by J. R. Grant
Besides his grouchiness, Kade had pain just about everywhere throughout his body. For all he had gone through, Dr. Moore said it was to be expected. I just wish I could have taken some of it away.
The doctors and nurses gave Kade an hour to adjust after the first round of testing, however, Dr. Fiber has made us both aware that every hour on the hour, someone would be back in the room to check his vitals, to make sure he was okay. Kade wasn’t too happy about being picked and prodded at, but there’s nothing he could do. He has to be monitored closely considering the circumstances.
You would have thought Kade would’ve been thanking God and his lucky stars for waking up rather than being so damn hateful. But that’s just Kade- a typical asshole with nothing nice to say. I shouldn’t be all that surprised. I love my husband dearly, I do. But I’ve had time to piece our last couple of years together, and I’m really beginning to wonder if I know the man laying before me at all.
Chapter Thirteen
Lani
Kade made his way back into the world after being in a coma for nine and a half months. After two months of being awake, he was cleared and discharged from the University of Maryland Shock Trauma Center, and taken directly over to Salisbury Rehabilitation Center where he would spend the next eight to ten months learning how to walk again. Between his back, his leg, and his arm, Kade has a lot of healing to do. Thankfully, his collar bone healed nicely and wasn’t giving him any trouble.
It’s hard to believe a whole year as flown by.
At first, the boys were crushed when they found out their father wasn’t coming home right away. I loathed always being the bearer of bad news, but that’s what moms have to do right? I hated to see them upset like they had been. Those two boys deserve the world.
<> * <>
While Kade’s in rehabilitation, Justin, Zakrie and I are able to visit almost daily since he’s closer to home. Unfortunately, because of our work and school schedules, we are only able to make it out at nighttime except on the weekends. Mostly every Saturday and Sunday, the boys and I spend the day with my husband.
Kade’s progress seems to be moving slow, but I think that’s because my patience has grown entirely too thin. Not only did I want my husband home, I need him there. I miss him, the boys miss him, and since the accident, all of our lives have been nothing short of a ginormous mess.
Kade has grown to be very agitated and frustrated with life in general, taking it all out on me. I am used to his behavior since I have always been my husband’s backbone, but the way he has changed since the accident is really starting to take a toll on me. I am not used to being somebody’s verbal punching bag.
Kade’s been up, he’s been down, and he’s been all over the damn place. It is frustrating as hell to sit back and watch without really being able to do anything to help shift his moods.
Dr. Moore and Dr. Fiber have followed through with their word and have stayed on top of Kade’s progress, insuring me he will snap out of these major mood swings. But up until this very day, he’s done no such thing. In fact, my husband’s gotten far worse, but only when it came to me. He’s fine around the boys and the medical staff. He’s even fine around our family and friends. Nevertheless, for whatever reason, it seems as though my husband loathes me, and I can’t quite figure out why. I have spent a year of my life worrying, crying, begging, and pleading with God to bring back the man I promised forever to. And now that he’s here, I don’t know who he is anymore.
<> * <>
Physical therapy has been utterly painful. Kade hates being pushed and prodded, and told what to do by anyone, including me. He has always had that kind of attitude in life. However, this time, it is twenty times worse than anyone could ever imagine. Kade went from being a loving, caring husband to a complete asswipe in a matter of seconds.
Molly, Kade’s physical therapist, is experienced in handling these types of moods Kade’s been in, and she has been a godsend. The girl has put up with more shit from that man than I would have, that’s for sure. It’s highly annoying to sit back and watch the man I love belittle me and keep my mouth shut. I’m sick of it. Nevertheless, had he not been so hateful and mean, I would probably have never found out some truth behind my husband’s past that he liked to shout out loud when he wasn’t getting his way. I am totally appalled at the things he has said recently and I don’t know what to believe anymore.
Is he saying these things because he’s angry? Or is there more truth behind his verbal aggression toward me than I’ve yet to pick up on?
These are the questions I wonder every night I cry myself to sleep.
Where in the world did I go wrong?
The boys and I had gone to visit Kade one night at the Rehab Center. It was around seven by the time we arrived, which gave us only an hour visit since visiting hours are over at eight. But the boys refused to miss a night of seeing their dad. I can’t say I blame them. They’ve missed Kade more than anything, however lately, I loathe the man Kade has become and don’t really care too much to be around him anymore.
Justin insisted we stop by Walmart to pick up a few boxes of snack cakes for his father as well as a case of Coke. Kade couldn’t live without Coca Cola if he tried. He breathed for a can every morning for as long as I can recall.
Signing in, we make our way down the hall, to room six twelve, and stop outside the door. Zakrie was the first to notice the noise coming from his father’s room. Before we walked inside, he pulled on my arm and gave me a funny look.
“Momma, who’s in there with Daddy?” Zakrie asks confused.
Trying not to show any signs of worry, I lift my finger to my lips and whisper for him and Justin to be quiet. Moving in closer, I put my ear up to the door and hear a female’s voice inside talking. Kade makes friends everywhere he goes. He’s always been that way. But since his life has changed so much, and he’s been so short with me, it’s hard to picture anyone wanting to befriend him. I know I surely wouldn’t.
As I stand here trying to listen to what’s going on, I hear a girl’s voice cry, “Stop Kade. We can be together, don’t say that. Just be honest with her… Ugh…Why are some men such bitches when it comes to their wives?”
Taking that as my cue, I turned to face the boys. “You both stand right here for a minute. I’m gonna go in and see what’s going on with your dad. I’ll let you know when it’s time to come in,” I tell them. “Don’t move.”
Worry settles over their cute little faces, and I instantly feel bad for being sneaky. Nevertheless, the last thing I need is for my kids to walk in on their father with another woman, having some type of an affair or something. They would be hurt, and I’m trying to prevent any of that from happening. They’ve been through too much to add more fuel to the fire.
Leaning against the wall, Justin sets down the case of Coke he’s carrying, and Zakrie sets down the two bags of snack cakes. Putting up my finger, motioning to give me one minute, I turn the knob quietly, hoping I won’t see what I actually heard. My insides feel like they’re being tugged, and my heart feels like it’s going to beat out of my chest.
As soon as I walk through the door, Kade’s bed is directly in front of me. He’s laying down with the T.V. on, while Molly, is sitting down on the edge of the bed in front of him. Kade’s chin is tipped down to his chest, his emotions look to be all over the place. And Molly…she looks downright pissed, and yet neither one of them know I’m standing in here, facing them.
“Look at me, baby,” she says, pulling his chin up.
That’s when he sees me.
And if I had a camera, I’d make millions of dollars off of my husband’s facial expression. It’s virtuously priceless. Whatever I just walked in on, Kade has now panicked, turning all different shades of white.
Whipping her neck around, Molly’s jaw drops as soon as she sees me. Standing up quickly, she reaches for a chart beside Kade’s bed.
“I’ll be back in the morning, Mr. Foster. Take it easy.” Pulling away from his side, s
he rushes out of the door in a hurry without verbally acknowledging me.
“I wasn’t expecting you tonight. It’s late.”
My husband is caught in action and chooses to be cruel as his way of playing the conversation with Molly off like I’m some kind of idiot.
Well played, Kade…..Well played….
“Bullshit. We visit you every night at this time. What’s so different about tonight?” I’m freaking pissed. Is he serious right now? We’ve been coming here for ten months, at the same time Monday through Friday, and now all of the sudden it’s too late? What the hell ever.
“That’s not what I meant, baby. You know that.” He smiles as if I’m going to forget what just happened. “Come here.”
Reaching out his arms for me, I turn on my heels to get the boys, ignoring him, afraid a fight will break out with our children here.
Kade and I barely ever fought in front of our kids before, and now’s not the time to start. They’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster, just like the rest of us, and don’t deserve any of this. They’re kids for God’s sake.
Chapter Fourteen
Lani
“He’s up boys. You can come in now.”
Justin and Zakrie pull up their bags and case of soda, quickly making their way around me. They push over toward the side of Kade’s bed and hand him their surprise goodies.
“Wow. Thanks guys. I was just about to tell Mom I was running low.”
Of course he was. That is, after all, what I’m good for, right? Being his maid…
The boys both smile at their father and Justin leans in, giving him a hug. “We know Dad. That’s why we asked Momma to take us to Walmart. We didn’t want you to go without your favorite snacks.”
Nodding his head, Kade closes his eyes as if he’s about to cry. I call bullshit. Maybe I’m just a little too pissed to feel any kind of sympathy for him. I don’t know. But from what I can see, I think Kade’s realizing if I heard him with Molly, shit’s about to get real. And it is. I absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt, refuse to allow Kade to treat me like his punching bag. I know he’s suffering, and he’s been traumatized, but the rest of us have been too. His behavior is not fair.
The visit only lasted forty minutes thanks to Molly and her pleading with Kade to leave me.
As promised, like every other night, the boys tell Kade they’ll be back tomorrow to see him, until I remember our plans.
“We can’t come tomorrow boys, remember? I promised y’all a night of laser tag for doing good on your schoolwork these past couple of months.”
Justin plasters a smile across his face but when he turns back to look at Kade, his smile abruptly fades and sadness takes over my boy.
“We can go another time. I’d like to come back and visit with Dad if that’s okay.”
Looking back and forth between Justin and Zakrie, I’m surprised, even though I shouldn’t be. These boys love their father, yet I can’t say I blame them. Kade’s always been good to our boys and have kept them on a pedestal until recently. I just wish they’d allow me to have a break away from their grouchy father. Regardless, I don’t dare say how I’m feeling out loud. Kade’s been awful toward me, but I will not allow the boys to suffer. Out of everyone, they don’t deserve any of this shit. So, I’ll stand strong. It’s nothing new. I’m used to it now.
“Okay, we’ll come back if that’s what you both want to do. We’ll talk about it in the morning though. For now, give Daddy a kiss and let’s get on the road. I’ve got a busy morning of meetings ahead of me.”
My favorite little men tell their father goodbye and promise they’ll be back to see him tomorrow. Standing in the doorway, Kade calls out for me.
“Lani.” I stop and turn back to face him. “Can I have a word with you, please?”
Shaking my head, I reply, “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Kade. Goodnight,” and we leave the rehab center and head home.
The car ride was miserable. My mind raced a million miles per minute and of course I feared the worst. Is Kade having an affair behind my back?
I wasn’t used to living this way. Kade and I always had somewhat of a decent relationship, we’ve been together for years. But I know what I heard, and it wasn’t innocent by any means. Something is unquestionably going on between him and Molly, and regrettably, I don’t think there is anything I can do about it.
Molly is with my husband sometimes over twelve hours a day. She’s a beautiful blonde with an impeccable body. Not that my body’s bad or anything, nonetheless I don’t look as good as she does. I’ve had two kids along with a mountain of stretch marks clear across my stomach and thighs from being pregnant for God’s sake. There was no way for me to ever compete with her.
<> * <>
Things have gotten quieter after visiting with Kade, and Molly hasn’t been brought up again. To me it was pointless. I already feel like I lost everything I worked so hard for in life. I couldn’t handle any more shit right now if I tried.
On the positive side, Kade requested a new physical therapist. Even though I was happy about his decision, I could tell he only did it to stop me from worrying. I just want to know the truth about it all, so my mind will shut up.
I’ve never been a weak girl, I just dislike confrontation. And confrontation with Kade, as angry as he has been, scares the shit out of me. Right now, I’m at the point in my life where I feel like I’m on my way to losing all control. If I have to tolerate another hurtful circumstance by Kade, I don’t know what I’m going to do.
My boys need a strong mom, and I’m determined, no matter what went on, to be that for them. Good or bad, ugly or pretty, Justin and Zakrie don’t deserve being hurt in the midst of all of this turmoil.
<> * <>
In two weeks, Kade is finally being released from the rehab center and coming home. It is going to be a day to rejoice for all of our family. Since our relationship has been iffy lately, a part of me fears things will get worse with him coming home, and yet another part of me is extremely relieved. My biggest hope is that things go back to being normal, and Kade doesn’t treat me like a piece of meat when he returns.
Surprising my husband, the boys want to throw a party for their father’s arrival and invite everyone we know over to celebrate. Between my in-laws, parents, and all of our friends, we were able to make it happen with very little time to prepare.
With over fifty people in our home, I’m scared of what Kade’s reaction to our new house is going to be. However, I didn’t let that fear stop me from letting my boys have their special day. They deserve to celebrate their father’s return, and I was bound to make sure that it happened. I’d do just about anything for those two little love bugs. They are my complete world.
Ryder, my mom, and Katherine prepped all of the food while my dad, Erik, Owen, Cruz, and Parker arranged the house and cleaned up the backyard.
During the process of moving, my dad made a good point when he advised me to rent a rancher style home. With Kade’s broken leg, as well as his back, and with learning how to walk all over again, it would have only made sense for me to do so. Thankfully, we found a vacant home off of White Horse Park and were able to move in right away.
Day by day, my dad, Owen, and Parker came over, helping make our new home suitable for Kade’s return. They built a small side ramp for him to walk up instead of forcing a few steps upon him to make it to the front door. Dad also put up a fence to minimize taking Odie, our German shepherd, on walks and allow him to run and play outside along with the boys.
Inside the house, we got approval from our landlord and ripped out all of the carpet, installing hardwood floors throughout the living room, hallway, and kitchen. Each bedroom had new Pergo carpet put in. I was overjoyed to have found a four bedroom rancher, instead of a three bedroom. As soon as this specific home came up on the market, the exact same day, I put a contract in and walked out of the agent’s office with the keys.
The landlord, Mary Fertile, has been super sweet regarding my
entire situation. Right away she knew what we were going through with my husband and his recovery. Everyone knew really. Kade’s accident had been plastered all over the news and in the newspaper as well. Being in a small town, the media tends to get most of the stories aired right when they first happen.
Our landlord even insisted on cutting our rent almost in half until Kade was able to go back to work, helping me out tremendously with our finances. Finally, I was able to quit my part-time job at the restaurant and continue just working at the accounting firm with Parker.
I hadn’t really realized it all back then, but working two jobs, being a mom, and being a wife to an injured husband slowly but surely had pushed me toward a nervous breakdown. There’d been several times I should have been there already, but by the grace of God, He’d saved me.
While everyone stayed busy back at the house, I left to get my husband, praying every second of the way that his coming home after being in rehab for almost ten months would be great for our family. Nevertheless, something deep down in my gut begged me not to hold my breath. I don’t know what it was or how to explain it other than something didn’t feel right about my future with Kade. And the thought of our family being split up for good made me sick. Literally, nausea settled over me, making me want to go crawl into the nearest hole and never come back out.
Chapter Fifteen
Lani
Pulling up to the rehab center, I notice Kade sitting in a wheelchair out front with Devon behind him. Devon is the male physical therapist who Kade requested after Molly.
I truly believe my husband knew by my facial expression that night, in his room when Molly begged him to leave me, that I wasn’t playing. If anyone knows me well enough besides Parker, it would be Kade. But that still doesn’t make me feel any better. Just because we’ve both been quiet about what she said, something is definitely off. I just need to figure it out on my own and not cause a ruckus about it.