The pain and anger she detected in his voice made it obvious he hadn’t gotten over it. It explained so many things and put into perspective the intricacies of their relationship.
“It’s not so bad when you’ve never known what it is you’re missing out on. I’m grateful; at least if it has to be this way, I don’t know what it’s like to miss my pack.”
“Brad…” She didn’t know what to say. The last thing she wanted to do was further open a wound that was still trying to heal.
“Plenty of people are alone and have no family around. But the fact that my parents, who are shifters, are able to beat back the strongest, most basic instinct to love me is a little hard to swallow. That’s why I refuse to feed into pack or mate shit. It’s a bunch of crap. Not everyone makes the cut.”
Jayla nodded in understanding. She didn’t trust her level of control over her emotions. Her heart broke for Brad being alone all this time.
“I just wanted you to know why I’m so against having a mate. So you won’t think it’s you. It’s not. It’s me.”
Jayla chuckled.
“Sounds like a lame line, huh?” Brad smiled.
“It’s okay.”
“What about you? Why don’t you want a mate?”
Jayla quieted as she thought about her answer.
After a few moments of silence, Brad answered for her. “Let me guess. It’s you, not me, right?”
“No, it’s totally you.” Jayla kept a straight face as she saw surprise flicker in Brad’s eyes. His innocent arrogance made her giggle. “I’m kidding. I just don’t believe in mates.”
Brad pinched her bare bottom in retaliation.
“Ouch. Okay, okay, I’m sorry,” she apologized and giggled again.
“But you have a great pack. You’re all crazy, but you’re a tight-knit bunch. It’s apparent you love each other. Why wouldn’t you want that?”
“I do. I love my family. But as far as my love life, I want to figure that out on my own terms. For a long time, I convinced myself this guy named Charles was my mate. I thought something had to be wrong with me because I didn’t feel a connection to him. I was too embarrassed and too scared to talk to my family about it. I knew I didn’t love him, and I knew I never would. It scared the hell out of me. The thought of spending my life with him petrified me. I made myself think he was my mate because it’s what I thought my family wanted. I know now I can’t do that. I won’t do that. We can’t choose family, but I want to choose who I love. I will never let my wolf dictate who I end up with.”
Brad wrapped his arms tighter around her. They shared several moments of silence before Jayla cleared her throat, raising her head to look at him.
“I’ve been putting something off I wanted to ask you. My family has been hounding me for an answer. Frankly I’m surprised Grandma Maya didn’t call you and ask you herself. I’ve been a coward because I didn’t know how to approach you. I don’t know what you’ll say. And now it’s really short notice. And I may have waited too long to ask.”
Jayla chewed on her bottom lip as she watched Brad’s face, trying to read him.
“Jayla, if you want to ask me something, go ahead. When have you ever been hesitant to speak your mind?”
She reached up and pinched his nipple playfully.
“I’d like to take you somewhere today I think you’ll love.”
He didn’t answer but offered her a slight smile.
“It’s close to Carson National Forest. A friend of the family owns some adjacent property. Once a year the whole clan goes up there. And I’d like you to come with me.”
“Your clan?”
“Yeah. Everybody is going to be there. If you think my pack is crazy, wait till you meet the whole clan. All of my extended family.”
“And you want me to come?”
She nodded. “I haven’t been in years. And I think it’s time I go.”
“I guess you couldn’t show up without me; Grandma Maya might get suspicious.”
Jayla sat up, pulling away from Brad, and brought her knees up to her chest. Wrapping her arms around her knees, she gave Brad her back as she looked at her toes.
“I mean, of course everyone would be disappointed if you didn’t come. Really, really disappointed. And yes, Grandma would be suspicious. But there’s another reason why I’m asking you.”
Mirroring her posture on the bed, Brad sat erect and traced his fingertips along her spine. “What’s the reason?”
“I’d like to share this with you.”
“Jayla, I don’t want pity. I didn’t tell you those things about my past, about my parents, to try to change the dynamics of our relationship.”
“I know, Brad. I just want you there…with me.” Her voice cracked and wavered, driving home the sincerity of her words.
BRAD GATHERED HER hair into one of his large hands and turned her head so she could look over her shoulder at him. His heart expanded in that moment, filling with something he couldn’t quite put his finger on. He almost analyzed the foreign feeling in him, but Jayla reached out and tangled her hands in his hair, then pressed her mouth to his. Whatever he’d been on the verge of exploring vanished into the depths of her kiss.
A few hours later, Jayla finished putting the last of the bags into the back of Brad’s truck. Walking around to the front, she found him slamming the hood.
“Everything looks good.”
“Great. Let’s hit the road.”
Brad had lived in New Mexico his whole life, yet he never knew how much beauty there was to behold. It wasn’t like he hadn’t been to parts of New Mexico that were breathtaking, but the drive with Jayla heightened his awareness of all the exquisiteness around him. He couldn’t remember the last time his wolf wanted to break free.
After driving for two hours, she began practically dancing in her seat. “We’re almost there,” Jayla said excitedly. She reached out and squeezed his arm.
Making a final turn onto a private road, Brad saw nothing but beautiful nature around him. And then suddenly a scene unfolded before his eyes like he’d never seen before. Brad had never witnessed anything more hectic and wonderful in his life. Wolves were running around all over the campground, as those who hadn’t shifted worked setting up tents, cooking, and talking. The sheer volume of wolves was an awesome sight. He’d never seen more than three wolves in shifted form at the same time. Those occurrences took place when he was young and being bullied by a group of teenage wolves. This was different. Instead of a knot balled up in his stomach, he felt excitement.
“This is your clan? This is like the population of a small country.”
Jayla smiled at the awe and respect in his voice.
“And you all come here to be free.”
“To be together. Free from scrutiny. It’s nice not to have to hide or be guarded. We just get to be ourselves.”
Brad nodded to be agreeable. Pushing her truck door open, Jayla waited for him to climb out. She walked around to his side of the truck and grabbed his hand.
“Come on.”
“You want me to unload our stuff first?”
“Nah. We can do it later. Let’s go say hi.”
It took a while, but they made the rounds. Jayla greeted family members she hadn’t seen in years. Everyone was excited to see her and extremely welcoming of Brad. Finally satisfied she’d reconnected with everyone, they made their way back to the truck. Brad inclined his head toward their bags in the back of his cab.
Shaking her head and wrinkling her nose, Jayla put up one finger, indicating she wanted him to wait a moment. She disappeared down a small embankment.
Brad sensed Jayla was about to shift. Unable to contain his excitement, he burst into his wolf immediately, shredding his clothes in the process. He heard a few snickers but didn’t have the chance to ponder further.
Jayla trotted over the ridge, and Brad almost howled in excitement. Her small wolf was sleek with light-gray fur a distinctive shade all her own. He would have been able
to pick her out of a pack of a thousand wolves. He marveled at how dainty she was. Her small paws, small ears, and bushy tail were a sight to behold. He didn’t know which was more beautiful: her human form or her wolf form. She padded over to him and rubbed noses in greeting.
JAYLA CIRCLED SLOWLY around him, taking in his wolf form for the first time. He was the embodiment of 100 percent pure alpha male. Large and powerful, Brad’s wolf towered over her. The dark-gray shade of his fur was intertwined with streaks of black. Brad stood tall as he let her inspect him. His powerful human body was reflected in the powerful physique of his wolf. His large paws anchored his massive body to the ground. He intently watched her as she circled him again. As she took in his wolf form, she couldn’t help rubbing herself against him, marking her scent on him so every female would know he belonged to her.
Brad realized what she was doing and gave her a playful nip on her hind leg; Jayla yelped in surprise. Narrowing her eyes at him, she could see the playfulness in his body language as he crouched down, readying to pounce on her. They frolicked around the grass for a few moments before a deep howl caught all the wolves’ attention.
All at once, all shifted males began heading for the clearing. Jayla’s heart ached as a confused Brad sat down next to her, watching all of-age male wolves take off over the ridge. He seemed to want to go so badly, even though it was obvious he didn’t understand what was taking place. His head darted back and forth as he watched them disappear into the clearing.
It was a yearly ritual. All adult males went off into the forest to hunt, reinforce their claim on their land and, most importantly, to bond. It was a rite of passage, an important event for males. All males, even the alphas.
Once the last wolf went over the ridge, Brad continued to watch where they’d all taken off to. It took her cousin Ray about ten seconds before he came running back over the hill in human form, wearing a pair of shorts.
“Brad, we’re waiting on you, man. You are coming, right?”
Brad jumped up on all four paws, his fur standing on end from his apparent excitement. Jayla saw the animated glint in Brad’s wolf eyes. He looked back and forth between her and her cousin. She nodded for him to follow. He lunged forward, then hesitated as though he forgot something. Turning, he nuzzled the side of her neck before taking off running to where the other wolves had disappeared. Her heart swelled as he ran as fast as he could over the ridge and joined the rest of the males, where he belonged.
After all of-age males left, the females gathered and began preparing dinner. Jayla sat next to her mom as they shucked corn together. Twenty minutes into their activity, out of the blue, Jayla’s mother spoke.
“Jayla, honey. We all know your secret.”
“My secret?” Jayla’s stomach plummeted.
“Mmm-hmm.” Her mother practically hummed her answer, concentrating on the task at hand.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Mrs. Stanton stopped and gave her daughter a peculiar look. “Brad, dear. We know about Brad.”
“Y-You do?”
“Yes dear, we all know.”
“Oh, God.” She placed her hands on her stomach, waiting for the wrath of her mother to be unleashed on her.
“And we are all so proud of you.”
“Wait… What?”
“It’s obvious the boy doesn’t have a pack.” Her mother continued shucking corn.
Relief flooded Jayla’s body. It took her a moment to catch up mentally to the conversation. “Oh… Um… How’d you figure it out?”
“Poor thing doesn’t act like he’s ever been part of a pack. He doesn’t act like he’s ever been part of anything. It is evident Brad’s been alone for a very long time. And I don’t mean just living solo. He’s used to looking out for himself, taking care of himself, not having anyone be there for him.”
“He is a bit rough around the edges.”
“Oh, Jayla. It’s more than that. His soul is on a lonely island all by itself. He needs us. He needs you.”
“But…”
“We all accept him into our pack. He’s part of us now.”
“Ma, I don’t understand.”
“I’m just saying, regardless of how things end up between you, Brad will always be welcome.”
“You all welcome him even though we’re not going to…”
“Jayla, honey, listen to me very carefully.” Her mother grabbed her hand in hers. “Your father and I want you to live a full, healthy, happy life. You’re a shifter, whether you like it or not. And there’s things about your life a nonshifter may or may not be able to understand. Of course your father and I would be thrilled if you found your mate. Not everyone ends up with their mate, but it doesn’t mean you can’t find love. Bottom line is, we just want you to be happy. Brad is a good man. And it’s just icing on the cake he’s a shifter. I’m not trying to rush you two. But I’ve seen the way you look at him. You’re in love, baby girl.”
Jayla shook her head as she pulled her hand from her mother’s grasp. Her forced laugh preceded her words. “I don’t love him, Mom. He’s… We’re not… Nothing is ever going to happen between us.”
“Oh, I see.”
“What? What do you see?”
“You’re in denial, baby. It’s okay. I was the same way. I wouldn’t admit I loved your father until he admitted it first.”
“I’m not in denial.”
“Well, I’ve got news for you, honey. He loves you.”
“He… Brad does not love me, Mom.”
“Oh, yes he does.”
“Why would you say that?”
“Because a mother knows these things.” She patted Jayla on the hand, then returned to shucking corn.
* * * *
Hours later, Jayla watched as the men returned. Most shifted into human form and got dressed before coming out of the woods to meet up with family members. Some wolves trotted in, looking for loved ones.
Jayla jogged to the truck, grabbed a plastic bag out of the front seat, and waited for Brad to come over the ridge. Her cousin came running from the clearing, and Jayla gave him a puzzled look. Her cousin Ray looked over his shoulder, motioning toward the ridge. He offered her a huge smile.
Jayla and Ray had always been close, and it warmed her heart that he was the one to come back and get Brad.
Thank you, she mouthed to him.
Ray winked at her as he continued farther into the campground.
Trying to be patient, she waited, but after a few moments she walked to the ridge to go find Brad. She spotted him, still in wolf form, sitting, staring out into the wilderness he just came from.
“Hey, you.”
He turned his head, wagging his tail when he saw her. She sat down next to him and rubbed the scruff of his neck with her fingers.
“You were so excited, I didn’t have the heart to tell you when you shifted and shredded your clothes that you were going to need them when you came back.”
Brad hung his head and placed a paw over his eyes, showing his embarrassment. Jayla laughed out loud at his antics.
“Extra set of clothes. Boxers included.” She tapped the side of the bag and set it down next to him.
They sat in awkward silence for a moment. “I didn’t mean to interrupt. I was just worried. Well, not worried. I mean, I knew you were fine. I just didn’t see you, and I wanted to make sure you were okay…and give you some clothes so you wouldn’t have to hide out in the woods until the coast was clear.” She chuckled, self-conscious of her rambling.
When she went to get up, Brad reached his paw out and placed it gently on top of her hand, stopping her from leaving. Smiling, she wrapped her arm around his neck, petting his fur as they sat together.
EVEN THOUGH SHE wasn’t in wolf form, it felt good sitting with her like this. It felt natural. And it felt even better to be petted. Her fingers raked his thick gray fur, and Brad was in heaven. He concentrated intently, trying to make his legs stay still. She’d almost located
one of his happy spots. If she’d scratched an inch lower, he’d have fallen over with his back leg going crazy.
“Are they done fornicating back there?” Grandma Maya’s loud yell descended upon them, ruining the intimacy of the moment.
Brad’s head popped up, tilting to the side.
Jayla closed her eyes tight in embarrassment. “No, Grandma, we’re not fornicating,” she yelled back into the air.
“Hurry up and fornicate, because I’m hungry. You’re the only two unaccounted for.”
“Grandma, we’re not fornicating. Brad and I are just talking.”
“Well, stop talking and fornicate so we can eat.”
Jayla sighed in protest. “Grandma…” She let it trail off before turning to Brad. “Ugh. Let me go over there and set her straight before the whole clan thinks we’re fornicating in the bushes.”
She stood up, dusting off her jeans before hesitating and kneeling down in front of him. Threading her fingers through his fur, she fisted it in her hands. Looking into his eyes, she held his gaze.
“Brad. You take as long as you need. No one eats until every single wolf in the clan is present. We’re all going to wait for you.” She stood up, then walked over the ridge and disappeared from sight.
Brad closed his eyes, letting her words settle over him. He belonged to a clan. He’d never belonged to something or someone. Never had people care about him. Never belonged to a group. Never belonged anywhere. Emotions stormed through him. How could a group he met not long ago accept him into their family, yet his own parents had tossed him aside? He wasn’t angry they gave him up. He was angry that when he found them again, they didn’t care. Didn’t give a shit about him. That’s what caused his heart to continue to bleed. For so many years he’d carried around contempt in his heart. Pushing everyone away… At least he had until…
Jayla.
Throwing his head back, he howled into the solitary space around him. He howled for his years of loneliness. Years of harboring animosity and hatred for his parents. Years of pretending he didn’t want to be a part of something bigger. Years of denying himself the most basic human or wolf connection, only to be hurt more in the process.
His Wolf's Desire Page 13