by Parker, Ava
My brain is completely flooded. And I can’t figure out what’s scaring me more, leaving my father’s house with all these strangers partying in it, or going down to the beach.
With Cage.
“Hey Ryker, we’ll be back in a few,” Cage yells over to his friend who’s grinding with Jess.
Ryker raises his red cup in the air. “Right on, brother. I got your back.” He smiles at Cage. He shoots a glance at me, “I got you covered too landlady.” Even though I don’t know Cage’s friend from a hole in the wall, or even Cage for that matter, I somehow trust him to watch over things right now.
“You set?” Cage ushers me towards the door. He puts his hand on my lower back and allows me to exit the door first.
A wave of fiery electricity starts from where his hand touches my back and spreads to every area of my body.
I really can’t make sense of any of this. It’s almost like… I’m into this guy way more than I should be.
Or even can be.
We reach the sand and Cage kicks his sneakers off. I follow suit, looking out in the distance at my poor, abandoned house.
“Man do I love the beach at night.” Cage opens his arms to the sky and tilts his head back. “It’s so… I don’t know what it is,” he pauses to pick up a handful of sand and let it filter through his fingers, “I guess I just feel at home.”
Believe me, I know the feeling.
“I’m with you. My mother used to take me to the beach at night when I was a little girl.” I look out into the water and feel a shooting pain rip through my body. “Every time I come down to the ocean, even in the day, I get these major flashbacks.”
I can see the silhouette of Cage’s head nod up and down. “It’s weird, right?” He grabs another handful of sand and tosses it with the wind. “I get a lot of flashbacks too from when I was a little kid. And some of the good ones feel the worst.” He kicks some sand on me feet. “Go figure.”
“Yeah, me too. Maybe it’s because we’re afraid we’ll never get to feel that good again,” I say.
He chuckles in agreement. “Ya know what Kenz, I think you’re onto something. “It’s like you get this awful sting from some old memory, and it could even be about something really cool that happened…” he pauses, “but whatever, you gotta let it go and move on, no matter what.”
“I don’t have any choice,” I say. “Sometimes it feels like my entire life has been laid out for me. My future takes ups way too much space for my past to have any chance of surviving for more than a second or two.”
“Well, landlady, there’s nothing wrong with having your own plans,” he says. “I got some plans of my own.”
“I know, plans are fine. I’m just not sure that my plans are actually my plans.”
“I hear that.” His fingers gently slide across the back of my arm. “Come on.” He gestures for me to walk closer to the water as he dips his bare feet into the ocean. I stand frozen for a minute, still holding onto the feeling from his touch.
Why does he feel so good? I still can’t come to terms with the fact that every time he even comes near me I practically hyperventilate.
“McKenzie, you coming or what?” he asks. His dark silhouette looks so wild and amazing under the moonlight.
“Listen, Kenz,” he pauses and kicks a little water onto my shin, “you gotta live your own life. You can’t let your parents pave every part of the way for you.”
“That’s easy for you to say. Not everyone’s as cool as Cage West.”
“That’s for sure.” He nudges me in the shoulder. “But even if you’re ten percent as cool as me, you still have to make your own life, ya know? You got one real chance to live your life.”
I know he’s right. And it kind of hurts.
Because the last thing I’ve ever done is lived my life the way I want to live it.
“You’re telling me that you have everything figured out? That Cage West never let’s anybody push him around or tell him what to do?” I ask.
“That’s the basic idea, Kenz.”
“What about Julia?” I ask, pointing to the tattoo on his wrist that’s just barely lit up from the moonlight. “Did your girlfriend tell you to do that or did you do that on your own too?”
He shakes his head back and forth. “Way off, McKenzie.” He walks a couple of steps away from me, deeper into the water. He doesn’t say another word.
His silence is crushing to me. Way off? What the hell is that supposed to mean? This guy is no easy read. And complicated has never exactly been my strong suit.
He turns to face me again. “Look, we’re supposed to be partying right now. Will you lighten up, at least for tonight?” he teases.
I still don’t have a clue what just happened. But I can’t help but feel relieved that he seems back to himself.
“Me lighten up? You’re the one who started philosophizing about the power of mother earth and all that stuff you were rambling about a few minutes ago,” I say.
“Whatever, Kenz. I just wanted you to see that I’m more than just a hot body with a surfboard.” He starts to walk towards me.
I shake my head at his arrogance. “And you thought your little pseudo Henry David Thoreau speech was going to do the trick?” I ask.
He snickers. “Give me a break. I kick so much ass and you know it.” He punches me in the arm lightly. “You know I’m the total package landlady.”
“Jesus. I have literally never even heard of someone loving themselves as much as you love yourself.”
“I know, neither have I.” He runs his finger along my jaw line. “You can’t help but want more though, right?”
Holy. Crap.
I freeze my head in the exact same position it was in when he touched my face. It feels like my entire body is going up in flames.
This can’t be happening to me.
Can’t be happening.
I’d be totally lying if I told myself I didn’t want him to rip all of my clothes off right now, on this beach. I can barely contain myself, I literally might die.
Enough.
I never let things get this far out of control. I seriously begin to wonder if some fucking alien got inside my brain.
“Snap out of it, will ya Kenz? You look like a friggn’ zombie all of a sudden.”
Exactly.
“A gorgeous one, I might add,” he says.
Okay, seriously?
“Sure Cage, I’ll bet you say that to all the zombies you meet,” I say.
He chuckles. “You’re probably right about that Kenz,” he pauses, “but still, you might as well take the compliment.”
“Being called a pretty zombie is a real self-esteem booster.” I jab him in the shoulder. “Thanks Cage-O.”
“Ya know something, you can be a real pain in the ass,” he says.
I can’t hide my laughter. “Me? I’m the pain in the ass?” I ask. “What, you can’t take a little jab from a girl?” I punch him in the arm again, but this time he catches my fist and won’t let it go.
Having him just hold my fist is like… better than any sex I’ve ever had. Not that I’ve had that much sex.
This.
Is.
Bad.
“I’ll let your hand go on one condition,” he says.
For some outrageous reason unknown even to myself, the last thing in the world I want is for him to let me go. But let’s get serious here.
“You do realize I’m your landlord, don’t you?” I ask, trying to pull my hand away.
He smirks as he toys with my fist in his tight grasp. “No offense, but…”
As he talks I get distracted by a streak of blue light that passes across Cage’s face. My eyes follow the light across the sand, over the dunes, and up to… my house.
Shit.
I look over Cage’s shoulder and see two police cars pulled up in front of my house.
“You’ve got to be kidding me. What the…” I make a mad dash across the sand and towards my house.
“McKenzie, wait!” I hear Cage call out from behind but I don’t stop to look back. If my father finds out about this, correction… when my father finds out about this…
I can’t even think about that right now.
Breathe McKenzie. One step at a time.
When I get up to my house, there are people still scattering everywhere. I see two guys running through our hedges. There’s a bunch of people scrambling down my street. And there are probably about three or four police officers, each with underage drinkers in their captivity.
I look around my street and cringe. Most of the neighbors have come out onto their front lawns to check out the scene.
This is officially one of the worst moments in my life.
“Who’s the owner of this property?” A deep, husky-voiced police officer looks around.
I freeze, thinking maybe if I just stay silent long enough this whole nightmare will just disappear. Then I realize this probably isn’t the best course of action at this point.
And the last thing I want to do is make things any worse.
If that’s even possible.
“Me sir, I am.” I can barely get the words out.
The officer releases a teenager from his grasp and comes towards me. “What’s your name, ma’am?” he asks.
I’m beyond nervous. This could literally be the end…
Of my life.
“McKenzie,” I say with a shaky voice.
“McKenzie what?” he asks, his voice growing frustrated. “What’s your last name?”
I lower my head down, hiding in complete and utter shame. “McKenzie Miller,” I say.
The police officer rubs the bottom of his chin. “As in Colonel Miller’s daughter?” he asks.
Still unable to look up, I nod my head in agreement. “Yes,” I pause, “Jim Miller’s my dad.”
The police officer pulls out his radio device and starts to talk into it. “Yeah, this is Officer Fisher. We’re all clear at the Ocean Road property.”
He looks at one of the other cops and gives him a nod. “Alright everyone, you got about twenty seconds to get the hell off this property before we start making arrests.” Officer Fisher steps towards two boys standing on my side deck. “Let’s go, move it the hell out boys! You think I’m playing games here?” He looks like he’s literally about to break someone in half. And with that, the rest of the strangers at my house start running for their lives.
The police officer looks back at me. “Look, we’re gonna cut you a break. I don’t think your dad would be too happy to hear about this. But he’d be even less happy to find out that his daughter was arrested.”
I feel a huge wave of relief, but still feel like throwing up knowing that my father’s almost definitely still going to hear about this. “Thank you officer, I really…”
“Don’t thank me kid,” he pauses to take one last look around, “thank your dad for this one.”
Great, once again anything good that’s ever happened to me somehow gets traced back to my father.
What a mess.
“Let’s move it out,” Officer Fisher says to the other cops. He shoots a final glance over at me. “You lucked out tonight, Miller.”
Is that what this is called, luck?
My head is about to explode. How am I ever going to live this down?
What. An. Idiot. I can’t believe I got myself into this mess.
“Close call, Kenz,” Cage says with a smile as he comes from behind the house. “Man you got some serious connections in this town.” And for the first time his adorable face doesn’t look so adorable to me right about now. To say the least.
“Connections?” I ask him. I’m absolutely fuming. “Is this just some big fucking joke to you?”
“Whoa! Take it easy Kenz, everything worked out. It’s fine,” he says.
“Everything worked out for who?” Now I’ve gone from scared to death to furious in less than a minute. “Maybe everything worked out for you, Cage. Maybe you and your ukulele will sleep great tonight. But nothing about tonight worked out for me.”
“Jesus, relax will you? Everything worked out fine, the cops cut you some major slack because of your dad,” he says. His smile has vanished, not that I even care at this point.
“He’s right, Kenz, it could’ve been a lot worse,” Jess chimes in.
I completely ignore her and continue looking at Cage as I shake my head. “Why should I ever, ever, EVER have trusted you?” I shout out. “I mean seriously, I should’ve known way better than to trust someone who doesn’t seem to care about anything but himself.”
Cage comes in closer to me. “Okay, take it easy there lady. I know you’re upset, but you don’t have to…”
“Get away from me, you’ve done enough damage tonight,” I say.
He drops back into silence for a moment and shakes his head in frustration. “Okay, whatever. I’ll leave you and your issues alone,” he says, looking around. “Hey Ryker, let’s roll brother.”
Ryker steps down from the deck and gives Jess a small piece of paper before he heads off on foot with Cage. Jess smiles and puts the piece of paper into her front jeans pocket.
I look down my street and see Cage and his friend drift off in the distance, their shadowy figures getting smaller and smaller with each step.
I suddenly feel ill. Like throwing up ill.
And that’s just what I do. Because why not, right?
Nice work McKenzie, a brand new personal low point. I know things are bad when I’d rather get swept away by a tsunami then deal with my life anymore.
“Kenz, you want me to stay the night with you?” Jess asks.
“No Jess, but thank you.” I pick myself up from the ground and start to make my way back inside. I take one last look down my street, and I honestly don’t even know why. He’s out of sight, which is definitely for the better.
At least that’s what I tell myself to take the edge off my pain.
* * *
It’s been over two days since the party nightmare. I haven’s seen Cage around our place at all. I haven’t even heard any footsteps along the outdoor staircase that runs along the side of our house. I have so many bizarre feelings ripping through my body right now. I’m not sure if I miss him to death, which makes no sense whatsoever, or if I’m happy that he’s not around anymore.
I feel like I’m twelve years old right now, obsessing over some boy that hardly even knows I exist. What a waste of precious time.
The only good thing to come over the last two days is that I haven’t heard from my father yet.
Yet. My brain is one big jumbled mess.
My phone vibrates, it’s a text from Jess.
You still alive? she texts.
Barely, I reply.
Want some company? she asks.
I text her back. Thanks Jess, but I wouldn’t want you exposed to me right now
I turn my phone off. I honestly can’t even deal with my life right now.
* * *
I pace around in my empty house for two and a half hours. Literally pacing. I keep shaking my head, trying to remember what happened on the beach with Cage. Trying to forget what happened when the cops showed up at my house. And trying to figure out how I’m ever going to step out into the world again.
After cleaning my entire house up and down and organizing pretty much everything that can scientifically be organized, I take a hot shower and throw on a fresh pair of jeans and a soft, white top. I collapse on my bed to catch my breath, which feels good… for about ten seconds. Then come the thoughts again.
I can’t fathom what happened with Cage during the party. And I can’t stand the fact that I care so deeply, so much so that I feel… depressed. No, depressed would be putting it mildly. I feel like running naked down my street and screaming my lungs out, anything to cover up the pain and confusion.
So dramatic McKenzie. Take it down a notch.
Breathe.
Relax.
Let it go…
&nbs
p; SCREW THIS! I can’t take it anymore. I get up from my bed and tip toe downstairs and out my side door.
I can’t believe I’m doing this.
I somehow come up with the genius idea to sneak into Cage’s apartment. It’s the only thing I can think of that will somehow soothe the insanity that’s brewing inside of me.
His Cadillac’s nowhere to be seen. I take one last look out at the street to make sure the coast is clear before I go inside.
All clear. I put our spare key into the lock and just as I’m about to turn the knob, I pause.
Really, McKenzie? Are you sure about this?
Then I remember the anguish that got me here in the first place, so I turn the knob and go into Cage’s unit.
I’m kind of taken by surprise at first glance. Things are noticeably neat, especially for a guy. And even more so for this type of guy. His bed is made, the kitchen area looks spotless, and the floor looks like nobody’s been on it since I cleaned it after our last tenant left. Kind of impressive actually.
I get hit by a wave of normalcy for a fleeting moment. What the hell am I doing here? I mean, I’ve heard of desperate but come on McKenzie, this is way beyond pathetic.
I shake the momentary sanity out of my head and continue on doing whatever it is I think I’m doing.
What am I doing again?
Still. No. Clue.
Panic sets in. What if his place is so damn clean because he took off, for good?
I sprint to his bureau and open one of the drawers.
Thank god, there’s a bunch of his shirts folded neatly. The fact that I’m this happy to see some guy’s t-shirts really doesn’t bode well for me.
Holy shit! I hear some rattling outside the unit.
Cage! My heart feels like it’s going to explode, it’s beating faster than I ever thought possible. I rush over to the window and peak through the blinds. I thought my life pretty much couldn’t get any worse these days but…
I breathe a huge sigh of relief once I see our mailman heading down
our walkway and back towards his truck. I head back towards the bureau to close the drawer, but somehow can’t seem to pull the trigger before… I grab one of Cage’s shirts and bring it close to my nose. I breathe in his scent, chills ripple down my back.