“I just came up here to see if you are all right,” Lainey said. She could practically feel the tension draining away and found herself wondering what had upset Eve so much. Even though the tension was dissolving, and no matter how hard Eve tried to hide it, Lainey could still see that she was exhausted. And yet she didn’t know why. Just two days before, Eve had been relaxed and happy. But since they had come back to New York there had been a change. She knew that Jackie’s death was troubling her. And, of course, there had been the fact that she had seen Adam with another woman. But still, the feeling that there was so much more lingered.
“I want to come over tonight,” Lainey said. “But if you’re not feeling up to it I don’t have to.”
“Come around here and let me see you,” Eve said gently. “I want you to come over. Okay?”
“Okay.” Lainey smiled, relieved. “But, you don’t have to cook. We could just order in if you like.”
“No, actually cooking relaxes me.” Eve ran a fingertip down Lainey’s cheek. “Damn! I forgot. I have to go to the grocery store. Now that’s something I haven’t done for a long time. I picked a fine time to give Maria the day off.”
“I can go with you.” The vision of Eve grocery shopping tickled her. “Oh, and by the way. You were completely right about the Parkers! I sold them both the Degas and Cassatt.”
“Well done. People are so predictable,” Eve told her as she removed a key from her key ring. “Here. It’s to my apartment. Believe me, I’m just as surprised as you are. Take it.”
Lainey took the key in her hand and closed her fingers around it, cherishing it. Eve didn’t have to tell her that she had never given anyone else a key to her sanctuary. “Why?”
“Because I know I can. I trust you, Lainey.”
The words were spoken softly, but Lainey heard them loud and clear and treasured them.
“Why don’t you go and do what you need to do with those,” Eve said, indicating the pay slips Lainey had brought with her. “I have a quick call to make and then I’ll head out to the grocery store. Meet me at my apartment?”
Lainey felt as giddy as a little girl.
“If you get there before I do, just let yourself in and make yourself at home,” Eve told her, remembering how Lainey had looked so at home in her kitchen after their first night together.
“Would you like me to pour some wine for when you get home?”
“Mmm. That would be lovely.”
“Anything in particular?”
“Surprise me.” Eve winked.
Lainey smiled and stood up. “Okay. How is your head? Do you feel better?”
“The headache has almost disappeared, thank you.”
“Hmm. Let’s try one more thing. If that doesn’t work, you’ll have to wait until we’re completely alone to try the others.” Lainey bent and kissed Eve’s temple gently.
Eve sighed. “Well, I’d say that that made it all better. But, I’m too intrigued by the other ‘remedies’ you’ve offered.” It was incredible how Lainey could shift her focus, Eve thought. She had so much real trouble – even danger – on her plate, and yet the thought of being alone with Lainey, even for a few hours, could make her forget that her world could be about to crash down around her. “Go on. Hurry with those things. I’m almost eager to know what it feels like to come home to someone.”
Lainey’s smile brightened and she walked to the door. Before opening it, she turned back. “Eve.” She waited until their eyes locked. “Not all people are predictable.”
Lainey was right, Eve thought as the door closed behind her. Not all people were predictable. Even Eve couldn’t have predicted what she herself just did. But, something about giving Lainey the key to her apartment felt right. Something about Lainey seemed right to her and that scared her more than anything. She could feel her heart opening, and no matter what she did, she couldn’t stop it. She found herself wanting to open up to Lainey.
She also knew that she would do anything to keep Lainey safe from her past and future. No matter what it took, Eve promised, she would protect Lainey. She picked up the phone and dialed.
“Hello?”
“What’s the situation?” Eve demanded.
“Clean. Everything’s clean. We found a tracking device on Mrs. Stanton’s car, but it has been removed. Your car is clean. I don’t think Sonny had the chance to finish his job.”
“Where is he now?”
“Being held. Whenever you’re ready to question him, he’ll be ready.”
“See what you can get out of him first. I have plans for tonight and unless something urgent happens, I don’t want to be disturbed.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Any word on Pauly or Meredith?”
“Nothing yet, ma’am, but I’m working on it personally.”
Eve hung up, knowing that he would. She only hired the best. And they were loyal. More than that, they knew it was their job to keep her happy. But tonight she didn’t need them. Tonight happiness would come of its own accord.
Lainey hesitated before unlocking Eve’s door. She was nervous. She couldn’t believe it was true, but she was nervous. This was a huge step for Eve, and in return a huge step for their relationship. Sure, it confused her even more than before, but, at least it was a step toward finding out what was really going on between them. She heard a creak and smiled at Mrs. Jenkins who was peering out at her suspiciously.
Once inside, Lainey stood by the door and just took in everything. Here she was, standing in Eve Sumptor’s apartment, an apartment to which she had a key, alone. She set her pocket book down and resisted sifting through Eve’s mail. She wouldn’t mess this up by meddling into Eve’s personal things. Eve trusted her, and Lainey wanted to keep it that way. She decided to make her call to Jack from the kitchen before selecting the wine.
“Hello?”
Lainey smiled at the sound of Darren’s voice. “Hi, honey. It’s Mommy.”
“Hi, Mommy! Are you on your way home?”
She felt a tug of guilt. “No, honey. I’m at Eve’s house. I have a few things to do so I won’t be home for awhile.”
“Oh. Okay! Will you tell Eve I said ‘hi’? And, that I miss her?”
“I sure will. She misses you, too. Maybe we’ll all get together and do something this weekend, so you’ll be able to see her. Would you like that?”
“Yeah!”
“Good. Is your daddy around, honey? I need to speak with him.”
“I’ll get him. I love you, Mommy!”
“I love you, too, sweetie.” She leaned against the wall as she waited for Jack to get on the phone. Speaking to Darren was easy, and wonderful. He never complained, never questioned her on why she had to do things. Jack was a whole different story. This was the conversation she had been dreading since Eve had asked her to have dinner with her. She hated the fact that talking to her husband should make her apprehensive and defensive when it should be as easy as talking to her son. But, she knew that that was as much her fault as it was his.
“I’m going to be late coming home tonight,” she said when he answered.
Jack was silent for a long moment. “Where are you?” he asked finally.
“I’m at Eve’s. She needs my help on a project that she’s doing,” she lied, feeling terrible. “So, I’ll be here for a while.”
“She can’t do it herself?” Jack had told himself that he would be more supportive of Lainey. He knew now that they had problems to work out. But, how could they work them out if Lainey was never home?
“Please don’t,” Lainey said quietly.
“Fine. Should I wait up?”
“I really don’t know when I’ll be home. I’m sorry, Jack.”
“It’s your job, right? I have to respect that. I trust Eve will feed you dinner.”
“Yes. I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me.”
“Very well. Be careful.” He hesitated. He was annoyed that she wasn’t coming home, but he needed to show her that he was at
least trying to make the effort to be understanding. “I - I love you.”
Lainey shut her eyes. The words that she had been aching to hear for so long now made her hurt. She felt an unreasonable anger at his timing, and guilt because she couldn’t say the words back.
“Me, too,” she said. “I have to go, Jack. I’ll talk to you later.”
Lainey hung up quickly before she lost control of her emotions. How could she stand here in Eve’s home, wanting Eve so much and tell the man she was cheating on that she loved him? Even if she knew she did. But, how much? Had her feelings for her husband, the man she had vowed to love and cherish till death did them part, changed? She didn’t know. The only thing she was certain of was that she had changed. Everything else, Jack, her feelings for Eve, was a source of total confusion. Instead of dwelling on it, she examined the wine rack. She wouldn’t think about anything tonight except her and Eve. After that, after one incredible night with Eve, she would make decisions. Or at least attempt to.
Eve hefted the bag of groceries onto her hip as she fished for her keys. “Hello, Mrs. Jenkins.” Eve smiled. She sensed the woman watching her carefully, and wondered if it was because of Lainey. My own personal watch dog, Eve mused as she let herself into her apartment to find Lainey waiting for her holding two glasses of wine with a beautiful smile on her face. Eve’s heart began to race. “Hey,” she said.
“Hey, yourself.” Lainey handed the glass to Eve and watched her take a sip.
Eve could definitely get used to coming home to someone. No, not someone, she thought. Lainey. She caught a glimpse of the answering machine blinking, but wasn’t in the mood to check it. “Come on,” she said happily. “Let’s take this stuff into the kitchen.”
Eve walked into the kitchen and set the bag down on the island. “Garlic bread.” Eve pulled the bread from the bag and tossed it to Lainey. “What do you say to a nice Fettuccini Alfredo with broccoli and chicken? And, a great tossed salad with an oil and vinegar dressing. All complimented with a beautiful vintage white wine?”
“Sounds spectacular,” Lainey told her. And it did. Eve’s talents seemed to be limitless. She was, in a word, perfect.
Eve smiled warmly. “Good. Let me get things started and then we’ll go and change.”
“We?”
“Of course. I’m sure I have something that you would be more comfortable in,” she said with a mischievous twinkle in her eye.
Tonight they would put their troubles behind them for a few precious hours, Eve thought as they went upstairs, arm in arm. It was their time now, and she didn’t know how much longer she would have these special moments with Lainey. She’d make the best of their borrowed time.
They sat on the floor of Eve’s living room, vinyl records surrounding them, as the sounds of songs from generations past filled the air. Lainey sipped her third glass of wine slowly as she sifted through Eve’s extensive collection of 50’s and 60’s classics. Dinner had been wonderful, just as Lainey had expected, a study in elegant simplicity, just one more thing to endear Eve to her. And, now, there was Eve’s music collection.
“I can’t believe this collection!” Lainey told her. “I love this stuff! I never get to hear this kind of music anymore. Jack hates it.”
She winced a little at mentioning Jack’s name, but a quick glance at Eve showed her that it was all right.
“I love this song!” She looked at Eve with a grin. “May I?”
“Of course.” Eve sat back against the ottoman of the oversized chair and followed Lainey with her eyes as she got up to change the record. Her thoughts wandered to the last time she had been on this chair, making love to Adam, and her chest tightened with regret and another feeling she wasn’t used to. What was it? Sorrow? Pity?
Get over it, she told herself. Though she hated to, she had to face the fact that what she had with Adam was over and there was nothing she could do about it. Because, there was something he needed that she couldn’t give him. As the strains of Leslie Gore’s ‘You Don’t Own Me’ flooded the room, she remembered that, when she was younger she had worn out her first two copies, pretending that it was her singing, telling the whole world that they didn’t own her and that she could do what she wanted.
Lainey came back and sat in front of Eve. She saw the defiant smile and understood that it was a song that Eve took to heart. But, even with the smile, Lainey could see the sadness that was always shadowed in Eve’s eyes. “Eve?”
“Hmm?”
“I still have two questions that you promised to answer. Can I ask them now?”
Eve hesitated, swirling her wine around in her glass. She had expected this, but didn’t know if she would actually be able to go through with opening up. Revealing herself, her past, could mean losing Lainey forever, and she certainly wasn’t ready for that.
Wary about the questions Lainey would ask, Eve stood and walked to the bar in the living room. She was definitely going to need something stronger than wine to make it through this.
Lainey read the expression in Eve’s eyes and it surprised her. Fear wasn’t a word that she had ever associated with Eve Sumptor. She watched Eve pour the brandy in a snifter and frowned. Did Eve need the jolt of something more powerful than wine to open up to her? Didn’t Eve feel safe with her? Didn’t she know that she could tell her anything?
Eve sat back down on the floor, crossing her legs in front of her. They were both wearing cotton shorts and t-shirts and she found herself wishing that they were, in fact, girls again with nothing more serious on their minds than homework or who’s going to take them to the school dance. She was trying to act nonchalant about everything, like nothing was wrong, but the concern on Lainey’s face told her she wasn’t pulling it off.
“What do you want to know?” she asked, almost reluctantly.
“Everything,” Lainey said simply. She got to her knees and moved close to Eve. “I want to know who you are. I want to know why you have this sadness inside you. I want to know what I can do to take away the loneliness and emptiness that I see in you.” She framed Eve’s frowning face in her hands. “I want to know why you feel as though you’re not right for Adam. For anyone.” Lainey lowered her voice to a whisper. “Why do you feel you’re not good enough, Eve? Tell me. Talk to me. Let me be there for you.”
Eve searched Lainey’s face. There was nothing more she wanted than to be able to give her what she wanted. “I can’t.”
The words were out before she had a chance to think about saying anything else. It was a defense mechanism for her, she thought.
“Why? I thought you trusted me, Eve.”
“I do! Oh, Lainey, I do. Please, believe that.” Eve stared into her brandy as though she could see the horrors of her past in it. “I’m scared,” she whispered and found that the admission rocked her as much as it clearly did Lainey.
“You’re scared? Of me?” Lainey lifted Eve’s chin. “Baby, you have nothing to be scared of.”
“There are things in my past, Lainey. Things that I had no control over. Things that have made me such a control freak now.” She held Lainey’s eyes with hers. “If I tell you, you’ll feel different about me.”
“No, I won’t.”
Eve laughed a little. “You will. You won’t look at me the same way. You’ll see things that I never wanted anyone to see. I don’t want that, Lainey. I can handle just about anything that comes my way, but I don’t know if I could handle losing you. Because that would be what would happen. I’m certain of it.”
“You’re not going to lose me,” Lainey said firmly. “Nothing will ever change the way I feel about you. No. Listen to me. I told you earlier today that I was confused about how I feel about you. I’ve thought about this so much. I’ve lain in bed, awake at night trying to figure out everything that I’m feeling, but I know that I love you.”
Eve made no effort to hide the shock she felt. She had never imagined Lainey saying this to her.
“There are different kinds of love, honey,” Lainey e
xplained. “There’s the love a mother feels for her children. The love one feels for a wonderful friend. Being in love with a lover. You’re not my child, and I’m trying to figure out the lover part because that is what is confusing me the most.”
Lainey paused and took a breath. All she could pray for was that what she was saying wouldn’t end up driving Eve away.
“I don’t know yet if I’m in love with you,” she went on, “but, one thing I am certain of is that I do love you. You are the best friend I have ever had, and I want to be able to help you.” She tucked Eve’s hair behind her ear. “When I first met you, do you know what I saw?”
Eve shook her head. She was speechless, trying to comprehend everything that Lainey was saying to her.
“I saw an incredibly beautiful, successful woman, intelligent, with an amazingly sexy voice. Then I got to know you, and I saw more. Behind that generosity, behind that control and tough exterior is a woman who is being haunted by things no one else knows about. I see it, Eve. In your eyes. I see the pain. I see the hurt you’re hiding from everyone in your life.”
Eve frowned. “Apparently I’m not doing a very good job of it.”
“You are, honey. A very good job.”
Eve looked at Lainey, her eyes narrowed. “I always knew you see too much.”
How was she going to do this? How could she possibly tell Lainey everything? She would lose her. It didn’t matter what Lainey said, Eve knew things would change once Lainey found out about her past. She lowered her head and swished the brandy around in the glass. Of all of the things she has had to overcome in her life, this was fast becoming the hardest.
“I don’t know where to begin,” she said quietly.
Lainey sat back on the floor, giving Eve space. She had wanted Eve to open up to her. So why was she so nervous now? Lainey knew without a doubt that her feelings for Eve would not change, but what if there was nothing she could do for Eve? What if she failed to help her? You’ll do everything you can to help her, Lainey told herself. Listen, care, and be there, she thought. Maybe that’s all Eve needs.
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