by Paige Toon
It’s so weird. I’m all jumpy, acutely aware of everyone around me, but for my classmates it’s business as usual.
‘Try to put it out of your mind for now,’ Stu whispers, as he goes up the stairs to his office.
I nod tensely, feeling especially vulnerable once he’s gone.
I walk past the sixth-form block, glancing in to see if Tom has arrived, but it’s deserted. I only have a few minutes to spare, but I decide to spend them locked inside a cubicle, away from everyone. I’m about to walk into the toilets when the sound of my name being called makes me jump out of my skin. I see Lou hurrying across the cobbled courtyard. She grabs my elbow and steers me into the toilets as my heart pitter-patters inside my chest.
‘Spill!’ she says.
I don’t know what to say. Does she know about Johnny?!
‘Did anything happen?’ she asks eagerly.
I breathe a sigh of relief. She’s just talking about Tom! I nod slightly, pursing my lips.
‘Did you kiss?’ she asks in a loud whisper.
Again, I nod, relaxing slightly.
She squeaks with excitement and a belated bubble of happiness bursts inside my chest. I’ve barely thought about the fact that I kissed Tom Ryder last night! Warmth continues to fill my stomach as I ask for the lowdown on Chris. He kissed her in the taxi and they exchanged numbers. They’re going out again this weekend.
It’s so nice to have a proper friend at school again, now that Natalie’s gone. In fact, she hasn’t even texted me this weekend I realise, before shoving the thought away. As for Libby…
The bell rings so Lou and I hurry out of the toilets towards our tutor room. I notice Libby in the courtyard, her ginger hair standing out in the crowd. She’s talking to Amanda, but, when she sees me, her face freezes and her eyes widen. She knows my secret is on shaky ground.
Amanda shoots her head round to see who has Libby’s attention and her brow furrows with confusion as she spies me. She turns back to Libby and my former best friend adjusts her face into a more natural expression. I give her a small smile as Lou and I pass by, still arm in arm. Libby barely nods, but I can tell that she’s worried about me. I have an overwhelming urge to be alone with her so I can talk openly about Johnny. And so I can pretend things are like they used to be.
Libby slips me a note during assembly and I jump at the contact. I’d been completely distracted, watching the door for Tom.
Come to mine after school? Hope you’re OK.
I give her a grateful nod, my nose prickling because I suddenly miss her desperately.
I turn back to the front, just in time to see Tom walk casually into the hall, next to Chris. Scanning the room, he locks eyes with me and his lips tilt up at the corners. My stomach flutters uncontrollably and I barely think about anything else for the whole assembly.
Tom’s waiting for me when I walk out of the hall, leaning up against the wall with his arms folded. He gives me a cheeky grin.
‘Hello,’ I say, mirroring his expression. Lou breaks away from me to talk to Chris, and I’m vaguely aware of Libby and Amanda glancing over their shoulders at us as they walk past.
‘Where are you headed now?’ he asks.
‘ICT.’ A circus full of tiny jugglers start to do their thing in my stomach.
He pushes off from the wall and I realise with glee that he’s planning on walking me to class.
‘You got home OK?’ I ask, kicking us off with a nice, safe topic as we set off across the courtyard.
‘Yeah. Good night?’
There’s a question mark at the end of his sentence, but I’m surprised he doesn’t know my answer.
‘Really good,’ I reply, cocking my head to one side and looking up at him.
‘Good film, wasn’t it?’ he says slightly awkwardly, as we come to a stop at the bottom of the steps to my classroom. There are a lot of ‘goods’ being thrown around.
‘I wasn’t paying it much attention,’ I admit with a smirk.
‘Weren’t you?’ He’s smirking, too.
I shake my head slightly and smile. ‘No.’
He looks at my lips and a thrill darts through me. His eyes rise to meet mine. ‘See you at break?’
‘Yeah.’ I nod and we turn away from each other.
He thought about kissing me, then. I wonder when he next will.
ICT flies by, largely thanks to the notes that Lou and I keep passing back and forth about Tom and Chris. Libby flashes me a few confused looks, and it strikes me that Lou and I are acting a bit like she and Amanda were behaving last week. I’ll admit it gives me a little boost to wonder if she’s missing how close we used to be.
Lou and I hang around the courtyard at break, sitting on the brick wall near the library. It’s cooler today, but our black blazers are still soaking up the sun, warming our skin.
I don’t know where Tom and Chris are. I’m resisting the temptation to go and peek into the sixth-form common room.
Three of our classmates walk past, and one of them, Nina, halts in her tracks and stares back at me with wide-open eyes and a humungous grin on her face.
‘Oh my God, it’s you!’ she squeals, and my face freezes as I see the phone in her hand. She bounces on the spot with delight and points at me. ‘It’s Jessie! Jessie is Johnny Jefferson’s secret daughter!’
I almost die, right there.
And then she cracks up, literally hoots with laughter. She passes the phone to her friends and they all peer at it, then at me, before laughing, too.
‘Oh my God, you look just like her!’ Michelle splutters.
It becomes suddenly apparent that, while they might think I look like Johnny’s daughter, they don’t for a second suspect that I actually am.
‘Bugger off,’ I say with annoyance. This only makes them laugh more.
‘What’s funny?’ Tom asks, appearing at my side.
‘Nothing,’ I mutter, as Lou grabs the phone from Michelle.
‘Hey!’ Michelle shouts, trying to get it back. Lou holds it away from her and scrutinises the image on the screen.
‘Wow,’ she says sarcastically. ‘They’re both blonde. You’d give Sherlock a run for his money.’ She passes the phone back to Nina, who rolls her eyes and stalks away, cronies in tow.
‘What was that about?’ Tom asks with confusion.
‘Nothing,’ I say, but I can’t stop Lou from elaborating.
‘They think Jessie looks like Johnny Jefferson’s secret daughter,’ she explains.
‘Do they?’ he says. ‘That’s random.’
I shrug. ‘Oh, well, shall we—’
‘Apparently she’s from around here,’ Lou continues.
‘Shall we go sit on the field?’ I suggest, putting an end to their conversation.
To m checks his watch, but, before he can speak, the end-of-break bell rings.
‘Lunchtime?’ I suggest.
‘I said I’d play football,’ Tom replies, as we set off towards class. ‘Come to watch?’
‘Nah, I’m not going to sit on the sidelines like one of your groupies.’ I giggle at the look on his face. ‘I’ll see you later?’
‘After school?’ he asks.
‘I’m going to Libby’s,’ I tell him, glancing across the courtyard at that moment to catch Libby’s eye. I wonder if she saw the exchange with Nina and co.
‘OK, then,’ Tom replies, and I can’t tell if he’s disappointed.
‘See you later, though?’ I say.
‘Sure.’ He nods and we go our separate ways.
Chapter 7
‘How are you?’ Libby asks me, as soon as she’s closed the door to her bedroom. We barely spoke on the short walk here, and then we had to go through ten minutes of pleasantries with Marilyn, Libby’s mum, before we could escape upstairs. Libby is positively bursting at the seams to get the lowdown on what’s been happening.
‘I’m OK,’ I tell her tentatively. ‘A bit worried that my cover’s about to be blown. Johnny reckons it’s only a matter of ti
me.’
Libby’s face flushes at the mention of my famous father.
‘Gosh,’ she squeaks. ‘What will you do?’
I shrug, trying to seem nonchalant and convince myself as much as her that I’m not totally freaked out. ‘I don’t know. Johnny keeps threatening twenty-four-seven bodyguards and stuff, but… I don’t know. I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.’
‘Wow,’ she says, looking a little shell-shocked.
I fill her in on my stay with the Jeffersons, but we’ve barely even touched the tip of the iceberg when the doorbell rings.
‘You and Louise seem to be getting along well,’ Libby continues, assuming her mum will answer the door.
‘She’s great,’ I say with a grin.
‘Have you told her about, you know, your dad?’
Her voice sounds strained.
‘No,’ I say, and her face visibly relaxes. Is she jealous? ‘Not yet,’ I add, and she tenses up again.
‘Do you think you can trust her?’ she asks.
‘I think so, yeah.’ As I say it, I reckon it’s true.
‘You barely know her,’ she points out, her jaw twitching.
‘Libby!’ Marilyn calls up the stairs. ‘Amanda’s here!’
‘Oh!’ Libby says with surprise. I instantly feel flat. ‘Can you tell her to come up?’ Libby shouts, nearly deafening me. ‘Probably wondered where I went after school,’ she says, as we hear Amanda’s footsteps on the stairs.
Alone time with Libby over, then.
‘Hi!’ Amanda gushes, pushing the door open. Her face falls as she realises her bestie has company – with her previous bestie, no less. ‘Oh. I didn’t realise you were here,’ she says, looking none too pleased to see me sitting at the end of Libby’s bed.
‘Jessie came over after school,’ Libby tells her with a smile. ‘I thought you had your piano lesson today?’
‘It was cancelled.’ Amanda looks put out.
‘Bit of a last-minute thing, wasn’t it, Jessie?’ Libby says apologetically.
‘Yeah,’ I mumble. Libby’s room is small enough at the best of times. Now it’s positively teeny.
‘Hey, I might shoot off,’ I find myself saying.
‘You don’t have to go,’ Libby says quickly.
‘I don’t have to stay,’ Amanda chips in, somewhat grumpily.
‘Don’t be silly!’ Libby exclaims, looking totally caught in the middle. ‘Come on, let’s just go to the living room where there’s more room.’
The three of us file awkwardly out of her room and down the stairs without saying another word. I really, really don’t want to be here any more. Stu is working late at school. I wonder if I can catch him before he leaves. Or maybe I could go and see Natalie…
‘Actually, Libby,’ I say, getting out my phone as we reach the landing. ‘Don’t be offended, but I haven’t spoken to Natalie since Friday. I might drop by and see her.’
‘Oh,’ she says, looking at her feet.
‘Thanks for the chat.’ I touch her arm and try to inject some warmth into my voice as I start towards the front door. Libby follows me, but Amanda, thankfully, stays put.
‘I’m sorry,’ Libby whispers, as I open the door. Her face has gone red again.
‘Don’t worry about it,’ I reply, forcing a smile. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’
When Libby closes the door on my departing back, I feel flatter than ever. I open up my Contacts and call Natalie.
‘Hello?’ she says.
‘Hi, stranger!’
‘Hi.’ She sounds distinctly unenthusiastic.
‘Are you OK?’ I ask with surprise.
‘Yeah, I’m fine.’
‘Are you at home?’
What’s going on? Why does she sound so unhappy to hear from me?
‘Yeah.’
‘Can I come over?’ I ask warily.
‘If you want.’
‘I won’t if you don’t want me to.’ I can’t help snapping.
‘No, it’s fine,’ she says dully. ‘See you in a bit.’
I end the call and stare down at my phone with confusion. Things are going from bad to worse.
I text Stu to let him know my change of plans and he offers to collect me at 5 p.m., which I figure gives me enough time to walk to Natalie’s and find out what her deal is.
‘What’s up with you?’ I ask when she opens the door with a sour look on her face.
‘What makes you think anything is “up” with me?’ she says grumpily, as I step into the hall.
‘Have I done something wrong?’ I ask, feeling totally on edge.
‘You tell me.’
‘What?’ I pull a face at her. I’m so confused. ‘Am I missing something? Did you know that the press have almost found out about me?’
‘Not everything is about you, Jessie,’ she replies with annoyance, putting me right in my place.
‘Then tell me what’s wrong.’
‘Let’s go upstairs,’ she says dejectedly.
It turns out that she was properly gutted about Liam at the party on Friday night. So much so that she couldn’t even bring herself to call me on Sunday when she saw my news had broken online. She thinks Liam fancies me.
‘When you were on the decks, he was watching you,’ she explains.
‘No, he wasn’t!’ I scoff.
‘He was, Jessie,’ she says wearily. ‘I recognised his look as the same one he gave me at the pub the week before last. And then he saw you, and you blew me out of the water.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ I scoff again.
‘He asked me for your number today,’ she tells me.
‘What?’ I’m flabbergasted. Poor Natalie. ‘I hope you didn’t give it to him!’
She shrugs.
‘You did?’
‘What else could I do?’ she asks in a small voice.
Now I feel truly awful. ‘I’m so sorry,’ I say quietly, not really knowing what else to say. ‘He hasn’t called me. I’ll tell him I’m not interested if he does.’
‘I don’t want him any more, anyway.’
‘No. No, I wouldn’t, either. He’s not good enough for you,’ I tell her fervently, but she barely cracks a smile.
‘Still, I know it’s hard to stop fancying someone, even when they’re bad for you,’ I say. I cringe when I realise I’ve brought it back to me again, but I really can sympathise.
‘You mean Jack, don’t you?’ She gives me a rueful look.
‘Mmm,’ I reply. ‘But I’m trying to forget about him. I had a date with Tom last night.’
Her eyes instantly light up. ‘You did? Did you snog him?!’
I giggle and the rest of our time together passes by in a blur.
Agnes texts me later that night, just as I’m falling asleep. She heard on the grapevine that the British press is pursuing my story and I’m touched that she’s thinking of me, even though we don’t know each other that well.
Again, I wonder what’s been going through Jack’s mind. He was the one who asked to take me out on a date before I left. He wanted to stay in touch. So why has he gone cold?
I can’t resist grabbing my laptop from my desk and searching for his band, All Hype, on the internet. The most recent picture that loads up is one of him with his arm round Eve, the band’s gorgeous lead singer and his on-off girlfriend. I slam my laptop lid shut and put the device back on my desk, feeling sick to my stomach.
I climb back into bed, resolving to put him out of my mind for good.
Laying my head on my pillow, I focus on Tom instead. Did I play it too cool today? I decide to make up for it tomorrow, and remember with a start that it’s his birthday on Wednesday. Would it be weird to get him something, seeing as we’ve only kissed? It’s not like he’s my boyfriend yet. Is he? What if he thinks that he is? Then he’ll definitely expect a present! Oh, man. I don’t even know what I’d write in a card. Surely it’s too soon to have to think about things like this?!
It takes me a while t
o fall asleep. But, as dilemmas go, this one I can more or less cope with.
Chapter 8
‘Are you playing football again at lunchtime?’ I ask Tom when I manage to catch him the next morning.
‘I don’t think so. You want to hang out?’
‘Sure. See you on the field?’
‘I’ll see you there.’
Smiling, he turns away. I do the same, just in time to see Nina and Michelle smirking at me. I blush furiously, put my head down and hurry to my lesson. But the path to Art, I belatedly realise, is right past them.
‘Jessie fancies Tom,’ Nina sing-songs at me as I pass.
‘Maybe he’ll be more interested when he finds out your dad is Johnny Jefferson,’ Michelle adds with a snigger.
I can think of nothing better to do than sneer at them. If only they knew how close to the bone they are.
Libby calls to me to wait as I’m walking out of Art. ‘I’ll catch you up,’ she says to Amanda, before joining me. ‘Sorry about yesterday.’ Her voice is quiet.
‘Don’t worry about it,’ I reply.
‘I didn’t even get the goss on Tom.’ She flashes me a mischievous look.
I give a little shrug, not really knowing what to say.
‘Has anything happened with him?’ she asks, curiosity getting the better of her.
I was hoping not to have to spill the beans to Libby about him because, while I trust her not to say anything to Amanda about Johnny, it seems a little trite asking her to keep quiet about my love life, too.
‘Kind of. Nothing much,’ I add, trying to put her off. It doesn’t work.
‘Like what?’ she whispers conspiratorially.
‘We went to the movies.’ I try to sound casual.
‘Did you kiss him?’ she asks gleefully.
‘Libby,’ I reply with a frown. The gesture is contagious because she looks instantly put out.
‘What, so now we can’t even talk about boys? I won’t tell Amanda, if that’s what you’re worried about.’
Now I feel bad. ‘It’s not that,’ I say, as we walk out of the classroom. ‘It’s just early days,’ I add with an embarrassed look. ‘I’m meeting him for lunch.’
She purses her lips. ‘Well, good for you.’