by Michelle Lee
We make it over to our booth. I laugh to myself thinking how incredibly stupid it is to be so excited about calling a booth in a diner “ours”. Shaking my head I sit down and smile when I realize she ordered me a coffee, just how I like it, black, and two sugars. Holding the cup to give my hands something, to do besides grabbing onto her, I look up into her green eyes and ask “Alright, Char, what is going on?”
She says, “You’ve been really busy with Steph and I didn’t want to be a pain in the ass, so I’ve been trying not to call all the time. Tonight, I had to.”
She looks ashamed. I hate that look. I want to make it go away, but I have to be careful here because she is a pain in the ass. Everytime I give her something she wants more. She doesn’t do it purposely; she just has no one else she can trust. I try not to but I usually give in anyway, hence the fight between Steph and me earlier. We need boundaries. I just keep forgetting what they are.
“You are a pain, now tell me.” I am starting to get angry, at her for keeping whatever it is from me, and myself for making her feel like a burden.
She looks up with unshed tears glistening at the edge of her beautiful green eyes. I realize that she isn’t sad, she is terrified.
“I saw him tonight. He came into my work when I was leaving. He put his hands on me. I could smell the aftershave he always wears. Then, he chased me down the alley two blocks away. The guard at my office must’ve called the cops because while I was hiding, they showed up and chased him away.”
This comes out in a rush of consequential words, and emotionally charged sentences. It’s hurried and when she breathlessly finishes, I know there is more.
My breathing is labored; my head hurts from my barely suppressed rage. My whole body shakes with it. I calm myself because I don’t want to take it out on her. When I look up at her, her head is down, eyes are closed, and she is biting her trembling lip.
Reaching for her hand I hold it for a minute before I speak. “What did the cops say?”
Without looking up, “I don’t know, I left before they came back for me.”
I can’t believe what she has just said. “You left? Without talking to them? They have no idea what that fucker did to you.” I am yelling at her now. How could she be so stupid?
“We are going to the station, let’s go!” I start to get up and realize she hasn’t moved.
“I am not going there. I am not retelling that horrific story, again. They have it on record.” Great, now she’s angry. There is no convincing her once she’s mad.
Rubbing my hand over my rough face, trying to calm myself, I say, “They don’t know what is going on, they don’t even know you were the one in the alley. You left. How can they help you, if they don’t know who was there?”
“Fine, I will go in the morning, now sit down and have coffee with me, please. I just need something normal right now. Unless Steph needs you home?” She looks up; the fear is there in her eyes, as usual I can’t deny her.
I sit down, “No, she won’t miss me; she was sleeping anyway, when I left.” I lie to her. It’s not a big one, but I know if she knows about our fight, she’ll want me to leave. I don’t want to leave. In learning of the events that have just taken place, I don’t know if I will ever want to leave her again.
After we have coffee I drive her to her apartment, walk her to the door, and go inside to make sure she is alone. Everything is fine, so I tell her to lock the door before I leave. Standing in the hallway I wait to hear the locks click and the dead bolt slide home, and then I turn and walk back to my car to wait for her to fall asleep.
CHAPTER 5
Home sweet home. Yeah, right. I don’t like that I feel unsafe in my apartment. It’s not much, but it’s mine. Michael always told me I would never make it without him. I always believed him. I look around my one bedroom apartment. I really love it. It is small but you don’t feel claustrophobic. The living, dining, and kitchen all flow into each other. My bedroom and bathroom are the only separate spaces. Everything is painted the same warm, tan color. The living room has a beautiful red/brown brick wall with fireplace. Right now it is housing my TV and CD player. The kitchen has all new stainless appliances. Love that.
I shuffle over to my overstuffed, chocolate brown, corduroy, sofa, and plop my tired ass down with the intention of not moving for the rest of the night. Sitting here alone, looking at my tan walls and brick fireplace, I feel the events of the evening running around and around inside my head.
**********
It’s 6 o’clock in the afternoon. This is when I send out e-mail reminders for meetings tomorrow. I empty coffee pots of old coffee and prepare it with clean water and fresh grounds for the morning. Empty the break room of any trash and wipe the counter down. It’s not my job but I like to stay busy. Finally, I knock and peek my head in on Mrs. Smith and see if there are any last minute requests.
“Hey Mrs. Smith, Do you need anything? I’m headed out for the night?”
“No, Charlie, I’m good. Thanks” She has such a warm smile. I remember my mom smiling like that when I was younger. My mom died when I was with Michael. He thought it would be too hard for me to see her in a coffin, so he went for me and gave my condolences, saying I was too bereft to attend. Having no siblings, and my father died of pancreatic cancer when I was 2, Michael took care of everything.
“Alright then, I’m going home, I will see you Monday.” Waving and smiling my way out the door, I called behind me as the door closes, “Have a great weekend!”
“You to dear.” I can hear the smile behind her words. She knows how anxious I am to go home for the weekend.
As I ride the elevator down the 4 floors to the lobby I feel a lightness that I haven’t felt for awhile. I started getting random flower deliveries for the last month and a half; one, a week. I thought it was weird considering no one has shown interest in me that way and thankfully Michael hasn’t been seen or heard of since the restraining order 3 years ago.
It was actually kind of thrilling to have a secret admirer. I never had one before. Not that I’m unattractive. I’m cute enough. My naturally curly hair is dark brown, it used to be blonde. Ugh, I wish someone would have told me how washed out I look as a blonde. I added some red highlights to it recently and I like it, a lot. My eyes are probably my best feature. They are green. A light green, with dark green ring around the outside edge, and yellow center, not gold, yellow. Their like cats eyes. That’s what my mom always said. I like my dark hair with the light eyes. My skin is pasty right now, but my olive skin tone will be golden in a couple of weeks when the summer sun shines at its brightest.
My nose is a little wide, but I wouldn’t consider it a deal breaker. I have a generous mouth, with full lips and a big, devilish, straight smile. I was fortunate enough to never need braces, although I have couple of crooked teeth on the bottom I think they add to my charm. Nobody should want too much perfection.
I have always been a little self conscious of my height, at 5’9”; I’m tall for a girl. In high school I had a hard time with boys because I was taller than most of them. Until our senior year, it seems boys are late bloomers but when they bloom they BLOOM. Well, except Brody, I think he grew all at once in 8th grade.
I remember how awkward he was walking in to class his first day. He looked like a man in a sea of boys. I think from that day we were inseparable. When we entered high school he grew a little bit over the years finally finishing at 6’4.5”. He makes me feel small. At 133, I weigh in on the lighter side of the scale. I am lean, not skinny. I think its nervous energy. I am always on the move, unless I’m sleeping.
As I exit the elevator, I wave to George are security guard. He calls me over, and I see he has a flower delivery for me.
“It just arrived. You almost missed it.” He oozes enthusiasm.
“Oh, I didn’t think I was getting one this week.” I take the small bouquet of yellow roses, which happen to be my favorite, and head out the door.
It’s darker than normal
for this time of night. The rain has been a constant companion this week. I am dreaming of the warm sun beating down from the sky and warming me from the inside out, when someone brushes up against me very softly. I jump and my heart races. Why am I scared, no terrified? My body is reacting to an unseen threat, I trust my body, so I pick up the pace but I don’t want to alert whoever is following me so closely. I can smell their cologne. That’s when it hits me, oh my god, that smell. I’m gagging. The sweat is starting to pour down my back. I can’t tell how close or far he is because the rain is distorting all the sounds around me.
The crowd has thinned out I know up ahead is an alley; I can run there and hide. Just as the thought enters my head, I am thrown into the wall of the building next to me. The flowers fall forgotten from my hand.
My worst nightmare is coming true right before my eyes. His dark blonde hair is now more of a light brown, but his evil golden eyes are the same; soulless, empty, without compassion. I feel his erratic breathing against my face. I turn my head so I don’t have to look into his eyes and see my impending demise. The last time he was this close to me I almost didn’t make it. I can’t think. I know I’m supposed to do something.
“Hello, my beautiful, Charlie.” He whispers in my ear rubbing his cheek against mine. “Oh, how I’ve missed you. Have you liked the flowers I sent? I tried to send them on different days to make it more intriguing.”
Watching my face fall and the hurt enter my eyes he laughs. Laughs as only a sociopath can laugh. “Did you think you had an admirer? Silly girl, you know no one but I will ever love you. You’re too broken for anyone else.” Again with the laughing. “I made sure of that.”
At that moment something in me came alive, unfrozen. I screamed in his face, “YOU WILL NEVER HAVE ME AGAIN!!” I reached up raking my nails down his face, grab his shoulders for balance and ram my knee into his crotch as hard as I can. Pushing away from the wall I turn and run towards the alley. His screaming was the fuel that kept me moving. I ducked behind a dumpster; all I could hear was his enraged breathing. His screams stopped, I couldn’t tell how far away he was. All I could do was sit still and listen to the echoing footfalls coming toward me.
**********
I woke up to the pounding at my door. I still felt the sweat clinging to my clothes, the disguising smell of the dumpster coating the back of my nose and throat. Laying there for a second longer trying to get my head back in the present, I look over at the clock, its 8 am, and time to get up and face the day.
“Alright, alright I’m coming.” Still in my clothes from the day before, I shuffle to the door, click the locks, and peer out trough the chain. “You have better have brought me coffee.” I sneer at the beautifully handsome face grinning at me. The look in his eye makes me melt into a puddle on the floor, despite wanting to be irritated.
“Good morning to you, too, princess.” He says knowing I hate the nick name.
“Say that again and I won’t let you in.”
“Oh, come on, I brought you a raspberry danish” he sings it. “And coffee, just the way you like it.”
“Alright,” closing the door, sliding the chain back, I open the door all the way to allow him to come in. “come on, get in here.”
“Did you sleep in your clothes, or are you crabby because you didn’t sleep?”
“I passed out on the couch last night. My eyes closed but I don’t know if I would call what happened, sleep.”
“Well, go get cleaned up, you smell.” He laughs and winks at me. “I’ll warm your danish while you’re showering.”
“My hero.” I mock, leaving the room to take care of my girly functions.
Before I turn to leave my little eat in kitchen, with warm walls and stainless steel appliances, I watch him make himself at home, like he belongs there. I wish, is my last thought as I leave the room.
CHAPTER 6
I woke up around 6am stiff and sore from sleeping in my truck. Steph is going to be pissed. I start the engine, confident everything here will be fine since it was quiet all night, and drive home.
When I get there she is gone. Her suitcase and some of her things are missing as well. I was expecting something like this to happen. Still it feels lonely here now. I like having a feminine presence fill the empty space. I try to call her cell phone, it goes to voicemail. I leave a message saying how sorry I am, and I will call later. Then, I go take a shower, shave, and dress for the day.
I only feel marginally better after the shower. My head is still trying to put together a plan to get Charlie to go to the cops and tell them what happened yesterday. I think I will just try to bribe her. Bribe her with danish.
I stop at the bakery and grab some danishes and coffee. I know the way to Charlie’s heart is through a raspberry danish. I grab my bag and get back into my truck and drive toward Charlie’s house. When I get there I look around to make sure everything is as I left it. It looks fine. I climb the stairs to the third floor and stop in front of her door. Just as I am about to knock I hear her cry out. I knock as loud as I can. “Char, open up!” I pound on the door again with increased urgency.
“I’m coming.”
OH, good. She must have been having a nightmare. Not that I want her to have nightmares, but it’s better than the scenario running through my head. I was a few seconds from breaking down her door.
The door opens enough to see the security chain still in place. She looks tired and is still in the same clothes as yesterday. Her curly hair is a mess of wild frizzy pieces. I love it.
“You better have brought me coffee.”
I see how grumpy she’s trying to be and say the only thing I can think of, “Good morning to you, too, princess.” I know she hates being called that, but I can’t help myself.
She glares at me. “Say that again and I won’t let you in.”
“Oh, come on, I brought you raspberry danish and coffee, just the way you like it.”
“Alright,” the door opens and closes, “come on, get in here.”
After some small talk she stalks off to the bathroom to shower and change clothes. I move around the kitchen getting plates, forks, napkins and set the table for a relaxing breakfast. I make a small pot of coffee knowing that one cup of carry out isn’t going to be enough after the night we’ve both had.
Sitting in the kitchen waiting to or her to finish showering, I try to remember the couple that Charlie and Michael once were. At first I was so jealous. They were prefect for each other. Smart, athletic, friendly, they were the couple everyone wanted to be like or be around and somewhere it all went wrong.
**********
After high school Michael went away to school. Charlie could only afford community college. Half a semester went by and somehow Michael convinced her to take out student loans and transfer to his school. He said he didn’t want her to be lonely and find someone to comfort her. To ease his mind she left with him.
During college we talked but she always seemed nervous. She never called if he was around. When she came home, he was always with her. He never left her side. She never came home when her mom died in that car accident, she left it up to Michael to take care of everything.
The few times we hung out she seemed different: Always waiting on Michael, asking if it was ok to meet up with her girlfriends, making sure she was never alone with anyone for too long. The energetic, fun girl, with the devilish smile who helped the new boy at school feel welcomed, was gone. My heart mourned her.
What happened next I should have seen coming. I cornered her in a room at a party. I demanded she tell me what was going on. She got scared, told me to lower my voice. She didn’t want Michael to hear them. She told me she was scared. He doesn’t let her breath. She can’t work. She has no friends. She can’t go food shopping without being accused of cheating on him. She starts to cry, so I do what I’ve always done. I pull her into my arms. My body remembers her, how she fits so well. My Charlie. She’s here. She is clinging to me, desperately. She picks her head up
and looks at me like I am the only one in the world who exists. I slowly lower my mouth to hers, giving her plenty of time to run away, she closes her eyes and her lips part slightly, there is a pounding on the door and she jumps away from me like she has been electrocuted.