by Avery Wilde
“He reached out to me, he wanted to see me,” I finally said, more determined than ever to have a relationship with my son now that I realized what he wanted. So if he wanted to continue to see me, I wasn’t going to stop him. “Not her.”
Luke nodded, draining his beer. “I think you should continue to come to the practices and games. It’s a neutral playing field. You’ll be able to see him, if he wants it. But the first time he tells me no Cara, I will have to honor that.”
“I can’t disagree with that,” I said. I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable by any means, but Luke was right. I would be there for James as long as he wanted me to be there. The last thing on my mind was to cause any trouble, but I was fascinated by my son. I couldn’t turn my back on him, not when he reached out.
Luke placed his bottle on the counter and closed the distance between us, framing my face with his hands. “Hey don’t worry about the other thing, too,” he said, searching my eyes with his. “We will work on it when it comes to that, okay?”
“Let’s not talk about it, okay? It’ll be fine, like you said,” I forced out, refusing to cry in front of him again. Luke in answer leaned forward and kissed me long and deep until I whimpered under his touch, all of those earlier crazy feelings bubbling to the surface once again. I wanted him all over again.
A phone vibrated somewhere close and Luke released me abruptly, reaching for his phone that had been lying on the counter. I touched my fingers to my lips, wondering how long we had before the pizza got there. I would like another round, next time with more protection.
The frown on his face caught me off guard and he brushed past me, grabbing his shirt that was still in the hallway before searching the bedroom for his shoes. “Where are you going?” I asked, surprised.
He didn’t look up, shoving a hand through his hair as his eyes were glued to the phone. “What? Um, sorry, I have to go.”
“What?” I asked, thinking that a second round was on the cards. “Luke, what the fuck?”
He looked up and I saw a flat emotion on his face, none of the earlier warmth or desire was present. “Sorry, I have to go.”
“Whatever,” I said, tucking my hair behind my ears in a nervous gesture. He gave me a look, his eyebrow raised then walked out, shutting the door softly behind him. I stood there for a moment, unsure of what had just happened. One moment I was feeling all these crazy emotions for him and the next, well, I wanted to snap his head off.
What had been on that phone to make him run like that? Why was I still dealing with two different Lukes?
The doorbell sounded and I hurried to the door. Maybe he had changed his mind. Maybe he was about to apologize for his weird behavior.
Flinging open the door, my smile faded as I saw the pizza guy holding the two pizzas I had ordered.
“Oh. Hold on, let me get my money,” I said dully, turning to find my purse. My hopes had been dashed again, the fucking bastard.
21
Luke
I had made a huge mistake.
Digging my keys out of the tight pocket of my jeans, I took the steps two at a time to the apartment, rage and shame filling my body. I was certain my abrupt departure was going to cause issues between me and Cara. She was pissed off, but that number had called me again. Then I received a text with a picture of my apartment building. I knew what it meant. I had been found.
Putting my key in the lock, I turned it and stepped inside, bracing for whatever was about to come my way.
The place was just like I remembered it from earlier, not tossed or full of goons like I thought it was going to be. Whoever it was was taunting me and I fucking hated it. Shutting the door, I leaned against it. I should have never played in the charity game. I’d opened myself up to being found, the scout already figured it out… God knows how many others had, too. The ramifications of being uncovered were huge, not only for me and my parents, but for the life I had built, however crappy it was.
I had moved on, attempted to run from my past and now with Cara, well I didn’t even know about that anymore. No doubt she was sitting in her apartment, alone and pissed off, thinking I just got what I wanted and bailed before the shit got too deep. Hell it already was. Her reaction to our sexual encounter today had struck a hard chord in me, one that I had buried long ago thinking it could never happen. A family, a normal life. Hell I hadn’t had a normal life in years.
I pushed away from the door and stalked to the fridge, pissed when there was no beer to be found. Great. My life was on the verge of unraveling, and I still managed to find time to be pissed about Darren drinking my bear. But feelings of bitterness and fear were all part and parcel of who I was, I had to accept that.
Shutting the fridge door, I grabbed my keys and left the apartment, needing a drink desperately. Luckily Friction was open and nearly empty, with Ginny behind the counter. She eyed me carefully as I burst through the door and knew to grab me a beer from the cooler without saying a word.
“Thanks, you’re a gem,” I said, pouring the cold liquid down my throat. “You don’t know how bad I needed this.”
“I can guess… you pissed off another woman right?” she said not really asking and crossing her arms over her chest. “Anything you want to discuss?” I shook my head and she shrugged. “Suit yourself. I’m a damn good listener.”
“I believe it,” I said with a grin, resting my elbows on the scarred bar top. “But I just came for the beer.”
She arched an eyebrow but moved on down the counter, leaving me alone for a time. I stared at my reflection in the mirror across from me, frowning as I saw how crazy I looked. My hair was standing on end, and my face was scruffy, not helped by the lack of shaving the last few days. I looked like hell. This was not what I had pictured my life to be like, sitting in a dive bar, with a dead-end job, people after me, and to top it all off, a beautiful woman who was probably planning my demise, violently.
I was going to have to make it up to her. I had found something with her, something that made me want to go back for more. It was scary to think that Cara had had such a profound effect on me, but she did. The shit she had gone through and was still going through made me want to be a better man for her. Even knowing her had made me a better man. She made me realize what a fucking shit I’d been these last few years and now that I had experienced a brief moment of physical closeness with her, I was far from done. Hell I wanted to go back and do it all over again, with aching slowness that drove us both over the edge. I just hoped I hadn’t burned that bridge down.
“Oh, come on. You’ve got girl problems right? I’m a girl, let me help. You look like you need that, too.”
I looked up to see Ginny standing before me, clearly wanting to know what my deal was. “No, yes, hell, I don’t know.”
“Huh,” she stated, pushing another beer toward me and taking away my empty bottle. “Well I’m always partial to flowers. Women love flowers, so try that?”
I chuckled and took the cold bottle into my hands. “I don’t know if just flowers will fix this.”
“Oh that bad, huh,” she replied, arching her brow at me again. I shook my head, knowing what she was thinking. “You fucked up and now you can’t get her out of your head, is that it?
“No not that bad. I just, I’ve probably pissed her off.”
“You’re in denial,” Ginny replied, still not believing me. “Well, dinner, chocolates, and flowers then. Go in with extra ammo just in case. And if that doesn’t work, drop the fucking act and be real with her.”
“It’s complicated.”
“So? It always is. Get your head out of your ass and do whatever it is that you think you shouldn’t.”
“Thanks, Ginny,” I laughed, draining the beer before pushing a wad of money toward her. “You should go into business.”
“And miss this fun?” she asked with a smile. “Not on your life.”
I grinned at her and took my leave. She was right, if I intended for Cara to be apart from my life going forwar
d she would have to know. I had to tell her. Keeping secrets and looking over my shoulder constantly for the rest of my life was no longer an option. I couldn’t be worried that someone was going to find me or my family in the future. I wanted to have a normal life. Was that too much to ask? I had to talk to my dad, too, I thought with a groan.
Climbing into my truck, I turned over the engine and pointed the truck toward the apartment, the alcohol souring in my gut as I thought about the days that my life was normal and the day that it was ruined forever.
“Where are we going?” I asked the marshal as I sat in the backseat of his car, watching as the town moved past at a rapid pace.
Had my dad really called the cops because I had refused to go with them last night? I had escaped off to my best friend’s house after our fight in my room, when he had all but forced me to pack my shit and leave everything I knew. Well I had refused to give him that satisfaction and left the house, ignoring the phone calls and going about my day like normal. Now, though, I was in some deep shit if my dad had gone this far.
“Hey,” I tried again as he turned onto the highway. “Where are we going?”
“Marcus just sit back and relax,” the marshal finally said, catching my eye in the mirror. “We got a long drive ahead of us.”
“What? Hell no,” I said defiantly. “Take me back.”
“I’m afraid I can’t do that, son,” he answered, clearly not giving in to my demands. “Now shut up and enjoy the ride.”
Had I known, I would have never gotten into that car. I never saw my truck again, or my teammates, my girlfriend, or even the fucking room in the house I grew up in. My life had completely changed. Well, no more. Whoever was trying to piss me off was not going to make me run away again. I was done running.
22
Cara
“What do you mean he just left?”
I picked at my salad, not really wanting to eat it; my appetite was obliterated. After consuming nearly an entire pizza by myself the previous night, I wasn’t in the mood to eat anything for about a week. But Lucia asked me to join her for lunch and I couldn’t resist the opportunity to tell her about my disaster of an evening.
“He just left. No word, no nothing. First he’s nice and then he’s a complete dick…”
Lucia sat back against the wrought-iron chair, her expression one of surprise. “So you slept with him then.”
My cheeks flushed as I thought about the steamy encounter in my bathroom before it, too, had gotten out of hand.
“Well I don’t know if you can call it that. It was hot, raw sex against my bathroom counter.”
Lucia laughed. “God I haven’t had hot sex against the counter since I got pregnant. Jacob is once again thinking he’s going to hurt the baby if he, well, you know.”
I burst out into laughter, thinking of how pissed Lucia had been the first time around with her husband. “I’m sorry.”
“I love him,” she sighed, pushing away her empty plate. “But sometimes I just want to strangle his thick neck. He has the weirdest notions, I tell you. Before, though, he’d be bending me over anything that doesn’t move.”
“Okay, enough,” I giggled, holding up my hand. While I knew that my best friend had a pretty healthy sex life, I didn’t want to hear the details. Especially since mine was so complicated and very seriously lacking. “At least you have Jacob.”
“Yeah,” Lucia said, that soft smile coming over her face. “You’re right. He’s pretty special.”
“I just wish I could figure out Luke,” I sighed, pushing my salad away. I didn’t understand why he was so difficult to, well, understand. He was so much more than a mere construction worker who apparently loved baseball. There was something deeper, something that he was desperately trying to hide.
“I don’t want to sound like a broken record,” Lucia continued. “But are you sure he’s not hiding a wife and ten kids somewhere? That could have been who was on the phone.”
I shook my head, though I really didn’t know if I was right or not. “I doubt it. I think he would have been caught by now.”
“Maybe,” Lucia said with a shrug. “Maybe not, but I’m not saying that’s what’s wrong with him. Actually, I kind of like the guy.”
“Yeah, me, too,” I admitted, thinking about his handsome profile.
After he had left last night I had been pissed initially, attacking the pepperoni pizza like a woman scorned. But then I grew worried, thinking about the man who had comforted me after my freak-out and the man who had flown out of my apartment like the devil was on his heels. They weren’t the same guy. It was almost like he was a man torn between two realities. I wanted to help him, but to do that, I had to know what was eating him alive.
The therapist in me wanted to fix it with soothing words. The woman in me wanted to lock him up in handcuffs chained to my bed until I fucked it out of him. “What if he never tells me, Lucia? I can’t live like that.”
“No one could,” Lucia agreed, sympathy crossing her face. “I wouldn’t be able to stand it if Jacob had some secret life he wasn’t telling me about. You have to have trust in any relationship.” She leaned forward, her elbows on the table. “Do you think he will talk to me?”
“No,” I said honestly. Whatever it was, it was far deeper than a few therapy sessions. “Besides, you would hold it over my head and use the whole patient-therapist confidentiality thing against me.”
“I would not!” Lucia laughed, throwing her straw paper toward me. I arched my brow and she grinned. “Okay, maybe I would. I would be bound by law to keep silent.”
“That’s why he’s not coming to see you until he tells me,” I reiterated. She stuck out her tongue as the waitress brought us our checks, and we spent a few moments arguing over whose turn it was to pay for lunch until I conceded and let her pay. “What am I going to do, Lucia?”
“You are going to keep your distance but remain engaged,” she said, spouting some therapist crap at me like I didn’t know what she was trying to do. Those words meant “I have no idea what you should do but doesn’t it sound good.” I had used it a few times myself in a couple of sessions.
“Thanks,” I said dryly as we made our way back to the office. “You’re such a big help.”
“That’s what I am here for,” Lucia said cheerfully, choosing to ignore my sarcasm. “Seriously though. If he’s unwilling to tell you anything about who he really is, then cut him from your lift. You don’t need that shit.”
I nodded and hung a left turn into my office, surprised as I looked at my desk. A beautiful arrangement of wild flowers sat on the corner, the vibrant colors making the room feel brighter. Instantly I felt my heart melt at the sight, knowing exactly who they were from. Could I cut him from my life? Flowers weren’t going to give him a get-out-of-jail-free card… but it was a start.
“Hey, Cara, whoa,” Lucia said from the doorway, looking at the arrangement as she held a newspaper in her hand. “If that’s not an apology, I don’t know what is.”
“I know,” I said softly, walking over to finger a soft petal of the sunflower that dominated the arrangement. There was no card of any sort on the arrangement, but one wasn’t needed. Maybe, just maybe, this could work out. But I was deluding myself. I shook my head, dropping my hand and looking at Lucia. “You’re right. I can’t be with someone I don’t trust, Lucia.”
Lucia put her arm around my shoulders and squeezed them gently. “I know that, but doesn’t he look pretty damn awesome in baseball attire?”
“You’re a little shallow, you know?”
“So sue me,” she said with a giggle. “Here, look.”
I looked down at the paper that she was holding out in front of me, a black-and-white photo of the entire team that participated in the charity event gracing the page. It wasn’t difficult to locate Luke, standing in the back row next to a grinning Jacob. Luke’s expression wasn’t necessarily a grin though, it was more along the lines of shock, which had me wondering all over again what
the hell he was hiding.
“Jacob is over the moon with the response they got from the event,” Lucia was saying as I stared at the one man in the photo that I wanted to see more of. “He’s already getting calls from people who want to sign up for next year’s event.”
“Maybe he should host more events for every kind of sport then,” I mused, turning away from the photo. “That way he will have enough slots.”
Lucia tucked the paper under her arm and gave me a grin. “You are awesome. I am going to text him right now.”
I shook my head as I watched her bounce happily out of the office, wishing for once that I had both the energy and the life that my best friend had. I knew they had their own issues, but man she and Jacob made the entire relationship/marriage thing look so easy.
With a sigh, I turned back to the flowers, not sure how to proceed. What if I never found out what his deal was? Could I live with that? Did I want to?
What if it was something dangerous that, if we progressed that far, would eventually put our family’s lives in danger? Perhaps even James’ life, if I was ever going to be allowed to be part of his life.
Surely Luke wouldn’t take that kind of chance or maybe that was the whole reason he was pushing me away. Or it could be something much simpler and he didn’t consider what was between us anything other than sex?
I wasn’t looking for total commitment, at least not right away, but damn a girl had to start somewhere.
23
Luke
“Hold on! I’m coming!”
The banging on the door stopped for a moment and I was glad to not feel it pounding in my head either. Practically from dawn till dusk I’d spent the day jack-hammering concrete, which in turn, had given me the biggest fucking headache. It was a miracle my brain wasn’t dribbling out of my ear. And instead of my customary beer night or the need to talk to Cara, I had come home and found solace in my dark bedroom. But now someone had ruined that as well.