by Evie Byrne
“You smell really good,” Phil heard herself say as the wish took over. “And I love your laugh—it’s all deep and rumbly and it makes me feel warm just to hear it. And when we talk, I always feel like you care about what I have to say.”
“I do.” He gave her that charming, lopsided grin that had drawn her to him from the start. “That’s all you got? Gotta tell you, Swann, so far I’m not impressed.”
“I like the way you touch me,” she went on, helpless. “You’re always so gentle and your hands are so big and warm…” Oh God, this was so inappropriate. She was probably making him horribly uncomfortable.
Josh had an odd look on his face, but all he said was, “Go on.”
“I…I think that’s all,” Phil said with relief. But then a little voice in the back of her brain spoke up. The dream? What about the dream? But that was definitely out of bounds—far past the invisible barriers Phil had always kept between herself and her friend.
“I had this dream about you once,” she heard herself say. “About us, actually.”
He cleared his throat. “Do, uh, do you want to tell me about it?”
“No,” Phil moaned. “But…but I can’t help it. I…I…” She bit her lip, but it was no good. “I was sitting in a chair, in my dream, I mean. And you came up behind me and reached around and started stroking me…my…” She gestured helplessly to her chest. She could feel herself sweating beneath her white silk blouse.
“Okay, so I was uh, touching your breasts?” Josh raised an eyebrow and cleared his throat.
Phil nodded. I’m embarrassing him, and humiliating myself. He doesn’t want to cross the line either! And yet she couldn’t stop. “And then we were suddenly in…in bed. You know how that goes with dreams where suddenly you’re someplace different than you were a minute before?”
“Uh-huh.”
“So we were in bed, uh, naked and…and…And you were kissing me. We…were kissing each other.” Phil felt like her face might set fire to her blouse. What would Josh think of her when she was done? “We…you…were touching me again. All… all over.” Phil swallowed. “And your hands felt just like they do in real life—big and warm and gentle. And I was…I was…” She felt like she might strangle on the words. She was gripping her purse so tightly her knuckles were white. “There was…was more but mostly I remember that then you were…on top of me. And I was…I was saying, was begging you to…to…to…And you did and it felt so…so…”
“So we made love?” Josh asked gently, interrupting her halting words.
She nodded, grateful to him for summing it up so neatly. “Yes! God, I’m so sorry, Josh. I can only imagine what…what you must think of me now.” She put a hand over her eyes, her purse still gripped tightly in the other. Tears of humiliation were wetting her hot cheeks and she was actually shaking with shame. Could this stupid wish get any worse?
“Hey, come on, now, Phil. It was just a dream.” Josh pried her hand away from her eyes and lifted her chin. “Seriously, don’t cry,” he said softly.
“I can’t… I can’t believe I told you that.”
“Hey.” He tried to smile. “Did it upset you that much to have one X-rated dream about me?”
“No.” Phil bit her bottom lip, anxious to make him understand. “It didn’t upset me to have it. But…but…you’re my best friend, Josh, but there are some things we just…we don’t talk about. You know what I mean.”
He nodded and rubbed his chin, making a faint sandpapery sound as his fingers brushed over his five o’clock shadow. “Yeah, I know, Swann.” He took a step forward and looked at her intently. “There’s a lot that’s unsaid between us,” he said, his deep voice dangerously soft.
“There is,” Phil agreed. She could feel a current of barely grounded electricity flowing between them. “I mean…I never…I would never want to make you feel uncomfortable. I don’t want you to feel around me the way I feel around Dickson when he starts talking nasty and trying to cop a feel.”
The tension abruptly lessened as Josh let out a surprised snort of laughter. “Is that what you think? Listen, Phil, believe me, you don’t have to worry that you make me feel the way you feel about Dickhead. I promise you that.”
Phil swiped at her eyes with a shaking hand. She was relieved that they had kept the invisible barriers between them intact—barely. “So you don’t think I’m some kind of pervert?”
Josh laughed again. “Hardly. You can’t help what you dream. I’ve had some pretty, uh, interesting dreams myself from time to time.”
“About me? I mean, us?” Phil asked before she could stop herself. “No, wait, forget I asked that. I’m sorry.”
“Apology accepted,” Josh said with a grin. “Now, come on, get yourself together and let me take you out to lunch.”
Phil took stock of herself. She was sweating and trembling and she still had tears on her cheeks and a lump in her throat. “I’m sorry, Josh. But I’m not in any shape to be seen in public. I don’t want to go out to a restaurant right now.”
“Who said anything about a restaurant?” He took her hand, twining her fingers through his, and led her through the parking lot to where his car, a blue Toyota Hybrid, was parked. “I’m talking about a picnic al fresco.” He held up the other bag he had been carrying and Phil saw it was his lunch bag. “I was just going to lunch when I heard the office scuttlebutt and came out to give you your purse.”
Phil tried to smile. “Are you sure you want to have lunch with a mouthy bitch like me?”
He grinned. “Absolutely. So what do you say, Swann? I’m inviting you to lunch at Chez Bowman. It doesn’t have much atmosphere but I promise you the ham and cheese sandwich is divine. Five star cuisine all the way.”
“I say…yes.” Phil grinned at him, feeling a deep relief flood through her. She had said the worst, most embarrassing things her mind could come up with and Josh hadn’t been offended. He still wanted to be around her. After the way everyone else had reacted to her birthday wish, it was wonderful to know that at least one person in her life didn’t want to ditch her for speaking her mind.
“Great.” Josh opened the passenger side door and helped her into the car with a smile. “Let’s go to lunch.”
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