She opened her mouth to protest, then stopped. Her mother was right. If she tried to explain, to appeal to him, she would know once and for all if there was a shred of hope. If she failed, it would be absolute. She hadn’t realized how much she was holding out against the longing that if she would just ignore it, it might fade away. He might forgive her all on his own. Her treachery would evaporate, almost as if it never had been.
She was a coward, it was true enough. She simply couldn’t face the thought of losing him.
“He’ll never forgive me,” she said flatly.
Audrae’s face drew into stern lines. “He is entitled to be angry. And he is entitled to an apology.”
“I’ve said I was sorry.”
“More than that. A full explanation. Darling, you must tell him everything that is in your heart, you must tear open those secret places you’ve never allowed anyone to touch and you must show it to him. Appeal to him, beg him if you have to. It’s a great risk, I know, for if he spurns you then, you will be truly devastated. But you must do it, Cara. You must fight.”
“I don’t know if I can.”
Audrae sat back down, leaning back against the plush upholstery. “Did your father hurt you that badly that you cannot show your heart to the man you love?”
Caroline’s head came up. Audrae said, “No, I don’t know your secret. Only that you have one. I see the closed look that comes into your face each time we speak of him, and I know it goes beyond what he did to destroy our family. Whatever he did, Louis was a sick, depraved man. You mustn’t let him pollute your life, Cara. We cannot help the things that happen to us, or where we come from, but we can make choices. To hide, or to face it and get it behind us. Once and for all.”
Recovering from the shock, Caroline offered, “I did tell Magnus I loved him.”
“And what did he say?”
“He said nothing. He left.”
“Then you didn’t tell him enough.”
“Mother, I think he’s planning to divorce me. He’s been having all these secret meetings. What if he’s drawing up the papers?”
“Divorce you? Are you forgetting that you carry his child? And forgive my crudity, but what need does he have for such a distasteful process as that when he will be leaving you a widow before too long?”
She was right. Caroline’s fears had taken hold of her, defying reason to taunt her with her worst imaginings. “It’s too confusing. I don’t know what to make of it.”
“Then let’s give it some time to settle in our brains, shall we? Come. We’ll visit James and you can meet Roger. Your brother gave me strict orders not to tarry and to bring you posthaste after you had gotten the news about Roger.”
Caroline tried a smile. “So he’s turning into a little tyrant, is he?”
Audrae laughed. “Yes. It’s wonderful.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
On the way to the hotel, Caroline’s mother settled back in the hired cabriolet and told her daughter about Roger.
He was forty-nine, only a year older than Audrae herself. He lived in Herefordshire, in a small but prosperous manor house which had been in his mother’s family for generations. He was a third son, and the manor was his only inheritance. He worked at it diligently and had turned it into a profitable enterprise. Devoted to his mother, he had visited Switzerland where she had gone to recuperate from chronic lung ailment, and he and Audrae had met while she had tended the woman, who was, incidentally, quite pleased with the union.
“So, is he handsome?” Caroline teased.
“Caroline!” Audrae admonished, blushing. “Actually, yes, he is. Very.”
“He had better be every bit as wonderful as you say,” Caroline cautioned, “because I shall not approve of him if he is less than you deserve.”
Roger did not disappoint her. He was a quiet man, achingly sincere, and, from all visible signs, absolutely devoted to Audrae. Caroline felt a lump in her throat as she watched them together, the brush of his hand against her mother’s as he took her cloak, the looks they exchanged and the soft smiles they had for one another.
Yes, she remembered what it was like to have that.
Roger was indeed good-looking. Tall and rangy, he had a pleasant face and an unruly cap of straight sand-colored hair. It made him look boyish and bookish at the same time, but it was an attractive effect.
Caroline was exceedingly interested in him, but could not spare him much of her attention for only moments after their introduction, James came bounding out of a back room, yelling, “Cara! Cara! Cara!”
There he was, bright and exuberant like…like an ordinary seven-year-old. Her heart surged into her throat, lodging painfully as she swept him into her arms.
“James, you are extraordinary!” she cried, smiling while she fought back tears. A little boy would never understand weeping at a joyful time like this.
“I am, Cara. Wait until you see what I can do! I can run.
“Perhaps later,” Audrae said gently. Caroline looked up to see her mother standing by Roger. His hand rested on her waist. Quite improper, yet it looked right.
“Not too much at once, remember?” Roger added.
“Oh, all right” James agreed. He seemed a bit deflated, but it lasted but a moment. Brightening, he said, “I know you are going to have a baby.”
The breach of etiquette in front of Roger should have been awkward, but surprisingly it wasn’t.
Caroline nodded. “I shall make you an uncle before long.”
“Oh, I hope it’s a boy. I shall teach him how to sail a toy boat and how to line up soldiers like the battle of Waterloo.”
“Splendid. Skills any child needs to know. If she’s a girl, what shall you do?”
His little face frowned as he thought on that one. “I suppose I could read to her. And tell her stories, but no scary ones.”
“Agreed. It wouldn’t do to give her nightmares. The same is true if it’s a boy. Boys can have nightmares, too.”
“But boys are brave,” he informed her, boasting further, “I’m brave.”
Caroline held his face in her hands. “Yes, you are the bravest boy that ever was.”
They laughed and chatted until it was almost the dinner hour. Caroline had no idea whether Magnus planned to take his meal with her this evening, so she reluctantly announced she had to leave. Roger went to hire her a hansom.
“So,” Audrae whispered as soon as he was out of the room, “what do you think?”
“I think he’s grand, Mother. I can see he makes you very happy. James, too. He seems quite fond of him.”
Audrae was obviously glad to get her daughter’s approval. “We were thinking of getting married while we are in London. So you could attend.”
It was very quick, Caroline thought, though she didn’t say so. “That’s kind of you to think of me. Of course I wish to be there.”
“Roger is going to apply for the license, so we won’t have to go through having the banns read.”
Just how Magnus arranged our wedding.
“Wonderful, Mother. I am very happy for you. And James. It’s a miracle, isn’t it?”
“Yes, darling. It surely is.”
Caroline remembered her talk with Mrs. Bronson about miracles. She had never thought to get one. Now, she needed two.
As if knowing where her thoughts had turned, her mother said, “Remember what we talked about. Think on it, Cara. You must do something. You owe it to the earl.”
Caroline grinned, despite herself. “Magnus.”
Her mother grimaced. “Oh, yes, I did forget. And tell him that I thank him for his generous offer to stay at Eddington House, but we are quite comfortable here and Roger has a suite on another floor, so he is close by. With things being what they are, I think you two should have your privacy.”
“Won’t you reconsider, Mother? I’ve missed you. I’d love to have you at the house.”
Audrae gave her one of her no-nonsense looks. “You will see plenty of us. But you have
something to do which requires your immediate attention. I suggest you get to it.”
It was amazing how her mother could make Caroline feel like a child of approximately eleven years of age, even though she was twenty-two, married and about to have a child of her own. “Yes, Mother,” she said dutifully, smiling.
Audrae smiled, too. “Now go. We shall send a messenger tomorrow to see if you should like to visit”
It was hard to know the precise reason for her reluctance to leave her mother and James. She had missed them, of course. Yet it was more a matter of dread. She must face Magnus as her mother had urged her to do, with all of her heart laid out for him to see. When Roger returned saying he had hired a carriage for her, she hugged her mother and brother tightly, fighting the urge to linger.
When she arrived home, Magnus was in the library. After waiting in the parlor for a while, she went up to bed alone, relieved and disappointed at the same time that tonight was not to be the night of confrontation.
He was already gone when she arose the following morning. This left her free to spend the day with her family. She met them at their hotel restaurant for luncheon, then accompanied them as Audrae took Roger on a tour of London. They purchased admission to the Royal Academy of Arts and strolled among the treasures. James did an excellent job keeping up with them, though he began to tire around teatime. Caroline left them off at their lodgings and went home, hating to part company. Her mother had not been pleased when she had told her that she had not had time to approach Magnus. Thus it was with a meaningful look that she bade her daughter goodbye.
There was a message waiting for her from Magnus, informing her he had invited Audrae and James to dinner the following evening. He had already informed cook and sent a request to the hotel.
Surprised by his thoughtfulness, Caroline was heartened. It showed, at least, that he had thought of her. Then she paused. He still never conversed with her, or spent any amount of time in her company. Since they had arrived in London, no—since he had found out what she had done—he could scarcely abide to be in her presence for long. He was kind, civil, congenial, but he was not loving. Not anymore.
He must have simply accepted the relationship on the basis of the original agreement, Caroline decided. Purely business. Money and a child. It merely meant that it ended up precisely as it had been intended. And perhaps all the rest of it—the passion, the companionship, the wondrous feelings in each other’s presence—didn’t mean all that much to him after all.
The arrangements for the dinner party required only one thing from Caroline, and that was to inform cook that the number of guests should be increased to five, to include Roger. When the minor adjustment was made, Caroline gave the rest of the planning over to the staff of welltrained servants. Eddington House was used to running without benefit of a mistress.
Magnus did not return home until after dinner. Caroline, having spent the evening reading in the yellow parlor, heard him come in the front door and go directly to the library. Drawing a deep breath and squaring her shoulders, she put down her book and went to the library door. She knocked.
There was a short pause before Magnus unlocked and opened the door.
“Caroline.” His inflection was flat, with neither any note of welcome nor undercurrent of irritation.
“Magnus, I wished to speak to you. May I come in?”
He looked behind him, paused, then shook his head. “I am in the middle of something right now. Is it urgent?”
Coward that she was, she readily answered that no, it was not urgent. She remembered to thank him for inviting her family to dine, then retreated. Halfway up the stairs, she heard the door close behind her and the lock turn.
Magnus wanted to go home to Hawking Park. As he stood at the window, staring out at Hyde Park, he longed for the more pastoral vistas of home. Carriages sped by, folks strolled along and a pair of boys dodged in and out of traffic, shouting and laughing. None of it penetrated his brain. He was lost in thoughts of what he must do.
He wanted his garden, the physical labor, to help exorcise his demons. But he had to stay in London a little while longer. His tormentor had to be dealt with.
David came in. “You wanted to see me?”
“Close the door.” He turned away from the window.
“Ah, if you are staring out of windows, it means you are troubled. What is it? Have you gotten this dreadful business done with regarding Caroline?”
“No,” Magnus said, taking his seat behind his desk. “It is not Caroline.”
“Hmm. Cannon got you down? I hear he has been shooting his mouth off all over London. As the Americans say, he is ‘gunning’ for you.”
Leaning back, Magnus laced his fingers in front of his chin, elbows on the armrests, and leveled a penetrating look at his brother. “Cannon doesn’t bother me. What is of concern is right here in my own family. In fact, David, it is you.”
“Me?” David attempted a laugh and dug his hands into his pockets. Magnus just looked at him. David said, “What is it, what have you heard? Has someone been spreading rumors about me?”
“No rumors. Simply a question. It is a rather large question, rather important to me, thus my distress. I hope you shall endeavor to answer it honestly.”
Magnus could see the sheen of sweat appear on his brother’s brow. David nodded.
“Why did you need money so badly that you would poison me?”
David looked no less terrified than if Magnus had pulled a pistol and placed the barrel against the younger man’s forehead. He paled. Magnus could see his Adam’s apple glide up and down as he swallowed hard. Then he gave one quick laugh. “Magnus, what is this? A joke?”
Magnus didn’t answer. He watched David’s eyes dart around the room, searching, it seemed, for aid from some quarter.
“Poison you? What the devil are you talking about?”
“Digitalis.”
“What? I’ve never heard of the stuff.”
“A doctor in Whitehall said he gave you digitalis. It seems it is you, not me, who suffers from the same heart ailments as Father.”
“What doctor? He is lying.” He darted a look to the door.
Magnus didn’t move a muscle. “Then there are the books. I’ve been going over them thoroughly. During the periods of your stewardship, there are large amounts of money missing. Cleverly concealed, but close investigation has shown them to have been appropriated.”
“You know I have no head for business,” David protested.
“Mr. Green’s fees are surprisingly smaller than I was led to believe. When you were in charge of contacting him, he was much more expensive than when I dealt directly with him. Could it be you took a little bit for yourself?”
“Fees are based on the services provided, Magnus, not on who one is.”
“What about the Waterford bowl? And Mother’s Chinese vase? Both are missing.”
“You told me Caroline stole them.”
“Caroline did not. She admits to the other items, but not those two. It seems we have had two thieves at Hawking Park.”
“I don’t see why you are accusing me!”
“Because I know, David. I know about the vase and the bowl, about Green and the digitalis and the embezzling you’ve been doing. I know I’m not dying. By the way, you have not reacted at all to the news. An odd reaction from so devoted a brother. Could it be you knew already?”
“I.” David paused, visibly weighing his options. His round eyes locked with Magnus’ for a moment before he hung his head, muttering, “I would have never harmed you. It was just to make you sick for a while until I could pay off my debts.”
Magnus forced himself to remain calm, but the intensity inside him was climbing. “Debts?”
“Haven’t your wonderful sources told you about my debts? I’m in for over seventy thousand pounds.”
“No, you aren’t. Your debts are substantial, but not that great.”
David gave a harsh laugh. “You want to know all of it?
So you shall. The debts you know about aren’t a tenth of what I owe. There is no way to estimate what I have already paid out just to keep the blasted creditors off my back. And keep me alive. I’ve fallen in with some unsavory fellows, Magnus. I suffered some losses at the gaming tables, and I had to make payment or else lose face. I went to a moneylender and borrowed the money to pay it off.”
“You went to a moneylender, but not to me?”
“I didn’t know it was going to turn out like this. It was only fifty pounds I needed. When I couldn’t pay him, the amount I owed went up. It kept going up.”
“It’s called interest.”
“It’s called extortion. Before long, the fifty pounds had turned into two hundred, and I couldn’t pay it. I kept gaming, hoping for a win. I don’t seem to have your luck at the tables.”
Magnus was confused. “What moneylender compounds interest that quickly?”
David looked away, washed in shame. “He was from Mecklenburgh Street.”
“Mecklenburgh Street!” Magnus placed his palms on the desk and came up out of his chair. “Mecklenburgh Street!” he roared again. “My God, what were you thinking?”
“I didn’t think, that’s just the problem. I didn’t want you to know, I couldn’t bear that. You are a daunting enough fellow to try to live up to, what with your legendary prowess with women and your great skill at the tables and in business. The Midas touch in all things. How could I come to you a failure?”
Magnus almost growled. “Don’t try to lay this at my feet”
“Oh, no, it could not possibly be your fault.” David’s face altered, his cultured veneer replaced by an ugly sneer. “Nothing you do is ever wrong. Mother adored you. ‘My little poet.’ And Father pined for the day you would come to your senses.”
“Father despised me, and Mother never favored one of us over the other.”
“Father could have come to me. I was not the one in London wasting my life, I was at home, being the dutiful son. He never once considered it.”
Magnus came around the desk. “So you wish to punish me for that?”
A Rose at Midnight Page 23