by Michelle Lee
I lean up slightly and kiss her face, tears and all. I wince at the pain of leaning and trying to breathe. I put my head down on the pillow and close my eyes needing a little break. “I hurt everywhere.”
“Let me get the doctor for you.” She gets off the bed and I feel panicked; I don’t want her to go. I grab for her and hold her there for a minute longer, looking her over. I can see that all the external damage is starting to heal, and heal well. What is going on in her beautiful head? Is she ok, has she talked to anyone about what was done to her? Is she still my Chuck?
“You are doing alright?”
“Please, Brody, you just woke up there will be time to talk lets concentrate on you right now, ok?”
“Ok.” She walks out of the room and I try to prepare myself for when the doctors and nurses come in.
CHAPTER 87
I walk out of my session with Elizabeth feeling better than I have in a long time. We had a break through today. It has been 10 months since I was raped by Michael. It took me a long time to say I was raped. I slowly remembered what happened.
The police and the FBI were able to track down all of Michael’s aliases. They discovered all the women he raped and murdered. The behavioral analysts believe he never got over the fact his mother had an affair and was going to leave his father. All the women he chose resembled his mother physically. He had some sociopathic attributes that probably would’ve stayed dormant if not for the extreme stress of the double murder; of his mom and her boyfriend, and the suicide of his father. All the families have been contacted and are thankful it can be put behind them.
Elizabeth wants me to start to put Michael in my past. He is dead so I don’t have to worry about seeing him; ever. The problem is I want to move past it. I am so ready to forget that I am a victim of horrific violence; the problem is no one will let me forget. Everywhere I go people who know me treat me with kid gloves. I hate it. I hate the pity I see in their eyes.
I am still living with Brody, but he has moved back into his own bedroom and has not done more than kiss me, on occasion. Anytime I try to have a hot make out session he retreats, telling me to slow down. I just want to attack him, but he mostly avoids situations where it is even possible. I told Elizabeth this today and she says I need to tell Brody my feelings and give him the weekend to think about what he really wants.
We will be 32 this year, and almost dying has given me perspective on what I want out of my life. I called Pat’s friend, whose name is David Gray, and I am now the head of his advertising department. I have my dream job, now I want my dream family. I want it all, everything life has to offer. I refuse to sit back and wallow in self pity. Michael was a sick demented person. How is that my fault? It’s not, and I won’t let him have power over me even in death. I am moving on. I am moving past this, and anyone in my life who can’t move past it will be left behind; including Brody.
I pull up to the house as I finish my pep talk and instantly know I just lied to myself. If Brody isn’t ready I know I will wait for him. Watching him bleed out on the floor of that factory, and thinking he was dead, was the worst thing I have ever had to process. In fact it’s still one of the things that give me panic attacks if I think about it for too long.
Getting out of the car I walk up the steps onto the porch and get out my keys. I take a deep breath, square my shoulders, and walk into the house. Brody is in his office on the phone. I can hear him yelling at someone about payment for setting up a website for them. I sigh, this could take awhile. I walk into my room and pack an overnight bag. I make sure to grab the latest book I’ve been reading. I have always liked to read, but lately it’s become an obsession. Elizabeth thinks it’s because it’s an escape for my mind; blah, blah, blah. Can’t a girl just like to read?
I hear Brody hang up the phone and ready myself for this conversation. “Brody, can you come in here please?” My heart is beating so hard I’m afraid it may come out of my chest.
“Hey, I didn’t hear you come in from work. How was your day?” He walks in and kisses my forehead. “Did you see Elizabeth today?”
“My day was good. We got a counter offer from that big soda company. They really want us to do their next ad, but they are making a fuss about price. Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about something and I need you to remain quiet until I finish, ok?”
“Okaaaay?” He is confused and drags out the ok a little longer than necessary.
“Ok, well first, I want you to know that I love you. I want more for us, for myself. I know what happened to us was awful, but…”
“You, what happened to you” He looks at me and I see the sadness that is always there now.
“Don’t interrupt. But, I am so ready to move past it. I want us to move forward as a couple. I want a family. I want us to have a family, someday. Everytime I go near you, you pull away, distance yourself from me. I’m not broken Brody, I am not that fragile. I am certainly not going to let Michael have this power over us, so what I need you to do is think about what you want from me. Don’t say anything now. I am going to spend the night at the Cider House, the BB that has the really good apple pie and homemade cider ice cream. When I come home I want answers.”
“Please stay here. We can talk here.”
“Tomorrow. Tonight I am going to eat pie.” I stand grab my bag and walk out the bedroom door, down the stairs, and out the front door. I get into my car and see him watching from the window. I wave and back out.
**********
I stand at the window and watch her leave. I am in awe of the strength in her. I can’t even begin to sort through my feelings. I go down the stairs and pace the kitchen. I love her, there is no doubt there. How does she know she is ready for a real relationship? Am I?
That is the real problem. Everytime I look at her I see what he did to her. I hear her screams. I see the bruises and cuts. I can’t think of anything else. What if I hurt her, she might think she’s ready, but how does she know?
I think about when Michael shot me. As I lie on the floor in a pool of my own blood I heard her screaming for me. The desperation in her crying ripped my heart out. Later I found out that she tried to kill herself so Michael didn’t have the pleasure of her death. She is a very strong woman. I think maybe I have been under estimating her.
I pick up the phone and call Patrick. “Hey, Pat, How are you, still enjoying the perks of your promotion?” Earlier this month Patrick was promoted to Police Chief for his extensive knowledge of police affairs and excellence in job performance. He did help catch a serial killer, after all.
“Brody, good, I’m good. How are you?” He has a smile in his voice that is only there when he is with his girlfriend Sarah.
“Is Sarah there?”
“Yep.”
“I just have one question and I will let you go.” I sigh and ask him, “Do you think I under estimate Charlie?”
“Ahhh, finally. Yes, I think you drastically under estimate her. She is tough. She is ready to grab life by the horns and tackle it to the ground until it gives her what she wants. This mess with Michael has done nothing except make her tough; she no longer questions or apologies for everything. She is speaking her mind and giving herself the voice he always shut down. Don’t you shut her down Brody; you’ll lose the best thing that has ever happened to you.”
“I love you Pat.” I love that he never holds back when I ask for a truth he gives it whether I like it or not.
He laughs, “Good bye, Brody,” and hangs up.
I go to my room and lay down. I set the alarm for early; I need to do some damage control tomorrow. How did I let myself almost lose her? Fear. I am not going to be afraid anymore. I hope she is ready for this. I fall asleep with a smile on my face.
CHAPTER 88
The BB is pretty empty. Not too many people want to stay out on a Thursday night. I woke up pretty early this morning. I showered and put on the pretty sun dress I packed. It is yellow and makes me think of my mom. Yellow was her favorite color. I pile
my curls on top of my head, swipe some lip gloss on my lips, and grab my book.
Outside at the little sitting area the sun is already warm for this early in the morning. May, can be tricky with her weather; just because the sun is shining bright doesn’t guarantee it is warm. I am looking forward to next month when summer is here with all her hot, sunny days. I sit at the little round black wrought iron table and pick at a croissant and devourer cup after cup of delicious coffee. I need caffeine more than food in the morning.
I am so into my book I haven’t realized the time passing. By 11 o’clock I am starting to feel hungry, I look up from reading and see a familiar stranger walking toward me. He is looking me in the eye. We have a whole conversation with that one look. He saunters up to me his gaze hooded and full of dark promises.
He takes my book and places it on the table. He pulls the pins out of my hair and watches as it tumbles down over my shoulders, then taking my hand he leads me inside. At the back of the house, where we enter, there is a service elevator for the staff to bring up meals for room service. The BB is 4 floors; walking to the top floor with food proved too difficult so they added the elevator.
We stop at the elevator and he pushes the button. The doors slide open and we enter. When the doors close he turns toward me, my breath catches in my throat at the lust burning in his gaze. He pushes the button for my floor, and slowly walks to me. For every step forward he takes, I retreat back a step. My mouth has gone dry and I am shaking a little.
When I am backed all the way into the corner of the elevator he is on me. His lips catch mine in a hungry kiss that is all tongue, teeth, and need. He grabs my leg and lifts it to his hip while running his hand down my thigh to my ass. He grabs a handful; massaging and kneading, his thumb grazes me over the miniscule piece of fabric covering me. I moan into his mouth as he touches more of me.
The elevator dings as it reaches my floor. I am flushed and panting when the doors open. He takes my hand and pulls me out of the elevator into the hall. We stop in front of my room, I take the key out of my pocket and try to unlock the door; my hands are shaking so badly I miss, twice. He takes the key and on the first try the lock clicks and the door is open.
He opens the door and pulls me in with him. When the door closes, he pushes me against it, holding my face between his hands he stares deep into my eyes. He is asking if it’s ok. I grab his hips, pull him to me so there is no space between us and grind against him.
**********
The sidewalk is crowded as I make my way to the BB where Charlie is staying. I can see her sitting at a table outside reading, the sun shining off her dark hair; picking up all the reds woven into her curls. She looks up from her book and immediately her stunning green eyes find me in the crowd. I never look away from her; I put everything I am feeling into my eyes.
I walk up to her table and take the book out of her hands laying it down in front of her. I take her hair out of the knot she has it in; unleashing the heavy weight, allowing it to swing free against her prefect breasts, then I grab her hand and lead her inside. I know there is an elevator just outside the kitchen; that is where I want to go. It isn’t for guests, but no one will notice us using it at 11am.
As we walk I am enveloped in the smell of lavender and vanilla; her smell. I haven’t been close enough to her lately to enjoy how good she smells. When we reach the elevator I push the button and immediately the doors open. I pull her inside waiting impatiently for the doors to close.
When they do, I turn and look at her I know exactly what I want and I step toward her. She takes a step back and another and finally when her back hits the wall I step into her space and take her mouth. It is a kiss that I have wanted to give her since I woke up, in the hospital; all the lost time, the fear of almost dying, and the thought of never being with her. I put all those pent up feelings for her into our kiss. I bring her leg up and wrap it around my hip. I need more; a kiss is not enough this time. Running my hand down her thigh I grab her ass and rub my thumb against her thong that is now damp. I graze her clit and she moans her approval into my mouth.
The elevator dings and we stop, trying to catch our breath, as the doors open. We head to her room, she tries the lock twice with shaking hands, before I take the key and unlock the door for her; and we walk in. I push her up against the closed door, take her face into my hands, look deep into her eyes and ask her if this is what she wants. I don’t use words, I don’t have to. She grabs me by my hips, pulls me to her and grinds herself against me. My eyes close; I can feel the heat radiating from her through my jeans.
**********
I feel the atmosphere change around me, the air is heavy with years of pent up emotions, electrically charged with desire. I look into his eyes as I give him the permission he is seeking. I place my hands on his chest and push him back a step. I back him up until he bumps into the edge of the bed. Grabbing the bottom hem of his shirt, I pull it up and remove it. I let me eyes rove over the wide expanse of shoulders, down is chest, to his toned abs.
I reach out and run my hands down the same path my eyes just took. I lightly trace the dusting of hair that disappears into his jeans. I trace a finger over his belt and start to undo it. I never break eye contact. I love the barely suppressed need I see in his eyes. He wants this just as bad as I do but he is letting me do it my way, for now. I smile wickedly at him and remove his belt and the first button on his jeans. He returns my smile and I know it holds a promise of payback.
His jeans hang precariously low across his perfect hip bones. I run a finger over the flawless expanse of skin. I need to learn every part of him. I haven’t been with many men, but Brody makes me feel powerful. Beautiful. I don’t feel ashamed that I want to touch him. I trace my finger down the length of his zipper; I can feel his hard length begging to be set free, I cup him in my hand and gently squeeze. His head falls back; as he take a sharp inhalation of breath, he looks back at me watching as I unzip his pants and they fall to the ground. He steps out of them never looking away. I step into him grab his face, his hands slide up my back and into my hair holding my head so I can’t get away. I lower my mouth to his and kiss his lips.
He moans and presses against me. I pull back slightly, and kiss his jaw, lick his collar bone. He is still tangled in my hair but is slowly losing his grip as he watches my southerly descent. I flick his nipple with my tongue. His breath catches and his eyes close. I lick a long line from his nipple to his hip bone. I bite him finding out one of his ticklish spots.
I drop to my knees; run my hands up his stomach, over his hips, and around to his ass. Holding him in place I run the tip of my tongue over the tip of his penis that is sticking out of his boxers. He moans and grabs my head. I feel embolden by his reaction so I take a little more of him into my mouth. I pull his boxers off, I take a moment for myself, to admire his beautiful nakedness, then lick him; running my tongue from base to tip. I suck him into my mouth as far as I can. His knees go weak and he pulls me off the floor. With a wild look in his eyes he starts to unbutton my dress. The buttons are tiny and soon he loses patients, he grabs the two halves and pulls them apart, sending a cascade of buttons in every direction.
The dress falls from my shoulders and I am left standing in front of him in my bra, thong, and heels. He touches my face, palming my cheek as he lowers his mouth to mine. His lips are warm, soft, and gentle. As we kiss, we become less gentle more needy, hungry. His hand roams over the contours of my body. He brushes his thumb over my bra where my nipple is. I instantly feel sparks shoot through me making all the dormant parts of me come to life.
He lowers his mouth and kisses the mound of breast peeking over the black lacey material. He roughly palms me and sucks my nipple through the lace. I cry out in ecstasy, I have never felt anything so pleasurable. I push against his hands, more, I want more. He unhooks my black bra and the thin material falls to the ground. He stands back and looks me over, consumes me with his eyes. I am still healing from our assault last year and usua
lly feel self conscious about the scars on my body. Brody traces each scar with the tip of his finger; softly. I can feel myself start to close off a tiny bit; he must have felt it too. He slightly shakes his head, lifts my chin and kisses my mouth. I close my eyes and take everything he is giving me.