I laughed at his choice of words. This wasn’t ridiculous; it was insane.
Needle&Thread: Father, you let them take me. You knew all along they were coming, yet you did nothing to protect me. You handed me over like a fattened calf with no tears or violence. How can you say you’re coming for me? How can you say you love me? I’m not losing hope. I’m building my own brand of hope, and for the first time in my life, it doesn’t hinge on you. Leave me the hell alone.
I shook hard when I pressed send. I’d never spoken to my father that way before. Never been so disrespectful. It made me feel sick but also free. Free from the fear of disappointing him.
Because he’d disappointed me first.
Kite007: Would you let me fuck you? Would you break the rules and give me what I need so fucking much?
My mind swarmed with images of sleeping with Kestrel, but try as I might, all I could see was Jethro. All I could feel was Jethro. All I wanted was Jethro.
Shit.
I wanted to throw my damn phone against the wall.
Needle&Thread: Answer me one question before I give you an answer.
Kite007: What?
Taking a deep breath, I typed:
Needle&Thread: Would you kiss me first? Or is that against the rules?
A minute. Then two.
Kite007: I wouldn’t just kiss you. I would hold your cheeks and worship your mouth. I would devour your lips and make drunken love to your tongue. I would fucking inhale you, so you would live forever in my lungs.
I couldn’t move.
Yet another difference between the Hawk brothers. One would kiss me, and one went out of his way to avoid it. One would adore me until the day of my death, and one would probably dance upon my grave because it meant his obligations were complete.
My heart crumbled into dust.
I couldn’t—I couldn’t do this anymore.
Turning my phone around, I undid the case, tore the battery out, and dumped the dismantled device into the drawer of the bedside table.
I didn’t care about replying.
I didn’t care if my silence hurt his feelings.
All I cared about was nursing the cyclonic pain inside me.
And trying to forget all about Jethro fucking Hawk.
The next morning, I was showered and clothed in a black maxi dress with a sequined orchid on the chest and purple ballet slippers.
I needed some space and planned to go for a walk around the estate. I still hadn’t turned my phone on and had no desire to do so. It was still in pieces in the drawer. For now, I didn’t care about the outside world or even Kite’s reply.
I didn’t care.
It was liberating.
Sitting on the end of my bed, I quickly plaited my hair and draped the long rope over my shoulder.
My head wrenched up as the door to my room slammed open.
“What the—”
Jethro stood breathing hard in the doorway. My cold-hearted nemesis wore black jeans and a grey t-shirt—seriously, didn’t he own any other colours?
“Where do you think you’re going?” His voice was gravel and granite and ice.
I stood up, planting my hands on my hips. “Good morning to you, too. If you must know, master, it’s time for my walk. I’m a good little pet, you see. Making sure I have my daily exercise.”
I knew I played with fire, or ice as the case might be, but I really didn’t give a damn.
The previous night in his office had broken something inside me and Kes/Kite had finished me off with talks of wanting me.
I couldn’t decipher my panic last night when Kite said he would kiss me—my sudden terror hadn’t made sense. But now it did.
If I let myself fall into Kes’s/Kite’s trap of kindness, I would lose everything I’d fought to gain. And I wasn’t willing to give that up. I was selfish and liked this new Nila. And if that meant I had to keep my distance from kind-hearted people and only surround myself with bastards, then so be it.
Jethro would be the only one permitted to spike my heart and draw reluctant wetness. No one else.
“Careful, Ms. Weaver,” Jethro murmured. Stalking into the room, he kicked the door closed behind him.
His presence was a challenge, and I was prepared to meet it. Crossing the small distance between us, we met in the middle of the carpet; every muscle tense and ready to fight.
His nostrils flared, golden eyes delving deeply into mine. “I thought you’d be hiding under your bed after your debacle in my office.”
I shrugged. “Everyone has a limit, and I crossed mine. Unluckily for you, my limit has now increased, so don’t expect me to break again anytime soon.” I smiled, thinking of my reply to my father. I’d finally had the balls to tell him to leave me alone. Jethro would be no different.
I was prepared to unplug him, just like I’d unplugged my phone.
Taking another step, my fingertips landed on his chest, dipping coyly to his belt. His eyes flared, but he held his ground. “Thank you for pushing me, Jethro. Without you, I would still be terrified. But now I feel surprisingly…calm.”
A calm where I’d stopped fretting over the future. A calm where I was just as volatile and just as unhinged as they were.
“I can’t keep up with you.” His voice was dark with a trace of anger. He cocked his head, his salt-and-pepper hair catching the morning sun glinting through the window. “You’ve surprised me again, Ms. Weaver, and once again, I don’t like it.” He leaned forward, his lips so close to mine. “I’m beginning to wonder if everything I know about you is a lie.”
I stood firm. “You don’t know a thing about me.”
Why does this conversation sound like the one I had yesterday by phone?
He chuckled. “We Hawks have our ways. I know more than you think.”
His cryptic comment didn’t derail me. He’d read Kite’s messages. He knew everything about me that I’d meant for a perfect stranger.
I stared harder, trying to uncover his many, many layers. But it was pointless—like staring into a black lake with no reflection other than myself.
“Come. It’s time for Gemstone and breakfast.” He smiled coldly. “I have no doubt you’ll be starving after your…what was that? Would you prefer the word breakdown or hysterics?”
I straightened my shoulders. “Neither.”
“You have to pick one.”
“No, I don’t. If you want me to define it, I’ll call it my way of saying goodbye.”
He jerked. “Goodbye?” His knuckles went white as his hands clenched into fists. “To whom?”
My eyes tightened, trying to read him. He played the perfect part. If he knew Kestrel messaged me, he hid his deception so well—too well. The perfect liar.
“To my past, to who I used to be, to a friend called Kite.”
The reaction was subtle.
The small intake of breath. The slight whitening of his face. The indiscernible flinch of his muscles.
Then it was gone, hidden beneath the snowy exterior he held so well. “Ah yes, the James Bond idiot, 007. The same idiot who just can’t seem to stop messaging you.” Moving quickly, he grabbed my elbow, dragging me toward the door. “Well, I’m glad you said your goodbyes. Nothing worse than dying with unfinished business.” His smile sent gale-force winds howling through my suddenly torn-open chest.
I slammed to a halt. “You can’t help yourself, can you?”
He paused, forehead furrowed.
“You just have to be so damn cruel.”
He sighed dramatically, backing me away from the door and toward the centre of the room again. “I’m not cruel.”
I laughed. “Says the heartless human who probably doesn’t have a reflection when he stares in the mirror.”
He took another threatening step. I took one, too. Backing away from him, waltzing slowly around the room as hunter and prey.
“You’re saying I’m soulless?”
I nodded. “Completely soulless.”
He smirk
ed. “Okay, try me. Ask me to do something. Make me prove to you that I have a soul.”
I frowned. “Like what?”
He took another step, pressing me closer to the bed. The anger throbbing around him switched to sexual interest. My breathing picked up as his golden eyes darkened. “You’re the one who needs proof, Ms. Weaver. You make the choice.”
What could I make him do?
What would prove he had a heart and my resolution to seduce him would actually work?
I know.
The one thing that seemed to be the epicentre of whatever I was trying to do.
I stopped retreating, locking my knees to prevent myself from losing confidence and running. “I have something. A test. It will prove you’re not the monster I think you are.”
He came closer, a slow smile spreading his lips. “Go on.”
I balled my hands, taking a deep breath. The precipice opened wide. I took a leap of faith and leapt. “Kiss me.”
The oxygen in the room disappeared. My heart erupted into flurries.
Jethro froze. “Excuse me?”
Standing tall, I said, “You’ve come so close to kissing me. By the stables, in the forest, when you made me pay the First Debt, even in your office. I’m done with your teasing, Jethro. I’m done with you pulling away whenever things get interesting. I want to know why.”
Jethro’s hands clenched by his sides. “And you think a stupid kiss will prove—what will it prove?”
I narrowed my eyes. “That you’re not as cold as you think you are. That you do care—care enough to be affected by kissing your arch enemy.”
Jethro laughed, but it was laced with uncertainty and…was that fear? “I’m not kissing you to prove such a ridiculous point.”
I splayed my hands, mocking him. “You said you’d do anything I asked.”
He chuckled softly. “I said something worthwhile.”
“Kissing me isn’t worthwhile?”
His gaze latched onto mine. A second ticked past. Another.
Then he lost his icy shell. “What the fuck do you want from me, Nila?”
My heart stopped.
Nila.
He’d called me Nila.
I’d won. I’d somehow made him say my name.
My heart winged just as surely as my core flickered with desire.
Say it again.
Let me hear the bliss of winning.
Jethro’s eyes widened, noticing his slip, then furious temper etched his face. He stormed forward, threading his fingers around my throat. The smooth edges of his control were now jagged with temper.
I backed up until the bed stopped my escape. Jethro followed, his fingers tightening around my neck. “Tell me, goddammit. What the fuck are you trying to do?”
My heart hurt at the indecipherable expression in his gaze. He hid himself so well. The brief flashes of truth I’d gleaned didn’t add up. I was fishing for something that didn’t exist.
It does exist. Keep pushing.
My eyes were heavy, body pulsing with rapidly building lust. “I just want….”
There was no point to this argument. It was over before it began.
“I need…”
To know you are capable of caring, just a little.
For you to want me, just a little.
For you to find something inside me that prevents you from killing me.
It was like wishing for Pegasus to fly in and whisk me away. I wouldn’t get anything I wished for. Whatever I felt for Jethro was misplaced, ill-advised, and false. I’d seen him hunt me. I’d seen his cold enjoyment of talking about taking my life. Everything else that I thought I’d seen had been a lie.
He breathed hard, his scent of woods and leather surrounding me.
My hands flew up to hold his, trying to pry his fingers off. “Just…forget it. Let me go. Forget I was stupid enough to say anything.”
Jethro dropped his hands, pacing away. “Forget it? You’re the one bringing it up. Time and time again, you bring it up. I’m fucking sick of you asking me to kiss you.” Dragging a hand through his hair, he added, “You’re the one ruining the agreement between us.”
“What agreement?”
“The debts, Ms. Weaver! That’s all we’re meant to do. I don’t care about your wellbeing or emotional satisfaction. Sex between us is meant to be a punishment, yet you keep making it seem like a reward. A fucking delicious reward.”
His jaw clenched at another slip, his features blackening. “You ruined a straight-forward obligation by trying to fucking kiss me in that coffee shop! This is all your fault. If you’d just been fucking petrified of me, then this would’ve been easy!”
My head shot up. Jethro was close to losing it. His eloquence became littered with curses.
“Easy? You think this would’ve been easy? None of this would’ve been easy, Jethro—for either of us. Even if I’d been crying in the corner every time you came to harass me, it wouldn’t have been better. It would’ve just been different.”
Jethro exploded. “It would’ve been better than me fighting a fucking battle every damn day with how much I want to fuck you!”
My heart swooped, nipples pebbling with the tormented need in his voice.
“Don’t you think I have the same problem? How can I live with the knowledge that I hate you, that you’re my future killer, yet I can’t stop my body from craving you? Don’t you think I hate the fact that you make me wet against my wishes?”
Shit, I shouldn’t have said that.
Jethro froze, panting hard.
The silence was deafening.
Sighing, I tugged my plait. “Look, I tried to kiss you that night in the coffee shop because for the first time in my life, my father gave me freedom. Can I help it I found you attractive? We’re suffering the same pain. Our bodies want what the mind knows it shouldn’t. It’s the law of chemistry, and I refuse to let you put this disaster on me. You’re the one who stole me. You’re the one in control of my fate. If this is anyone’s fault—it’s yours!”
The atmosphere changed, shedding its brittle battle for heavy heat and intoxication.
His lips twitched. “You found me attractive?”
God, he was so obtuse.
I couldn’t stop the insane laugh bubbling from my mouth. “Do you honestly think I would’ve sucked you in the forest? Do you think I would’ve writhed on someone else’s fingers the way I did yours? I’m sexually starving but I’m not so desperate to allow someone to touch me unless I want them to!”
I clamped a hand over my lips. Shit. Another thing I hadn’t meant to say. That was a lie I was hiding unsuccessfully, even from myself. Sex with Jethro was supposed to be a weapon. Whenever I thought of him touching me, it was to win—not to give in to my overpowering urges.
I wanted to take from him. Not enjoy what he’d give me.
Jethro prowled closer, pinning me against the pole of the four-poster bed. His body heat sparked hot and dangerously close to mine. His hands opened and closed at his side. So close. So temptingly close.
“This is getting interesting, Ms. Weaver. You mean to tell me you want my cock? You want me to…fuck you?”
My stomach twisted. Wetness built in my core as the argument switched from exposing his weaknesses to exposing mine.
I bit my lip, refusing to answer.
He smirked, his eyes dropping to my mouth. His lips parted as his breathing turned heavy and ragged. “Tell me what you want from me. You have my undivided attention.”
All the frustration from dealing with Kite came back. Despite the crudeness of our sexting, I missed messaging. Talking dirty fanned the need inside, amplifying the sexual burn. I had no reprieve from living an endless torture with a man who meant to kill me. A man my body wanted more than anything. A man who gave me the gift of pleasure—who would always be wrapped up in some twisted way in my soul.
I embraced the heat of anger, glaring into Jethro’s golden eyes.
Don’t do this.
Yo
u’ll get hurt. Terribly hurt.
I couldn’t stop myself.
“I told you what I want. Kiss me.” My arms swooped up, looping around his neck.
He reared back, breaking my hold. His chest rose and fell as he breathed hard. His eyes were almost black with need. Need I was sure reflected in mine. “Stop asking that, damn you.” He snapped, “Why would I stoop to kissing you? A kiss is emotion. A kiss is a weakness.” Placing his hands on either side of me, he grabbed the post and murmured, “I’ve told you time and time again; a kiss is not something you’ll get from me.”
I moved forward, pressing my chest against his until he broke away. He stepped backward; it was my turn to stalk him for a change. “A kiss is nothing. What are you so afraid of?”
What am I doing?
What were we doing?
Rules were being broken. Houses were being betrayed.
Consequences would come. Pain would be endured. But in that moment, I didn’t care.
All I cared about was Jethro’s lips on mine.
He dodged my grasp, then forced himself to stand tall and unmovable. I pressed myself against him, looking up into his gaze. His lips were so close. My heart fluttered like a dying hummingbird, my stomach twisted. So…close.
I couldn’t move.
Jethro didn’t shift back, he stood there, his hips flush against mine. Suddenly, his hands came up, grabbing my waist, holding me in place.
We didn’t speak, only breathed. The truth crackled around us. We knew how dangerous this fight was, how frayed our self-control had become.
We’d been dancing this tango for weeks, and the electricity between us was a lightning storm threatening to incinerate everything in its path.
“Stop. Stop playing me. What did you hope to achieve? That I’d kiss you? Fuck you? Come to care for you? That I’d fall in love with you.” Jethro dropped his voice to a whisper. “That I wouldn’t kill you?” He shook his head. “You’re still as clueless and naïve as the day I stole you.”
You don’t believe that.
“Prove it.”
His nostrils flared. “I will not.”
Cocking my chin, I anchored myself in as much courage as possible. “Prove it, Jethro. Prove how cold you are by giving me something I desperately need.”
Debt Inheritance Page 19