Therefore,donottakethesethingsIsaylightly,eventhoughItellyoumanytimesto
not believe a word I say. It sounds like a contradiction, but it isn't. You are not to believe anything I say, yet you are to reflect and ponder on the things I say at the sametime.Trytobecomealivingembodimentofthehighesttruth.
When I had my spiritual awakening, I was fourteen years old. This body was
sittinginaclassroomtakingamathtest.AndallofasuddenIfeltmyselfexpanding.
Ineverleftmybody,whichprovesthatthebodyneverexistedtobeginwith.Ifelt
thebodyexpanding,andabrilliantlightbegantocomeoutofmyheart.Ihappenedto
see this light in all directions. I had peripheral vision, and this light was really my Self.Itwasnotmybodyandthelight.Therewerenottwo.Therewasthislightthat
became brighter and brighter and brighter, the light of a thousand suns. I thought I wouldbeburnttoacrisp,butalas,Iwasn't.
But this brilliant light, which I was the center and also the circumference, expanded throughout the universe, and I was able to feel the planets, the stars, the galaxies,asmyself.Andthislightshonesobright,yetitwasbeautiful,itwasbliss,it wasineffable,indescribable.
Afterawhilethelightbegantofadeaway,andtherewasnodarkness.Therewas
justaplacebetweenlightanddarkness,theplacebeyondthelight.Youcancallitthe void,butitwasn'tjustavoid.ItwasthispureawarenessIalwaystalkabout.Iwas
awarethatIAMTHATIAM.Iwasawareofthewholeuniverseatthesametime.
Therewasnotime,therewasnospace,therewasjusttheIAM.
Then everything began to return to normal, so to speak. I was able to feel, and understand,thatalloftheplanets,thegalaxies,thepeople,thetrees,theflowerson this earth, everything, were myriads of energy, and I was in everything. I was the flower.Iwasthesky.Iwasthepeople.TheIwaseverything.EverythingwastheI.
Theword“I”encompassedthewholeuniverse.
Now,here'sthepointI'mtryingtomake:Ifeltalove,acompassion,ahumility,all
atthesametime.Thatwastrulyindescribable.Itwasn'talovethatyou'reawareof.
Thinkofsomethingthatyoureallylove,orsomeonethatyoureallylovewithallyour
heart.Multiplythisbyajillionmilliontrillion,andyou'llunderstandwhatI'mtalking about.Thisparticularloveislikenothingthateverexistedonthisearth,consciously.
There is nothing you can compare it with. It is beyond duality, beyond concepts, beyondwordsandthoughts.Andsincethe“I”whichIwas,wasallpervading,there
176
wasnootherplaceforanythingelsetobe.Therewasnoroomforanything,because therewasnospace,andnotime.TherewasjusttheIAM,everpresent,self-existent.
TheloveofeverythingwastheloveoftheSelf.Thisiswhy,inscripture,ittellsyou to love your brother, and your sister, to love everyone and everything under all circumstances.
Thislovecouldn'tdifferentiate.Itcouldn'tsay,“You'regood,soIloveyou.You're
bad, so I don't love you.” Everything was going on as myself. I realized I am the murderer, I am the saint, I am the so called evil on this earth, I am the so called goodness of this earth. Everything was the Self. And it was all a game. All of the energyparticleschangedfromonethingtoanotherthing.Buttheloveneverchanged.
Another word for this love was compassion. There was this fabulous, fantastic compassion. For everything! For everything was the Self, the I AM. There was no differentiation.Therewasnotme,whatyoucall“me,”andthosethings.Therewas
onlyoneexpression,andthatwasConsciousness.
Of course, I didn't understand all these words at that time. There were no words like I'm talking about now. I'm trying my best to speak intelligently and try to use wordstoexplainwhathappened,butyoucan't.Allthegamesthatpeopleareplaying,
onalltheplanets,throughouttheuniverse,isreallytheSelf.ItwasalltheSelf,andI realized that nothing else existed but the Self. Yet all of these things, the multiplicities of planets, of galaxies, of people, of animals, were really the Self.
Again,therearenowordstodescribethis.Ifeltandknewthatthesemultiplicitiesdo not exist. Things do not exist. Only the Self existed, only Consciousness, Pure Awareness.
Yet, at the same time, creation came into existence. And there's no creation. We cannotunderstandthisinhumanform.Aslongaswe'rethinkingwithourbrainsit's
incomprehensible. For how can they both be simultaneously creating each other?
There was creation going on, and yet there was no creation at all! There was no creation taking place, and creation was taking place. Sounds like the thoughts of a madman.Anditseemednormal.There'sabsolutelynothingstrangeaboutthisatall,
beingnothingandeverythingatthesametime.
So this great compassion was there. Since I was everything, the compassion was foreverything.Nothingwasexcluded,forthethingswerereallytheSelf.Andthen
there was this fantastic humility. The love, compassion, and humility are all synonymous.I'mtryingtobreakitdowntomakeyouunderstand,toanextent,what
wasgoingon.Thehumilitywastherenottochangeanything.Everythingwasright
justthewayitwas.Planetswereexploding,newplanetswerebeingborn.Sunswere
evaporating,newsunswerebeingborn.Fromthesunstheplanetscame,andthenlife
beganontheplanets.Allthiswastakingplaceinstantaneously,atthesametime.And
yetnothingwastakingplaceatall.
Thereforethehumilityisthateverythingwasalright.TherewasnothingIhadto
change.TherewasnothingIhadtocorrect.Thepeopledyingofcancerwereintheir
rightplace,andnobodydies,andthereisnocancer.Wars,man'sinhumanitytoman,
was all part of it! There cannot be a creation if there is not an opposite to good. In ordertohaveacreationtherehastobeopposites.Therehastobethebadguyandthe
goodguy.Iwasabletounderstandallthesethings.
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ThenextthingIrememberis,myteacherwasshakingme.Iwastheonlyoneleft in the class, everybody had gone, the bell rang, and I had not even started the mathematics test. Of course I got a great big zero. But those feelings and the understanding never left me. From that time on, my whole life changed. I was no longerinterestedinschool.IwasnolongerinterestedinthefriendsIhad.Iwon'tgo onanymorethanthatfornow,asfarasthat'sconcerned.
The point I'm trying to make is this: If the end result of realization is love, compassion,andhumility,whatifwewereabletodevelopthesequalitiesnow?Do
youseewhatI'mgettingat?Ifweareabletodevelopthislove,thisbeautifuljoyous
love,foreverything,withoutexception,withoutbeingjudgmental,andwehadagreat
compassion,foreverything,withoutbeingjudgmental,youcan'thaveacompassion
for one thing and not for another thing. Then, of course, there's humility. Humility means we don't have to try to straighten things out, to get even, to stick up for our rights.Forthereisnoonereallylefttodothat.Ifsomeofusweretoworkonthose
aspects,itwouldliftusupandmakeusfree.
This is something for you to think about. We have to learn to leave the world alone.Webecomesoinvolvedinpolitics,infamil
ylife,inwork,andtherestofthese thingswe'reinvolvedin,thatweforgetthatweonlyhavesomanyyearsleftonthis
earth in the body. And what are we doing with all of the time we have? We're spendingthetimeonthingsthatdonotreallyexist,thingsthatmakenosense.
ConfessionoftheJnani[KnowerofTruth]
byBhagavanSriRobert
FortheJnaniwhohasrealizedtheidentity
ofhisinnerbeing
withtheinfiniteBrahman,
thereisnorebirth,nomigrationandnoliberation.
Heisbeyondallthis.
HeisfirmlyestablishedinhisownAbsolute,
Existence-Knowledge-Blisstruenature.
Thefurtherexistenceofhisbodyandtheworld
appearstotheJnaniasanillusion,
whichhecannotremove,
butwhichnolongerdeceiveshim.
Afterthedeathofthisbody,asinlife,
heremainswhereandwhatheeternallyis,
thefirstprincipleofallbeingsandthings:
formless,nameless,unsoiled,timeless,dimensionless
andutterlyfree.
Deathcannottouchhim,cravingscannottorturehim,
sinsdonotstainhim;heisfreefromall
desireandsuffering.
HeseestheInfiniteSelfinall,andallintheInfiniteSelf,
whichishisBeing.
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TheJnaniconfesseshisexperiencethus:
Iaminfinite,imperishable,self-luminous,self-existent.
Iamwithoutbeginningorend.
Iambirthless,deathless,withoutchangeordecay.
Ipermeateandinterpenetrateallthings.
Inthemyriaduniversesofthoughtandcreation,
IALONEAM.
From SilenceoftheHeartbyRobertAdams.
AUTHORS'NOTE:TheworkofRobertAdamsisbeingcarriedonaccordingtohiswishesby TheInfinity Institute,2370WestHighway89A,Box11-182,Sedona,Arizona86336.
179
TWENTY-SIX
BERNADETTEROBERTS
1931-PRESENT,UNITEDSTATES
THE CHILD of a devout Catholic family, Bernadette Roberts had her first
contemplativeexperiencesatanearlyage.Itwasatfifteenthattheexperiencesbegan
tofitintoaframeofreferencewithinherChristiantradition.Tenyearsofseclusionin amonasteryfollowed,duringwhichBernadetterealizedanabidingstateofoneness
withGod.AccordingtotheChristianmysticaltradition,thisegoless,unitivestateis
asfarasonecanprogressinthislife—theultimatestate,ofcourse,beingtheglorious estateofheaven.
Afterleavingthemonastery,Bernadette'scontemplativelifecontinuedwithmany
yearsofteachingaswellasraisingfourchildren.Attheageofforty-seven,shewas
surprised to encounter the possibility of not only an abiding loss of all self-consciousness, but equally a loss of God-consciousness. In the unitive state,
consciousness of God and self make up a kind of “we-consciousness.” Thus to be without self-awareness is also to be without awareness of God. In short, no-self impliestheabsenceoftheunitivestate.
Inherfirstbook, TheExperienceofNo-Self,Bernadettedescribesthisfallingaway ofselfandthetwoyearsimmediatelyfollowing.SheaffirmsthatonlyGodcantake
away self, the requirement being perfect trust in God such that the slightest movement of fear will make it impossible. She is refreshingly willing to admit her ownpuzzlementandinitialfearattheprospectoflosingself—havingnoideaofhow
herlifewouldsubsequentlyunfold.
The burning question for Bernadette, following the no-self event, was, “What is the true nature of this that remains?” Although she searched for the answer in the Christian, Buddhist, and Hindu literature, her quest was not satisfied. This was a journeyBernadettehadtomakealone.TheanswerscouldberevealedbyGodalone.
Bernadette describes her experiences as a process of “acclimating” to a new
dimensionofexistence,whichtookafulltenyears.Itcouldnotbeaptlydescribedas
a “transforming” process because there was no such being as the self left to be transformed. Looking back over the entire journey, Bernadette learned that, after manyyearsoflivingoutthe“egoless,unitivecondition,”thisstatecomestoanend.
Her three books affirm the culmination in the falling away of all self. WhatIsSelf, Bernadette's third book, explores the true nature of the self, its gradual
transformation,anditsfinaltranscendence.
Suchajourney,explainsBernadette,isnotforthefaintofheartorthoseseeking
only love and bliss. This is a path for the hardy who possess unshakeable trust in
“thatwhichliesbeyondtheknown,beyondtheself,beyondunion,andevenbeyond
love and trust itself.” Bernadette invites us to fix our “uninterrupted gaze upon the 180
Unknown”andtofalloutsideofourselvespermanentlyaswe“journeyintothesilent and still regions of the Unknown.” For this journey is not for Bernadette alone.
Soonerorlater,sheassures,eachoneofuswilldoso,too.
TheselectionisfromBernadetteRobert'sfirstbook, TheExperienceofNo-Self.
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THEJOURNEYTONO-SELF
CompendiumoftheJourney
I
THE MOMENT was unheralded, unrecognized, and unknown; it was the moment “I”
entered a great silence and never returned. Beyond the threshold of the known, the door upon self was closed, but the door upon the Unknown was opened in a fixed gazethatcouldnotlookaway.Impossibletoseetheself,toremembertheself,orto
beself-conscious,themindwasrestrictedtothepresentmoment.Themoreittriedto
reflectbackonitself,themoreoverpoweringthesilence.
II
BysteadilygazingoutwardupontheUnknown,thesilenceabatedandtheemptiness
ofselfbecameajoy.Butthesearchforthestill-point—Godwithin—revealednotone
emptiness, but two, for when there is no self, there is no Other; without a personal self there is no personal God—without a subject, there is no object. The still-point hadvanished,andwithitsdisappearanceittookeverysenseoflifetheselfpossessed
—aselfwhichcouldnolongerbefelttoexist.Whatremainedwasnotknown.There
wasnolife,nowill,noenergy,nofeelings,noexperiences,nowithin,nospiritualor psychiclife.Yet,lifewassomewherebecauseallwasasusual.
III
Though it could not be localized or found within any object of sight or mind, somewhereout-of-doors,lifewasflowingpeacefully,assuredly.Onabluffabovethe
sea,itrevealeditself:lifeisnotinanything;rather,allthingsareinlife.Themanyare immersed in the One, even that which remains when there is no self, this too, is absorbed in the One. No longer a distance between self and the other, all is now knownintheimmediacyofthisidentity.ParticularsdissolveintotheOne;individual
objects give way to reveal that which is the same throughout all variety and multiplicity.Toseethisnewdimensionoflifeisthegiftofamazingglassesthrough
whichGodmaybeseeneverywhere.Truly,Godisallthatexists—all,ofcourse,but
theself.
IV
ButwhatseesthisOnenessandknowsthatitsees?Theeyethatlooksisnotwithin,it
is not of mind or body, it is not of the self. Unknown and outside—at fir
st like glasses,thenlater,abovethehead—theeyewasknowntoexist,butitcouldneither
beseennorlookedat.ItdidnotdissolveintoOneness—theseerandseenwerenot
identical.Butagreatermysterystill:whatremainedintheabsenceofself?Whatis
thisthatwalks,thinks,andtalks?WhatisthisthatisawareoftheeyeuponOneness?
Amongthem—no-self,theeye,theOneness—noidentitycouldbefound.
V
At one time, the Oneness grew to an overpowering intensity, as if drawing itself togetherfromallparts,drawinginwardandobliteratingallthatexisted,includingthe eye that saw it and that which remained. At the threshold of extinction, the eye 182
flickered and grew dim; instantly, that which remained, turned away. To bear the vision, to enter in, the light of the eye must not go out. Somehow it must become stronger,butwhatkindofstrengthisthisandhowcoulditbeacquired?Therewas
somethingstilltobedone,butwhat?No-selfishelpless;ithasnostrength;itisnot thelightoftheeyenortheeyeitself.
VI
NinemonthspassedbeforetheeyeuponOnenessbecametheeyeuponnothingness.
Withoutwarningorreason,allparticularsdissolvedintoemptiness.Atonepoint,the
mind came upon the hideous void of life, the insidious nothingness of death and decay strangling life from every object of sight. Only self can escape such a vision because only self knows fear, and only fear can generate the weapons of defense.
Without a self, the only escape is no escape; the void must be faced—come what may.Onthehillside,theepitomeofallthatisdreadfulandinsanewasconfronted—
butwho,orwhatbeheldthisterror?Andwhoorwhatcouldendureit?Intheabsence
of self, all that remained was an immovable stillness, an unbreakable, unfeeling silence. Would it move—crack open? Or would it hold? This could not be known, surmised,orevenhopedfor.Whatwouldbe,wouldbe.
VII
Thestillnessheldfastbecausenothingnessandemptinesscannotknowfearordread.
Yetthewildfloweryielded,gaveway,expandedinfinitely,torevealagreatintensity
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