Beautiful in the Lord's Eyes

by Susan Kohler

Still, with all the doctor visits and physical therapy sessions, Nicole was restless. She had visitors almost daily but because of the danger, she stayed home. She felt trapped. Her memories of the attack began to return, and that was the worst thing of all. She woke up in a cold sweat some nights, or with a nightmare that was all too real.

  The two detectives came over to the ranch several times to talk about the case and see how Nicole was doing. They told her they had several clues they were following. They also reassured her about the protection they had surrounding her since the attacker was still on the loose.

  They didn’t tell her everything, however. They didn’t tell her about the clues they found from the letters David had in his files from her obsessed fans. They also didn’t tell her about the witnesses who saw Adam leaving right before the fire blazed out of control. They didn’t tell her that the bodies that were found had traces of an accelerator on their bodies. Adam, when he set the fire, fully intended for them all to die.

  When the day came for the ultrasound Nicole was very excited. She couldn’t wait to find out if her baby was healthy and what sex it was. She got a very big surprise when the doctor and technician told her she had twins.

  “Do you want to know what sex they are?” Dr. Sullivan asked.

  “Yes, I do.” Nicole grinned and gently rubbed her belly. “Although I don’t know what difference it would make, I’ll love them anyway.”

  “Well it’s early, but it looks like you’re having a boy and a girl,” the doctor said. “Does that make you happy?”

  “It sure does.” Nicole wept a few gentle tears of joy before she dressed, picked up her purse and got ready to leave. “Thanks, Doc.”

  One day Shelby gave Nicole a call and asked if she could come visit. That afternoon she came out to the ranch and got out of her car. Nicole was sitting on the porch at the big picnic table and had lemonade and some fresh homemade cookies waiting. She and Shelby sat and talked.

  “Boy! You’ve really healed.” Shelby was enthusiastic. “You look so much better.”

  “I have come a long way. I feel very much better. I’ll still have some scars, but I do feel well.” Nicole reached for the lemonade. “And my pregnancy, well, as you can see, I’m getting bigger.”

  “You seem happy.” Shelby took a cookie.

  “I am.” Nicole stretched out her legs on the bench. “I have to be careful because he’s still out there. Also, I still have some operations to go through, and I still need physical therapy, but I was the lucky one, some good people are dead. You know, some people think coming out of a coma is like, um, Sleeping Beauty waking up, still beautiful and in the same shape she was in when she went to sleep. It’s not like that, you wake up weak, and have to build your strength back, and learn how to do things like writing or walking all over again.”

  She stopped talking and looked directly at Shelby. “Shelby? I’m glad to see you, but what did you have in mind when you came here today?”

  “Well, I did want to see how you were getting on.” Shelby smiled and bit into a cookie. “These are really good. I also did have a second reason for coming today. I was approached by some people who are starting a campaign about ending violence against women and they were looking for a spokesperson. I instantly thought of you. Who could be more perfect?”

  “I’ll have to think about that. I want to do the right thing, but what is the right thing? What’s right for my babies? And what’s the right thing for other women? And I want to think about how I’d feel putting my face out in front of the public again. I want to know if this organization is Christian, and if it is pro-life.” Nicole stood and started pacing the small porch, thinking even as she was speaking.

  “It just seemed to me,” Shelby said, “that this was a great way for you to turn your tragedy into a triumph and help other people at the same time. And hey, did you say babies?”

  “I sure did, I’m having twins, a boy and a girl. Now about this campaign, it sure does sound like a great way to use my situation. I’ll probably do it,” Nicole admitted, “but I want to research this organization, that’s something I’ve learned from this incident. I also want to discuss this with the police and my family, and pray over the idea with my pastor.”

  Shelby stood up and reached into her purse to give Nicole a card. “Think it over and call these people.” Shelby left.

  The next day the detectives stopped in, she discussed the idea with them. They thought it was a good idea for her to appear as a spokesperson against violence and told her they would make sure she was safe whenever she did any public service announcements or promotional spots.

  Pastor Mark came by several times to counsel and pray with Nicole, so it was easy for her to discuss the plan for the campaign against violence with him. She felt like it was a good idea and a way for her to turn her tragedy into a victory, but she wanted his input. They discussed the idea, including her feelings about exposing her scars and pregnancy to the public. They also discussed the need for security since her attacker was still loose and unknown. Pastor Mark reminded her that her safety was important for herself and for the baby. He was delighted when she corrected him and made baby into babies. As they prayed together, Nicole came to her decision. She would do the campaign.

  The one who seemed not to care if it was one baby or twins was Troy. He just pushed her through her workouts even harder.

  As her recovery moved on, Nicole was getting tired of being with Troy and not saying anything about her feelings for him, even worse, she was getting tired of Troy not saying anything about his feelings for her. Nicole was not a woman used to being quiet about her feelings for very long. That hadn’t changed since the fire. She decided to take matters into her own hands. They were sitting by the arena, watching the horses run loose when she decided to act.

  “Troy,” Nicole looked into his eyes, “I have a few questions for you.”

  “What is it, Nicole?” Troy looked at her seriously.

  “First of all, how do you feel about me? Do you care for me as a person, as a friend, or as a woman?” Nicole demanded. “Am I just a patient to you or do you have real feelings for me?”

  “Nicole, I’ve tried to be professional but it’s hard because I do care for you, in fact I’m in love with you.” Troy shifted his feet uncomfortably with his head down, then looked up and met Nicole’s eyes. “So I have to ask you, the same question. How do you feel about me?”

  “Before I can answer that Troy, I need to ask you one more thing: how do you feel about my babies?” She met his eyes directly. “I need to know that you could love my children in spite of how I came to have them.”

  “If I’m with you, I would love your babies as if they were my own,” Troy said softly. “I’d be proud to act as a father for them.”

  “Then I must admit I love you too.” Nicole smiled softly. “Thank God, so kiss me you fool.”

  And he did. He really did. Wow!

  “I must admit,” Nicole said as she snuggled in his arms, “I was afraid no man would ever find me attractive again until you came into my life.”

  “Nicole,” he hugged her just a little bit tighter, “you are beautiful in my eyes. I’m sure that you are beautiful in the Lord’s eyes, too.”

  Nicole savored the moment and Troy’s words, then she had another question. “Troy, can you help me get trained as a physical therapist? I want to change the focus of my new gym and add physical therapy to the mix. I’ve already added some children’s classes like swimming, dance exercise, and karate.”

  “Of course, sweetie.” Troy wrapped his arms around her in a warm hug, a big grin spreading all over his face. He kissed her again.

  “And one more question.” Nicole looked up at him shyly. “Troy will you-” She stopped talking as Troy put one finger over her lips.

  “Let me be the one to ask this question,” Troy said firmly. “Nicole, would you please marry me?”

  “Yes!”

  Chapter Seven

  “Behold I send y
ou forth, as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.”

  (Matthew 10:16)

  After talking to her pastor and family, Nicole called Shelby and set up an informal meeting with her. She had decided to do the public service campaign. Since she had become friends with Shelby, she told her to bring her swimsuit so that they could relax and take a swim together. After a quick swim and some iced tea on the porch, she let Shelby know that she had thought it over and talked it over with her pastor, even prayed about it with him, and decided to do the campaign.

  Now she wanted Shelby to set up a meeting for her with the group behind the campaign, Speak Out to End Domestic Violence, to be certain that their vision of the campaign matched hers. She wanted to be sure they knew she was pregnant and keeping her babies, and that they knew she was a strong Christian who would bring her faith in God and Christ into her messages for the campaign. To her relief, they felt the same way she did.

  They decided that she would do a series of public service announcements and a full half hour on air interview. For the interview, Nicole requested, and the group agreed, that they use Shelby as the interviewer. They also decided that Nicole would not use a prepared script, but would answer questions from Shelby and then speak about her experiences from the heart.

  On the day of the interview, Nicole spent quite a bit of time getting herself ready. She was nervous about her first public appearance since being burned. She wore a summer print dress, one that covered her fairly well. She brushed out her long, blonde hair leaving it straight and flowing, although it was noticeably shorter on one side. She used light make-up to highlight her eyes and set off her cheeks and lips. She looked at the finished product in her mirror. She looked as good as she could. She sighed, wishing she could cover some of the scars but she also knew their presence would help highlight her story. She was ready, but uncharacteristically nervous. Although it had been less than a year since she was injured, to her it seemed like a lifetime ago. She was experienced as a spokesperson, she’d done countless commercials and endless endorsements but this was different, this was real life.

  Troy took her into his arms. “Honey, you look fantastic. You’re going to do a lot of good today.”

  “I hope so.” She snuggled into his embrace. “Can we say a prayer before we go?”

  “We’re running late, let’s pray in the car.” Troy kissed her quickly.

  They walked out to get into her Altima. Troy opened the car door for her.

  She drove to the television studio with Troy, and they did indeed say a prayer in the car. One of the policemen went along with them to guard her. It wasn’t a long drive to the local TV studio, but Nicole’s nerves made it seem much longer, and somehow far too short. She didn’t need hair and make-up when she got to the studio, she had done enough herself. She had not even tried to cover her scars since part of her reason for being there was to show what can happen when someone is stalked or victimized by domestic violence. She would face the camera without concealing the scar that ran down one side of her face and neck. Her neckline wasn’t low, but it was low enough to show the shiny, puckered skin starting at her collarbone and trailing down to disappear under her neckline.

  On the screen behind Shelby, they had a picture of Nicole from her modeling days, it was a spectacular head shot. Nicole seemed to be making love to the camera; her eyes were full of life, her smile warm and genuine. The light captured her features beautifully. Shelby sat at a desk looking perfectly groomed and beautiful. There was a small, well-screened audience in the studio. Shelby began by talking about what had happened to Nicole.

  When the opening was done, Shelby introduced her. “Now, ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to bring out Nikki Silver to tell us about her experiences as a survivor of a violent attack.”

  As Nicole walked out, the few people allowed into the studio applauded. She sat at the desk opposite Shelby.

  “Hi, Shelby,” she said calmly. “But I want to correct one thing, I’m not Nikki Silver any longer, I’m Nicole Silvan, now. My modeling career is obviously gone.”

  “Is that important to you?” Shelby asked.

  “No, not at all.” Nicole smiled. “I was getting ready to leave the business anyway. What’s important to me are the four friends and the photographer’s assistant who were murdered by my attacker. I survived, they did not. They are the real tragedy, their families are the most important victims.”

  “Yes, I can tell you really mean that. Please, tell me in your own words,” Shelby said, “what happened to you and how it affected your life.”

  “Well, I had a fan that was obsessed with me. He wanted to possess me, but he also hated me. He thought all women were worthless, only on earth to bring pleasure to a man. He judged me by my job and decided I was a slut.” Nicole’s anger and pain came out with every word. “He believes I was without honor and should be put to death.”

  “I know you, Nicole, and I know just how wrong that fool was,” Shelby said quietly but with fervor.

  “In fact, I’m a Christian,” Nicole started again to tell her tale, she smiled sadly. “Not quite the image of a jet setting fashion model with all those glitzy parties filled with men and liquor, and more. That’s how some people see the life of a model. Some girls fit that image, but most do not. Most models work very hard and make it look easy. This... person did not know that. He judged me and found me guilty of having no honor. He set a trap for me and didn’t care if he caught some innocent people in that trap.”

  “How did he set the trap?” Shelby prompted.

  “He arranged a phony modeling assignment for me. He even hired three of my friends for my hair, my make-up and as a stylist. At that assignment he murdered those three friends and his assistant, then he raped and tried to murder me. I don’t remember all that happened, and even if I did, I wouldn’t go into all the details. The fact is three good, decent friends of mine died in the room that day. They were all good Christian people. People who would never hurt anybody, in fact, they all would go out of their way to help someone. But they were slaughtered so that some man could attack me. I didn’t know the assistant but he was used to bait the trap and killed too, as was my manager, her throat was slashed in her own home. All that pain and loss for my honor of all things.” Nicole gave a grim laugh, devoid of humor. “I know this may be hard for some people to believe, but before the attack I was a virgin.”

  “A virgin?” Shelby questioned. “Why? At your age.”

  “I’ve been a Christian for a long time, and while some people don’t believe in celibacy or some give in to temptation, and some just come to accept the Lord after being sexually active, I chose not to be sexually active until marriage. I made that choice for myself, not to judge others.”

  Nicole smiled softly, but without humor. “And you can tell I’m certainly not a virgin anymore. I am carrying twins, fathered by my rapist, and because I believe abortion is murder I will keep my twins. I will raise them in love and Christianity. I’ve survived and I will prosper.”

  She paused for a sip of water. “As hard as it is to believe, I’m engaged now to a good man who doesn’t see my scars, doesn’t see me as damaged goods, he just loves me. That’s a miracle. I love him, and I know he will love my twins, and be a real father to them.”

  “How did you survive the attack?” Shelby asked.

  “I’m told I survived because the only working fire sprinkler in that old building was in the room he dragged me into when he raped me. I think it was a miracle and I was meant to survive.” She was firm in her opinion. “After the attack, recovering was the real survival. I used my faith in God to get through the pain, the anger and the depression. It wasn’t easy, but I’ve made it.”

  Nicole paused. “Once I knew I was going to make it, to survive, I wanted to try to find a way to help people so that no other woman or anyone else would have to go through what I went through. That’s why it was a godsend when this opportunity came along. It�
�s perfect for me. I want to try to make sure that no other families ever have to lose somebody over a crazy obsession. I want to warn people to keep their eyes open and follow their feelings.”

  At a prearranged point, Shelby threw her the question that would let her start the public service announcement. To answer it, Nicole went into the part of the interview that would be used in her 30 second public service announcement.

  “So what advice do you have for anyone who might be in danger?”

  “Please be careful and aware, if somebody shows signs of violence or obsession towards you get away from them. Value yourself and your friends far too much to fall into the trap of being a victim to violence. Nobody is worth it. If somebody hurts or threatens you, or tries to come between you and your friends and family, leave immediately. Isolation from your friends and family is one of the abuser’s most important tools. If someone uses it on you, get help and leave. Be careful leaving, abusers don’t like to lose their victims. Keep written records of any abuse, but keep those records well hidden. Talk to doctors, your friends, your pastor and tell the police, but go! I was different, I never saw it coming, I had no idea there was a crazy stalker out there, but most victims of domestic violence do know. They know where the danger is and who’s behind it, but for some reason they think the abuser will never really hurt them. He does. He escalates. Or she. Get help. Protect yourself and your loved ones. That’s all I can say. God bless you all.”

  Again the onlookers in the studio erupted in applause, many of them had tears streaming down their faces.

  Troy walked over to enfold her in a hug and give her a tender kiss. “Honey, I’m so proud of you. Your courage leaves me speechless. Let’s go home.”

  Chapter Eight

  “I will even betroth thee unto me in forever; yea, I will betroth thee unto me in righteousness, and in judgment, and in loving kindness, and in mercies. I will even betroth thee unto me in faithfulness; and thou shalt know the Lord.”