“It seems you go for a certain type. Do you know that I never seriously dated anyone until you? I was twenty-one when you and I started hanging out. I’d been messing with girls since I was fifteen and not one of them caught my attention enough to call them my girlfriend.”
“I knew that,” she says as she seems to be thinking about things. “The truth is I knew you were a wild boy. I was surprised when I asked you to come over for dinner with my family that you said yes.”
“You seemed cool and all chill with everything. I found it really easy to be around you because you didn’t make me feel like you were as demanding as other females.” I stop holding her down as she seems to be calmer now.
“Do you think you messed around because you thought I’d eventually calm down and get back to our normal life?” Her lower lip is between her teeth and she’s chewing it. It’s a nervous thing I’ve never seen her do before.
So much about her shows me she’s become a nervous person. The way she’s eating to keep herself so skinny. The way she’s so untrusting of others.
“If I knew why I messed around, I’d tell you. The truth is my head did not compute that my actions might really cause me to lose you one day. Once I did lose you, I knew I never wanted to try to have a normal relationship again. I felt like I was different and unable to be monogamous. That’s why I came up with that app. So I didn’t hurt anyone again.” I run my hand over her cheek that’s beginning to go from red to pink.
Her head cocks to the side. “So, since you and I ended you’ve been commitment-free?”
“Not exactly. You see, most of the women I’m seeing do think we’re in a committed relationship.” I watch her face go pale.
Her voice is soft and has no hint of judgment. It’s just truth flowing from her as she says, “Jason, that’s awful.”
“I haven’t thought it was awful. I thought it was a way of giving them something they needed while I still get what I need. But you saying that just made my heart ache. So it must really be awful. I’ve just masked that little fact from myself.”
Turning away from her, I find myself feeling like a real asshole. That’s a thing I let go of a long time ago. I was shameless in my actions. This woman can actually make me feel shame for what I’ve done.
No one else has managed to do that. Not even my mother.
Her hand on my shoulder makes me turn back around to look at her. “Jason, I’m sorry. Your life is your life and I certainly shouldn’t judge you. You, at the very least, are giving these women something they want. I’m honest but I don’t give the men in my life anything to hold on to, real or not.”
“Britt, the fact is we’re both messed up and I think we need each other more than either of us has ever needed anything or anyone. I know I said this before but it bears repeating, we aren’t getting any younger.” I run my hands over her shoulders. “We can help one another. I know we can.”
“How can I help you, Jason? As you’ve just pointed out, I’m fucked up real good.” Her eyes cut away from mine and she looks sad.
I hate anyone to look sad. It’s part of why I am the way I am. But when Brittany’s sad it turns me up to another level. I take her chin in my hand to make her look at me. “Come on, Baby. I think we’ve been harsh enough with each other for one night. Let’s just hold each other and sleep and tomorrow we can figure things out.”
She nods and settles in as I go get my pillow and blanket and get back into the bed with her. Cradling her close to me again, I feel strange. Like I’m on the cusp of a great change.
It’s almost like waiting for an earthquake. There will be massive destruction but you get some awesome cliffs out of it and sometimes hidden treasure comes to the surface.
I hope she and I both find some strands of gold inside of us. We both need to find the good in us. And I’ve never felt more needed by anyone than I do with her.
Whether she realizes she needs me or not, she does!
Chapter 8
BRITTANY
His arms around my body feel better than any arms that have ever held me. Granted, I don’t allow much cuddling with my other men.
That kind of thing leads to real feelings and I don’t like anything real to come up between me and anyone. I like to keep my business, mine alone.
In turn, I stay out of other’s personal affairs as well. No need to be jumping into other peoples’ goings on. I haven’t had the slightest interest in anyone’s business in forever.
Well, since I caught Jason the last time, anyway. Six years ago.
Damn, that’s a long time to have been closed off!
I haven’t thought a thing was wrong with me. Not once!
Then here comes my old flame, and he makes me see myself in a way I never have. I kind of hate that.
I’ve been thinking of myself as a strong woman. A woman who knows how to give as good as she gets. Sex-wise, I am ruthless. In all ways. Giving pleasure and accepting it.
My men are well taken care of in the physical needs department. And they take good care of me. Although, I do have to admit to myself that none hold a candle to how Jason made me feel when we made love.
Maybe it’s because I don’t make love with any of my men. We merely have sex. And that was good enough for me. Until Jason Brennan came back into my life.
His damp, warm breath is on the back of my neck. Where his arm is laid over my side, the weight of it reminds me of the handful of times I managed to get to spend nights with him when I was younger.
My heart aches as I remember thinking most of those nights how one day he and I would have our own house. I’d be his little wifey, and we’d have some kids and a few pets.
When I tried to discuss what kind of plans he had for the future he’d blow me off. He’d tell me that I was going to college and would forget all about him.
Maybe that’s why he sought attention from other females. Maybe he honestly thought I was going to college and get smart and dump him. I never thought about it like that before.
The messing around may have been more of a self-defense mechanism. It’s a thing I do as well. To make sure none of the men I see get the idea they’re important to me, I never see any of them more than once a week.
It’s ever-present in my mind that eventually, any man will cheat. So I’ve built this wall to keep them out. I am honest about things with them all. All seven of my men.
Each offers me something the others don’t. Josh is my great-looking boy toy that I like to take out when I have people I like to impress. The two of us make a fantastic looking couple and he’s charming too.
The two of us evoke a lot of envy from other couples at social functions. It’s a thing I like. But it’s all an act. Josh and I know that. No one else does, though.
I have various circles of friends and acquaintances. There is a man for each one. Serious situations, like work, require a man who is impressive, mentally.
So I have Ugly Ryan for those times. He’s a total nerd and has scars on his face from a severe case of acne in his teen years. He attributes the acne to the fact he was so busy learning that he seldom bathed.
He bathes now, of course, or I’d have nothing to do with him. But he still has no idea how to dress, wearing jeans and T-shirts all the time as they’re the easiest thing for him to buy and put on, I assume.
When I take him to a business function, I buy him a nice suit and send him to my salon first, so they can get him as nice looking as one can get Ugly Ryan. They manage to make him presentable and that’s all I can ask.
Jason moves and his cock presses into the small of my back. I wiggle a little and feel it pulse.
I really, really want a taste of this stubborn man. No matter what he says, I know he can’t be faithful to me or anyone else. A little of the old feelings he used to give me will be enough for me.
I think.
Moving my hand behind me, I ease it over his cock and feel it pulse again. At this rate, it shouldn’t take any time to get him erect and he’ll
wake up with such a need he won’t keep this crap up of waiting for tomorrow.
My body heats as I stroke him over his pajama bottoms and feel him grow with each one. I have to feel the actual appendage that shows up in my dreams from time to time, even though I’ve hated the man it belonged to.
He makes a little groan as my hand slips under the elastic waistband of his PJ bottoms and I find he still isn’t a fan of wearing underwear as my hand finds only the soft skin covering his already hard organ.
My mouth starts to water as I’d love to run my tongue over that magnificent piece of man meat. Turning over, I face him and find him still sleeping but a slight grin is on his lips.
Fuck it! I’m going to do it!
I slide down, slow and easy so as not to wake him. He’ll be very happy when he does wake up.
Easing his bottoms down just enough to let his erection free, I lick my lips in anticipation of having his huge cock in my mouth again after six, long-ass years.
Running my hands up and down the long, hard length, I press my lips to the top and kiss my old friend. And suddenly I’m young again and with the man I loved more than life, itself.
His silky skin feels amazing on my lips as I slide them over the bulbous head and then the wide girth of his gift. He fills my mouth entirely and I love the familiar taste of him.
Making slow strokes, I take every bit of him in and suppress a gag as he moves into my throat. Now I hear a low groan and he moves a bit, stroking his cock into my mouth.
For a second, my mind goes to how this son of a bitch must be used to getting such attention in the middle of the night from his plethora of female companions who all think he’s their man and their’s alone. But then I shake that off as his hand flows through my hair.
“Baby, yes,” he moans.
His use of the vague term, baby, has my Spidey senses on high alert. But the way he moves my head with his large hand as he pumps his cock into me has me forgetting about that and thinking only about what I have going on right now.
It’s not very easy to go down on a man you both love and hate. But mostly distrust with every fiber of your being. Yet I can’t seem to stop.
The feeling this act invokes in me has my body bypassing my brain and it wants this man right now, no matter what he’s done to me in the past or will in the future.
He rolls onto his back to give me better access to him and I move my body in between his legs. One hand, I sneak under his shirt and run it all over those hilly abs he’s managed to build to perfection.
I moan and it makes him moan, “Yes, Britt. That feels so good.”
Yeah, he knew it was me!
At least I have that off my mind. He doesn’t think he’s with one of his other chicks.
It gives me a new confidence and I move my mouth over him a little faster as he makes those familiar noises that I didn’t even realize I had been longing to hear. If anyone had told me that I’d one day be sucking off this man on my own free will, I’d have told them to get the fuck out of here.
But here I am trying my best to please him. Fast and hard I move, running my tongue along the long underside of his hard cock as he pulls my hair.
A bit of pre-cum oozes out and I go crazy for more, but he yanks my hair hard and pulls my head up. I’m flipped around and on my back before I can even protest. His pajama bottoms and T-shirt are pulled off and flung away with a few quick swipes of material.
He slams into me as he looks into my eyes. His are full of a hunger I haven’t seen in far too long. A real desire for me. Not like the others. Not like any man I’ve been with since him.
Jason looks like the man I belong to. I always have and now I think I just might always belong to him. He alone has the power to look at me and make my insides melt.
I shriek with the way his cock fills me. Spreading me in only the way he can. “Jason!”
“Say it, Baby,” he tells me as he thrusts into me again.
“Jason!”
My fingers press into his biceps as I hold them. Those masterpieces of human muscle alone could make me hot for him. His body has become some kind of sculpted masterpiece.
Jason between my legs, looking down at me as he sends his hard, huge cock deep into my recesses is better than I even remembered. Not that I allowed myself to think about this a lot. But in my dreams, he would invade my mind at times and this is better than any of the dreams.
One tear falls from his right eye and my heart erupts.
“I love you, Jason.”
In a split second, with four words, I’ve sealed my fate.
He is in my heart again. And this will surely be the end of me.
Chapter 9
JASON
Having Brittany like this again has my heart doing somersaults. And my brain is going into spasms as I look down at her and find so much I’ve missed about her and didn’t even realize it.
Her dark waves of thick hair are splayed out on the pillow behind her head. Her green eyes are sparkly and full of desire. Her red lips are slightly parted and waiting for a kiss.
My cock plunges into her over and over. Her body fits mine like a glove. It was me who first took her. It was this cock that pushed away her innocence all those years ago.
She was meant to be mine. And I had to go and have all these insecurities about her and her always being a part of me. A part I should’ve taken so much better care of.
My mistreatment of her made her lose parts of herself. It made her become a woman with no real heart. I can’t believe I did that to her.
“Baby, I love you.” I press my lips to hers as I grind my cock into her soft core.
Soft caresses I feel all over my back and they move up into my hair as she opens her mouth and twirls her tongue with mine. Her hands have always shown me love.
The tender way she always touched every part of me was a thing I took for granted. No other has ever touched me with such reverence and feeling as Brittany has. Her emotions move right through her and come out in her palms.
If she couldn’t speak a word, I’d still know how she felt about me through her touch. She deserved more back then and I couldn’t give it to her. But I can now and I’ll make sure she knows she’s loved and appreciated.
Her body arches up to mine as I move inside of her. Her breathing is hard and I feel the puffs of air come out of her lungs and into my mouth. I ease the kiss and look at her as I take her.
“You’re beautiful, Britt.”
Her smile is weak as she asks, “Is this for real, Jason? Is this really happening?”
I nod and smile as I slide in and out of her. “It’s as real as it gets, Sugar beet.”
She pulls me back down and kisses me. Her mouth is hot and makes mine water as our tongues touch every part of each other. Seems our mouths have missed each other as well.
Brittany and I could kiss for hours. It didn’t always end up in making love but seven out of every ten times it did. Her body has always reacted to me so well.
One touch from her can make my cock spring to life and one touch from me can make her instantly wet and ready for me. It’s like we were built for each other.
And I’ve wasted six years not looking for her. I should’ve looked for her. She wouldn’t have been hard to find. Shit, I think I could’ve Googled her name and found her.
But I have her now and she’s never getting away from me again. The way she feels like this is better than anyone has ever felt. I’ve had more sex than most and with more women than most, so when I say Brittany is special, then she is!
Her body starts to squeeze my cock and her arms tighten around me as she arches up. I want to watch her climax. I pull my mouth away and look at her as she bites her lower lip.
“Look at me, Angel.”
Her green eyes open and her hands move up my back to hold my neck as she arches up to meet each hard thrust. She grinds her body against mine with each stroke. The green of her eyes is dark, it’s like she can see right into my soul as she looks i
nto my eyes.
“Please don’t hurt me again, Jason,” she says as her eyes go soft and I can see the fear behind them.
It breaks my heart. “I won’t. I promise.”
Her eyes close as she lets out an enormous groan and lets the orgasm overtake her. The way her body clenches mine and tugs it deeper inside her has me letting go as well.
The cum shoots out of me as I make a terrible noise that sounds like I’m being killed or something. Her soft insides quake and spasm, her legs are wrapped around me, holding me tight to her.
My cock jerks and spurts and lets out more than it has in a very long time. I ease my body down on hers and hold her until neither of us is moving anymore.
I press my lips to her damp neck. “I love you so much, Britt.”
Her hands move over my back and her lips touch the top of my shoulder. “I love you more than I even realized, Jason.”
I pull my head back to look at her and find her smiling at me as she runs her hand over my cheek. I run my hand through her damp locks and smile back. “I want to see this sweet face every single night.”
She giggles. “Oh yeah?”
I nod and kiss the tip of her nose. “Forever, Pumpkin-puss.”
She wrinkles her nose up. “Pumpkin-puss? Not sure I like that one, Mr. Odd Terms Of Endearment.”
“You’re right, it does sound a little weird. How about I just call you mine?”
Her heart pounds hard and I can feel it in my chest as I lie on top of her. She cuts her eyes away then looks back at me. “You promise me you’ll never hurt me again?”
I nod. “I know now that you won’t put up with it. And I also know no other woman can make me feel the way you do. Add to it, I know how much I influence you and can make you do some terrible things. With all that new knowledge I can safely say, I will never intentionally hurt you again.”
She looks a little relieved then her eyes open very wide, and she hisses, “Shit!”
With a frown, I say, “Not the reaction I thought I’d get from saying that to you.”
“Jason, I’m not on any birth control at all and you didn’t use a condom!”
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