I shuddered at the name, pulling my hand free from his. “Is that what they think I am? That I’m feeding off pain?” Or their fear could’ve stemmed from the fact that I’d literally glowed. I would also be concerned if I saw that. “Did you ever think that when you learned that I could ease the pain of others? That I was this—this Soul Eater thing?”
“Not once.” He turned to me again. “Soul Eaters are practically on par with a lamaea at this point. I didn’t even think you were half-Atlantian then, remember?”
I searched his face, but there was nothing hidden in his expression or his unflinching gaze. “I don’t know how any of that happened,” I admitted as I turned to Teddy, stroking the horse’s side. “Normally, I have to think about something happy to channel that feeling into others. But this time, all it took was for me to place my hands on Beckett. My skin tingled more than normal, and my hands heated, but that was all that was different.”
“When was the last time you used your gift in that way?” He caught a piece of my hair, tucking it back.
“It was…when I healed the people in New Haven. That was the last time.”
“And now you’re technically on Atlantian soil.” He stood beside me, resting his arms on the saddle. He’d rolled up the sleeves of his shirt, and the dusting of dark hair along his tan forearms seemed scandalous. “I don’t know if it’s that or the Culling, but there could be more changes.”
I really hoped those changes didn’t involve glowing any other colors. “Maybe his legs weren’t even broken—”
“His legs were most definitely broken. You saw them.”
I stepped back from the horse, folding my arms over my waist as I stared at the light blue curtains rippling out from the terrace across the street. “Your people already dislike me because I was the Maiden. And now they’re going to think I’m a Soul Eater. I really don’t think marrying me is going to change that.”
“The people just haven’t seen anything like that before. They need time to grow used to it, and they will accept you,” he said. “I do think you should hold off on using your abilities, though—”
“I’m not going to hide.” I met his stare with an equally hard one. “I’m not going to ignore those in pain—people I can help. I won’t do that.”
“I’m not asking you to hide your abilities.” He drew his arms from the saddle. “All I’m asking is that you hold off until we understand more. Use your abilities when there isn’t a crowd to witness it. That way, we control the narrative.”
My stomach tumbled. “Is there a narrative we need to control?”
“There is always a narrative.” He dragged his hair back from his face with his fingers. The unruly waves immediately toppled over his forehead. “What you did for Beckett was nothing short of amazing,” he bit out, shifting the topic. “I hope you know that.”
My brows inched up my forehead. “You don’t sound like you’re amazed. You sound angry.”
“That’s because the damn Soul Eater thing is overshadowing the fact that you healed broken bones with your touch.” He stepped in closer to me, a predatory intent to his stare. “I don’t think you understand what you did for that boy.”
“I know what I did.” I unfolded my arms. “I…I healed him.”
“You didn’t do only that.” He took another step, his eyes now like chips of amber.
Heart thumping, I backed up against the warm clay and stone of Vonetta’s house. “I didn’t?”
Placing his hands on either side of my head, he leaned in. “If a wolven suffers a broken bone, they must immediately shift to prevent permanent damage to the bone, the nerves, and the soft tissue. They have minutes to shift, and he was already at that point or damn near close to it.”
“Okay?” I whispered, wondering why he still sounded frustrated.
“He would’ve lost his legs, Poppy. You prevented that.”
“Then why do you sound angry with me?” I demanded.
“I’m not,” he growled.
“You sure about that?”
“One hundred percent sure.”
“Are you…hungry again?” I asked, even though his eyes remained normal, and I knew he didn’t need blood yet.
“Not for blood.” He dipped his head then, and all the air fled my lungs. His mouth was a mere inch from mine.
Was he going to kiss me?
People could see us. People could already be watching. But the intensity in his stare told me that wasn’t the point. Whatever he felt wasn’t for show.
“I don’t think you know your own feelings.” I flattened my palms against the warm stone and clay.
“If you open your senses to me right now, you’ll know exactly what I’m feeling. Do it.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Why?” His warm breath danced across my parted lips.
“Because I don’t want to.” A flutter started in my chest.
“Or is it because you don’t want to know that it’s taking everything in me not to ruin yet another pair of your pants by ripping them off and fucking you so hard that days from now, you’ll still be able to feel the extent of my gratitude.”
My eyes never felt bigger. The sharp, swift curl low in my stomach never felt more reckless, more demanding, more alive.
I swallowed—swallowed hard. “That seems like an odd way to thank me.”
He dropped his forehead to mine. “It’s the only way I know how.”
“A simple thank you would suffice.”
“No. It would not.”
I couldn’t think of what to say, even though there was a lot I should. We stood there for several moments, and at any time, if either of us turned our heads just the slightest, our lips would have met. And I…
I thought I would be lost.
Or maybe found.
Casteel shuddered as a sound I was sure a wolven could make rumbled through him. Every muscle in me tensed deliciously, but he stepped back as he took my hand. Without saying another word, he led me to the horse and hoisted me onto the saddle.
Once he settled behind me, he folded his arm around my waist. “As much as I wish we could spend the rest of the day pretending,” he said as his lips brushed along my jaw. “There’s something we must discuss.”
Drawing in a deep, steadying breath, I nodded. “About our future?”
“Can I point out that I like how you say, ‘our future?’”
“I would prefer that you not, but since you already have, I assume that’s a yes?”
“It is.” Casteel guided the older mare down the road. “We must talk about our marriage.”
“What about it?”
“I think you already know, Princess.”
I squinted at the setting sun. From the moment I’d learned that Spessa’s End had been reclaimed, I had a feeling this conversation was coming.
“What I’m about to say will probably concern you. I don’t want it to.”
I tensed. “When you start conversations like that, it will inevitably cause me concern.”
“Understandable, but know that what guides my decisions is an abundance of caution and anticipation of potential issues,” he said.
“Just so you know, this is the most unromantic conversation having to do with marriage that I’ve ever heard.”
“I cannot disagree with that,” he replied, and goosebumps pimpled my skin in response to the seriousness of his tone. “I’d originally planned for us to marry once we reached Saion’s Cove and then travel to Evaemon, the heart of Atlantia.”
“Is that where your parents live?”
“Yes.”
“You planned for us to marry before I met your parents?”
“It would make things far less complicated if we did,” he reasoned.
I may have been sheltered my entire life, but I was no fool. “You want to marry before they have a chance to stop us.”
“They can’t stop us,” he reminded me, shifting Teddy’s reins into my hands. “I don’t need their permission.”
Curling my fingers around the reins, I said, “But you’d want their approval?”
“Of course, I would. Who wouldn’t want their parents’ approval?”
But that wasn’t necessary for us since the marriage was temporary.
“As I’ve said before, I think they will be suspicious of my intentions, especially my mother. She knows I haven’t given up my brother.” He showed me how to guide Teddy so we weren’t going straight through the town center, but on the outskirts. “Both she and my father will seek to find numerous reasons why we should delay the marriage.”
If we couldn’t convince Alastir, I truly had no idea how we would sway his parents. “Once we’re married, then there’s nothing to be delayed.”
“Exactly.” His hand settled back on my hip. “This is another part that I don’t want you to overthink even though I know you probably will.”
“And I will probably have a good reason to do so.”
“That’s debatable, but nonetheless, I feel it would be in our best interests to wed here, in Spessa’s End.”
Although I suspected as much, my heart still skipped several beats. “In your best interests?”
“In our best interests,” he repeated. “Sooner or later, people would’ve learned of your abilities to relieve pain. If not by the arrival of those from New Haven, someone other than Beckett would’ve been injured. I just wasn’t expecting today. And while I don’t believe many will look upon you with fear for long or think of you as a Soul Eater, it would be wise for us to marry before anyone thinks to do something incredibly idiotic.”
Something incredibly idiotic translated into someone attempting to kill me.
“And we have everything here that we need to marry,” Casteel said as we climbed the sloping hill. “Or we will shortly.”
“What are those things that we need?”
“Well, rings, of course.”
I rolled my eyes. “I wasn’t being serious about the ring.”
“I know, but I still plan to gift you the largest diamond you’ve ever seen,” he said, and I could hear the smile in his voice. “But a simple Atlantian band will have to suffice for now.”
There were several more skips in my heart.
“The ceremony can be small. But we will need an officiant,” he continued. “Any head of a bloodline can officiate a marriage.”
“Alastir?”
“No. He does not speak for the wolven, even though he is among the oldest,” Casteel explained. “The wolven who does is named Jasper. And, luckily, he’ll be arriving in Spessa’s End by tomorrow. We can be married by the evening.”
My chest felt tight. In a little over twenty-four hours, we could be married. A rush of confusing emotions as conflicting as the ones the people had felt when I healed Beckett hit me.
I had to focus on the plan and not everything else. My mouth was dry as I asked, “And then we continue to Atlantia?”
“Yes.”
I frowned slightly. “But what is the point? If we marry before we even cross the Skotos Mountains, couldn’t we then send word to Carsodonia?”
“Besides the fact that my mother might legitimately murder me for not taking my new bride home to meet her, our marriage will need to be recognized by the King and Queen. You will need to be crowned.”
“Crowned?” My head jerked to the side.
He arched a brow. “You will become a Princess, Poppy. You will need to be crowned. Then you’ll have the same authority as I do. Your position in Atlantia then cannot be questioned by the King or Queen of Solis.”
“That…that seems like semantics.”
“More like politics. And since King Jalara was alive during Atlantia’s rule, he will know that a Prince or Princess not recognized by the Crown holds no power or authority in Atlantia.”
I shook my head as I faced forward. Politics was nonsense to me. We’d crested the hill and reached the woods. With the setting sun, there was only the faintest traces of sunlight filtering through the trees. “And you believe that your parents will accept our marriage?”
“They will.”
“You do realize that Alastir doesn’t quite believe our engagement is genuine,” I pointed out. “If your parents don’t believe us, why do you think they will crown me?”
“Because we will convince them,” Casteel said, and he said it like there was little possibility of anything else occurring.
But I wasn’t so sure.
“What are you thinking?” Casteel asked after several silent moments.
“I’m thinking many things,” I admitted. “But I know you’re lying.”
Casteel stiffened behind me. “I’m not—”
“I don’t mean that you’re lying to mislead me,” I quickly added. “But you’re lying to protect me. You’re more concerned about the Soul Eater thing than you’re willing to admit. And you’re more worried about your parents’ reactions than you’re willing to say. That is why you want to marry now.”
Casteel still remained tense. “Are you reading my emotions?”
I smiled faintly. “I don’t need to read your thoughts to know any of that.”
He was quiet and then said, “Poppy—”
“Not that you’ve asked, and I’m assuming you were getting around to it, but yes,” I cut him off. “I will marry you in Spessa’s End.”
Chapter 30
“I don’t think this is wise,” Alastir said as he sat in the chair across from Casteel and me the following day.
Casteel stretched out his legs, crossing them at the ankles. He looked utterly at ease but I knew better. I hadn’t opened my senses. Part of me was half afraid that if I did, I would start glowing silver even though I hadn’t when I tested it out on Casteel upon returning to our rooms the night before.
But I knew.
It was as if I had opened myself up to him. There were no tastes in the back of my throat, but I knew he was annoyed with Alastir and struggling to remain patient. I knew he was also bored with the conversation five seconds after it began. These were not speculations. I knew this to be true, because when I did open myself up to him, I felt those exact emotions.
Just like I had when I woke this morning to Casteel watching me from where he lay beside me and knew he was hungry. Not for blood. Hungry like he had been when we stood outside Vonetta’s house. What I’d felt from him had brought forth a heady reaction from my body, and when he left the bed without touching me, I felt his confusion.
Then, when Vonetta showed up with clothing that I had yet to go through and a basket of powdery doughnuts, I’d looked at her and had known that she felt no ill feelings toward me. There was curiosity and a low-level buzz of wariness, but she didn’t distrust or dislike me. When I opened my senses to her, what I felt confirmed that.
And now, I could feel Alastir’s dismay simply by looking at him. It was thick like curdled milk.
What I felt was not my imagination, that much I knew. This was my abilities changing yet again, possibly even growing stronger.
“I do not think you should marry without the King’s and Queen’s permission,” Alastir said.
“You know I don’t need their permission.”
“But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t request it. Even if they reject this marriage, you can still proceed, but at least you would be doing so with their knowledge,” Alastir argued. “Marrying here or in Saion’s Cove without their consent or knowledge will cause a spectacle, Casteel.”
“It would only cause a spectacle if people realize they were unaware.” Casteel crossed his arms. “Which is something no one should realize since it’s not improbable for me to have sent word home to them.”
Alastir leaned forward. “Casteel, I really think—”
“You’re not going to change his mind,” I interjected, nearly as weary with the conversation as Casteel was.
“And what about yours?” Alastir demanded. “Would you wish to meet your future mother-in-law before or after you’ve married her son
? Or does what you want even matter?”
The pulse of fury from Casteel was a warning, but it was my irritation with that question that led me to say, “If I hadn’t agreed with Casteel, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation with you.”
“Penellaphe, trust me when I say that this is not something either of you needs to rush into,” he said, gentling his voice, but I felt a thread of…anger that was not mine or Casteel’s. “You have time. All the time in the world.”
But we didn’t. “In a perfect world, I would’ve loved to have been courted in a way that didn’t involve kidnappings or fleeing the Ascended.”
“Or being stabbed,” Casteel murmured under his breath.
I turned to him.
He winked.
He actually winked at me.
Taking a deep breath, I focused on Alastir. “But that is not the real world. The reality is that I’d rather marry before learning all the ways his parents will most likely object,” I told him, and that was the gods’ honest truth. Temporary or not, who in their right mind would want to subject themselves to that?
Alastir’s features softened. “You don’t know that they will.”
“Yes. I do,” I stated, aware of Casteel’s gaze and the absence of the all-too-brief amusement. I sat forward. “The only people here who have been even remotely friendly to me are the wolven and some of the men who traveled with you. None of the people of Spessa’s End have, and I know exactly how they feel about me.”
Any denials died on Alastir’s tongue.
“There is no reason for me to believe that his parents won’t share the same worries or concerns as the people do,” I continued. “I’d rather marry without actually being able to replay all of their concerns in my head during the ceremony.”
Alastir sat back, rubbing his fingers over his brow. “I can understand that. I really can, but our King and Queen—”
“Will be shocked and probably greatly annoyed that I have married someone they have never laid eyes on, not to mention someone who is only half-Atlantian and was once the Maiden,” Casteel interrupted. “But as soon as they get to know her, none of that will matter. They will come to love her as fiercely as I do.”
A Kingdom of Flesh and Fire Page 43