farm and mucking in. It keeps me sane.’
Her fingers brushed his and Daniel felt an overwhelming urge to wrap his hand round hers. With her hair tumbling loose from her scrunchie, jeans low on her hips and the porcelain smoothness of her skin, he’d never felt such desire for a woman. Especially one with smudges of dirt on her cheeks and eyes sparking—not with make-up but with fire and laughter. In which case it was better, if he couldn’t convince her that he loved her, that soon she’d be leaving him and Harry. He couldn’t spend many more days with her and not touch her.
She smiled at him, the moonlight reflecting on her hair turning it to gold.
Daniel removed a piece of straw from her hair and tossed it to the ground. ‘That’s better,’ he said.
She moved towards him and stood on her tiptoes. Her perfume flooded his nostrils, making his head reel. He felt her hands in his hair. ‘You have one, too,’ she laughed.