I wiped my eyes and looked at him. “You know I tried to forget?”
“You came to me.” Samael took a breath full of regret. “You said the pain was too much to bear. In order not to take your own life, you’d rather forget. Things were already arranged with Gabriel. You just came back to give me back Mephistopheles.”
Mephistopheles, Lucifer’s sword. Yes, I remembered now. The sword with the wickedness of God’s Left Hand, subdued by the Firstborn when it escaped. It was the weapon I used before Chuck. Chuck!
I held Samael’s shoulders. “Can you bring him back?”
“Who?”
“The spiritual weapon that was with me! The soul contained in it.”
I looked into his eyes, pleading, waiting for the answer, but he hugged me. It was too late.
“I’m sorry. There was nothing with you. No other energy.”
He put his hand on my cheek and lifted my face.
“Why, Lilith… why did you want to forget everything without even saying goodbye?”
“Because I’m weak… Because I love you too much to just feel your presence at every infinite moment and never be able to be by your side.”
Samael pulled the back of my neck and kissed me passionately, willingly, with desire, ignoring the archangel’s order, the heavenly order, the first Law.
Lilith’s Law.
I was raised as the first human. I don’t remember by whom, why, when, or how. My only memories are the virgin green earth, the huge bodies of water, the impossibly giant planet for a small being like me, and my name: Lilith. I was the guinea pig, the Humanity Project. I had advanced physical and mental abilities, superior even to the angels’, endowed with tremendous ease of learning. I wasn’t immortal, but long-lived.
As the only of my species, I was constantly watched from afar by the angels. Then one of them, after decades of curious and silent attention, came to keep me company. He taught me his language, told me the story of his kind, talked about God, showed me how to wield and use a weapon.
And eventually others like him also came down to meet the new creation and the blue paradise. I met many angels and marveled at their glory and beauty. For ages I talked to Azazel, Beelzebub, Leviathan, and many others. Even the morbid Matraton wanted to study how the novelty worked.
Although fundamentally different, I felt as one of them. One of the angels, the most perfect of creatures.
But I found that perfection didn’t exist. The seven archangels, princes of their kind, beneath only Samael, kept a distant, cold reserve. They knew what would happen. Of course, they did.
I felt the touch of that first angel who came down, the one with eyes like honey, the most radiant among the radiant, and knew I would never want another touch. The first human and the first angel fell in love.
We were happy for many years. But I was the human project, and for this new creation to flourish, there could be no divine interference, according to Gabriel. This connection between angels and humans was declared forbidden. Lilith’s Law. New, proper humans would populate the Earth and be left alone to learn to praise Yahweh, make their own choices, and follow their own path. The angels were banished from the beautiful planet, their beloved paradise, so different from the Four Heavens. Forbidden to interact with humans, they were assigned a definite role from that moment on. A role set by the archangels, undisputed.
Man 2.0 emerged to be my husband, but I couldn’t fulfill my role. Love cannot be chosen or imposed. Thus, a new woman appeared to serve as his wife. I stood by their side and saw what humans should be. What I should be. I loved them, yes, but as siblings. My heart belonged to Lucifer.
I pitied them. So fragile, with such a short life. So forsaken and so ignorant, because they could not be counseled by the angels, as I had been.
Then I saw humanity evolve with evil growing in their hearts. I wept for them, for that species so enchanting in its own way, left to their fate to be defiled. From the beginning, they never had a chance. All because the archangels declared it should be so.
And I coexisted with humans without having a definite place among them, but also without being able to return to the company of my former friends.
Until that changed. Many banished angels came back to Earth in secrecy, defying the angelic commandments, walking among humanity, interacting with it, and bearing mixed children. It was the harbinger of catastrophe.
If Yahweh, the All-Powerful Creator, was a perfect, omniscient, and omni-benevolent being, why would He allow the succession of events that led to such misfortune befall upon me and Samael and the others? Why did He allow unhappiness to take hold of so many of His children? Some angels also pondered over this. Why did the archangels dictate orders no one had never heard? Where was the Creator to tell the Truth?
A third of them said enough and remained on Earth. They demanded explanations from Gabriel, Michael, Camael, Nathanael, Raphael, Uriel, and Barachiel. Barachiel was the only one to admit ignorance. He did not know the reasoning behind the orders, but if his princes and brothers said so, then it was God’s will.
Some other archangels were not so patient. The questioning enraged them, a clear sign of disobedience and blasphemy. Then, for the first time, an angel reaped another one’s life. Rastael, a humble and servile angel, had his head cut off by Gabriel to serve as an example. Everyone who followed his behavior would share the same fate, warned the prince.
The angels cried and the heavens darkened. At that moment, the Rebellion of Angels began, told in countless verses and songs by humanity throughout history. Brothers and sisters suffered under their siblings’ blades without even knowing why. They brought questions and received death. The blood of angels flowed over the world of humans.
Samael was stricken with a deep sorrow. He grieved for the rebellious siblings and for the archangels who, according to him, misunderstood the Creator’s words. Like Barachiel, he refused to take part in that unholy battle. I didn’t understand why. But if he would bow his head and let the archangels act as they pleased, I would defend our love. I took Mephistopheles from his hands and threw myself to help the only friends I knew. I fought to help them end tyranny and to free humans from the oppressive yoke of the archangel princes.
I fought, killed, bled, and lost.
The surviving rebels were captured and had their wings cut off. I saw Raphael overpowering Azazel and doing this to the blacksmith.
All defeated angels were thrown into a plane where forgotten souls waited for eternity, the end of time. The plane where humans went after death for Judgment. The infinite plane that adapted to the spirits’ beliefs. Where nonhuman creatures were condemned, where the home of forgotten gods connected with the dwelling of those who still had followers, where the dead found their home. The final frontier.
The Limbo.
Despite not participating in the Rebellion, Samael was sentenced to there for being the first to break a law that did not even exist. The Firstborn accepted his fate. Too generous, too patient, too loving to raise a hand against his brethren, he accepted to rest in the Limbo until the ultimate end.
Because he said that was his purpose.
I pulled away from the kiss to look at him. I ran my hands through his hair, in disbelief that I was beside him once more.
“Do you still believe in your purpose?” I asked.
“I’ve never doubted it.”
“The humans…”
“I know. I know why you woke up and why you are here. And I know what you’re going to ask me.”
“Will you go back?”
“That’s what I was created for, Lilith. To serve as the one everyone can blame. Of course, I will go back. For the sake of humanity, but above all, for yours.”
I hugged him tightly. Samael hugged me back, and I wished there was nothing but us.
“I don’t think we have much time,” I said, worried about the coming of the archangels.
“We have no time at all.” He winked. “I did not intend to accept banishment to challenge my bro
thers when it was most convenient, yet here we are. You need me and they will not dare to disturb.”
I nodded and kissed him. The citrus taste of his mouth refreshed and completed me.
We got up off the floor together. My open black wounds were restored, as was my arm.
“How is it?” Samael asked, reluctant to let go of me.
I thought of a proper answer. I think ‘Good’ would be pushing it.
“Better. I remember the pain was unbearable, specially inside. I don’t want to forget or take revenge anymore. I just want to be with you.”
“That’s what I want the most.” His wings heaved and then closed. “Alas we cannot.”
“You are the Firstborn, the most powerful angel of all Creation. You could defeat them all by yourself.”
“Probably.” There was no pride or arrogance in his voice. “I could kill all my kin, destroy the celestial cities and the Limbo itself. But I will not do that. I would never try. There are things greater than us, Lilith.” He cupped my cheeks. “I will always be yours alone. Trust me, we’ll be together. And this eternity we are living apart now will feel small compared to the infinity we shall have with each other.”
Power sometimes existed in those who deserved it. Lucifer had all the power in the world and would never use it for his own benefit.
“I believe you.”
He smiled. “I need you. Humans need you.”
“Anyone can do what I do.”
His expression hardened. “This is not true. Who else has watched humans for ages, enough to know them better than themselves, to know exactly what they need? Who else understands Limbo and Earth so well?”
“You’re a seducing snake.”
He laughed out loud at the joke, so contagious that it also made me smile.
“Let’s tempt them with another apple? I promise to do my best for humans to despise me and unite against me.”
“There’s one problem. I lost my friend. I don’t have a weapon anymore.”
“Friend?”
“Yes, the spirit in the sword was conscious. He was an ancient and mad god. Azazel’s doing.”
Samael shook his head. “That does have Azazel all over it. A god in a sword… I’m sorry about him. If it’s of any reassurance, there were no traces of Matraton. He hasn’t come for your friend.”
I dared let the flame of hope burn inside me. No Matraton, which meant… Chuck lingered in the Limbo.
“At any rate,” Samael said, “I think you’ll have to use Mephistopheles one more time.”
He removed the first weapon in History from its sheath. A medium-sized, boringly ordinary sword. No notches in the handle, no jewelry. Banal and forgetful in appearance. Except for the black blade. Chuck was a light shade of gray near this colorless monstrosity.
I took its hilt. If the aspect was ordinary, its energy was not. Simply touching that immemorial equipment summoned the devastating influence contained in it. An enormous power, capable of driving us crazy and bringing out the worst within us to cause wanton destruction. But Samael taught me how to master its wicked intent, something even the archangels couldn’t do. Samael and I were the only ones able to wield that blade and maintain our sanities.
The sword held the spirit of Mephistopheles, the Left Hand of God. The Beast that embodied evil, chaos, and damnation.
I looked into Lucifer’s honey-yellow eyes, unsure when I’d see them again. I kissed his mouth like it was the last kiss I would give until the end of time. I stroked his hair and impelled Mephistopheles on the angel I loved.
He raised his chin and spread his wings to the fullest. The sword and his body shone brightly, making me look away. The light went out and the darkness of Limbo welcomed me. Lucifer had returned to be once again, as he always had been since the dawn of humanity, the villain against whom all would unite to defeat.
And I was alone.
After the Rebellion, and Samael’s capture, I faced the loneliest moment of my existence. Everyone I knew, whom I called friends, had been banished to the Limbo, out of reach, just like the angel I loved.
I was also arrested and brought to here. The archangels, however, did not know what to do with me. I was not one of them. I was still… kind of human. Trapped by the very Law they had created and fearful of Samael’s wrath, I was spared annihilation. So here I stand, trapped forever.
Gabriel, however, thought it would be wasteful for a being like me to rest in the Limbo waiting for Judgment. No. Gabriel said that I was created with a role, and that Yahweh had spoken in his ear. I would be Limbo’s mediator. The spirit that sent spirits back when things went downhill on Earth, which also meant things went downhill everywhere else. Yes, because as Samael once told me, humans are the bedrock of all existence.
When humanity is gone, time will consume space and nothingness will rule.
So, the remaining archangels are still apprehensive of the end. And I follow my journey in the shadows, blowing a little more breath into mankind’s lungs.
15
FAITH
I sat and waited. There was nothing else to do.
I could feel Gabriel’s aura getting closer. The archangel who hated me the most for beheading his princely brother in the great battle. His energy had an anxious quality, typical of controllers threatened with losing command.
You have completed your assignment.
It was a voice that ignored the door of the ears and sneaked in through the window of the mind. It was the Loveliest Voice, belonging to the Rib Remover, the voice of Gabriel, the second angel of Creation. The same voice that had awakened me. He didn’t think me worthy of contemplating his figure, so he didn’t reveal himself.
“I see you also like to say the obvious.”
His energy bubbled with fury through the Limbo.
You are an impudent creature. But it matters not. Your role is finished, and you may return to rest until you are needed.
“No.”
Silence. The kind of silence in which we can hear hair growing.
I fail to remember giving you a choice.
“There’s no more hate in me, second best angel,” I said in defiance. “But there’s still fighting. If you want to force me and break the law, know that it won’t come easily.”
It was a bluff, of course. I didn’t even have a weapon. I only killed Michael in the Rebellion because he was off-guard and I caught him from the back. Gabriel was on another level. He was the second of Creation, after all. His power, though not comparable to Lucifer’s, was far beyond my own.
But by Lilith’s Law, he couldn’t touch me. The archangel was bound by divine command and would never wield his luminous sword, Lex Aeterna, against my spirit.
The silence continued. A tense silence, the kind that makes us want to bite our nails and reach our bones so we could concentrate on pain and escape conflict.
It was finally broken.
Yahweh, in His endless mercy and omniscience, allows you to remain awake in recognition of your service.
How convenient, I thought in Chuck’s voice.
Gabriel’s angry presence, its pride wounded, disappeared into the Four Heavens.
Here in Limbo I sit and wait. With my memories, with my inner scars. Without my friends, without my half, the honey eyes more beautiful than the sun. Here I wait the doings of twelve souls until the next call. Until I’m needed again.
Because some people must act in the shadows so others can shine in the world's light. Some souls must do the work that no others can. Some souls must end suffering and be determined enough not to flog themselves with it. Without acknowledgments.
Fate waits for no one. In fact, fate does nothing for anyone. It is an illusion. You fulfill your role and expect your fair slice of the cake at the end of the day. But there is no fairness.
The cake is a lie.
I fulfill my purpose regardless of bad days or clueless spirits who still don’t understand what I’m doing. I make them understand. I can’t hide, I can’t run aw
ay, I can’t refuse. This responsibility comes with sacrifice and pain, and without personal rewards.
Samael was right, as always. Some things are greater than us.
I do it for humanity. There might not be a Creator, but humans still have themselves. As long as they have faith, they will have the gods they deserve and believe. The god of success, the god of words, the god of freedom, the god of love. The god they invent, and those will be man’s destiny. Because gods, like angels, no longer interfere with Earth. Only humans do. The Earth is the legacy and future of mankind. But they are not alone.
They still have me. As long as I am here, able fulfill my role, they will have heroic spirits to assist them. Sometimes twelve, sometimes just one, that stands out in the entire world, and gets up, and resists, and fights, and doesn’t conform, and doesn’t bow their head. Their eyes will glow, their chest will ignite, and their voice will be heard until it resonates in Limbo itself. This is my duty and my reward.
Whoever hears the story of this forgotten spirit, tell humans to look at their sides.
I promise there will always be a heroic soul.
So, I carry on here in the Limbo, sitting, waiting, watching.
Praying.
Yes, I pray. If humans can create their gods, I can create mine too. It takes one heart believing to bring a dream to life.
I believe. I pray.
I pray for a megalomaniac god, born of madness and fear. A tentacled god who knows no defeat, a seemingly sexist, racist, and ignorant god. A god full of flaws, for his creators had them too. Perfect gods can only come from perfect creatures, and a perfect creature will never give life to a god, because it is already god of itself.
I pray. I pray, wish, and dream for this god, who is not all flaws. A god that, unaware of other feelings, has always fed on fear, hatred, and insanity. But when given the chance to show value, companionship, and affection, he did not hesitate to make his sacrifice. A god who shared strength, justice, affection, inspiration, zeal, mercy, wisdom, humility, and love during his enclosed journey. And was affected by these feelings.
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