Fire in the Belly

by Cynthia Carr

  “She leaked from every pore.” Lydia Lunch, foreword to Thurston Moore and Byron Coley, No Wave: Post-Punk (New York: Abrams Image, 2008), p. 4.

  “My Father as the Red Lark” September 28, 1977, in Fales Series 1, Box 1, Folder 4.

  answer pages among his papers Fales 3A, 5, 149.

  a response to Pinochet’s 1973 coup http://www.arianeroesch.com/Press/The_Ties_that_Bind.pdf.

  “concealing messages behind a false eyeball” May 8, 1978, in Fales 1, 1, 6.

  one trucker who gave him a ride ended up among the monologues This version of the trucker’s story is from David’s journal in Fales 1, 1, 19.

  “I just had a vision of myself after the tenth grade” Fales 3E, 6, 257.

  two autobiographical pieces Cartwright wrote out in his big grade-school handwriting The autobiographical pieces Louis Cartwright wrote can be found in Fales 3H, 6, 295.

  6 The Flaneur

  “Feeling hyena. Feeling wolf. Feeling dog” August 31, 1978, in Fales Series 1, Box 1, Folder 5.

  “I ain’t eaten in three fuckin’ days” September 4, 1978, in ibid.

  “put my mouth to his and taste wine” September 15, 1978, in Fales 1, 1, 7.

  “delirious through the side streets of the Louvre” September 16, 1978, in ibid.

  “a semisurreal erotic novel” DW to Jezebel Cook, 1978, letter read during interview.

  “daytime photos of symbols that reflect areas of thinking” October 1, 1978, in Fales 1, 1, 7.

  afraid of his actual subject matter DW to Cook, letter read during interview.

  “a wild look of criminality in their eyes” October 12, 1978, in Fales 1, 1, 7.

  “never thought so deeply as this” October 13, 1978, in ibid.

  “forever fixed in the non-seeing eye” October 10, 1978, in ibid.

  “the fusion of society and physical law” October 11, 1978, in ibid.

  “to learn as much as we can from it” October 17, 1978, in ibid.

  the distances he’d come in his life October 18, 1978, in ibid.

  “the experiences are needed … necessary” October 22, 1978, in ibid.

  “brilliant white heart metamorphoses” October 24, 1978, in ibid.

  “all the frightening bareness I feel” Undated entry, probably November 4, 5, or 6, 1978, in ibid.

  “a little more than they expected” DW to DeForge, December 7, 1978, in author’s possession.

  “what am I racing towards?” November 22, 1978, in Fales 1, 1, 8.

  “a sense I may never rid myself of” DW to DeForge, December 7, 1978, in author’s possession.

  “trying to get out of bird appearance” December 10, 1978, in Fales 1, 1, 9, and letter to Brian Butterick on p. 66 in ibid.

  “I have learned of my own so far” Loose material in Fales 1, 1, 8.

  “slowed me down and calmed my writings” DW to Ensslin, March 27, 1979, in author’s possession.

  “supportive glimpse into the netherworld” February 12, 1979, in Fales 1, 1, 9.

  “guaranteed entrance into heaven” Fales 3A, 4, 8.

  “poodles in the midst of all this” November 2, 1978, in Fales 1, 1, 8.

  “wished it was fifties all over again” DW to Ensslin, March 27, 1979, in author’s possession.

  wanted to be part of that vibrant, growing scene February 22, 1979, in Fales 1, 1, 9.

  “contact, sexual or otherwise” April 11, 1979, in Fales 1, 1, 10.

  “explore things as they move my way” Ibid.

  “wanted to leave quite badly” Ibid.

  “spared from the typewriter” Ibid.

  “part of one’s personal myth and therefore true” Christopher Isherwood, Christopher and His Kind (Minneapolis: University of Minnesota Press, 2001). The quotes David refers to are on pp. 2 and 4.

  “seems in hindsight” April 29, 1979, in Fales 1, 1, 10.

  7 Go Rimbaud

  “destroys the most subtle responses in human nature” June 14, 1979, in Fales Series 1, Box 1, Folder 11.

  “places I starved in or haunted on some level” David Hirsch, “New York Adventure,” New York Native, December 3, 1990, and in Fales 6C, 10, 71.

  two exposures, one printed Contact sheet in Fales 9A [15], Box 44, Sheet 2.

  “to fall through their living room floors into the apartment below” Undated journal entry, p. 3, in Fales 1, 1, 14.

  Dirk photographed them July 6, 1979, in Fales 1, 1, 11.

  “some kinda vision in all this” Ibid.

  “If he’s following my scent … this’ll throw him off” Undated journal entry, p. 59, in Fales 1, 1, 11.

  “made him feel good about his own early life” DW to Delage, December 19, 1979, in author’s possession.

  “departing from conventional morality” Jean Genet, The Thief’s Journal, trans. Bernard Frechtman (New York: Grove Press, 1964), p. 222.

  “ye have done it unto me” Matthew 25:40.

  “It’s so simple, the man without the eye against a receding wall” September 8, 1979, in Fales 1, 2, 36.

  “lips traced lines down on the belly” Ibid.

  someone had thrown rocks through the Rimbaud face September 16, 1979, in ibid.

  complaining of odd purplish lesions Shilts, And the Band, p. 37.

  he’d written to a friend regarding the hoboes DW to Seymour, February 16, 1979, in author’s possession.

  “all these unspoken sentences at the tip of my tongue” October 7, 1979, in Fales 1, 2, 36.

  “the way this living is really constructed” October 8/9, 1979, in ibid.

  “this city rotating with the world on its axis” October 9, 1979, in ibid.

  “pieces of sky along the dark floorboards” October 22, 1979, in ibid.

  “something relegated to the self of the past” December 11, 1979, in Fales 1, 1, 12.

  “plane engines easing into the distance” December 8, 1979, in ibid.

  “I would like to return to Paris” DW to Delage, December 30, 1979, in author’s possession.

  “systematically screwed out of decent places to exist in” Lehmann Weichselbaum, “The Real Estate Show,” in ABC No Rio Dinero, ed. Moore and Miller, p. 52.

  “merger of the South Bronx and the East Village” Steven Hager, “Patti Astor’s ‘Wild Style,’ “ East Village Eye, February 1983.

  “they intend to stay put and help determine the area’s evolution” Peter Fend, “Letter to Skyline,” in ABC No Rio Dinero, ed. Moore and Miller, p. 59.

  “something to put on a resume” DW to Delage, January 16, 1980, in author’s possession.

  “my leanings in the time period of my living” January 15, 1980, in Fales 1, 2, 36.

  “swooning winds and muscular bodies” February 2, 1980, in Fales 1, 1, 13.

  “as if it were a tribal gift” March 6, 1980, in ibid.

  “remember I love you” DW to Delage, April 3, 1980, in author’s possession.

  “the constant limbo I feel I’m in” Undated journal entry in Fales 1, 1, 13, and Diaries, ed. Scholder, p. 150.

  “escaping a mugger in the subway by leaping into an F train” DW to Delage, March 13, 1980, in author’s possession, and March 14, 1980, in Fales 1, 1, 13.

  “sex in an abandoned playground” February 14, 1980, in Fales 1, 1, 13.

  “envelopes destined for Texas” February 2, 1980, in ibid.

  “How do I know she didn’t look like this when she was younger?” February 26, 1980, in ibid.

  “from his self-made boundaries into yours” Undated journal entry in Fales 1, 1, 14.

  “I really dug it” May 11, 1980, in Fales 1, 1, 14, and Diaries, ed. Scholder, p. 156.

  “combing his hair before a fluorescent-lit mirror” May 1980 in Fales 1, 1, 14, and Diaries, ed. Scholder, p. 158.

  “to sweep up broken bottles” May 1980 in Fales 1, 1, 14, and Diaries, ed. Scholder, p. 162.

  “concerning what to do with freedom” DW to Delage, May 18, 1980, in author’s possession.

  two scripts for this fi
lm, which he never made The script in Fales 3F, 6, 271 is typed and looks more finished, but ideas in the second handwritten script, in Fales 3F, 6, 276, seem more developed.

  changed his first name to “Anado” McLauchlin went on to create installations, jewelry, furniture, and assemblages at his home in Mexico. See http://www.madebyanado.com.

  “horror of death coming close to friends” Undated journal entry in Fales 1, 1, 14, and Diaries, ed. Scholder, p. 165.

  “the kind of imagination displayed by this exhibition’s organizers” Deitch’s review of the “Times Square Show” can be found in ABC No Rio Dinero, ed. Moore and Miller, p. 12.

  chunk of his own graffiti leaning against a wall June 18, 1980, in Fales 1, 1, 14.

  “the distant darkness of unnameable cities” July 6, 1980, in ibid.

  8 Nightclubbing

  “located on 37th between 7th and 8th” The description of the first Danceteria is from Malu Halasa, “New and Used Clubs,” East Village Eye, Summer 1980.

  entered a cassette he described as “experimental” DW to Delage, May 23, 1980, in author’s possession.

  busboys made five dollars and change per hour Information about busboy salaries came from Brian Butterick.

  “the image of the tough angel” Fales Series 1, Box, 1, Folder 15, p. 14.

  “confused as to what I was feeling” Ibid., p. 42.

  tooth from a wild boar Ibid., p. 28.

  snakes … a hundred years old Ibid., p. 50.

  “dripping with slime” Ibid., p. 15.

  “car lights follow invisible roads” Ibid.

  “how you turned the head” Ibid.

  “because of laws, governments, and borders” Ibid., p. 44.

  “something indefinable draining from his face” Ibid., p. 55.

  “my love for him and my own peace of mind” Ibid., p. 48.

  “only a faint smell of jism” E-mail to author from Jim Pennington, October 12, 2010.

  he “couldn’t go mad” Ibid.

  when he played a poet on television, in a Gap ad Max Blagg’s Gap ad can be seen at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpXopw4anJE.

  Iolo Carew, another busboy Carew has been identified as both manager and DJ at the club, but Jim Fouratt, who hired him, said he was a busboy.

  “for my father, dark shadow on the viridian seas” DW to Pennington, October 15, 1980, in author’s possession.

  He thought it his best photo DW to Delage, October 26, 1980, in author’s possession.

  his mother had entered the same contest DW to Delage, November 22, 1980, in author’s possession.

  went to see the work of his fellow unemployed busboy DW to Delage, November 1, 1980, in author’s possession.

  spirit leaving the body Fales 3A, 4, 103 in the explanation for Spirituality (for Paul Thek).

  “just talk and listen to interesting things” DW to Delage, January 5, 1981, in author’s possession.

  inspired him to keep working DW to Delage, January 7, 1981, in author’s possession.

  about “photography, life, etc.” DW to Delage, January 9, 1981, in author’s possession.

  “tired of all the scenes I’d been involved with” January 21, 1981, in Fales 1, 1, 15.

  across from each of these, a film speed Fales, 1, 1, 11, p. 72.

  he still had hope about the future, and Hujar did not January 21, 1981, in Fales 1, 1, 15, and Diaries, ed. Scholder, p. 172.

  “Yes, this is what is true” January 21, 1981, in Fales 1, 1, 15, and Diaries, ed. Scholder, p. 182.

  “change direction and run, escape, depart” January 21, 1981, in Fales 1, 1, 15, and Diaries, ed. Scholder, p. 183.

  “I don’t feel very comfortable with them” DW to Delage, April 9, 1981, in author’s possession.

  “will give them cause to become disinterested” Fales 8B, 16, Audiotape 092.0220.

  “They’re my life” Ibid.

  Could he please move out? DW to Delage, April 17, 1981, in author’s possession.

  “so different from most people I know” Undated journal entry in Fales 1, 1, 15, p. 98, and Diaries, ed. Scholder, p. 192.

  “I’m trying to understand it” Undated journal entry in Fales 1, 1, 15, and Diaries, ed. Scholder, p. 193.

  “It definitely got construed as a whole other thing” Author’s interviews with DW in January 1990.

  “Only if I have no other place to sleep” DW to Delage, June 5, 1981, in author’s possession.

  “I looked for you in it” Ibid.

  “I HEARD THAT!” Undated journal entry in Fales 1, 1, 15, p. 97, and Diaries, ed. Scholder, p. 186.

  9 The Poverty of Peter Hujar

  created a small body of work under that name Cards made by “Jute Harper” are in Fales 6A, 9, 14.

  “I hear the same about you” The incident with Cecil Beaton is recounted in a chapter on Hujar and Paul Thek, “Peter and Paul,” in Carl Rollyson and Lisa Paddock, Susan Sontag: The Making of an Icon (New York: W. W. Norton, 2000), p. 113.

  since he had a phone book The encounter with Peter Maxwell came from the author’s interview with Steve Turtell.

  “he couldn’t make a distinction between someone who owned some little photography gallery and the Pope” Melissa Harris, interview with Fran Lebowitz, Brush Fires, p. 81.

  10 A Union of Different Drummers

  offenders had been compelled to draw both a man and a woman http://www.undo.net/it/mostra/44190.

  “We all kind of laughed” http://www.digitaljournalist.org/

  issue0106/voices_goldin.htm.

  “Kaposi’s Sarcoma and Pneumocystis Pneumonia Among Homosexual Men—New York City and California” Shilts, And the Band, p. 76.

  no apparent danger to nonhomosexuals Lawrence K. Altman, “Rare Cancer Seen in 41 Homosexuals,” New York Times, July 3, 1981.

  “feeling that time is running away” DW to Delage, July 1, 1981, in author’s possession.

  gluing little figures to them “Charlie Ahearn on Fun Gallery,” Artforum, October 1999.

  sold just one, for fifty dollars Interview with Patti Astor at http://www.at149st.com/astor.html.

  sent a rather anguished letter in September Delage’s letter from September 1981 can be found in Fales Series 2, Box 2, Folder 6.

  “I never meet any person with your qualities” DW to Delage, November 1981, in author’s possession.

  “but then I saw this young guy” Loose sheets tucked into Fales 1, 2, 36.

  “Too much cynicism” DW to Delage, September 15, 1981, in author’s possession.

  “one of the sweetest heterosexual guys I’ve ever come in contact with” DW, Close to the Knives, p. 178.

  “weird discards of civilization” Ibid.

  “Why don’t you find out?” Ibid., p. 188.

  “a las vegas card shark’s smile” Ibid., p. 183.

  “vague thing that was affecting twentysome people” Author’s interviews with DW in January, 1990.

  “crabby guards came screaming at us to stop we rode around anyways” Undated journal entry in Fales, 1, 2, 35.

  a cow “exploding with fear” Gideon Gil, “Artists Work to Help Fight Child Abuse,” Louisville Times, December 6, 1985, in Fales 6C, 9, 46.

  “for Sophie” Fales 3A, 5, 183.

  “taking the junk” Fales 8B, 16, Audiotape 092.0248.

  “confronts the viewer with a vision of anarchy and insanity” Fales 6D, 10, 78c.

  “Many at the FDA did not believe that this so-called epidemic of immune suppression even existed” Shilts, And the Band, p. 170.

  FDA would not license a test allowing blood banks to screen their products until 1985 http://www.aids.gov/hiv-aids-basics/hiv-aids-101/overview/aids-timeline.

  “harshest work of quality in the East Village” Timothy Cohrs, “25,000 Sculptors from across the U.S.A. at Civilian Warfare” East Village Eye, September 1984.

  “I want you to know my sign” Nicolas Moufarrege, “Another Wave, Still More Savagely Than the First,” Arts, September 1982.

&
nbsp; 11 Rampages of Raw Energy

  “My landlord flipped out” “Pronto Profile” on Gracie Mansion in Fales Series 6C, Box 9, Folder 49.

  “I was young and stupid and thought that was a really great deal” Ibid.

  “suddenly discovered work where hours before there was none” First draft of the statement on the Ward Line Pier by DW and Mike Bidlo in Fales 11A, Oversize Box 22, Folder 24.

  “the work came out in rampages of raw energy” Final version of the DW and Bidlo statement on the Ward Line Pier is in Fales 6D, 10, 78b.

  “warned of its possible collapse” Richard Goldstein, “Post-Graffiti: The Pier Group Makes Its Mark,” Village Voice, June 21, 1983.

  “It hurt me so much to see him” Hager, After Midnight, p. 119.

  “There is no epidemic” Shilts, And the Band, p. 340.

  “a disease whose myth exploded through thoughtless babble and media saturation” Kristian Hoffman, “Klaus Nomi,” East Village Eye, September 1983.

  12 “Will They Allow Me on the Moon?”

  used the food posters because they marked a specific time David’s explanation of the food posters comes from Fales Series 8B, Box 16, Audiotape 092.0247.

  born in Cairo Fales Series 7A, Box 13, Folder 43.

  “going out on [sic] the world alone at the age of nine” Fales 6D, 10, 78b.

  “indicate how authentic your images are” Fales 8B, 16, Audiotape 092.0227.

  Bob Dylan began traveling with a carnival at the age of thirteen (as he used to tell interviewers) http://www.nydailynews.com/archives/

  news/2004/06/15/2004-06-15_self-portrait

  __bob_dylan_inv.html.

  “A reasonable model is Genet” Robert Pincus-Witten, “Entries: Myth in Formation,” Arts, November 1983.

  176 galleries would open This number comes from “The East Village: A Chronology” in Artforum, October 1999.

  had never known how to balance a checkbook From author’s interview with Norman Frisch.

  the first sign of AIDS was “white stuff on your tongue” Joe Vojtko, “Dangerous Combustibles: A Memoir from a Room at the End of Everything,” Review, December 1, 1997.