by Lisa G Riley
Kendra blinked as if startled by the question, then frowned. Her eyes flicked to Kyle, who’d come in behind Sloan. She stiffened her spine and lifted her chin. “I have to go,” she said in a stifled voice. “Excuse me.” Sloan could see the resolve it took for her to keep from crying.
Sloan didn’t budge. “I’m only going to explain what happened one time, Kendra. Are you ready to listen?”
He saw her hand tighten on her purse, and she scowled back at him. “I’m sure that there’s nothing you can say that I want to hear,” she said in clipped tones.
“Is that really the way you feel?”
Kendra nodded jerkily. “Yes. That’s the way I feel.”
“All right, then,” Sloan conceded with a nod. “Just remember that this is the first time that I have ever let you down. You know me, and I would cut off my arm before I hurt you deliberately.”
Kendra blinked at the truth and stopped her forward motion.
“Why don’t you just listen to what he has to say, Ken?”
“She won’t, Tory,” Sloan said. “Her mother always listened to what her father had to say and then took him back to start the misery all over again. She refuses to trust me any more than that now.”
Kendra shook her head again. “Excuse me,” she said again without looking at Sloan.
“Fine. If that’s the way you want it,” Sloan said furiously as he held the door open, “then go. Get the fuck out.”
Sloan ignored her friends’ gasps of outrage and Kyle’s shocked exclamation of his name.
Looking straight ahead, Kendra took a deep breath and kept walking. Mozell and Tory were close behind.
Sloan slammed the door behind them.
“Are you just going to let her leave like that, Sloan?” Disbelief rang clearly in Kyle’s tone.
“Yes. She wanted to go, so she should go. She never trusted me. Never.”
“You should have tried to see it from her point of view. It’s her wedding day, and you, the man she’s supposed to marry, didn’t show up. You went at it all wrong, Sloan.”
Anger churning, Sloan looked at him. “Just how was I supposed to approach it, Kyle? You tell me. I have never done anything to cause her distrust. She could have given me the benefit of the doubt. She should have, damn it!”
Kyle shook his head. “But you called her and left her a message about being unsure about the wedding.”
“But I told her I was coming! And damn it, even if I had changed my mind about marrying her, I would have had the decency to tell her. You know I would have!”
Kyle nodded in silent agreement. Still, he only said, “You’re too prideful, Sloan. It’s her wedding day, man. You didn’t show.”
“Stop saying that. It’s my fucking wedding day too!”
“My not saying it won’t make it any less true, or you any less miserable. You should have swallowed your pride and explained.”
“Why the hell should I have, Kyle? We’ve been together for four years—four years! She knows me better than anyone; at least I thought she did. And what good was therapy, anyway, if right when I needed her to, she refused to let go of old beliefs that have nothing to do with me?”
“I see what you’re saying, but—” The ringing phone interrupted Kyle.
Sloan answered. “Yeah? Oh, hi, Amy. No… Be quiet and let me… No… Damn it, Amy, will you… Fuck it… I’m hanging up now.”
“What was that all about?”
“I don’t want you to tell anyone about what happened at the hotel today, Kyle. Nobody.”
“What? Why not?”
“You’d think that my own family would know me well enough by now to ask what happened instead of slamming me with accusations.” Sloan looked at the caller ID when the phone rang again, and when he saw that it was Amy, picked up the receiver and dropped it right back into its cradle.
“Is that what Amy did? Make accusations?”
“Basically. So like I said, I don’t want you telling anybody what really happened to me today. Let them believe the worst.”
“Come on, Sloan. That’s just your pride talking. What about Mom and Dad?”
“What about them? I could hear them in the background. Promise me you won’t tell them,” he demanded. “That includes Kendra too.”
Chapter Twenty-five
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: More News on the Kendra Front
Okay, all of you are wrong. I’ve got the real scoop about what happened with Kendra’s wedding. Oops, I mean Kendra’s near wedding (meow, lol). I heard that the groom didn’t show because he got cold feet, but after about an hour, showed up at the church only to find out that she’d already left. Can anyone confirm this???!! If you know anything, come on. Share and share alike, damn it!
Kendra sat at her desk and read the e-mail for a third time. She couldn’t believe that people were still interested. Obviously she wasn’t meant to see the e-mail, which happened to be the fifth in a long list of them, she saw as she traced the history. She wondered what the writers would think when they realized she’d been included in this latest volley. She smiled in retaliation as she pushed closer to the desk and prepared to type. “Miserable, prying gossips,” she grumbled as her fingers flew over the keys. “Let’s make this a little more interesting, shall we?”
It’s my humble opinion that my business should remain just that: my business. It shouldn’t be speculated on or greedily salivated over as if it were a three-course meal offered to a saint coming off a five-day fast. If you don’t agree with me, however, please do me a favor and go to www.kissKendrasass.com. If that’s not your cup of tea, then check out www.Kendrasaysgotohell.com. Do it with my blessings.
Peace,
Kendra
Satisfied with her response, Kendra clicked Send. “That will get ‘em,” she whispered gleefully. A moment later, she was frowning again, all traces of humor gone. It had been four weeks since her wedding date and four weeks since she’d seen or heard from Sloan.
“You’re not supposed to think about him, Kendra,” she reminded herself sternly. But it’s so hard not to. She put her head on her desk and indulged in self-pity. Why hadn’t he called her? It had been almost a month, and she hadn’t heard one peep out of him. The fact that he hasn’t called only confirms that I was right. He didn’t want to marry me.
A part of her had been hoping she was wrong about Sloan. And even though she’d drawn such a hard line in the sand, she had still hoped that he would come and find her and convince her that she was wrong, that he did love her and he wasn’t like her father. Honesty forced her to admit that she still hoped for those things to happen. “Pull yourself together. You’re not the first woman to be jilted. Get over it.”
She’d been telling everyone else to do just that. Tory, Mozell, and Connor kept on her about getting in touch with Sloan, and she dashed their hopes every time. After she’d left her house that day, she’d gone to stay at the hotel with Tory. And after Tory had gone, Kendra had moved in with Mozell and had embarked on an apartment search. She thought finding a place to sublet was what finally made everyone see there was no going back.
She’d found an apartment two blocks over from her old place. It was smaller than she was used to, but she liked it. “Now all I have to do is find out if Sloan wants to sell the apartment or buy me out.” She wasn’t ready to talk to him yet, so she hadn’t contacted him. She had, however, taken her share from their joint bank accounts and disbursed the money into accounts that were only in her name.
She’d taken care of the physical things, but emotionally she was a wreck. She was barely sleeping, so she worked like a fiend, coming into the office early and leaving for home late. She knew she looked a mess, with her bag-ridden eyes, listless hair, and sagging clothes. She’d lost weight because she only ate when hunger was threatening to gnaw a hole through her stomach.
Kendra was brought out of her thoughts by the high-pitched ringing of her phone. She fully expected her secretary to get it, but when it continued to
ring, she picked it up herself. “L and H, this is Kendra.”
“Well, hot damn!” Amy said. “You’re finally speaking to me.”
Kendra grimaced. Damn it, she thought, caught. “I really can’t talk right now, Amy. I’m swamped—”
“Don’t give me that shit, Kendra. It’s lunchtime, and I know that even in that sweat factory you call a company, you get a lunch break. If you don’t want to talk to me, just say so, but don’t lie to me. You owe me better than that.”
Kendra sighed and shut her eyes. “I’m sorry, Amy. You’re right. I have been avoiding you and your family.”
“I know that, but I need to understand why. We didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I know. It’s just that it’s so hard to be around you guys and not think about Sloan. I’m not ready yet.”
“How do you know how hard it will be? We haven’t seen you since the day it happened.”
“I know, but—”
“No buts, Kendra. We miss you, especially Mom and Dad. They think of you as family. We all do.”
Guilt pushed at Kendra. “I miss you guys too.”
“Then why don’t you come out to Mom and Dad’s for dinner? How about Sunday? I’ll bring the kids and everything. We’re all dying to see you.”
“I’m sorry, Amy, but I have to ask. You’re not trying to get Sloan and me back together, are you? He won’t be there, will he?”
“No to both questions,” Amy said quietly. “I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t want you two back together, but I’m not going to try to do it. I mean, I am a woman of many talents, but I know that I can’t fix this for you two.”
“All right, then. What time?” She wrote the time down and looked up when someone knocked. When Mozell pushed the door open a crack, Kendra gestured for her to come in while she finished her conversation. “Okay, Amy. I’ll see you then… It’ll be good to see you too… Uh-huh… Bye.”
“So you’re finally going to go visit the Johnsons, huh?” Mozell asked as she sat down.
“Yeah. I guess it is about time. The Johnsons have been good to me, and I love them like family. There’s no sense in avoiding them anymore.”
“Amen to that,” Mozell agreed. “How about your therapist?”
“How about her?”
“Are you going to stop avoiding her too?”
“I’m not avoiding her. I’ve just missed a few appointments.”
“A few, Kendra?”
“When you figure in the fact that I was going to miss two anyway because of my honeymoon, it’s not that big a deal.”
“Who are you kidding? Out of the last two appointments that you would have had after your honeymoon, you’ve missed, uh, let’s see… Oh, that’s right, two. That’s not a big deal?”
“Shut up.” The tone was clipped and serious.
“All right. I won’t say anything else about it.”
“Thank you. What’s up?”
Mozell waved a sheet of paper. “This is! Jeez, Kendra, I thought I had a knack for the verbal punch, but you took the cake with this e-mail! God, you got them good!”
Kendra smiled. “Didn’t I, though?”
“Yeah! You’ve got people ducking and hiding, hoping they don’t run into you in the halls. Hell, they’re even hiding from me!”
“How’d you get a copy of it anyway?”
“My secretary forwarded it to me, and I printed it out. She got it from another secretary, who got it from an intern, and so on and so on. You know how it goes. I can’t believe you, though—www.kissKendrasass.com—I love it!”
“Thank you, thank you very much.” Kendra did her best Elvis impersonation. “I thought about putting kiss my black ass but figured that would be going too far,” she said nonchalantly and smiled again when Mozell laughed so hard that tears sprang to her eyes.
“Oh, that would have really got them.”
“I was just so mad, and I can’t believe that people are still talking about it!”
“They’re still talking about it because (a) you haven’t said word one about it, and (b) nothing else has come up to take its place.”
“I beg to differ. They should be worrying about what’s going on here. We’ve got people quitting left and right.”
“Oh, that’s nothing. This industry is fickle and cyclical. People quit all the time,” Mozell said dismissively.
“We’ve had six people quit, Mo—six. That’s more than fickle—that’s rats deserting what they perceive to be a sinking ship.”
“Ah, but perceive is the key word here. And besides, two have already been replaced.”
“I know that.” Kendra pouted. “But still, that should be more important than a wedding that didn’t take place. But I guess there’s nothing I can do about it. Want to go to lunch?”
Mozell perked up. Kendra hadn’t wanted to go out to lunch for weeks. “You buying?” she asked.
Kendra snorted. “You’re the one pulling in the big bucks, Ms. Vice President. You buy!” She took her purse out of a drawer and rose to walk around her desk.
“Oh please. Vice presidents are a dime a dozen in our industry. My salary barely keeps me in socks and underwear.”
Chapter Twenty-six
“I’d like for you to just listen to what I have to say before you ask any questions, Dr. Pendegrast,” Kendra said as she made herself comfortable. She had awakened that morning feeling that it was time to purge her system. She had a story that she’d been holding back from the doctor and everyone else, including herself. “I need to tell you something, and I need to do it without any interruptions. Will you just listen and ask questions later?”
“Of course.”
She took a deep breath and began. “I’ve never told anyone else this, but when my father left us that last time, I completely broke down. It wasn’t just that he’d left and had said he wasn’t coming back, but my mother left me that day too.” She nervously wiped her damp palms down her jeans and took another deep breath. “She came back, but there was a period for at least twenty-four hours where I had no idea where she was, and I thought that just like my father, she wouldn’t be back.
“During those twenty-four hours, I suffered badly. I kept wondering what it was about me that made people want to leave me, and I couldn’t for the life of me come up with an answer.” Here, her voice broke in remembered pain and confusion, and she stopped to compose herself, balling her hands together into a single fist and pressing them between her knees.
“I, uh, I didn’t even know that she was gone at first. I’d been in my room, wrapped up in my own misery, and I fell asleep. I didn’t come out until hunger drove me out. And that’s when I noticed that she wasn’t home. She hadn’t left a note, but still, it wasn’t really that big a deal because I thought that maybe she was next door at Ms. Myrtle’s house or something. But hours passed without any word from her, and by the time night fell, I was desperate and in a panic.
“I guess a lot of twelve-year-olds would have coped better with the situation, but not me. I was a basket case, Dr. Pendegrast. Because of my dad, I could never really stand to be left alone. I had never grown accustomed to his constant leaving. It had made me terrified to be alone. I never got used to it,” she said vehemently with her eyes closed and her hands now visible in her lap, but still clasped in a fist. “You know,” she said conversationally and opened her eyes. “Sometimes I actually hated him. I tried not to show it because I never wanted to ruin his homecoming and maybe make him leave again. Every time he came home, I was on pins and needles wondering when he was going to leave again. That’s an awful way to live.”
She sighed. “Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, my mother. Uh…did I mention that I’d searched every room of the house for her when I first realized she wasn’t home? Pretty crazy, right?” she asked with a sad smile. “I mean, I was twelve years old, for God’s sake. I should have just made myself some lunch, watched television, and waited for her to come home. Not me. I tore that house apart, and that was before
panic set in.
“The house was empty except for me. I was completely alone, and it was then that I realized that I could conceivably be that way for the rest of my life. After all, what was to keep my mother from abandoning me the way my father had? She’d already done the deed emotionally. All that was left was the physical. All of those thoughts went through my head—not exactly in those words, of course—and I was terrified.
“I’m not using that word lightly, Dr. Pendegrast. I was so terrified that I couldn’t do anything. I didn’t eat, shower, sleep—nothing. All I did—all I could do—was watch the door and wait. It was like I was frozen in place right there in front of that door. She didn’t call to let me know where she was or if she was all right. I didn’t leave the house to look for her, because irrationally I thought she might come home while I was gone and then she’d have to go looking for me and I’d miss her and the waiting would start all over again. I didn’t use the phone at all, because I thought if I used it, I could miss her call. So all I did was wait, worry, and pray that she would come back.
“I got on my knees by the door, and I prayed. Fervently. I begged God to send her back, and I promised him that whatever it was I had done wrong, I would never do again if he’d just send her home—I’m sorry. Please give me a minute” She pressed her fingers to her eyes when she felt tears threatening.
“Take your time,” Dr. Pendegrast said and put a box of tissues in Kendra’s lap.
Kendra wiped her eyes. “She came in at exactly four that next afternoon. There was no apology, explanation, shame, or anything else. She just walked in as if nothing had happened.” Her lips turned down sulkily as she remembered. “I was hysterical and fell all over her crying my heart out. I clung to her, begging her never to leave me like that again. I didn’t care where she’d been; I just wanted her to promise that she’d stay with me. I’m embarrassed to think about it now, but I was so needy,” she said with a shudder.